Migraines

by SwiperTheFox

Chapter Two Part Six

“Well, that’s very nice, but that doesn’t get me any closer to Diamond Tiara, now does it?” he remarked. He noticed that she seemed to have lost that sort of nervy, edgy tone to her voice. Is she getting… normal? Somehow changing just by standing here?

“Apprendre à être patiente,” she said, and she gave a reassuring tap to Raspberry’s side, “Now then, I’ll have to retrieve a piece of this.” She clawed at the wall fruitlessly. “Well, oof. Maybe one of those higher pieces up there.”

“Wait, what?” Raspberry asked. He followed where Derpy pointed and noticed some kind of shiny reflective red thing pointing out of the wall several feet above them. He strained and noticed that the jewel teetered on the brink of falling down at them. “Oh, that’s… interesting…”

“We must retrieve the evidence!” she shouted, and then she held up both front hooves into the air, “FOR THE EMPORER!” She scurried against the wall as if running in place for several seconds. She paused and noticed that she remained on the ground. “Oh, dear, I seem to have crashed.” She stared angrily at her hooves. “Why? Why aren’t my superpowers activating?” She bounced upwards a second time. “Go-go, Derpy!”

“Wait a moment,” Raspberry muttered. Or maybe not… same old, same old Derpy… “You have wings, and I don’t. Why don’t you just fly up there?”

“What an excellent suggestion, Miss Cranberry,” she responded. She turned around and yelled at the sparkling piece. “Ne vous était pas encore parvenue!” She closed her eyes and bent down like a basketball player readying for a slam dunk. She moaned softly. Raspberry stood by silently watching for a moment. Nothing happened.

“Uh, just flap them,” he said, “You know, those things on your sides.”

“WHAT!” Derpy yelled, and she almost knocked Raspberry down with her sudden anger, “Somepony has… has… s-s-s-s-s-stolen my engines!” She ruffled around her wings. “I’ll never get a proper airspeed velocity without them, blast it!”

“Well, wait, maybe I can,” Raspberry began, and he tried to brace his head and bottom hooves on the sides of the alleyway walls. He nudged himself a few feet upwards. Dammit, I weigh like a ton… I can’t hold it. I just can’t… He collapsed on himself. His umbrella tumbled out of his suit pocket.

“L'amour des amis,” Derpy called out. The ponies saw the umbrella climb up and then bounced onto Raspberry’s shoulder.

“Yeah, you could help,” Raspberry said. The umbrella gestured something with its hands. Raspberry looked back blankly. The umbrella let out a frustrated noise, and then it gently brushed against Raspberry’s head. “Hey, watch it.” The umbrella brushed him again, touching his horn.

“Oh my goodness, what an idiot I am,” Raspberry suddenly remarked, “I have MAGIC!” He braced himself against the other wall and then extended his right hoof against the wall. He took a deep breath, and then he concentrated. The horses heard some kind of horrible ripping-type noise. Then, a gigantic cloud of tiny red gems mixed in with various bricks floated in the air above them.

“Oh dear,” Derpy said. They ponies clutched together and sprang the umbrella on top of them. Derpy looked over at Raspberry, who tried to look up at his own horn. They heard nothing.

I guess I’m still… floating it… somehow… but then… “I’ve… I’ve just about had enough of this,” Raspberry said, and he led the two of them out of the alleyway back onto the street. Several ponies had wandered over to see the source of all the noise. Yet Derpy and Raspberry couldn’t see anything besides a torrent of hooves from under the umbrella. He took some more steps, and then he seemed to trip a little.

“Uh, oh,” Derpy said. They held close to each other as they heard a pitter-patter of gems along with the occasional heavy thud of a brick. All manner of debris rained down upon them. When it was all over, the umbrella shut itself back up tight and clung back to Raspberry. He threw himself down upon the street and took in the sunshine as well as the open space.

“Finally,” he said, panting and closing his eyes as he laid down, “No more closed spaces…”

“Back away! Back! I said back! BACK! NOW!” shouted Derpy. Raspberry stood back up straight and saw Derpy standing atop a small mountain of little red jewels along with the occasional brick. She kicked from side to side and waved her hooves to keep the crowd from coming any closer to her new stash. A few younger ponies seemed to think they could swipe at least one, but Derpy smacked them down.

Raspberry leaned right over beside Derpy, and he said, “Hey, I know it’s great having a huge hoard of gems and all, but it wasn’t even ours to begin with. I mean, we just found it. So we could share—”

“It’s not OURS, you silly pickle!” she declared, and she thrust her hooves into the air triumphantly, “All glory in wealth and power shall do to the EMPORER! Long may she reign!” The crowd of ponies had mostly backed away several feet from their little hill, but a few others tried to edge themselves over behind Derpy.

Raspberry opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it again. Somehow, all of the gems had remained in a neat pile beside them rather than scattering all across the street as they fell. He felt something he had never felt before. The pile of gems seemed to have this charge to them— this energy. They seemed to want to stick to him or at least stick by him like iron fillings to a magnet.

“Verily, for the spoils of war are magnificent,” Derpy went on in her faux-regal voice. Raspberry closed his eyes and tried to concentrate again. In just a moment, the gems clomped onto each other even closer. He kept going until a homogenous semi-solid red pillar had formed next to them.

Well… this has been interesting… But then again, well… Clearly these aren’t the same thing as the jewel made of hyperspace thing I’m looking for. It’s more like they’re ordinary rubies or something that became charged with teensy bits of hyperspace— like if they were made radioactive. I guess all this was made by that goddamn train-sized ghost monster that I saw. Raspberry looked over at Derpy, who had gone off into this interesting tangent about an invisible Equestrian emperor. So… so what now? So, I’m back to square one. But if the ghost monster thing is going through Ponyville right now as we speak, why the hell isn’t there pandemonium and panic on the streets? Screaming? Running for your lives?

“Yowza, mister,” a youngish voice said, which snapped Raspberry out of his inner monologue. He looked up and saw a precious looking tiny dragon. It had a scaly purple body with green flourishes that made Raspberry think of a lost cousin of Fever Slash. The dragon went to touch the side of the gem mountain, but he stopped halfway. He seemed to reflexively contort his face and jerk around his legs. He reached over again, and he jittered uncontrollably.

“And you are…” Raspberry began.

“I… I’d better not maybe… or should…” the dragon said to himself. He stuck a paw on the pile and then he appeared to suddenly grow a foot taller.

“Well, kid, uh, sir,” Raspberry said, “You can’t have any of these gems, actually. At least I don’t think so.” He turned to Derpy, and she saw that she had seemed to have zoned out of the world completely. Bits of drool plopped onto the ground underneath her. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you can’t have them.”

“Okay then,” the dragon replied. He actually looked a bit relieved. “No temptation then, and so no worries about going through all that again…” The dragon stepped back into the crowd, which had all eyes on Raspberry.

Raspberry gestured to the crowd and raised his voice, “Yes, because these don’t belong to us. They belong to the gigantic train-monster. It’s flying through Ponyville as we speak.” The dozens of horses remained totally still. “And you can’t see it sometimes because it makes itself invisible and transparent and stuff. But when it becomes real it burns things like with its hyperspace filled insides and it eats ponies. So, like, hide you kids and hide you wife and hide your husband… and… stuff…”

*Cough* The horses kept eying Raspberry. Dammit, dammit, dammit… DAMMIT. I’m not like Derpy’s soul mate or something, you stupid ponies, this IS REAL! All real! “Uh,” he said, “Just… kidding?”

A little filly in the audience let out a big laugh, while the rest of them kept on their blank faces.

“Uh, what this… actually is… is…” Raspberry said. Fine then, enjoy your trip to the glue factory, morons. I’ll just… think of something… “This is for… the orphans!” He thrust himself forward and pounded at the sky. “Oh, yes, yes indeed, for all of the orphans.”

“Oh, the orphans,” said a tall, lanky mare in a sundress. Other murmurs followed. The ponies exchanged glances with each other.

“Yes, of course,” Raspberry went on, “And all of us should care for those… lost… uh, puppies. Yes, the puppies. All of those lost, orphaned puppies. And the bunnies. Yeah, that’s right.” He walked around the jewel pile and tried to match eyes with every pony in the crowd. “The orphaned bunnies.”

“Oh my goodness, I’d never forget the bunnies,” said a bright yellow pegasus. She fluttered herself up in the air and moved towards the front row.

“And that’s just the beginning. And what with all of the kittens. And the little baby, uh, turtles. And all of their friends, and like… stuff… All of the litters of foxes. The baby seals. The soft little chicks,” Raspberry continued, and he knew that he had the crowd fully with him, “All of those poor… poor, unfortunate souls. Don’t you think that we should be doing something about this?”

“Yes!” cheered the crowd. Raspberry paced back in front of the gem pile.

A few seconds later, the yellow pegasus let out a faint “Woo-hoo.”

“And on, uh, behalf of the, uh,” Raspberry said, straining to come up with something coherent, “The… official… uh…” He had a light-bulb moment. “The official Coltsville-Ponyville Administrative Friendship Committee or C-P-A-F-C… or…” He squirted the words out. “Pronounced Seepahfic, I… I mean, ‘we’… We all plan to use this, uh, gift, in the, uh, charity auction. It’s been planned by our Mr. Knack on behalf of the orphaned animals.”

“Oh… I’ve never auctioned something off before…” the yellow pegasus said, moving over beside where Raspberry and Derpy sat.

“So…” Raspberry said. Come on then, end on a high note! “So, three cheers for the animals! Hip! Hip!”

“Hooray!” the crowd shouted.

“Hip! Hip!” he yelled again.

“Hooray!” the crowd shouted again.

“So, a ‘hip’! And a ‘hip’!” he yelled once more, building things up.

“Hooray!” the crowd cheered, and then it began to break up. Raspberry sighed and then leaned over, panting. Thank God that worked… He felt a scaly touch upon his shoulder.

“So, there, I never did get your name,” the dragon said.

“Raspberry,” he replied.

“Spike,” the dragon said, “So, uh, that was really generous. Between you and, uh, all of those ponies over there in Coltsville. I don’t think I’ve even heard of Coltsville until yesterday.” Spike chuckled.

“Neither had I,” Raspberry whispered to himself.

“That was when Twilight mentioned going by herself on this trip there, and it’s so funny that she’d miss out on something like this. She’s over there, and you’re here. Oh well,” Spike said.

“Hey, listen,” Raspberry began. He picked up the dragon into the air and set him onto the curb beside them. “I need some help. To be honest, I’m an A-to-B man. Er, pony. But you know what I mean, right? I can’t move these things any further. I don’t even have, like, a set of carts or something. My job was just to get it all to right here, and I don’t know what to do now.”

“Yes, sir,” Spike said, and he walked over to the bakery a few yards down the street. The dragon spoke with a set of ponies chatting in front of the store.

Okay, then… What now? What the hell! This long in Ponyville and I haven’t accomplished diddly-squat. I haven’t even found a place to stay yet, dammit. He turned over to Derpy. She had frozen into some kind of immobilizing trance.

“Hey, there, hey,” he said, nudging her, “Hey, please…”

“Mom, no! Stop, Mom! Mom! MOM! Stop it! Don’t, I— I— I love you!” she suddenly called out, tears forming. Raspberry grabbed her and tried to snap her out of it. He talked to her and moved his face closer and closer until they were only inches away. She blinked repeatedly.

“You’re… you’re okay…” Raspberry said, “Don’t worry. Don’t worry one bit.” She gazed straight at him. Raspberry couldn’t realize how cute and how vulnerable her crossed-eyes could look.

“It’s okay,” she said, and she sat back down on the ground. She seemed to just naturally lean up against him like an older brother or a parent. Raspberry felt like having a heart attack when he felt her wings brushing up against his side and then rubbing him.

“Hey,” Spike said, popping up next to them, “They all said that they’ll go ahead and start loading the gems up right now. Then, they’ll take them right over to the Mayor’s side office. ‘Anything for the animals’, they said. The Mayor is at this family thing right now, but she’ll be back soon.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Raspberry replied.

“And I guess the whole auction thing…” Spike went on, tapping himself as he thought, “I guess you’ll be planning that out with the Mayor later. But the pony you’d most want to talk to would be Applejack. After all she’s been planning her own auction for all of this new stuff. She’d be the expert, I guess.”

“Thanks,” Raspberry said. The dragon gave another salute and then walked off. Oh wait… DAMMIT! I forgot to ask about seeing Diamond Tiara. I keep getting distracted by this sitcom-y garbage.

“Oh… uh, excuse me,” said a soft voice behind him, “I just… I wouldn’t want to bother you too much or anything… but I…”

“What now?” Raspberry asked sarcastically. The pegasus seemed to shrink a few inches from his tone.

“Oh, it’s not… it’s not anything…” she muttered.

“No, wait, I’m sorry,” he said. Geez, get some manners. Or at least be nice, especially since it’s someone that might help, seriously. “Go ahead, what is it?”

“Oh,” the yellow pegasus said, “I just wanted to thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. I was wondering for a while now since we just met all of these new cute, furry friends. But I didn’t know if we could afford any more supplies… Let alone the things we need to build them all new homes. This means a lot to me.”

“Oh it’s… it’s… um, my pleasure,” he replied. Dammit, ‘my pleasure’? That sounded creepy.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before,” she said.

“Raspberry,” he said, and he stuck out a hoof.

“Fluttershy,” she said, and she took his hoof. Raspberry flinched for a moment. He felt that same kind of popping sensation once again. It seemed a lot fainter this time compared to when he might Twilight. His skin tensed up, but it didn’t feel painful— more like being tickled all over by a long feather.

“Oh, hey, listen,” Raspberry said, “It would be just great if you could help me find somepony.”

“Oh, sure,” she replied.

“So, there was this important family that lived in Coltsville,” he said, “It was, uh, the Manechester family. They had a daughter named Tiara, and she moved over around here. That was a really long time ago, but Derpy here told me that there’s somepony here named Tiara. A descendent or something, maybe. Do you know who I’m talking about?”

“Oh… yes… I think,” she said, “Yes, Tiara’s almost always with her friend Silver Spoon. But I don’t know where they would be if they weren’t at school.” She tapped the side of her head. “Oh, wait… school is already long done by now… I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s okay, don’t be sorry,” Raspberry said, “Thanks for helping.”

She cheered up a bit. She went on, “Oh… I would look over to the park where the ponies bring their pets. It’s just straight down the main road there, so you can’t miss it. Those two might be where the other foals usually play.”

“Thank you, miss. It was a real pleasure to meet you,” Raspberry said. He tried to put on some kind of charm, and it worked at least in part. She blushed.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was all for the orphans!” Derpy blurted out all of a sudden. She tugged at Raspberry’s suit.

“You, uh… you didn’t ask,” he said.

She stopped. She jiggled her head for a bit, and then she made an astonished face as if she had just discovered nuclear fusion. “You… you’re right! I didn’t! How silly of me!” Derpy said.

“Well, then,” Raspberry said, and he stopped to see how the group of ponies had already loaded most of the red gems away, “If you’d excuse me, I’m off to the park.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Derpy called out. She smacked a note onto the front of Raspberry’s suit. “I need you to deliver a message for me.”

Raspberry magically lifted the note in front of his face. “Dear Cheerilee. Am at Bakery on right of Town Square. Where should I be? Sincerely, Derpy,” he read silently to himself.

“Thanks,” Derpy said.

Raspberry turned around for a moment, magically picked up a pen from his pocket, and he wrote below— “Home.” He turned around, and then he stuck the message onto Derpy’s side. He made a salute, and she returned it. She read the note, and then she bounced up a little— looking pretty excited. She shook hooves with him, and then she trotted away.

Raspberry sauntered down the street towards the park. He found himself transfixed by the huge amount of young, attractive mares. It’s like I’m about to suffocate from the estrogen poisoning. And what the hell happened? Was there a war or something that got rid of all of the men and the boys? Seriously! The road narrowed into a gravel path into a picturesque set of woods.

Raspberry looked over at a light green pegasus that stood beside a set of barrels. She made a friendly wave, and then she swooshed her long mane. Raspberry waved back, and then he eyed the trees nearby. Dammit... I almost feel like rubbing one out behind one of these big guys. No chance in hell I’d risk it, of course, since there so many foals nearby!

He walked over to a pile of foals sitting on the grass. Yet they scattered as soon as he came within a few feet. He paused. Ugh, there’s got to be some way for me to look like less of a pedophile… Just walking up to strange kids and talking to them. What am I thinking?

“Hey, Ra’thberri,” called out a somewhat familiar sounding voice behind him. Raspberry turned around and saw a young filly with frizzy red hair and thick glasses. She tapped the ground impatiently.

“I take it you’re… you’re,” Raspberry said, “What’s his name’s cousin? You’re Twist.”

“Scruff, fram the’h th’wain,” she said, hopping up and down in excitement, “Scruff tald me evr’th’ang. Scruff th’aw ‘et. An’th th’wen eh’ th’aw the’h mons’thewr. Th’oo!”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Raspberry said, “Are you telling me you saw it too? Really?”

“Yes’th!” she said.

“The thing with forty eyes?” Raspberry asked, and he made a pretend face by waving his hooves around.

“Yes’th!” she said again.

“And two noses on top of each other? And it breathed fire?” Raspberry asked, growing a bit frantic.

“Eh’ th’aw ‘et. Eh was’th a dw’eeam. Eh’ th’aw ‘et, Ra’thberri!” she said.

He asked, “Where the heck is it?”

“U’th th’ere,” she said, and she pointed into a thicket of woods over to their left. Raspberry took several steps over. He squinted into the distance— seeing nothing. Suddenly, several of the tops of trees rustled. He gently nudged Twist to get behind him. He stepped closer off of the path into the woods.

*Crunch* Raspberry surveyed the area, but he still couldn’t spot anything. There was no mistaking the loud noise, though. He moved deeper into the forest. He asked back, “Are you sure? Really sure?”

*Slam* Raspberry got a face full of branch— knocking him over. He closed his eyes for a moment afterwards. He glanced at the ground and then at Twist. She clutched his legs tightly. He then turned his eyes back upwards at the treetops.

“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh,” moaned a gigantic black cloud over them. A face began to appear from within the much. Pulses of heat beat down from above.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Twist and Raspberry screamed. He picked her up and then ran out of the forest back onto the path. He placed her down onto the grass in front of him and panted. He surveyed back behind him, but the monster seemed to have vanished again. The two of them tried to come back to their senses.

“What are you doing?” asked another familiar sounding voice. Raspberry glanced over and saw Apple Bloom standing several feet above them on top of the grass. Raspberry blushed as he realized how badly he looked. Twist lied flat on her back, facing up, while he perched above her with all hooves, facing down. They both poured out sweat and panted loudly.