For human in Equestria clop, it isn't bad. It's well written, there were no grammar errors that i could see and treated as a fic by it's own merits it's good. I gave it 4 stars.. Trust me there is worse clop out there and for the most part this is pretty innocent and there is genuine emotion here. I think you deserve feedback. I don't agree with Twilight given godhood, but to each its own.

I DAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW'ed as I came...

I'm assuming he wants to thank Rarity for the dress, Rainbow for the convinient storm she likely was behind, but im not sure why he wants to thank Flutters...

i.imgur.com/yFLvw.gif
I CAME

Cute! I will add to favs and read more later

373890 So you read about your sister having sex and masturbait to it? You're
sick.

NICE. I seriously thought that Twilight set it all up not him.
You going to say it Sarge?
Nope I will not say it Caboose.

and when that very deity of sunlight turned out to be the queen regnant of this land.

queen

Eenope.

1222753

I'm assuming he wants to thank Rarity for the dress, Rainbow for the convinient storm she likely was behind, but im not sure why he wants to thank Flutters...

"Oh! Um.. Rarity said she needed Spike's help with something overnight, and Fluttershy said she wanted to give Owlowicious a checkup. So.. it'll just be you and me here, I guess, heh heh.."