• Published 21st Jan 2013
  • 7,333 Views, 252 Comments

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here - WiseFireCracker



Alright, I won't complain. I got what I wanted. I did visit Equestria. Being stranded here was not on my list though. And with the things running around, how I'm running around... I'm really not feeling good about this.

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All things of fashion

The following scene was extracted from the official Royal Canterlot records, cannot be distributed outside of the library and its content must not be divulged to outsiders. Offenders will be prosecuted and risk facing punishments reserved for traitors against the crown.

The six bearers of the Elements of Harmony arrived back in Ponyville with a shared sense of determination. Unfortunately, amidst that was also a feeling of loss. The town had already started changing in ways no sane mind could presumably conceive, let alone accept.

It weighted down on their moral to see Mayor Mare bath in pink dye while claiming she was the ruler of all things pink. It almost crushed them to need to render her unconscious before she tried to enslave the Element of Laugher’s bearer.

Though the experience was undoubtedly painful, they pressed forward.

It could have been backward… or sideways…

None of the six mares had the slightest idea of where to start looking from. The trickster spirit could be literally anywhere and, had it not been for their secure knowledge of his massive ego, might have despaired at the idea of how far he could be.

No, Discord would not flee. Of that, they were certain.

It made their advance slightly more tolerable, to know that this would be over soon.

It had to be. Seeing Ponyville self-destructing to the madness had to be one of the hardest spectacles to befall their eyes.

“I swear I’m going to buck his face into next year!” The rainbow maned pegasus growled, diverting her gaze away from some foals chanting dark incantations around a cup of ice cream.

“Yes, yes, Rainbow Dash, we all feel the desire to tear him to shreds!” Her pristine unicorn companion replied darkly. “However, using the Elements of Harmony will be much more efficient.”

“Still!” Dash crossed her front legs sullenly. “This is the second time he messed with us and that’s two times too many!”

“Can we get back to business?” Applejack cut them sourly, expression crunched as if she was trying to swallow something bitter.

“Yes, there is no time to lose!” Twilight Sparkle glared, unable to keep her rising anxiety and self-loathing out of her voice.

Every passing moment he was free… every second Discord was using to breath… it was all a reminder of her own failure. Some of the most important ponies in her life had put everything they had on the line to give them this opportunity and they were wasting it!

Where was he? Where was the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony?

Twilight barely heard her friend’s warning, superposed by a deafening detonation, even as a whistling noise started reaching her ears.

She felt, more than she realized, that Applejack had tackled her to the ground. Breath cut short, she did not have the time to ask what she was doing, that a black unidentifiable mass sliced through the air, precisely where her head had been just a second ago.

Stunned, the unicorn’s mouth froze, refusing to answer to her friends’ worried questions about her well-being. Instinctively, her eyes went in the direction the projectile had come from. The disorientation should have stopped that, but Rainbow Dash was a great indicator of that as well.

Flying a few meters up in the air, the cyan pegasus was glaring toward a very familiar building, obviously restraining herself from dashing into it and bucking everypony’s rear.

“Who did that?!”

“Oh, oh, it came from SugarCube Corner!” Pinkie Pie pointed out excitedly. “Do you think that was a flying cupcake? Or a flying pie? Or a flying cookie? Ooooh, if only it had flown toward me I could have tried eating it in midflight! It would have been like playing catch with Gummy, except tastier!”

“You’re playing catch with Gummy?” Applejack could not help but ask. Somehow, the idea of the… calm… baby alligator playing catch did not register in her mind.

“No!” Twilight shouted, standing up. “We’re not getting off-topic any more than this!”

For a brief instant, a flash of worry passed in Rarity’s eyes, as her features hardened slightly. It appeared she wanted to say something to her friend, but decided against it at the last second.

None of the other bearers noticed, as their attention turned to the pastry shop. In the chaotic place that Ponyville had turned into, the building had remained suspiciously unchanged.

Yet somepony had tried to assault Twilight Sparkle, with an unconventional weapon. Applejack’s home had been assaulted… perhaps this was worth investigating.

Following their instinct, the mares charged toward the shop.

They were not quite… prepared for the sight that was presented to them.

In retrospect, they should have been.

Standing in the atmosphere of sugary goodness of Pinkie Pie’s home usually made one pony’s light hearted. Vibrant with colors, the pastry shop had an energizing air to it that made the customers happier.

The first thing that struck them at heart was how the shop clashed with aggressively overpowering brightness. Whereas it used to be comforting, SugarCube Corner seemed anything but.

Twilight also nearly committed high treason against the Cupcake Queen right away, since she had barely been able to stop herself before she crushed a cupcake under her hoof. The fact that the dessert had legs and arms and apparently capable of independent thought made it all the more understandable.

As it stood however, the bearers of the Elements only committed minor treason against the Baked Crown, Mrs. Cake, by entering her kingdom uninvited.

“Off with their tongues!” Came the shrilled order, from the kitchen which had produced so many Baked Goods.

Gluttonous ponies like Rainbow Dash or [censored information] – … Ponyville’s seamstress… who has a ladylike appetite –, had consistently appreciated that fact. Faced with an army of hostile dessert, they could not help a twinge of regret.

“Hey, Rares…” The aforementioned pegasus whispered to her closest companion. “You don’t think they know about your little unlady-like moment of weakness of last week?”

“Quiet! Now’s not the time!” The unicorn’s voice dropped an octave, but jumped up in ferocity. “We agreed to never speak of it again!”

Rainbow Dash snorted, putting a hoof in front of her mouth, gathering the attention of the cupcake soldiers. ‘Worth it!’ She thought.

“That was not a good time, sugar cube…” Applejack shook her head in exasperation.

The mares took a defensive stance as the myriads of differently colored cupcakes gathered into the entrance of the shop. Faster than the intruders could blink, they were cornered by a circular wall of pastries.

Anywhere they looked, they could only make out cooked batter and frosting, except for a small window, allowing a direct view at the activity behind the counter. On a throne-shaped cake rested Mrs. Cake, loafing around while her husband drank tea with a talking clock. If one focused hard enough, they might make out small giggling noises originating from juvenile throats, somewhere behind Mr. Cake’s tea party.

“Who dares enter my – The Cupcake Queen’s – kingdom unannounced?” The royal mare asked, not deigning looking at those lowly peasants.

For a brief moment, they were visited by a now familiar sentiment of disarray and pain, at seeing such a kind figure in their lives rendered as mad as the rest of the town. However, this sensation, gripping their heart, turned into pure dreadful dismay as they heard the extravagant laugher of their pink friend.

“Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked hesitantly, reaching timidly with her hoof.

“Oooooh, that is so not the time…” Twilight muttered, glancing at the self-proclaimed queen.

A simple visual exchange between Celestia’s prized pupil and the orange mare conveyed the message nicely. Applejack certainly understood the rising danger of such a reaction and, through gritted teeth and worried eyes, she tried to defuse the situation.

“Pinkie, this ain’t the right time for this. Why are ya laughing?”

A commendable effort, but truly pointless, especially when the pink pony screeched her next reply between two fits of laugher. “She’s sitting on a cake!”

The response to that could only be-

“YOU DARE LAUGH AT YOUR QUEEN?! SEIZE THEM AND MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF THEM!”

Swift and deadly…

It would come to blow, it appeared. Secretly, Rainbow Dash did enjoy this turn of event. Kicking some butt would probably destroy this feeling of inadequacy…

Probably…

The cupcakes shifted on their feet, grabbing sharpened sprinkles, grumbling darkly. Their nonexistent muscles rippled and flexed as the wall of pastry prepared itself for an assault. In a motion not unlike a wave, the soldiers jumped.

The bearers steeled themselves for the ensuing battle, just as a loud cry pierced through the atmosphere.

“Your Majesty, wait!” Rarity shouted.

As a single stallion, the pastries froze, most in a precarious position, but froze nonetheless.

“What is it?!” Mrs. Cake snapped, no patience left within her expression or her voice.

“On behalf of all my friends, I apologize for this impromptu visit of your kingdom.” She bowed deeply, keeping her tone respectful and her head lowered. With admirable self-control, she managed not to divert her attention when Rainbow Dash started berating her, only to be stopped by a quick elbow to the ribs. “It was unbecoming of us, but we had seen a deadly projectile hauled through the streets and thought it important to investigate.”

“THIS IS NO EXCUSE!” Her voice boomed, with a surprising amount of authority for such a usually nice commoner. The mares had to fight the instinct to listen.

“No, your Majesty.” She shook her head sadly.

“Then it is decided.” She rose her nose in the air, pinching her lips together in an arrogant smirk. “Cut off their tongues so they may never taste cupcakes again.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Pinkie screamed, predictably.

However, nopony predicted her being eclipsed by a truly monstrous shout of indignation.

“WHAT?!” Rarity thundered, her face red and truly a frightening sight to behold.

“Ra-Rarity?” Twilight asked, her expression locked into an uncertain smile.

"How could you think of passing down sentence on us when we’re wearing so little presentable clothes?! What will the next generations think of us?!”

The Cupcake Queen sniffed haughtily. “That is of no concern to u-”

“THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!” The fashionista roared, sending the pastry soldier toppling down in fear.

“Huhh… Sugar cube?”

The unicorn stepped forward, eyes twitching. “H-HOW UNCIVIL! UNCOUTH!

Her friends winced, if only at the implications such a word had for Rarity.

“Not only do you refuse a proper and respectful apology,” she said, mouth twisting into a snarl. “But you would dare order such barbarism without any chances for us to appear at our best for the annals of history? That is ugly, your Majesty!”

“Now wait just a minute, you pea-”

“I’M NOT DONE TALKING!” Rarity jumped right into Mrs. Cake face, staring her down. “As I was saying before being rudely interrupted, I cannot believe you would force such a sentence on us with neither us or you wearing anything of grace and class.”

“B-but, my royal apron is perfect the way it is!” The poor mare protested, before turning to her husband. “Isn’t that right, Cake Hatter?”

“Of course,” he replied absentmindedly, sipping his tea.

“I regret to tell you that this is completely false, your Majesty.” Rarity bit her lips, trying to soften the blow. “The color really does not do your figure any favor.”

The mare gasped with horror, before slowly sliding off her tasty throne.

“T-this cannot be…” She muttered weakly, tears appearing in the corner of her eyes.

Rarity’s frown finally turned into a kind smile, as she put a calming hoof over the royal mare’s shoulder. “Fortunately, I happen to have just the kind of dress that would most fit your regal figure.”

“Then I ORDER YOU T-” She stopped at the curt look she got from the unicorn. “Err… consider it a favor toward the Crown, fair peasant.”

“Then there is no time to lose!” Rarity did her best to hide her excited giggles at the thought of dressing royalty. “Girls! We’re going to my boutique, now!”

The remainder of the bearers looked more than slightly confounded. In particular, Rainbow Dash’s jaw had dropped as her indignation reached a peak, while Twilight Sparkle’s face was blank.

“Fluttershy!” The fashionista called her shy friend, who shrank back at the sudden attention given to her.

“Y-yes, Rarity?”

“I will need your skills with sewing. I would normally do it myself, but since time is of the essence, you will put together the dress while I conceptualize!”

“Okay…” The poor pegasus whispered, intimidated by the glacial look Mrs. Cake was giving her.

“Now then, time to go,” Rarity declared. “Goodbye, your Majesty.” She bowed ever so slightly, then trotted off.

For just a second, the other heroines hesitated, glancing between the soldiers made out of cupcakes and the exits. The miniature threats made no aggressive move toward any of them, so, with an exchange through a single glance, they all followed Rarity out.

Well, Applejack had to drag Pinkie Pie outside, as the pink pony was still crying her heart out at the idea that her tongue might be cut off.

“But I love it so muuuuuuuuuuuuuch!” She cried, earning a grunt from the farmer.

A few hooves ahead of them were Twilight and Rarity, who both flinched at the pain filled scream.

“So…” The lavender unicorn started, trying to move away from that uncomfortable subject. “You don’t like Mrs. Cake’s apron?”

Rarity looked at her as if she had grown two heads. “Whatever do you mean, darling? It is positively lovely, very flattering.”

“Huh… but you said-”

“I said the first thing that came to my mind so we wouldn’t have to fight the Cakes and possibly injure them or their children, Twilight.” Rarity gave her a leveled glare, as if offended by the suggestion she hated the article of clothing.

“Oh, but…”

“Acting classes.” The prim unicorn smirked smugly. “And Applejack insisted they were a waste of time.”

Pondering her friend’s words, Twilight seemed unable to choose what to make of them. More importantly, she seemed unable to understand why she had not thought of something similar. She hadn’t even tried to reason with them, preferring to power her way through.

Hanging her head low, Twilight felt her heart burn with shame at the mental image of her teacher. How she would scold her when she learned of such a fault…

“Twilight…” She was snapped out of her thought by the voice of her friend. “Do not blame yourself this way. We understand what you’re going through… we saw the blinding light just as well as you did. None of us blame you for your feelings right now.”

“But we’re not going anywhere and I can’t think of any way to make this better. It’s as if I’m just a bur-”

“Do not finish that sentence, dear.” Rarity’s tone had a hint of steel. “Do not finish that statement mentally either. You have been trying to work under the pressure that part of your family has actually fought Discord.”

It was that, hearing her trouble stated out loud, that made the bearer of the Element of Magic pause. Eyes closed, she fought the wave of grief and worry that had taken residence within her heart.

“Twi?” Applejack’s called, dropping Pinkie’s tail, as she looked up to her lavender friend.

“Are you okay?” Fluttershy stepped up.

Her fellow pegasus frowned and crossed her front legs, keeping afloat with her wings.

“You two were having a heart to heart two meters away from us, weren’t you?” Rainbow Dash looked surprisingly pissed. “And you didn’t include us? What gives?”

“Well, Rainbow Dash, perhaps I felt this matter required a more delicate approach.” Rarity replied calmly, though her expression betrayed some matter of annoyance as well.

“Fat load of good that did to her!”

That earned her an elbow in the ribs. “Alright, sugar cube, tone it down before it comes to blows. I ain’t jumpin’ in if you two brawl again.”

“Please, Applejack, I am no ruffian. I do not settle my disputes through violence.”

“Yeah, AJ, even I know better than to do that right now.”

“Meaning you’ll go at it later?” The orange mare probed, and received a non-committing shrug.

“Hum… I think we’re getting a bit sidetracked here…” Fluttershy meekly joined in, shooting worried looks at Twilight.

Now that the attention was back on her, Celestia’s student actually got the courage to speak again.

“I apologize… I think I was starting to get a bit rude and obsessive in my haste to deal with Discord.”

“Hey now, Twi, there’s nothing wrong with dealing with that ol’ rattlesnake bully as quick as a stampeding cow.”

Twilight directed a timid, tentative smile at her, before her vision was filled entirely with pink.

“YEAH! Look at what he did to the Cakes, and Applejack’s hunk of a brother, and Ponyville, and everypony!”

“In fact, we do encourage a swift course of actions,” Rarity quickly added, passing under silence any remark about Big Mac’s impressive built. “We simply want you to remember that, this time, you are not alone in this madness.”

“Y-yes, and we’ll do our best to stay by your side until the very end.” Fluttershy chided in, her voice reassuring and warm.

“Just let him try to play our weakness again! We’ll show him!” Rainbow Dash’s cracked her wings, grinning confidently.

“I…” Twilight’s throat tied up in a sudden knot, torn apart by mixed emotions.

“This is us, Twilight. Harmony…” A white hoof gently touched her shoulder. “Together.”

Her gaze fell on each of her friends. Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, all different in their way of saying it, but all telling her the same thing.

‘We’re here for you.’

In a second, she was reminded of another place, another night. Darkness seemed to have befallen their world forever, all hope had been lost in the face of a deity crushing the one weapon capable of defeating her.

And then…

The Spark.

Twilight jumped headfirst into her friends’ embrace, letting their friendship reach the very core of her being. For a fleeting moment, it seemed as if everything in the world was right again.

And though she opened her eyes to the sad reality of a chaotic Ponyville, the oppressive impression of being so insignificant, so worthless for allowing it to happen, flat out disappeared. Every one of her best friends were there for her and every one of them was looking at her with the same love she felt for them.

However, none of them noticed the slight glow given her by the Element of Magic.





‘Oooooh, my head feels like it’ll split open any second now…’ I thought.

What did my health teacher say about concussion already? Makes you dizzy? Confused? Then why were my ideas so well-aligned? For example, I was truly nauseous, therefore I wished there was a wastebasket in my range so I wouldn’t barf all over Rarity’s lifework.

She’d tear me to shreds.

“Erk… why am I feeling so lucid yet so in pain?” I grumbled, trying and failing to get back on my hooves.

Screeching and spitting aggressiveness almost echoed in this small boutique. Opal’s fury was so loud it made my fur stand straight on its ends.

In the corner of my eyes, I could see the beast curving its back upward, slit pupils locked onto my broken form.

“Hey Opal...” I asked with faked friendliness, ignoring the growing pit of fear slowly absorbing any and all other emotions I could feel. “How’s it going?”

She hissed.

Her whole body language screamed of bloody murder. My bloody murder.

Jaw shaking and fangs chattering, the corners of my lips slowly stretched up. Somehow, somewhere in a corner of my mind, I felt a bubble pop, like a pierced balloon.

My paw shot up to my mouth, trying to strangle and hold in the strange giggly whiny that built up within me. Needless to say, it served no purpose other than unnerve the already aggressive cat.

My legs’ scream of pain ignored, I stood up, facing Rarity’s cat with a lopsided grin, one eye half closed and blood tinkling down the side of my face.

“EEK!” Sweetie Bell squeaked, before burying her face into Applebloom’s side.

“Stop that! Ah don’t wanna end up gettin’ a shield Cutie Mark!” The filly pushed her friend aside, before sliding down on the floor without energy.

“Y-you know… I’m feeling a little itchy…” I remarked casually, head bobbing to one side and another.

Opalescence opened her paw and with the sound of a sword being unsheathed, her claws popped out.

“Are we doing a contest here? I think we are.” I asked, confused, wobbling on my hooves.

The giant cat brought down her paw to the ground, moving so much air with that movement that my mane flew backward. Opal’s claw hitting her owner’s floor produced a deafening crash.

My eyes twitched.

“Fine… be that way…”

Taking a deep breath, I steadied my hold on the ground, before throwing myself forward with a roar to end all roars.

It was Opal’s turn to feel her fur puff with fear. To be entirely fair, it was such an ungodly sound that even I was crept out.

Oh, remember how I thought I had been somewhat rational because of a concussion? Yeah, forget that.

Cornered animal don’t roll over and die.

Or, in this case, Opal’s pure white fur filled every inches of my vision, obscuring it with carefully brushed hairs. Flowery scent even filled my nostril as this was slammed into my face.

Pain followed. Pain always followed.

It erupted both from my muzzle and my wings, then spread like wildfire, burning through every pieces of me.

The pressure lightened quickly enough, though it did not quite appear that way to me. Eh, who else would have such a distorted sense of time?

From what I could see through this veil of pain, Opal was shaking her paw in the air, snarling at her stiff limb. She seemed rather annoyed to have hurt herself smashing me into the Carousel Boutique’s fancy walls.

How I wished her some unfortunate accident, like a pie to the face… She kept making those unpleased noise as sensations refused to return to her paw.

Man, that fluffy beast was such a BITCH... nothing like my precious ungrateful bastard, Giantonio. Oh, how I missed that fat cat and his habit of mewling at six in the morning to get his breakfast!

So much better than Rarity’s not so little monster.

Struck by a sudden inspiration, I froze, under the suspicious gaze of the abomination known as Opal. The giant cat slithered toward me like it would a prey, though its gesture betrayed a certain anxiety. Perhaps I had been too much of an annoyance so far.

Nobody likes ruining their manicure.

“Don’t worry, fillies! I’ve gotten the perfect finisher for her.”

“Whatever…” They chorused, still not moving from their spot.

Opal hissed, swiping the air aggressively with its massive paw, probably hoping to intimidate me. The poor thing had no idea who it was dealing with!

“You think I’m scared?” I asked loudly, stretching my wing as large as possible, without, you know, passing out from the ever growing suffering.

For sole response, I saw a paw suddenly obscure all light, coming down insanely fast. Just as planned.

I dashed forward, diving under the entrapping cushions and sliding beneath her foreleg. My hind legs briefly went light, as a sudden current of air lifted them, but the sensation was gone as suddenly as it had appeared.

It was almost enough for Opal to behead me.

Eyes widening, I ducked just in time for a wall of white to pass over my head.

With a frankly hysterical laugh, I launched myself on the accusing paw, clasping my own on the perfectly trim fur covering it.

Viciously, I bit through her skin, eliciting a furious cry of pain from Opal.

I thought I knew what being played with like a superball before… how wrong I was.

Everything but the bloodied white fur became a blur of colors and rapidly shifting images. My own body was left battered, at the mercy of either a capricious gravity or Opal’s muscle power.

‘Amateur,’ I thought, licking the blood still flowing into my mouth.

This was a bit like drinking tomato juice, only much better. Flavors of metal and life danced on my tongue. It was bliss… it was impossible… to wish for this flow to stop.

But it did.

My fangs tore through the flesh, pulled by the centrifugal power and I was sent hollering into the air, right as Opal hissed bloody murder.

“Hmmmm… bloody…” I whispered with a vibrant desire, through the voice of ten ponies.

Entirely on reflex, my wings stretched to their full extent, allowing me a slow glide toward the injured cat. She was completely ignoring me, preferring to lick her wound, so I lowered my head and dove in her direction, just like a griffon coming down onto its prey.

“That’s kinda cool…” The voice of a filly underneath me reached my ears. It betrayed nothing but the slightest interest.

“Don’t watch! You could get a watching Cutie Mark!” Applebloom hissed, whacking Scootaloo’s head.

The admonishment got the grey-orange filly to lower her eyes and return to being lifeless.

“Death from above!” I shouted, landing right into Opal’s shoulder.

Predictably, the beast trashed, but I, mutant with a tattered skin and some broken bones, sank my claws into her flesh and maintained my grip on her.

“Hey Opal!” I screamed, reaching for the cat’s ear right ear. “Want to know something funny? I have a cat named Giantonio! He’s morbidly obese! And you’re still ten times bigger than him!

Rarity’s cat abruptly froze, almost throwing me off. From my point of view, it was hard to see much beyond the hanging jaw and the widened eyes. To my great satisfaction, however, I detected horror behind those signs.

With a dramatic sob, the giant cat threw herself backward, right paw resting against her forehead. In a fantastic imitation of her owner, Opal fainted on a giant fainting couch.

The genius slew the dragon. Oh yeah.

“TADAAAAA!” I shouted, standing on my hind legs and extending my forelegs in triumph. “That is how you defeat a rampaging pussy!”

The three fillies looked at me, victorious over my defeated foe. “Meh…”

Giddy, I limped over to them, grinning like a foal on a sugar high. “Come on, gals, let’s take you and Hiding Armor out for a walk.”

“Do we have to walk?” Applebloom pouted, instantly turning her eyes into magical shining orb of uber cuteness.

“Nah, I’ll carry you. I already did that with Hiding.” I chuckled, then crouched and nuzzled them. My agony was not important in the face of foals needing a little fun. “Come on, hop on.”

“Too much work…” The little unicorn shook her head, refusing to lift her bum from the classy floor.

“I can’t leave you with Opal,” I pleaded. “She’ll forget to give you your midday snack.”

At that, the three fillies collectively groaned, but stood on their hooves.

Hesitantly, the Cutie Mark Crusaders started climbing my shoulders, which sent pangs of pain reeling through me. Affecting a weird grin, I did not let that stop them.

Once they were all on top of me, they plopped down as one pony, making me bite my lip and taking off a piece of it in the process.

I giggled.

My eyes danced between the defeated monster and the last remaining member of our adventuring party.

Stretching my neck, I picked up the unconscious Hiding Armor, careful not to injure him with my fangs or cover him with mutant blood and gently let him down onto my back. All four foals now on my back, I turned toward the closed door leading outside and all the magnificent fun it hid.

“Toward further adventures!” I screamed.

The fillies all groaned.