1752760 I'm sorry that you don't like it. I'll try to keep them a little more sparse, but I was really trying to show Cynthia's shock at Equestria in this chapter. Future chapters will be somewhat... more collegial in their English usage.
1752802 I like it, but in general capslock is a bad way of showing anything. You can't just rely on dialogue for everything; it just wont work. Try using more flavor text. You want to explain her feelings, not just have her scream and hope we get that she's shocked as hell.
Okay.... second chapter you use capslock frequently. I am disappoint.
1752760
I'm sorry that you don't like it. I'll try to keep them a little more sparse, but I was really trying to show Cynthia's shock at Equestria in this chapter. Future chapters will be somewhat... more collegial in their English usage.
1752802 I like it, but in general capslock is a bad way of showing anything. You can't just rely on dialogue for everything; it just wont work. Try using more flavor text. You want to explain her feelings, not just have her scream and hope we get that she's shocked as hell.
read second chapter still not shure if like
1754973
This will be long, and it will be a story with many facets. I hope you like what's to come.