Surviving Equestria

by SailorBrony

The Wilderness

Shit! Shit! Why do I always end up running from these types of things out here! Why can’t I just get back home and play Call of Duty like a normal teenage guy!

I ran from a charging manticore behind me. I know,nobody thinks these kind of monsters exist until, BAM, it's right in front of you

I scrambled up a large tree and put my hatchet back in its sheath. I leaped onto a branch of an adjacent tree and kept leaping to the next, trying to stay out of sight.

I noticed a familiar bush and realized that I was near my headquarters. I jumped down and ran into a cave that I have found to call my home since I have been here. I looked back a saw the rushing beast and jumped back in surprise.

“I thought I lost you!” I yelled.

The manticore continued to charge at me. It was only 35 yards away. 30 yards, 25, 20, 15; I stood still just watching the thing run at me. The thing was only ten yards away when the ground shifted under it. The dirt and leaves dropped into a pit, bringing the manticore with them. I heard a loud yelp and turned away.

I stood there completely unharmed; unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for the manticore. I didn’t like to kill things, but it was kill or be killed out in this god forsaken jungle. I looked down at the lifeless form of the manticore, impaled by one of the spikes I set. Now comes the gruesome part, I cut off its scorpion tail. I can definitely use this for something. I salvaged a couple other things from it including; two horns, the tail, some scales and some hide. I can possibly use some of these things for my survival. I took some of the meat off the thing and started a fire inside my cave. I looked back at the manticore, a disgusting sight to see. I buried most of it while the fire started up.

No matter how gross it was, food was still food. I haven’t seen this much in a long time. I smelled the meat over the fire and salivated from the delicious meal before me. I quickly ate and put out my fire. I don’t want to attract more attention to myself. I fell asleep in the cold and dark cave, my dreams awaited me.

***

“Derek, come sit with us!” my mother said, beckoning me over to her group.

“Nah, sorry mom. But I am going out for a walk.” I replied.

She looked at me studying my face, most likely trying to see what my real intentions were.

“Okay, but please be back in an hour. That is when dinner will be ready.” My mother shrugged.

I did have other intentions. I walked down the street towards a neighbor’s house. I wanted to ask this girl out on a date. It has been six months that I had a crush on her and I figured that I would have to do it now or I would never get to it.

I knocked on the door and waited. I heard their dog barking followed by footsteps on wood flooring. The door swung open and I saw her.

She had light brown hair, it was tied up in a ponytail with a red and white ribbon. She wore a grey shirt that draped over her and a pair of tight jeans. My heart skipped a beat as I gazed upon her. She looked amazing.

“Um, hey Rachel.” I said nervously, “would you like to come on a walk with my?”

I know, completely cheesy, but I had know idea what I was going to say.

“No” Rachel said.

I sat there motionless. She broke into a smile and laughed.

“Joking, come on lets go.” She said.

She grabbed her jacket and we walked down the street. I tried to think of something to say, anything at all. I might as well just ask her now.

I stopped and she turned to look at me.

“Hey Rachel, I was wondering if you” I said, voice shaky, “if you want to go out with me.”

She stared at me with a blank expression. Then she tackled me.

“Oh my god, yes! YES!” she screamed.

***

I awoke to a sunny day. There was a slight chill to the air like there always was here. I don’t even know where ‘here’ was. There is no way that monsters could be real, but I have been slowly accepting it day by day. I just wanted to go home! I don’t even know how I got here. One moment I was out doing chores the next I was here. It was like I blinked and I was in the middle of this damn jungle.

I just want to go back; back to my family, back to my games, and especially back to my girlfriend. We have only been dating for three months now. Everyone probably thinks I am dead now. My poor family, I hope that my mom can continue. She always said that losing one of her children would be worse than death itself. I just hope that she can keep going, for my brothers. I keep hoping this is just one big bad dream and I will wake up in my bed. But after the first couple weeks here I quickly realized that this is no dream, it is a nightmare and I have to live it.

I suddenly felt the need to piss. I got up and did my business and got ready for the day. I walked over to the river near my cave and got a drink of fresh water. The river was wide and very rapid. There is no way to cross that here. But I have been thinking about it since I was here, if I follow the flow of the river I can possibly find a narrower area to either swim or jump across.

I lazily walked back to my cave, debating whether or not it was time to move out and follow that river. I always thought that I should stay here because it was safe, but recently more and more creatures have begun to attack me.

I have decided! I am going to follow that river today and get across it. I packed up as much as I could out of the useless things that I have.

Damn this better be worth it. I am so done with these fucking monsters.

I walked to the river and started to walk along the banks, following it flow.

***

I have been walking since this morning and it is already midday. I did start to notice that the river has gotten considerably smaller and a little less rapid.

I contemplated on how to get across, then I noticed a group of fairly large rocks that lined up almost perfectly across the river.

“Well, it sure is easier than swimming.” I said to myself.

I hopped across each stone with grace, careful not to fall in.

I made it across and continued walking down the river banks. My feet crunched on the the dirt below me. I looked down and noticed that I was on a trail! A trail! Oh my god, I did it! There has to be somebody out there. Now just to follow the trail!

I walked along with my head down for what felt like hours. I looked up and saw a large building in the distance. I sprinted in the direction. Oh come on, please let me get out of this jungle! I got a closer look at the building as it came into view.

It looked like a castle. The outside was dark grey. The high towers reached up to the heavens, like dark spires scraping the now dark blue sky. The massive structer stood out against the sunset making it even more noticeable in this forest. The closer I got, the stranger it looked.

I finally made it there. My heart dropped when I saw the ruins of this once beautiful castle. I knocked on the large wooden doors. After a moment or two, I walked in.

As I ventured throughout the dark castle I noticed the windows. They were each stained in different designs. One that particularly stood out to me had the image of a dark horse on it. The horse had wings and a horn on it, making it a mix of a unicorn and a pegasus. I knew there was a word for it. It was...something. A-, Al-, Alicorn! That’s it.

I looked around the room and saw a figure that looked like a solar system diagram. The kind that you could buy at any scientific thing. The figure had shards of broken stone around it. It looked like whatever was on the solar system fell off and broke over time.

I finally decided that no one is here and looked for somewhere to sleep. I found the stairs to the upper levels, but they were broken and the second floor was unreachable or difficult to get to. I looked to a corner and set up my make-shift bed. I laid down and quickly fell asleep.

***

I rolled over in my sleep right into a large puddle of water.

“Aaghh!” I yelled, jumping up.

It must have rained the night before because the floor was covered in puddles.

“Damn it!” I muttered, “at least I didn’t get too wet.”

I looked over to my blanket and noticed it was soaked.

Whatever, I will just pack it up and get a move on. I can finally see how far people are from me.

What if there aren’t any? No, there has to be! If there is a castle, then there are people. I continued my mental discussion for the next ten minutes while I packed up my stuff.

I slung the backpack over my shoulder and started out the door. Hm, I wonder how far this goes. It could go on for miles! Well, at least I have a set waypoint. That is some progress.

I started to walk down the muddy trail. My foot made a swishing noise with each step. I followed the trail, which was pretty much straight, all they to a bridge.

The thing was a rope bridge that connected two sides of a large canyon. It looked right out of an Indiana Jones movie. The bridge even had a few missing planks from it.

I gazed over the cliff, it was an incredible drop. Nobody would be able to survive that. And as if that wasn’t enough, there were a bunch of alligators at the bottom, or were they crocodiles. They both had sharp teeth, so it scared me enough.

I put some weight on the first planks. It didn’t budge. I figured it was safe enough and decided to walk across it.

The trees were definitely getting thinner now. I was almost out! The exit was a considerable distance away though and the sun was setting. I looked around and noticed a small cave entrance. I peered inside nothing attacked me, so it must be safe. I checked out the inside of the cave. It was very small, only big enough to fit me and maybe one other. The cave wasn’t very deep either, it looked like a giant ice cream scooper took a chunk out of the wall.

I gathered some branches and started a small fire. I pulled out a few berries that I had gathered on the way. I only knew these were okay because I saw a few birds pecking at them a couple weeks back. I ate a few before putting them back in the makeshift pouch.

I put out my fire and fell asleep to the sound of crickets.

***

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. The next chapter should come out in a week or so. Thanks again!

Comments

[skultech]

Hm nice survival start.
Now let's see how you create the inevitable first contact.
Oh and also this
1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg

[NightmareKnight]

Interesting concept. I will track for now and see where this goes. Though a week for such a small chapter? Not my place to judge or anything, just asking a rhetorical question.

[NejinOniwa]

As a writer of survival fics myself, I couldn't help but take interest in this. Now, there's a few things you need to look at immediately; namely spelling, grammar, formatting and consistency in general. I know, hate to be a bore, but lots of little errors are spread throughout this fic, and while they're not glaring on their own they become an eyesore when encountered en masse like this.

First off, you switch between present and past tense at random. I don't know if you're just unaware of it, or if you're intending it to be an inner monologue of sorts, but either way it sticks out. In a bad way. Look through your fic and clean out all examples of this:
>My feet crunched on the the dirt below me. I looked down and noticed that I was on a trail! A trail! Oh my god, I did it! There has to be somebody out there. Now just to follow the trail!
Either standardize it to one single tense, OR if you're intending it to be an inner monologue, CLARIFY this by using (for example) italics.
Secondly, get rid of amateurish penmanship like this:
MY FEET HURT!!
All caps=bad. 2 exclamation marks=unforgivable (pretty much). Please fix it and make your character seem like less of a 10-year old throwing a tantrum.

Thirdly, your pacing is a bit fast. The opening segment with the manticore is very well done, but after you clear that scene, the flashback and everything after it gets quite rushed. This also shows in the amount of mistakes you make. I'd advise running an extra check through it all, and put some more meat on the plot bunny's bones. Don't want him to starve!

Again, do a thorough spell/grammar check to remove misses like me/my and so forth. That's all for now, and I hope you can use this advice to improve the story - for all the clichés it seems to invoke (like the manticore) this seems like a pretty interesting premise. Good luck!

//Proofreader who is a viking

[SailorBrony]

1815320 Yeah, I like to over-estimate my time on these. I don't know if my schedule will change. But I have gotten pretty far for my next chapter.

[NightmareKnight]

1816705Sweet.

[Sausage Enlarger 5000]

mrchervin.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/gorilla_facepalm2.jpg

I know, some mythical creature that know one thinks exists until, BAM, it’s right in front of you.

Bad grammar this early on makes the reader wonder