Collab Cage Mini-Monthly December -- Secret Santa Hooves

by The Collab Cage

Mr. Cake -- Gives To -- Trixie

Written by: ManlyDerp

“… I’m sorry, but who am I giving a present to, Mr. Santa, sir?” I asked the portly red earth pony standing before me.

The bearded stallion answered my question posthaste, but not before letting out a low chortle.

“Hohoho, it’s a secret, Mr. Cake!” he replied with much gusto. “It’s not called secret Santas for nothing, after all!”

I grunted in annoyance. “Well, yes, you’ve already explained that, Mr. Cringle, but I’m rather concerned with who I’ve been given.”

The ancient pony raised an eyebrow. “Oh you are, are you? Why are you getting your knickers in a bunch over an unknown pony?”

“Because she’s--”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“W-well I’m pretty sure Trixie is a mare, last I chec--”

“How do you know it’s Trixie?”

Giving my guest a hard stare, I reached my head back into my saddlebag and produced a single leaflet. Spitting it out into my outstretched hoof, I regurgitated its contents aloud.

“My likes and dislikes,” I began. “Likes being great and powerful… dislikes wheels,” I finished.

“…”

“…”

“… Look, buddy, just give the mare a dang gift card or something and just go on with your life.”

“Go on with my life?!” I roared. “That mare put mine and my sugarplump’s foals in danger not two months ago! If you think I’m going to give that witch anything then you’ve got another thing com--”

“Heywhat’sthat?!”

I followed the clothed hoof to where it was pointing. “What’s what?!”

…
“… You’re already gone, aren’t you?”

Facing forward, I confirmed that the red stallion was indeed now gone. Only his hoofprints remained in the freshly fallen snow.

Sighing, I stowed my list away back into my saddlebags and trotted towards home. This was such a huge waste of time. ‘Be a part of the festivities!’ my sugarbear said. ‘Go out of your way to make somepony happy!’ she said. Bah! If I had known that Trixie was on that list I would have never signed up!

I’m getting frazzled just thinking about it! That horrible mare nearly turned Ponyville into an internment camp last time she was here… yet she wasn’t punished?! That’s just deplorable! I’m going to need to remember to send the government a… a... a strongly worded letter the next chance I get!

… But that would only be a waste of ink. Ms. Twilight already gave the guards her word that Trixie was truly sorry for what she did, so there’s not much that can be done. Can’t argue with the Princess’s royal protégé, after all.

Still… it’s not fair that she got away without punishment. Doesn’t Celestia know how scared we all were when that dome went down? Or how much my poor little colt and filly cried when the sun became covered up by those nasty black clouds?

… Grrr…. Why is she still allowed to trot free without a punishment?! It’s just not fair!

Somepony should really do something about her… Somepony should tell her that she doesn’t deserve to be in the same town as those she’s hurt. Somepony should tell her just how rotten of a mare she truly is.

Somepo--

Click!

… Ow.

My mental rant was cut off by the sound of my hoof hitting a lamppost. Goodness, I got so wrapped up in my own thoughts I forgot to look where I was going. Bet I don’t even know where I am either. Stretching my neck out, I used my height advantage over the common pony to look out over the crowd of Hearth’s Warming Eve shoppers and locate some familiar landmarks. Okay… so over there is the Bon Bon family’s Sweets Shop, to my right is Sofas and Quills… so that means I just have to turn the corner and I’ll be back at Sugarfree Corner!

All I have to do is pass that one store… what do they sell again? I think it was pic--

Suddenly, I had an epiphany.

…

… Somepony should really put that Trixie in her place.

Somepony… like little old, unsuspecting, me.

***^***

“Merry Hearth’s Warming, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! Merry first Hearth’s Warming, Pound and Pumpkin!”

“Pink!” squealed Pumpkin Cake while absentmindedly chewing on the little white puff ball of her Santa hat.

“Eie!” chimed Pound Cake. My little colt was as happy as could be as he beat the floor with his new toy mallet.

The missus and I gave our number one assistant a greeting as well. “Merry Hearth’s Warming, Pinkie!” My swanbaby stepped forward. “Oh Pinkie, here’s a little something for you from my pokypie and I, as a thanks for such a wonderful year.”

Hopping with excitement, the youthful young mare handled the box we offered to her as if it were the most delicate of soufflés… but she treated the wrapping as nothing more than tissue paper as she tore through it. Giving out a large gasp, the pink pony gave the two of us an extra-large smile as she applied the cookie shaped studs to her ears.

“Oh I super dupery duper love them guys! I’m going to show them off to my friends right now!” With a quick hug, the filly was already halfway out the door when she shouted, “See you later!”

Waving our hooves in response, I suddenly found myself alone with my family… the best kind of ‘alone’.

“… The kind of ‘alone’ Trixie will never get to experience,” I mentally mused with a slightly evil sounding chuckle.

“Hm? What’s so funny dear?”

With a quick shake of my head, I cleared my head from my unhealthy thoughts. “O-oh, nothing pumpkin scumpkin… well, I think I’m going to take a quick stroll real quick-like here. Wish the neighbors a Merry Hearth’s Warming and what not, hehe.”

My beloved’s face began to glow. “Oh! What a great idea! Let’s just pack up the twins and we can….”

“U-um….” I sputtered. “I-I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s awfully cold, after all….

“… Maybe later?” I added with a forced smile. Rotating my flank, I successfully hid my flapping tail from my wife. She knows just as well as I do that that’s my tell.

“Hmmm… okay!” she finally answered.

I mentally exhaled.

“I’ll watch them then. Take care, frostingpie!”

“I will, cherry top.”

***^***

… I really hope I’m not being timed right now. I forgot how far out Trixie’s wagon was from town. By the time I get back, I could have greeted each neighbor twice over!

… But it will be all worth it, even if I’m caught, just to watch that wicked mare weep. It will finally give me peace of mind and maybe even help me sleep better at night. Knocking her down a peg might even benefit Ponyville as a whole, not just me!
I grew giddy just thinking about it.

Slowing down, I made my hoofsteps as quiet as could be as I crept up to the clearing where the witch’s wagon had set up shop. Getting on my knees, I crawled my way up to a snow bank and hid as close to the ground as I could. I peered over the hill and was greeted to a front row seat to ‘the great and powerful’ Trixie’s only window. Inside, the blue unicorn was sleeping soundly.

With the arrival of a crossed eyed mare, however, I knew that this rest was about to end.

Knock knock!

I heard a groan from within the carriage.

“Ugh… who dares to disturb the great and powerful Trix--”

“Mail call!” Derpy Hooves shouted happily.

A few seconds later, the lazy unicorn didn’t even leave her bed as she simply ignited her horn and encased the mailmare’s package in a pink glow. With a tug, the carefully wrapped present was sent floating through the air, the front door, and finally into the mare’s bed. All the while, the unicorn did not get up.

“Merry Hearth’s Warming!” the grey pegasus chirped, unhurt at all by the rude treatment she had just been given. With the flare of her wings, the bubble marked pony took to the skies.

I paid her no mind as I continued to stare into the window.

It took a few more minutes, but Trixie finally got up. Rubbing the sleepiness out of her eyes and quickly combing her mane, the showmare eyed up my ‘secret’ gift to her with interest.

“Hmmm… now what is this…?” she asked herself. “Fans, perhaps? Or…!”

She suddenly gasped.

“Oh no!” she shrieked. “W-what did that pony just say? ‘Merry Hearth’s Warming’?! I-is it Hearth’s Warming already?! I thought that was next week! O-oh no… well, at least these were ‘secret’. Nopony has to know that Trixie gives out lousy, convenience store bought gifts….

“… Speaking of gifts….”

My heart raced as the box began to glow with a pink light. I leaned forward in anticipation.

Slowly the bow came off….

Then the blue paper….

Then finally the white box underneath was opened fully, and out came….

Trixie gasped.

I smiled wickedly.

From the box, out came a blue, star branded, picture frame. The mare only stared at it as I found it hard to keep in my laughter. Hehe, serves that mare right. Best bits I ever spent right there! Must be sad to not have any friends or loved ones in your life…. Soon she’ll be weeping uncontrollably; weeping for the life she can’t have, for the happy memories she can never have!

Let this forever be a reminder that you are a terrible pony, Trixie!

… I’m rather shocked at myself that I would take pleasure in watching something like this… but then again, she did force my family into hard labor, so it’s rather justified.

…At least, I think it’s justified….

… Ah! There we go! Her face is scrunching up, she’s hiccupping, aaannnddd there’s the waterworks!

The waterworks….

… That came with a joyful smile?

… What?

She’s crying, like I wanted her to do… but she’s smiling? Why--

“Mail call!”

“Ah!” I began to scream, only to then quickly slap a hoof over my mouth. I placed the other one over Derpy’s as well, just in case.

“Ah bwought you a pwesent!” the bubbly mare spoke, despite the gag.

Glancing back to make sure Trixie had not heard us, I quickly took the wrapped gift out of the blonde postal worker’s hooves and sputtered a quick, “Merry Hearth’s Warming.”

“You as well!” she shouted right before taking off.

I glared at her before sinking down into my hiding spot. My head was still swimming… why is Trixie crying happily over my gift to her?

Before I could think about it any further, I noticed that the gift Mrs. Hooves had left with me seemed to be melting through the snow. Curious, I quickly opened it and found a pink thermos full of hot coco within. Now, I may not be the brightest spatula in the tool drawer, but even I can figure out who my secret Santa was. Leave it to Pinkie to give you the most unhelpful of presents in the most inopportune of times.

… Or, is it?

***^***

Knock knock!

“Trixie is coming!” shouted the mare on the other side of the door. I put on the biggest forced smile I could as the portal became open and the witch stepped forward.

She eyed me up. “… What do you want, pastry pony?”

My fake smile intensified as I began to sweat.

“O-oh, you know, just going around, spreading holiday cheer. M-merry Hearth’s Warming, by the way!”

The fully garbed pony continued to stare.

I lifted up the thermos.

“Hot cocoa?” I asked.

This seemed to interest Trixie.

“Oh… Trixie would love some.”

“G-great!” I replied. “I-I don’t have a cup for it though… do you have one inside?”

Trixie nodded. “Yes, Trixie has one. Come, enter Trixie’s humble abode.”

I did as commanded as the mare went further inside. It was quite cramped for me, but I managed. As Trixie rummaged through her tiny cupboard in the back, I quickly located the empty picture frame sitting on a nightstand next to Trixie’s bed.

“Say…” I tried to inquire. “What’s this over here?” I asked, already well aware.

Trixie lifted her head up and bonked it on a low hanging shelf. After rubbing the bump with a hoof, she saw where my own was pointing to. Once again, a smile graced the mare’s lips.

“That, pastry pony, was a very thoughtful gift Trixie’s secret Santa gave to her this year.”

“But… it’s empty,” I stated bluntly. “Don’t you have something to put in it?”

Despite the forwardness of my words, Trixie continued to smile.

“No,” she answered plainly. “Trixie has nothing to put in it….”

“So then why--”

“Yet.”

I halted my question and remained silent. Trixie brought the frame to her side with magic and gave it a tender hug.

“It’s as blank as a foal’s flank and it holds just as much potential, Mr. Cake Pony. Someday, Trixie wishes to fill it with good memories, ones that she will carry to her grave… but for now, it’s blank, as it should be, and I, er, I-I mean Trixie can’t be any more grateful. Hope is the best gift of all, wouldn’t you agree?”

I stood there, stunned into silence, as Trixie returned the frame to its spot and returned to searching for her cups.

… I

I….

… I’m just as big of a bully as she was, aren’t I? Wanting to make a filly cry for my own benefit… that’s not what this holiday is all about.

It’s about being there for each other… about the fire of friendship that exists inside our hearts.

… Inside everypony’s hearts

… Even Trixie’s.

“Ah, here we go.”

Levitating a cup towards me, I shook myself out of my haze as I twisted off the thermos’s cap with my lips. I then poured the scalding hot beverage into the glass….

…Only to be taken by surprise by a second floating cup. Smiling myself now, I filled this as well right before setting the thermos down all together. I took my own drink in hoof as Trixie brought hers to her lips.

“Wait!” I interrupted.

Trixie raised an eyebrow….

… But then lowered it as I brought my glass towards hers.

“… Here’s hoping that next year will bring you good memories.”

The showmare smiled warmly as she brought her own drink forward.

“Same to you, Mr. Cake Pony.”

Clank.

Comments

[KartalTheWriter]

Wow, that was really nice. I love the message.
Formatting, however, is a bit er...interesting. Really love your characterization of Mr. Cake by the way. I love the way he refers to Mrs. Cake.

[Lapison]

Well done! I didn't expect something like this to evoke a lesson learned, but guess I shouldn't expect, huh? You kinda format like The Rarispy, lots of space to make it easy on the eyes. Plus, I think you nailed the characterization of Mr. Cake.

[TypewriterError]

hmm. Interesting. I love teh relationship you showed between the cakes. And Derpy of course