Polygamy is Magic

by Ravenmane

1 - Rude Awakening

Throne Room, Canterlot Castle

Celestia glared at the stack of forms she had to examine. “This is just before my meeting with my trainer at nine?”

“It was the only time we could pencil it in your highness,” replied her secretary nervously. “After your meeting with your trainer you have your meeting with a representative from Stalliongrad, followed by a light lunch. After lunch, you have that appearance to make at the foals ward at Canterlot Central Hospital. We also have to make your arrangements to visit Saddle Arabia still. I mean, you’ve been putting that off for months.”

With a sigh, Celestia began her work. Raise in the garden staff’s pay? Approved. Appoint a royal food taster for my sister? Old fashioned, and requested by my sister but approved. Budget balanced by my sister, what would I do without your math skills. Law repealed by my sister, thanks for taking the heat for this Luna. The notes and forms seemed to drag on forever. I certainly hope I can have some ice cream with Luna tonight, the solar diarch thought. Her pleasant grin from the thought was quickly removed as a soldier barged into the throne room.

“News from Northern Equestria,” he exclaimed.

“Yes,” Princess Celestia asked.

“I am simply to tell you that it has returned.”

Celestia’s eyes widened, she knew the ramifications of what this would bring. “Find Princess Cadance and Shining Armor at once!”

“Yes your highness,” called one of her guards before galloping off with the newcomer.

“I’ll just reschedule your day then,” said Celestia’s secretary meekly before retreating with Celestia’s forms.

“My dearest Twilight,” Celestia began as she quickly began to compose her letter on freshly summoned parchment.

One of her remaining guards cleared his throat. “Um, your highness isn’t Twilight Sparkle on her honeymoon?”

Princess Celestia scowled and summoned two more pieces of parchment. Calling one before the others she cast a sideways glance towards the guard in question. “I doubt anypony would dare attack me in the next few hours. Go and wake my sister.”

The guardspony met her gaze and saluted before galloping out.

“Dear Spike…”

*****

Elsewhere in Equestria…

Knock, knock, knock

A purple magical aura, woke me with a flash of sunlight by opening the shades. “I’ll get the door as long as you leave the blinds shut for Dash,” I grumbled to Twilight.

“Um guys,” called the rainbow maned pegasus from the window, “I left my key in the room when I went for a zip around in the beach. Can one of you please be awake enough to let me back in?”

Knock, knock, knock

“I’m getting the door,” I mumbled. “She’s all yours,” I begrudgingly added as I gave Twilight a soft peck on the cheek.

“Next time, remind me not to go for an oyster platter before we turn in,” called Twilight in her own sleepy haze.

“Yeah,” added a muffled Rainbow Dash, “me neither. Now, lemmie in Twi!”

Last night was… interesting. It consisted of oysters, more than enough to drink, and very little sleep. As I heard the bedroom window slide open I creaked open the cabin door. “Can I help you?” Strangely enough, what came into focus was our dear mailmare from Ponyville. “What are you doing out here Ditzy? We’re hundreds of miles from Ponyville.”

“Express mail from Ponyville,” she told me warmly. “I was given instructions to make sure Twilight got this one,” she pulled one letter from her bag. “You and Rainbow Dash get this other one. Those were the orders I got from Canterlot when Spike passed them all along.”

After taking them, I looked them over carefully. Sure enough, they were marked accordingly.

Twilight Sparkle
Everfree Lane
Ponyville

Rainbow Dash and Alexander
Everfree Lane
Ponyville

The only addition I saw to either of them was the listing for Meliá Hayvana Resort, Cabana 6 which was indeed accurate.

“Spike gave me the address of where you were staying; the concierge gave me the cabin number. He was such a nice stallion.”

“Do we owe you anything Ditzy? I mean that’s quite the trip.”

“Nope, just super high priority. I was under orders and couldn’t let them leave my sight. Take care Alex!” She turned around and flew off as wobbly as any other day.

“Twilight,” I called, “Dashie, we have mail. If you can believe it, Ditzy came all the way from Ponyville to deliver it.”

I was barely midway through a yawn when Rainbow slid up beside me. “That was Ditzy? Really, that featherbrain came a couple hundred miles to deliver our mail? She hardly knows her north from her south, yet she can figure out where Hayvanna is?”

“Let’s see,” said Twilight as she snatched her letter from me. “I smell a hint of dragon flame so it must be from the princess.” Rainbow and I exchanged glances and gave our own letter a sniff as Twilight read her letter. “Oh no. How can she expect me to do that?”

“What’s going on Twi,” asked Rainbow.

“Princess Celestia’s expecting me to leave our honeymoon to go take a test!”

I gasped it meant one thing: our time in a tropical paradise was cut short for something that felt more like the fate of Equestria hung in the balance. “Does she have any clue how far we are from anything you learned without us?” Problems arise halfway through our honeymoon? I knew it was too good to be true. I’m just happy I’m better adjusted to this stuff now.

“Not to mention how long it’s gonna take to get to Canterlot,” added Rainbow. “I mean it’s a three hour boat ride back to Mareami. Why couldn’t you have wings Twi cause I mean it wouldn’t be too long of a flight there!”

“Right,” said Twilight nervously, “but that means we can stop by Ponyville on our way to Canterlot by train. I can get my study materials and make sure I’m all set for anything Princess Celestia can throw at me. Rainbow go pack your socks, we need to check out.”

“But, ugh, why don’t you get your bit and crop first! I mean, you’ve denied it all the time, but we all know Princess Cadance got you those things as a joke gift. Why did you actually take it seriously?”

I still think we should’ve kept the kinky stuff back home, I thought as the argument escalated.

“Alex, how about you get my bridle,” called Twilight as I tried to retreat to the shower.

“Dammit Twi, I’m gonna get washed up, get all set to go, and see if we can get some of our bits back for checking out early. I mean somepony has to and I’m so much of a wreck after last night. I mean I thought I told you both I can only handle so much!”

“Fine, Rainbow and I will pack up; you try to get everything squared away. See if you can use my letter to get a bit of leverage.”

I nodded and hit the shower before she could change her mind.

*****

“Look,” said the concierge, “I get it that you have to check out early cause your wife has to make a trip to Canterlot but there’s no way I can refund you the next six days of your honeymoon.”

“There’s more to it than that,” I yelled at him. We had gone far passed when I should be calm. “All three of us need to go to Canterlot ASAP. I don’t know what you’re on if you think hotel policy can trump a royal summons.”

“I’m sorry sir, I’ll put in something to the hotel owner but I’m sure he’ll say no reimbursement.”

“Then I’ll be sure to tell Princess Celestia that next time all of Equestria is in danger they should ignore saving Hayvanna.” Yes, I was playing dirty, but if we didn’t hurry, we would be stuck waiting on tomorrow’s boat.

“Wait,” he examined the addressee of the letter a little closer, “the Twilight Sparkle? I’ll make some calls, get you all reimbursed. I’m positive he’ll say yes once he realizes he’s about to ruin a national hero’s honeymoon when she has something important she has to do.”

“Two heroes,” I corrected. “Rainbow Dash an-”

“Rainbow Dash,” he asked as his wings flared. “You mean the pegasus that can do the Sonic Rainboom? I mean, I heard stories but-”

“Yes, still think we’re just some customers?”

“Not at all, not at all. I’ll make sure you all get your bits back I mean I know we aren’t cheap.”

“Alex,” called Twilight from behind me. “We got the keys, you got the bits?”

“We’ll be sure to send the refund back to the address in Canterlot sir.”

I gave a calm sigh. “Thank you so very much. This emergency return’s gonna run murder on our finances as is so I like having some good news out of all of this.”

Twilight darted up beside me, our luggage in tow, and slammed the keys down on the counter. “We’ll need to gallop to catch the boat dear.”

“I was just thanking the nice stallion Twilight,” I told her warmly as I took the lead outside. “So where’s Rainbow?”

“She went on ahead to haggle our round trip tickets into immediate boarding.” As the doors swung open for us, we were met with a waiting carriage.

“All set,” called Rainbow, “and I even got us a ride willing to triple time it.”

I smiled broadly as I got in. “There’s no way I’m gonna describe how much I love you both is there?”

“No possible way,” Rainbow replied.

“You’re welcome to try though,” added Twilight as she levitated our luggage in before her.

*****

“Relax Twi,” I said as I caught her starting to pace again, “we made it to the boat and you don’t have any of your study supplies. There’s not much you can do about it.”

Rainbow leaned up on her chair. “Yeah, soak up some rays, we’ve got a long train ride on top of this little boat ride to deal with. No way we’ll reach Canterlot until sometime tomorrow. The day after only if we’re unlucky.”

“Wait,” She said as she skidded to a halt.

“There’s no way we’re gonna let you go to Canterlot on your own Twi,” I said calmly. “We’ll be with you for as long as we can. We’re a family, we all said our vows, and we’re staying together.” I sat back and realigned my sunglasses. “Just relax under the sun with us Twi. A lot of stress is bad if you’re going to take a test so just take it easy right now.”

“Just try and, you know, take it a little easy while you can,” suggested Rainbow. “Worrying about it when there’s nothing you can do won’t solve anything.”

Twilight finally stopped her pacing and levitated a chair in between us. “You’re both right, I can’t do anything about it and I understand that.”

“That’s good to hear dear,” I told her.

“Yeah,” replied Rainbow Dash, “no need to go flying off the handle. We’ll take the fastest train to Ponyville and everything will be good.”

Twilight fidgeted. “What if I don’t pass?”

“You’re still family,” I reminded her. “Not like you’ll be anything less in our eyes.”

“Might have ’ta work extra time at the library,” Rainbow commented. “But that’s just if she gets real uppity about it. You worry too much, too often Twilight.”

“But-”

“We’d love you no less,” I reminded her as I cut her off. “Rainbow, pass her some shades and we can all just enjoy the sun.”

“I’ll do better than that,” she replied excitedly while getting out of her chair, “I’ll go make an appointment for a massage for three!”

*****

Ponyville

Spike frantically rushed around the library. Twilight received a letter from Princess Celestia, which was perfectly normal, but the cause for concern came from the additional letters.

“Take it easy,” he told himself. “Twilight’s panic attacks are just rubbing off on you.” For some reason, this sounded far less comforting when he said it aloud.

His letter remained exactly where he left it when he arrived in the library.

Dear Spike,

Please send the following two letters to Twilight, Alexander, and Rainbow Dash as soon as possible. I would send them direct, but I am well aware of how well you know how nopony informed anyone where they were heading. It is imperative that they get these letters as soon as possible and from somepony that won’t invade their privacy.

Hurry along now,
Princess Celestia

Comments

[TheTownCrier]

20% more implying! Epic.

[Morphy]

Hmm, now I want to see Twilight and Dashie in all that "gear"...

Might be the last thing I see but it'll be worth it.

[starshine_dash]

Oh my, a new story already! I hope it's good, looks interesting so far, and I'm glad you're keeping kind of with canon despite Alex there to bollocks it all up!

[Ravenmane]

2549466 You'll see how the story and the show differ. There's also a surprise or twelve, but no confetti. My usual confetti supplier, GLaDOS, has informed me that she no longer has any.

[Killabyte]

Curiouser and curiuouser

[the other sans]

Socks, Oh the socks! And the bridle... who knew Twi liked that kind of stuff eh?

[Midnight-Moon]

Its sad we didnt saw the wedding or (maybe) some crazy adventures they had at the beginning of their honeymoon.