Sympathy for Discord

by Pony Bones

Speak of Discord and he Shall Appear

I watched with glee while your kings and queens fought for decades for the lands they claimed. I shouted out, "Who stole the elements?" when after all it was you and me. Let me please introduce myself I'm a creature of wealth and taste and I laid traps for the buffalo who fell before they reached Appleoosa. Pleased to meet you hope you guessed my name, oh yeah. But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby.

CONGRATULATIONS, you are reading Sympathy for Discord; I can tell you’re a person of taste, what that taste is I have no idea. Allow me to reach through the screen give you a high five, what are you going to leave me hanging?

Actually I don’t know why anyone would read this story, the only reason Pony Bones puts his name to it is because he’s the one that pounds on the keyboard as I dance around his flying fists. Sometimes he forgets to edit before he posts and this is what it looks like,

mcl;d5+6Lk%#);lgm[Kpojf;k+={\DKL;MV*(^%lbg13f’l;h2ore*H(T*UETR*(hprg*&]E#%Ry89S?$2ROj3@#!

How he gets this story out of that I have no idea, but that’s one complicated tongue twister say it with me now! mcl;d5+6Lk%#);lgm[Kpojf;k+={\DKL;MV*(^%lbg13f’l;h2ore*H(T*UETR*(hprg*&]E#%Ry89S?$2ROj3@#!

Sometimes I wonder if there were a zombie pony apocalypse in Las Pegasus, would it stay in Las Pegasus? You know because what happens in Las Pegasus stays in Las Pegasus but that could never happen because when you mix a zombie with a pony you get a Zamboni and there’s no ice to skate on in Las Pegasus.

You’re probably wondering Tartarus who thinks about these things, well you’re looking at him, because if you sit around as long as I do you get to see all the hilarious things ponies do when they think nopony is watching. Call me a creeper or a stalker if you want but it wasn’t my choice, that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it though.

Ponies wonder how I score so many mares, that’s easy the garden around my stone carcass is one of the most romantic locales in Canterlot. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen proposals, moonlight promenades, even originally composed serenades. So yeah brony I got game for centuries, Tartarus my entire life is a game, nopony told me the rules so I just decided to enjoy it.

Nurse Red Heart says I have ADHD and gave me a prescription of Ritalin but I can never remember to take it, after all what’s the point cause levitation is possible. Your reply achieved and gone, there’s time for this and so much more. It’s typical to create a world, a special place of my design. To never cope or never care just use the key cause he’s alone.

Did I ever tell you about the time I foalsat the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Now before you call Foal Protection Services on me allow me to assure you it had almost nothing to do with Twilight’s transfiguration. Actually it had nothing to do with it, YOU CAN’T PROVE I DID IT, well you actually could but, I’M SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT PLEASE DON’T TAKE ME OUT OF THE SHOW!

It all started when I was on my painfully comfortable memorial in the Canterlot Gardens being all obedient and stuff when the precocious trio just fell out of the sky in a gaggle of feathers, manes, scooter, and wagon. Now I enjoy my stone prison as much as the next guy but when life hands you lemons you throw them back and add a few of your own. I think that’s how the saying goes; anyways they crashed into me helter-skelter generously shattering my concrete cocoon and before I even have time to yawn Applejack comes galloping around a hedge with a frustrated shout.

“Scootuhloo how many tahmes do Ah have ta tell ya, ya cain’t perform ah Immelmann turn on ah scooter pullin’ ah wagin!? Are ya tryin’ ta kill mah sister?”

Scootaloo gave Applejack her most heart wrenching puppy eyes, she should have those things registered for concealed carry, “Aww but Pinkie Pie does it with us all the time.”

“Ummm, hello everypony? King of Discord here aren’t you going to scream and gallop for the hills like you usually do?”

Applejack gave me an annoyed look as if it was an everyday occurrence that I had the privilege of drawing breath, “Ah hates ta axe ya this n’ Ah’m shur Ah’ll ruhgret it later but can Ah axe ya ta keep an ah on these three wahl Ah duliver these apples ta mah distribyater? If you do ah prahmis not ta have ya turned inta stone fer ah day.” She said winking for good measure.

Oh the games a mare will play with your heart, intemperance will be the death of me, “Anything for you sugar, your compassion baffles me.”

Raising an eyebrow skeptically Applejack appraised my sincerity, “Yeah well, if anythin happens ta one ah these fillies Ah garantee bein turned ta stone will be tha least ah yer wurries.”

No pressure got it, snapping to attention and saluting smartly I replied, “Fear not fair Applejack

Superfluous sorority sitting shall surely slip silently
After an advantageously applicable and aspiring afternoon
For frustratingly fantastic frivolity
Exceeding expertise exactly eroding erroneous enigmas.”

“Say wut now?”

Picking the midget mark crusaders up in a squirming hug I assured Applejack, “They’ll be safe with me.”

Shaking her head as if to clear the cobwebs out Applejack looked over her shoulder as she trotted away, “Just make sure they stay that way.”

Setting the Cutie Mark Crusaders down they looked back faces full of confusion, I have that effect on ponies, “Whut happens now?” Applebloom asked.

I sighed tiredly, “To be honest I’m not sure, I wasn’t expecting to be foalsitting today. What’s popular with the fillies lately?”

“This guy sure is weird.” Scootaloo whispered a little too loudly to Sweetie Belle

“What do you mean popular with the fillies?” Sweetie Belle asked cautiously.

“Like what do you all do for fun?” I asked snapping my fingers and summoning some dice to snack on, what? I didn’t have a Momma to tell me, “Don’t eat what you play.”

Sweetie Belle scratched her mane and said, “We just have Scootaloo pull us around in Applebloom’s wagon I guess.”

Through a mouthful of dice I asked, “Well that can be fun but doesn’t it get old?”

Scootaloo jumped around excitedly, “Oh and we also go on Cutie Mark Quests!”

Cutie mark quests, I’ve been around long enough that if I wanted to I could get these impressionable fillies their cutie marks by the end of the day. It’s not that hard really all it takes is a little observation to find a ponies special talent nine times out of ten all you have to do is point it out to them. But I’ve also been around long enough to know that Applejack wouldn’t appreciate the method I would go about doing that. It’s much better when ponies discover their talent by themselves anyways. But cutie mark quests? These fillies needed help, I really shouldn’t but I can’t help myself sometimes.

Twirling my beard in my fingers I offered, “I may be able to help you get your cutie marks.”

“We’ve tried everything we can think of what makes you think you can help?” Scootaloo asked jadedly.

Putting my divine flank on display I replied, “Because, unlike all the other ponies you’ve asked for help before you’ll see I don’t have a cutie mark.”

Applebloom couldn’t follow my train wreck of thought and asked, “Then wha should we trust ya?”

Placing my paw over my heart I said in my most modest voice, “Because I don’t need a cutie mark I just live to help ponies get ahead, then maybe I can get some well-deserved probation.”

Applebloom was unimpressed, “Twahlaht told me ya live ta chase tail.”

My patience was quickly running out, “Now that is unfair, what am I supposed to do when everypony’s naked?”

Sweetie Belle’s face was the definition of perplexity, “But you’re naked.”

“And you don’t have a cutie mark, what’s your point?” Oh, I could do this all day just for the Tartarus of it.

Applebloom gave her best attempt at a threat, “Alraght we’ll trust ya, but don’t trah any funny stuff er Ah’ll tell ma sister.”

I had an idea that might actually help with finding their cutie marks, I figured if I could get them on a big enough sugar rush they’d try as many things as they could in as little time as possible leaving only one thing left to attempt which would most likely be their special talent. Either that or they would crash from their high and I would be able to get some peace until Applejack finished her business and I’d make off looking like foalsitter of the year. It was a win, win, what could go wrong?

“Have you girls ever heard of a drink called Monster?”

Scootaloo stuck her tongue out with disgust, “I haven’t heard of it before, it doesn’t even sound good what pony names a drink Monster?”

“Do you really want your cutie mark?” I asked folding my arms.

“Yeah.” She said kicking dirt sullenly.

I didn’t want to force them into something they didn’t want so I tried to pique their interest, “It’s not as bad as you think I promise, in fact I think you’ll like it.”

Reaching through the space between the spaces I grabbed a plentiful variety of energy drinks ensuring to replace them with the local currency. No sooner had I put a can into their hooves, I found Applebloom climbing up to my head and useing my antlers for drumsticks on my dome, Scootaloo screaming at the top of her lungs rolling over my tail with her Tartarus on wheels, and Sweetie Belle belting out Apple Lavigne He Wasn’t.
Which I have to say wasn’t actually that bad, in fact it was a lot better than many of the concerts I’ve been to, that filly has some serious pipes. Any second now they’ll get their cutie marks, Merciful Celestia make it soon!

I had everything in perfect control until Twilight trotted around a hedge, and balked.

I waved awkwardly, “Hello again.”

“YOU! What are you doing here Discord?”

Well I was already off to a bad start it’s not like I could make it any worse, “What do you mean what am I doing here? I belong here, this is my home.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes as if I didn’t even deserve a chance to explain myself, “No I mean what are you doing out of your stone seal?”

“Oh that, you know I just wanted to see your pretty face again.”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a unicorn try to hide behind their mane before, but she didn’t say anything. My charismatic approach must be working, if I could just get with one of the Mane 6 I wouldn’t have to worry about being put back on the block.

“Since this is my home maybe I should be asking, what you are doing here?”

Yawning expansively she answered, “Aaaaahhhhhh, I spent all night working on a research project for Princess Luna and I’m wiped out but I have to present my findings.”

“You should try some of these energy drinks!” Sweetie Belle said shoving one into her hoof excitedly.

“I’ve never heard of an energy drink before but it sounds like just what I need.”

I looked at the can that Sweetie Belle had given to Twilight, pony feathers, it was the Red Bull. Sweetie Belle, why the Red Bull, why? I swear it was one of those moments like in a movie where time just stops and you don’t know what’s going to happen next. She popped the tab, “TWILIGHT NO!!!”

Of course it was too late, she put the can to her mouth and guzzled it sighing contentedly, “Ahhhh, I think it’s already working I feel better already.”

“Yeah that stuff really gives you wings doesn’t it?” I said as casually as I could while Sweetie Belle just gaped in horror.

“Well can’t keep the Princess waiting, Sweetie Belle you let me know if Discord starts causing any trouble ok?”

Sweetie Belle did her best to give a coherent reply but all that came out was, “Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh.”

Without a second thought Twilight started flying to the Castle and then stopped in mid glide, “Wait a second… DISCORD!!!”

Well there goes my probation, there are two sides to every story; both ponies will paint the stories in their favor. It’s not just me either the changelings had the same problem, they were hungry so they invaded Canterlot for food which happened to be love and friendship. I’m not saying the way they went about it was right but you’re going to tell me that starving them for their crimes isn’t cruel and unusual punishment? Somepony explain to me how this is a cartoon for little girls? Celestia has a heart colder than mine when I’m on rocks.

And now for something completely different, wait what were we talking about? Sorry you’ll have to speak up I can’t hear you through the monitor, louder, louder, LOUDER! There now that half the neighborhood heard you are officially a brony!

Live your life like it’s a cartoon, I triple Daring Do dare you! You haven’t lived until you’ve been whacked on the head with a giant wooden mallet. I do it to Pony Bones all the time when I catch him reading ship fics but it doesn’t stop him, it's like beating a dead horse. He’s a bit of a goon but don’t tell anypony.

Author's Note:

Ok so the reason it took me so long to get this chapter done was I wrote a chapter's worth but couldn't come up with a good closing so I had to rewrite the whole thing, hope ya like it.

Comments

[LostUmbrella]

Nice chapter, I love this

[Pony Bones]

2146262 Always good to hear, thank you.

[ArtSmock]

Dissy, please, for the love of God, take those pills. seriously.just do it.

[Pony Bones]

2155689 ROFL I'll put a post it note on his fridge!