November 8, 2552, unknown location. Last known realspace: outer reaches of known space.
The first thing I notice as consiousness returns and I snap my eyes open is that my HUD is offline in my helmet. The thing I notice next as feeling floods back is the pain in my head and neck as I lay on the roof-window kinda upside down. I realize that my head-stand-lean is precarious and I can't get down without help lest I smack into the electronics with all my weight. That's when the window starts to crack under me.
The Spartans faired better and got to their feet and their bearings. "Er, help," I say. "You know, before I fall and break something." I think I heard a sigh and spotted a slight shake of the Spartan's head as he lifts me up and drops me on the roof-floor with an "Oof!" from me.
I stand up while the Spartans retrieve their equipment. I hurry to retrieve my own, my suit rebooted automatically from my movements, as they climb their way out of the ship. I follow after them and stand on top of the ship's back, sniper rifle ready overwatching the Spartans. To one side of our crashsite is a town. To the other, a dark forest. The Spartans seemt o have opted for the town.
I drop off from the ship, following a bit behind. We eventually make it to the once-cheeful town, now filled with splinters and other signs of battle. We keep to the outskirts, circling to find a main road where we can view what we might be up against. Then I spot a group of four and just get an odd feeling about them. I point them out to the Spartans and convince them to talk to them.
"Hey! You four!" one of us calls to them. They turn and aim old-design guns at us.
"Who are you?" asks one with purple hair and a stripe of a darker purple highlight, weilding a simple 9mm pistol.
"Spartans, obviously."
"And an ODST," I add.
"Are ya'll here for Discord?!" asks a tanned one with blonde hair and cowgirl's outfit, weilding a shotgun.
"Who's Discord?" I ask before the Spartans can say something stupid.
"You... don't know Discord...?" asks the pale one with dark purple, curly hair. I notice the revolver in her hands. We shake our heads. "Then how did you get here?"
"Our ship." I point over my shoulder.
"OOH! Is it, like, a giant ship of metal with guns?!" asks the pink-skinned one with pink hair, looking like she could jump straight into space, weilding her flamethrower dangerously.
"Actually..." -I don't think that she was thinking what our ship really is- "yeah. And who are you all?"
"I'm Twilight Sparkle," the purple-with-purple-hair answers.
"Ah'm Applejack," answers the cowgirl.
"Rarity." Pale-and-purple-hair.
"Pinkie PIE!" Pink. She bounced as she yelled "pie."
"Pinkie, shh! Don't let Discord's minions know we're here!" Twilight chides.
"Oh, an' this here is Fluttershy," Applejack adds, indicating a pink-haired one ducking behind the others.
"Is she always like that?" asks a Spartan pointlessly.
"Not good, gang!" interrupts a rainbow-haired one that just flew in on light blue wings- wait, what?!
"How do you have wings?!" I cry out, pointing at Rainbow-Hair, interrupting whatever she came in about.
"Rainbow Dash is is a pegasus, just like Fluttershy. Well, was until Discord turned everypony into humans," says a purple baby dragon who popped up onto Twilight's shoulder from her back. WAIT!
"HOLY SHIT!" I burst our, having remembered of an ancient kids show I used to watch known as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. "You" -I point at the dragon- "are Spike," -I indicate all six women- "and you are the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony!" I hesitate. "And that means you were talking about the God of Chaos."
"You know about us?"
"There was a show -basically a magic box playing scenes that look like they are real instead of plays in a theatre- that I watched when I was a kid, or a colt. It was of six ponies, the Bearers of Harmony, living in Ponyville with many other ponies. It started with Twilight moving to- wait, is this Ponyville?! What happened here?"
"Discord." Helmet stares. "He has been opening portals to bring these guns and metal humans he calls robots. They've taken Ponyville and we are here to take it back."
I glance at the others. "You lead the way; you seem to know this place."
"I used to know this place."
"More than we can say."
"...Right. ...Alright." I turn back to the Mane Six + Spike. "Take us closer to these robots; we'll take them out."
They nod and lead us farther towards the center until I spot an odd glimmer. I halt everyone. I nod to the spartans. "Stay here, you seven."
"Stay he- We want to get them!"
"You are neither experienced nor equipped properly to deal with robots." They relent. "ODST." I glance at the Spartans, about to climb a house to the rooftops. "Sync to our comms." [I disclude their channel and password; Spartans love their privacy, especially against the military.] I nod, syncing into the channel, then climbing to the roof.
I look straight where I saw the glimmer through my scope. "Blue and white humandoid robots. Looks to be of human origins, too. But, that's not possible..."
"This Discord has gotten weapons from our past. These robots may very well be from our future."
"Feeding you my cam." I sen my visual over. "Weak points are the limbs. Knowing humans, the head contains the important stuff. Moving to a better position." I charge and leap across two roofs, heading closer to the center. "And there are a lot of them. The entire space is filled with the things wondering around, carring random ancient guns. Ready when you are."
I wait for a while as they get ready for the massacre. "Fire." I blow the head off of a bot and the Spartans storm in, spraying bullets into the chasis. I ensure none get up. Dozens fall at our our hands, their ancient weapons unable to do anything to the Spartans' shielfing, let alone their armor. It's not long before they are all dead, or the equivelant of dead for robots.
I hop down from the roof and join the Spartans, beckoning the Mane Six over. "See, easy for us," I tell them when they join us.
"How did you not get hurt?!"
"Shields."
"But bullets rip through magic shiel-"
"We don't have magic where we come from. We rely on bending the elements of nature. It's our own form of magic anymore, at least from your perspective. Anyways, our shields were meant to withstand our guns. Your guns are way behind our tech, making them futile against us." Hopefully that didn't blow right past them. I shrug at the thought.
"Okay. Now we know what we are against. Can we use these robots to repair the ship?"
"Nope. Wrong stuff."
"Damn. Then we must take care of Discord; he obviously brought us here. If we defeat him, we might be able to fix all that he has done. It would also help this place out."
"Yes! Everything should be undone with his fall!"
"Then it's settled. Where is he?"
I love Halo
I love ponies.
But I've yet to see a fantastic crossover. Have a review -
First chapter is...well besides the fact that it actually breaks one of the few site rules unless I'm quite mistaken - (the first chapter of a fic MUST contain some connection to FiM. If it's going to come in later, rewrite it so that it comes in earlier)
It's also extremely short, and an exposition dump. That is, it's giving us all this info - a whole tun'a tuna can of info, all crammed in there. There's not really anything that SHOWS us who this character is, other than that we're told he's an ODST.
A lot of it is a bit of gratuitous description - if he's an ODST, than by default he's (Agent Tex is-) -a bit of a badass. All that schlick about the farms and the names and the insurgents is surplus. It doesn't really serve the story all that much.
CHAPTER the second
has the...opposite problem?? dafuq? It's pure dialogue. Now, dialogue is a good thing, but I've got nothing to know what the derp is happening. It's just Oh hye there's Sparatans too, oh hey pony with a shotgun, oh something Pinkie Pie?
OPINION - I think you need to work on finding a balance between exposion, scene setting, actions and dialogue. Each plays a part that supports and gives context to the others. 'til then...this is just another mediocre halo fic. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
1626768 I am very aware that Chapter Two sucks ass. I am very dissatisfied. But I am writing TWO stories at the same time, and I am just blasting through right now. Once I get everything out, I will go back to fully rewrite sections and chapters as I see fit. But I see Chapter One as a fine way to simply start, which isn't needed at all. Actually, I'll go right now and rename it to Prologue.
1626768 Also, him being an ODST, if you know about the ODSTs from Halo 3: ODST, would say he's a badass. But nothing is meant to state that. It's assumed if you are a big enough fan to know the backstory of ODSTs. Which is not like how the Freelancers are either; they show their badass-ness in the animated seasons of Red Vs Blue, beating the crap out of people like nobodies business.
1626768 And, back to my first reply, it looks like I had already mentioned in the summary that I will be writing everything once through and then come back to fix it. Next time, read the entire summary.
I have 8 likes and 3 dislikes, and 60 chapter views, 113 total views (including the staff who made sure it follows the rules). Yet I see one comment which tries to be of help but is just a stating of what I know: my story is imperfect. If you see something you like/dislike, say so. And specify why you like/dislike the detail from the story. Any help will help with not only the improvement of this story, but of all my other stories, fanfic or not.
MOAR
A new chapter will be up once every Saturday except the coming Saturday due to being gone for my great grandma's funeral. So, this Wednesday, Chapter Two will be up. Then next Saturday, Chapter Three will be up.
You need to clean up your description or people won't read it. A description with bad: grammar, spelling, or descriptions tend to make people pass over the story without reading it.
1632438 What? I can't help that it opens to the rest of it underneath.
I wonder if any one has made a shipping with human and pony with halo...
1635020 CortanaxCelestia?
The weapons they have?
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2657-Oh_you.png
Nice TF2 referencing chapter, by the way.
1635321 XD I couldn't think of anything better than the TF2, since those do rather fit them for the most part in real life.
MOAR
1642177 Wait until Wednesday. ;P
Having not read the story yet I feel like I'm going to
hatedislike it, but thats what I thought about some other fics and they turned out to be my favorites. So I'm going to give this a fair chance and read it.1648630 Kkat has proven that crossovers can be fantastic with Fallout: Equestra. It's just a matter of achieving that level of excelence.
1650352 I agree that Kkat achieved an excellence we should all look up to, and to someday become such, crossovers or not. In fact, i am attempting my own crossover with MLP featuring Sci-Fi genre's... mainly, Mass Effect.