The Value of Detail
Everyday Banter
Just waking up to a new day, one could hear the sounds of hooves on cobblestone as the merchants and vendors opened their stalls for a busy morning at the market. Ponies could be heard shouting to each other in greeting, busily displaying their wares for passersby to see. The square quickly filled with the life giving rays of Celestia’s sun, beckoning to the citizens of Ponyville.
Suddenly a burst of music came through the closed windows of a nearby home, capturing the accidental audience unawares with the soothing tones of a lyre being played in the market. Opening the door to better listen, the actual result was quite unexpected. On top of the music coming with renewed vigour, in came the immediate barrage of smells wafting from the fresh crops as well as countless pies, tarts, and pastries- filling the air with a glorious mix of aromas. Such an array of smells would alone be enough to entice a pony to come outside, but more was added to the incentive.
Upon walking outside, a great variety of ponies could be seen bearing their colorful coats and unique cutie marks. The vendors of food arranged it in a spectrum, making the fruits and vegetables seem more appealing to the wandering eye. Some ponies had traveled the lengths of the world, and now stopped to share their finds- bringing back many foreign oddities. Some which could be seen were exquisite tapestries, depicting the artist's homeland with jaw-dropping beauty; yet more were small statues and idols that captured heroes in their moments of glory, or villains in their failures.
Curiosity seized the grey mare, filling her with the delights of discovery as she cantered past the stalls. She stopped here and there to feel the soft warmth of a Zebrican blanket, or to admire the sheen of a midnight blue gemstone. The mare was stopped many times on the street with friendly greetings of “Hey Derpy!” and warm smiles as she waved back. Feeling a pleasant breeze drift through the market the mare ruffled her feathers and took comfort in nature’s soft embrace.
Derpy took to the air, the breeze being too enticing to pass up. She found a cloud that sported a nice overhead view of Ponyville; the Town Hall to her right and the library to her left. From her new perch the mare tried to pick out her friends in the crowd; first off, to see if they were actually there, and second, because she was wondering if they wanted to go to lunch with her. She finally picked out a stallion with a light green mane walking along next to a light blue mare and flew down to ask them her question.
A new place, a new point of view; Ditzy Doo was still enthralled with the daily routines of the ponies of Ponyville. She loved to watch busy scenes-ironically, they soothed her-they let her know that the circle of life was still spinning. She was brought back from the bliss of reminiscence by the waitress’s polite interruption, followed by a giggle from her friends, who had already placed their orders and were waiting for her. “I’ll have a blueberry muffin, please,” she said, smiling up at the waitress as her request was written down. As they waited on, ate and finished their lunch, the three friends talked and laughed and altogether had a good time. But all good things must come and go, and now it was time for Derpy to fulfill her duties as Ponyville’s mailmare. She took one last memory of the cafe, not wanting to forget this wonderful day; she took in the sound of her friends as they continued to laugh about Celestia-knows-what; the multitude of smells drifting around the cafe, ranging from her blueberry muffin, to her best friend's hayfries; the sight of all the wonderful ponies gathered at the cantina; the feel of the ground as she headed for the open air.
Saying a farewell to her friends the mailmare took off into the noonday sun, anticipating a productive afternoon. She passed back over the market on her way to the post office- the wind gently pushing her along. She smiled once more- this was just the beginning of a good day, and she could feel it.
Hey!
Great to see you finally got it out. Good luck, dude.
~Syn3rgy
Had to take a look at this if for no other reason than because that picture used to be my main wallpaper for years.
Anyway, not bad. You definitely created the calm atmosphere it seems like you were going for. Maybe a little too much atmosphere, even, because it left me wondering how much actual story is going to be here.
1990036 Haha nice coincidence.
The reason you question the amount of story going is because this story merely focuses on explaining the events of a day, or period of time. This style of storytelling is a great way to exercise your overall writing talents. My goal here is to reach a somewhat poetic description of a day in Equestria from many different viewpoints.
For example, the 'chapters' I have released now are a day with the princesses observing all of Equestria in
'Sunset'; and during the time in 'Everyday Banter' it is focusing on the day that Ditzy Doo, or Derpy, is having in the marketplace of Ponyville before going of to work.
A little spoiler: My next chapter will involve Luna and a foal-probably OC, not sure yet-where she is telling a story of an experience she had on the moon. This is taking place on the same day as 'Everyday Banter', just later in the evening.
I hope this comment helped, I am focusing not on dialogue, but linking each snapshot by utilizing the atmosphere. I'm sue you noticed that 'Sunset' ended with the sunrise, which is where 'Everyday Banter' began. There is a pattern here, more poetic than a plotline, but I am reaching out for my goal, and this is the product.
I hope you enjoy it more, now that it's explained. And thanks for reading!