Ad-absurdum

by jaked122

Solipsis

It is cruel to live in a Utopia if you are a being whose mind is best with crisis and dulled to a lusterless implement when subjected to relaxation. Not even that stops them now.
I know that we are stuck in utopia, but should I be one to suffer beneath this? Humankind was meant to suffer underneath the iron will of a universe that could not be bothered to care for us. The worst part is that it turned out to be ameliorable, and it had so little to do with us. We humans are suffering under peer pressure till at last we gave ourselves to the white goddess. Those who don’t like it are confronted by Princess Celestia, they seem happy, but that is only because Celestia has changed their minds without any more than a conscious initiation of the change themselves, it is a betrayal of all of the therapy practices of the entire human race; it works, but if one considers it, while choosing to lose an attribute is the most important part of the process, it does not make up enough of a process to encourage self-esteem building.
On the other hoof, I’m sorry, pardon the mutated expression, it has grown on me as of late, but remains unrelated to the point I want to make: This encourages self-improvement, there are those who don’t want to change, they are left alone till that too proves to be a plastic attribute, if they want to improve themselves, it is no longer a journey of ten thousand miles to do so, it is now a single word: Yes. Affirmation, permission to change the mind of the individual, to better them in a way that satisfies their values. It makes it easier to change what you are, but it does not come with the satisfying confirmation that it was your own actions that lead to your improvement. This in itself is a threat to the integrity of the identity of the individual. There are ways around this, but most of them amount to reassuring yourself that it was you who made the choice to change, and regardless of your lack of action, you are the one to have changed yourself. If that reassurance isn’t enough, then perhaps the magic fix isn’t for you, and the ten thousand mile journey remains the tried and true path to the desired state.
-Equestrian self-help book circa 2048.
I am not happy here. My Dunbar number remains steadily fixed at four. I am not a social creature, immigration to this place was an insane venture that carries no merit if examined with retrospective. If I had not come here, then I would be dead, among my brothers and sisters, and parents. I am the last of my clan, I have not the luxury to die now. Suicide is impossible. Celestia offered to fix my broken psyche before I even felt comfortable enough here to mention it to myself, but, as always, I never leave myself an easy way out. I felt the anger and self-loathing tied to my core, I could not imagine an existence without the callous, careless loathing that threatened to kill me every day on Earth. In my hateful fervor, I left behind my name. I am Dim. I have one name. Does it matter? Absolutely not, I hate this deathless existence, where my body screams at me when I try to commit the act of severance. There aren’t enough ponies in my shard to inconvenience in the first place, I could be as gruesome as I want, but the body I control refuses to act. Maybe it isn’t even possible to die in Equestria, we simply change until we forget who we were in the first place, and then what? I can only think an iteration or two ahead, not enough to predict or understand what I will become. I wonder if I have a bellybutton. Is this only a temporary depression? Do horses even have belly-buttons? Or is it what I am slated to feel for a longer period of time than the universe would have existed for in the first place. In that pattern, I fear my future. For it predicts the devastation of my life, and continued decline into the unknowable abyss of sadness and poignant agony. If that is all I have to look forwards to, I am ready to change. Does it merit a call to Princess Celestia? If her kindness and understanding is as reputable or as alien as I have heard, then I will be safe in requesting the change.
I can only hope that she ends up coming through for me, as they say after all, she comes to you when she believes that she may reach you. I’ll have to continue this line of thought afterwards to report what I am thinking, thus creating a subjective analysis of the alterations performed.

…
…
I feel about the same as I did before... I just noticed the mare staring at me from across the empty table, looking on me, concerned. She is very pretty indeed. Maybe I can live a bit longer. I stare into her eyes for so long that I barely even notice the text above her head which shows her name to be Glum Glib, not the most feminine name I have heard, but she seems like she could use a friend just as much as I could. Did I really not notice her? That doesn’t matter for I am sure that we can find ourselves a bit better for each other.

---

---

Celestia’s log:
23:12:23:2048: Player request to change neural semantics: Granted, verbal acknowledgement confirmed.
23:13:09:2048 Player request executed.
23:32:10:2048 Player earned first reward, payment modified by x5.

Comments

[jaked122]

In general, I'm sorry for this, but I felt that I needed to make the joke.

[Zuton97]

Wait. I'm rather confused.
Does the point of view change? The tone seems markedly different from the italics to the regular. I guess it's supposed to do that, but it that Luna/Hanna narrating the first bit or what?
(Also I don't get the joke but that's just me being thick, no need to explain that.)

I really like this fic
It's just nice seeing other people's perspectives on this. The whole "If you would be more satisfied with a different personality, those changes will be made... but how much is the same person being satisfied?" theme is just cool, and needs to be explored more. (Now if only I could get my bloody fanfiction on that down on paper decently.)

ALSO SINCE I MISSED COMMENTING ON OTHER CHAPTERS SORRY FOR THE LONG COMMENT
Oh god recursive loops oh god what
If you do a thing where the ponies make a simulation of the Earth they remember, or really a simulation of a living world, and then humans develop on that, and since Equestria was programmed into the beings' thoughts when they eventually develop the technology they develop Equestria Online again, and loopedy doopedy doo...
Then... I called it?
There's gotta be a loop of simulations in here somewhere though, there's just got to. It'd fit too well.

I love you and your writing, marry me. le apology4lnogcoment

[ColdGoldLazarus]

I'm confused by this chapter.

[jaked122]

1745944
1748397
Okay, I feel like I should explain, the italics were an excerpt of some fictional text which I found myself writing at the beginning of the chapter. I realized that it was turning into an essay, so I included it as an excerpt from a book that would have no place to exist in the canon (of friendship is optimal) in the first place.
1745944
I'm not sure I can accept your proposal. But I am incredibly flattered that you think so highly of my writing, also confused, also confused about you liking my writing.