The Changing of the Guard

by Shadow_Wolf

Chapter Two: Reflection

"A Changing of the Guard"

Chapter 2: Reflection

I'll be there some day
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong

Like most things in the Headquarters, the door to his office was made of a richly polished oak that was both sturdy and pleasant to look at; heavy enough to deflect blows should enemies invade but light enough that young hopefuls could push it open without undo effort. He had, he reflected, always had an open door policy with his subordinates, both officer and enlisted alike, and had always conducted all meetings informally except when absolutely necessary to do otherwise. It was then somewhat ironic that he wanted to lock the door now and hide behind it as his magic released its grip and let the heavy portal swing closed without a sound. His mood bleak, his shoulders tense and his head hung low, Shining Armor crossed the threshold into his office in the same daze which he had arrived, but in the end, he didn't lock it and instead slowly raised his head to look around.

Contrary to the popular belief of many a tabloid journalist, life at the top of any organization was not purely glamor, riches and fame, nor was its accouterments platinum floors, gilded walls or diamond chandeliers that dripped hundred year old wine into crystal goblets. In fact, should any journalist have ever actually be granted access to the Captain's office they likely would have been disappointed at it's overall plainness. Like the rest of the tower, its walls and floor were beautifully veined marble slabs accented in bands of precious metal or richly colored hardwood, but that was were the opulence of construction ended. Thirty-Five hooves wide by twenty-four deep and twelve in height, the office was in fact only slightly larger than any of the others that dotted the inside of the building.

To his right lay the solid wall that separated the office from the rest of the rooms in the wing, its entire width covered by eight hoof tall, built-in book cases containing both his personal library and that of previous captains; books on everything from tactics and drills to donated journals and financial ledgers inter spaced with nicknacks and trophies he had added over the years. To the left, two floor-to-ceiling windows of nigh-unbreakable Silverglass looked out onto eastern parade ground and filed the room with light from the noon-day sun. In front of him, the back wall was dominated by a pony-sized fireplace -- the source of numerous jokes amongst the guard about "roasting" ponies that had gotten in trouble -- its charred black from centuries of warmth glared at him like the maw of some great beast and on either side of it, rows of pictures dotted the wall, each one depicting a former Captain in their prime. His own picture hung in the corner closest to the window on a line all its own, the eyes that looked back at him proudly frozen in time beside his freshly polished captain's armor and service blades.

To any non-guardpony, it was simply another room and to any guard pony it as a place that they came to receive their orders, accolades or reprimands as was appropriate.

To him, it was a second home and he paused for a moment to take in not only the sight of it, but the scent as well.

The scent of the office had always intrigued him, because it was not simply the mixture of scents that filled it but their underlying meanings as well. The rich scent of inks and parchment that spoke of hard days filling out requisitions, fielding letters and dispatching orders. The slight tang of lamp oil and wood smoke tasted of long night spent in solitude to contemplate strategies and assignments while gazing longingly towards where his home waited for him. The slight musk of male and female pony alike sang of understanding when an answer was needed, repentance when there was chastisement and camaraderie on special -- or everyday -- occasions. Put bluntly, the room smelled like discipline, duty and above all, purpose.

"You're turning into a philosopher in your old age, Shining Armor..." he said queitly to himself.

Like all captains, one of his first duties had been to decorate the room to his liking and he had done so with the same pragmatism that he had approached most of his life with, but all of that was gone. The crimson rug that had filled most of the room along with the writing desk that his sister had given him had long since been packed away and carted off along with the cushions that he had insisted be scattered around for anypony who needed to come and talk to him. Only the massive desk of Everfree darkwood, polished weekly to a glow-like sheen and the previously observed personal touches remained. It was, he reflected, strange to see the desk empty instead of covered in paperwork he hadn't had the time to get to yet. In their place where the half dozen packing crates and bubble wrap rolls he had requested so that he could do the last of his packing alone.

Most likely he wouldn't need all of the boxes by the time he was finished as most of his mementos were small, but it was best to be safe. Letting his gaze sweep over the room once more as he tried to pick out the best place to start, but in doing so, he found he couldn't move. The room suddenly seemed so much bigger.

"Celestia's mane..." he whispered aloud. "How is any pony expected to just... just pack their life away!?"

But that was fleeting, rhetorical question designed to waste time, and he only had a few hours to till sunset, which was when he had scheduled the Changing and he would be a poor captain indeed if his last duty was performed late. His last duty... the thought made him shudder as he stepped up to the bookcases and let his eyes fall upon a portrait of his little sister and himself that he wrapped up in his magic and brought to eye level, his hoof reaching out to touch it lightly. They both looked so young in it.

To listen to Twilight, they had been perfectly complimented growing up and though it was true that they had never had an actual fight, neither had they really gotten away without a single argument; sibling rivalry was, sibling rivalry after all. But she had been his first protectorate and the reason he had known that he wanted to spend his life protecting others. That was how he had earned his cutie mark, protecting her and her precious little Smarty-Pants doll from a group of bullies who had a problem with 'privileged' nobility no matter how minor they may have been.

He smiled as he thought to that day...

It had been summer then, only a month after the celebration commemorating Celestia's rule.

He had been ten years old and ready to take his guard's entrance examination. Twilight had been six and already considered smart enough to take the exam for Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. His parents had wanted him to go there and become a councilmen or a mage, maybe a lawyer or something similar, but they had named him Shining Armor, not Written Law and after months of waiting it had finally been time.

"Shining Armor, you know you can still back out of this right? I have enough pull amongst the administration that I can get you an entrance exam the same as your sister." His mother said, worry etched across her light violet features.

"Mom... you said that I could apply as soon as I got my cutie mark... well, i've got it and this is what I want to do with my life."

she had been about to protest -- or plead -- a little more when his father had returned with the camera and tripod, twilight bouncing happily around him like she always did when she was excited. His mother relented and put the two siblings together as close as possible, both of them looking back and forth at each other and the rest as their father tried to get the perfect angle for the shot. The more he tried though, the more restless they got and the harder it was to keep still.

"Hold still you two! Ponyfeathers if you don't calm down you'll both look a fright for your entrance marks!"

"Mom! We look fine, just take the picture already would you?" He had said.

"Yeah! Hurry up mom! We don't want to be late!"

"And we weren't late, were we Twily?" he said. "You came home with your cutie mark and an endorsement by the ruler of Equestria herself. I came home with a writ of acceptance and my bronze cadet armor."

It had been one of the happiest days of his life and he could not have been prouder, either for himself or his sister, but now it was just a memory of a time long ago that he was being forced to hide away until he could find another place to display it. Wrapping it carefully, he placed the picture into the closest crate and moved on, picking up various objects and packing them with a kind of pragmatic reverence. The small sliver of bronze that had been cut off of his cadet armor by a manticore on his first out-of-base sortie. A picture of himself and cadence asleep on the couch after an exhausting day of studying for exams. A gryphon claw from a battle in the northern highlands after his promotion to Corporal. Pictures of him and his friends in various stages of training. A broken chalice he'd recovered for his commander after a particularly dangerous ambush. Small figures he had carved from various stones as a child and more. So many memories and each one had their own special place in his heart.

Each one reminded him of what he was or had been. Memories of battles hard won, friendships come and gone, training till he could barely move or festivities till he couldn't see straight from the celebrations. These were the things that made a pony who they were, but always it had been with a sense of duty and purpose that it would never end. He was so caught up in the reverie that he didn't hear the door open and when he heard the clearing of a throat behind him, he very nearly jumped as he spun around, rearing onto his hind legs in response to the expected attack.

But the attack never came; for behind him stood the vision of beauty that was his wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza or Cadence as she preferred to be called. She had long ago forsaken her immortality to be with him as a normal pony despite her status as an alicorn and her flowing mane had darkened along with her fur over the years in defiance of her age. Her crystal-blue eyes, however, held the same love for him now that they had always held since they met. Where it any other day, he would have smiled for her and rushed forward to embrace her in greeting. But today was not any other day, and he saw something in those beautiful eyes that he did not want to see.

He saw pity.

"Hello, Cadence..." he said stiffly, looking away as his ears pinned back lightly, the words coming out quietly but with a venom he had not intended.

"Hello, Shining Armor," she responded.

"What are you doing here?"

"Can't a mare come to help out her stallion in his time of need?"

He didn't answer immediately and an awkward silence descended between the two of them, but he could not bring himself to face her. Deep down, he knew that simple action cut more deeply than any blade ever could and it was not a wound she deserved. Cadence had stood beside him for years when she didn't have to, fought beside him as his shield maiden and birthed three of the most beautiful foals in all of Equestria for him. But today... today he could not face her.

"Shining Armor, look at me." she whispered quietly, only for him to shake his head silently in response.

Sensing the new turmoil that filled him, the empathic princess tried a different tactic and fell silent as well before trotting forward and nuzzling him gently with her cheek against his own. It was a simple gesture really, but one that allowed a communication far beyond that of mere words. She knew he wanted to push her away, wanted to be alone and do this alone, but instead he raised his left foreleg and gently wrapped it around her shoulders, returning the nuzzle gently before tilting his head so that their banded horns touched each other lightly, the golden rings letting out a soft chime of power as they did so. For the moment, it was enough and he felt his anger slip.

"I'm worried about you, my Shining Armor..." she whispered.

"I know, Cadence," he said. "And I'm sorry... I didn't mean to sound angry at you, you're just trying to help."

Again, they fell into an awkward -- but this time companionable -- silence as they simply held each other, Cadence's left foreleg rising to gently wrap around his shoulders in a loving embrace as the took comfort in each others familiar warmth. It could not last, of course, there was too much to do and too little time to do it, but for a moment, it was what they both wanted more than anything.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered.

"For what?"

"For... for the pity... earlier. I know that's not what you wanted to see and it should never have been there... but I'm worried about you, Shining Armor. You've grown more and more distance with every day that's led up to this and it breaks my heart that I can't give you the strength that you've always given me. I can feel in your heart what this is doing to you but I can't know it without you telling me. Please... just talk to me."

He wanted to talk to her of course, had wanted to talk to her for weeks, to take comfort in her presence and her wisdom as much as her love. But how could he do that? It was one thing to share the burdens that they had shared over the years when it was burdens that they had chosen or even been forced to take on because of their positions, but this was different. At least in his eyes it was and he did not know how to talk to her about it. Try as he might, the words simply wouldn't come out.

Cadence was not so easily dissuaded, however, and continued to gently and lovingly chip away at his shield. "My Shining Armor, you've been so distance... its like you've been a stranger to me and to yourself... I know you are hurting, I can feel it, the children can feel it. We all want to help you but you're pushing us away... you've always put the well-being of others ahead of yourself, but just this once... be selfish."

"I don't mean to..." he said. "I'm... Cadence... I'm scared."

"Scared?" she replied, but to her credit did not pull away. "Shining Armor, you've faced down changeling queens, angry gryphons, renegades, creatures of shadow and things I can barely even pronounce. You've faced them head on without so much as a concern for yourself. I could fill a book with your accomplishments and still have room for a second volume... the unknown has never bothered you before, why does it bother you so now?"

He sighed softly and pulled away from her, trotting slowly towards the window and looking out across the grounds where his troops continued their daily routines either ignorant or unconcerned about the turmoil afflicting their Captain. Shaking his head quietly, he spoke slowly, as if the words burned his mouth -- and, Cadence reflected, they probably did -- to say them.

"Because up until now, everything has had a purpose, Cadence... maybe it was vanity or bravado at first, maybe it was courage later on or maybe I was just a stubborn mule the whole time, I don't know and I don't care. Everything I did was to protect someone else, to help someone else. I was saving lives and keeping ponies safe because that was my purpose, my talent. But now, ponies who have never had to face things like death and danger are telling me that because I'm fighting something I can't win against, that my talent doesn't count anymore and that the purpose I've defined myself by all these years isn't enough anymore. But I feel like I gave up to easily, like I ran away instead of standing and facing what I was afraid of and it makes me sick to my stomach. Ever since I walked out of that meeting with the Chancellors I've wanted to take it back and go back there, scream, plead and fight for my purpose and tell them to Tartarus with their rules! But I can't do that... because they're just following the rules that I swore to uphold."

Turning slightly, he looked into her loving eyes once more and continued. "But it's more than that... I didn't choose this for myself. I did, but I didn't. I did choose it because I didn't argue with them and because I knew it wouldn't do any good if I did because the were just upholding the same laws that I swore to uphold. But I didn't choose it because I didn't ask to get old. Cadence I want to know if this has all even been worth it!"

"What do you mean, my love?"

"Cadence... there is one thing in this world I'll never regret and that is marrying you. You've given my life more than I can ever hope to describe. But can i move forward with my life regretting what I've done with it? When I look at what's happening, I have to ask myself did I make any kind of difference? Did it mater if I can be forced to leave something behind that defines me just because I'm old, did anything I do in that duty ever really have any meaning to begin with if time can just wash it away? You... you'll always be a princess no matter what, you'll always have your talent to bring love to others and mend broken hearts like new, what am I without that purpose?"

He hadn't meant to say the last part, hadn't meant to shift blame on her in any way, but it was too late to take the words back and he looked away in shame. But she did not throw them back at him and instead once again moved forward, this time resting against his flank rather than embracing him and letting her slender neck drape against his own. Her heartbeat, he was sure, was beating in time with his own whether by magic or simply by the love they had shared for so long. He stiffened slightly as her familiar perfume filled his nostrils and finally let his head relax against her own.

"Shining Armor, my Shining Armor, you will always be the colt that I fell in love with and the Stallion that I married. Purpose does not go away simply because duty comes to an end... you yourself have, in fact, said that the duty of an Equestrian Royal Guard is never ending for even in death, the spirit serves to strengthen others. Did you make a bad decision to not fight against this resignation that has been imposed on you? I don't think so. I think you played the cards you were dealt as best you could and chose dignity over disgrace. I think that it's not so much that you are scared of your choice, but rather that you don't understand why you made it yet. What is it that you have always said hmmm? Think carefully."

His ears twitched lightly, wondering what it was she was alluding to. He had become something of a philosopher over the years as was often the case of anyone who faced death on a regular basis, but he was unsure of what it was that she meant. Or didn't he? No... he knew what it was she was speaking about when he stopped to think.

"Always think well upon your special talent," he whispered. "Because one day you will have to ask yourself, do you define your talent, or does your talent define you?"

She nodded silently. "My shining Armor... you may wonder what you've done with your life and whether it had meaning... but that is something that every pony must ask themselves eventually, even a princess has to ask herself that. You have saved lives, protected others and taken burdens on yourself so that others would not have to. Be proud of that."

"I am... but I couldn't save everypony, Cadence... and I worry that eventually I'll be defined by what I didn't do, rather than what I did. I don't want to be... that."

"You won't be..." she whispered, leaning up to nuzzle his ear lightly. "My love, you have always been your own stallion, you have always found a way through anything and you know in your heart that you could never have saved everypony. But you are beloved not just be me, but by all of your guards. Would you feel better if they were in here pleading with you to reverse your decision rather than training as you've always shown them? Would you rather they collapse because somepony they respect and admire is leaving instead of marshaling their will and moving forward as you always have? Think carefully, Shining Armor, for I think they are answering your question more fully than anypony else could..."

He chuckled humorlessly as she spoke and nodded lightly against her. A couple did not stand by each other for over thirty years without knowing each other on multiple levels and he knew that although she was being kind with her words, she was telling him what he needed to hear, not what he wanted to hear.

"You're right, Cadence...." he whispered. "You're right...."

I'll know every mile
Will be worth my while
when I go the distance
I'll be right were I belong.

Comments

[Shadow_Wolf]

Phew... was honestly beginning to think I'd never get this chapter out and this story updated... but I'm not going to bore everybody with what's been delaying me, suffice to say it's been a rough couple of weeks. Thank you everybody who has given me encouragement on this story, you have no idea what it means to me so I dedicate it to all of you. Hopefully the next update won't be quite so long in coming.

Also, chapter one has been re-edited for better flow and to fix various errors.

[Mayhew Cullen]

Well other than a couple little spelling hiccups we're still going strong. If I hadn't been hooked already they might have bothered me, but here we are ready for chapter three... in a minute.

I will always have a special place in my heart for Cadence. Mostly I think it's the secret hoof shake she has with Twi(sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake!), but... it's also fan labor that has an effect. I don't think I'm terribly odd when I say that while I like the show, it's the fandom itself that I've truly fallen in love with. As such this has to be one of my favorite iterations of Cadence. If only because of your well written interactions with her husband. The words she uses allow me to believe that she truly cares for Shining.

That said, I will admit I'm not the biggest Shining Armor fan...freaking Fluttershy is manlier than him... Anyway in spite of my personal dislike of him this story has made me care what happens to him. So kudos for making me care about a character I usually only like seeing brushed aside for Cadence/Chrysalis shipping... Shut up, I think they're cute...

Well on to chapter three...

[Shadow_Wolf]

3715487
I'm like you on that, the secret hoof shake is cute (and that picture of Derpy and the muffin is just adorable!). Cadence' dialogue was actually really hard to write because I was afraid it was going to come across as either sappy or cheesy the first time I put it together and it went through about five or six iterations before I was finally happy with it. Hearing that it is actually someone's favorite iterations of the characters really makes the effort worth it to me and I can't tell you how much that means.

As for Shining Armor... my opinion of him fluctuates from time to time but I like him as a character and I'm glad the story made you care about him even if you normally dislike him. For me, that is a huge win. As for the Cadence/Chrysalis shipping... you know... you might be onto something there. Of course, I must admit that I like Chrysalis as a villain but I also like stories where she gets redeemed/accepted into Equestrian Society or where she is made into a sympathetic character rather than a psychopath. But that could just be me cause I'm a huge sucker for redemption stories.

[Mayhew Cullen]

3715755 The pic of Derpy is just fun because the first time I saw it I thought of little Derpy singing "Sunshine sunshine, lady bugs awake, clap your hooves and... I broke my muffin again!"