Chapter 14: Antics
“Took you long enough.”
“Well sorry, but sneaking past dozens of royal guards while staying completely hidden isn’t the easiest task in the world.”
“Your tone of sarcasm amuses me, but never mind that. I assume that you’ve been putting your special talent to its maximum potential. Isn’t that correct, Vigilant?”
“Of course, I’ve been observing the human for the past week, just like you’re paying me to do.”
“And?”
“Princess Luna has taken him directly under her wing.”
“Oh, is that so? That wretched cur actually trusts that filthy mongrel that much? I find that very amusing.”
“I think you need to get a thesaurus. You seriously use the word ‘amusing’ way too much, my good friend.”
“And I think you need to get a life. What is with you and your grammar anyways? It’s fairly annoying.”
“Not as annoying as your mother.”
“You’re bringing my mother into this now? Do you wish for me to decapitate you where you stand? And since when did you meet my mother?”
“Just two days ago. She was kind enough to offer me a nice home-cooked meal when you sent me to her house to recover some documents. She’s a nice lady, but she cannot stop talking! She might have well been reciting an autobiography from her old, fragile memory.”
“Ugh, enough about my mother! We’re getting off topic.”
“Not like the time when your—”
“Did I not just say to quell it about my mother? Goddess, why did I even hire you in the first place anyways?”
“Because I’m the best of the best, obviously.”
“Vigilant, it was a rhetorical question.”
“Don’t care. You still asked it.”
“Okay, from now on you will only speak when I ask you a question, and you will only stay on topic to that specific question. Is that clear?”
“Yes, it’s as clear as mud! Wait, that wasn’t a question. I can’t talk unless you ask me a question, but I had to acknowledge you in some way and—”
“Just shut your insignificant mouth for two miniscule seconds, please! A simple nod will do. It’s not like you have to speak for me to understand that you heard me. Body movements work as well. Why is it so difficult for you to get these things through your miniature brain?”
“I’m not sure. If you’d like to know, you should go ask my doctor.”
“Shut. Up. Please. I’m not paying you to give me your ridiculous comments.”
“Sorry… oh wait, that wasn’t a—”
“Moving on… Has the human left the castle yet?”
“Two days ago, Princess Luna took her newly proclaimed ‘protégé’ on a tour of Canterlot. To be honest, it was close to impossible to stalk them without getting caught. Guards were everywhere!”
“Did she take him anyplace significant?”
“Not really. Just some dusty, old museums and the park. There aren’t really any significant places in Canterlot rather than the castle itself. Even though Canterlot is the capital, it’s not necessarily the largest and most culturally diverse city in Equestria.”
“Even though I studied geography a long time ago, Vigilant, I still remember the majority of the things I was taught. No use in letting learnt items going wasted, right? There’s no need for you to tell me anything I don’t need to know. Anyways, has the human left the castle at all besides the time two days ago?”
“Nope, that’s the one and only time.”
“Well if he hasn’t been doing anything outside the castle, then he must be doing something inside the castle, correct?”
“Yep.”
“And what exactly is he doing?”
“From what I could tell, he’s mainly been studying Equestrian history in the castle library.”
“And out of all subjects, why would he even consider Equestrian history?”
“He’s trying to obtain citizenship to Equestria… Whoa, why is your eye twitching like that? It’s pretty dang creepy if you ask me. It’s like your some sort of cliché villain from a mystery novel.”
“I brought the human to Equestria so we could study and learn from the dastardly thing, not to let it prance along the streets with the other ponies! This is the beginning of a revolution, and if we just learned from the stupid human instead of treating it as a pet, we could have already made though with several break-through innovations!”
“Hold on there for a second, pal. What’s this talk about a revolution? Last time I checked, almost the whole population either loved or tolerated the princesses. Why in the name of Celestia is there going to be a revolution?”
“No, no, no you fool! Not a military revolution! It’s the beginning of the industrial revolution! For far too long we’ve been relying solely on magic on a day to day basis.”
“Last time I checked, friend, there are tons of Equestrian inventors that have built some pretty amazing gadgets. I don’t see your point in this.”
“Yes, you are right… for once. But tell me, Vigilant, what powers all of these amazing gadgets?”
“Erm… magic?”
“Yes, magic! Magic, magic, magic! It’s the source we’re all leaning towards! But what if a baby boom occurs, and only pegasus and earth ponies are born for the period of a year? That leaves the new generation with an enormous imbalance that can’t be fixed unless ponies began growing horns for some unknown reason.”
“That’s a very slim chance.”
“Yes, but it may happen, and you can never be too sure. There several other instances I can think of as well that may leave us without magic.”
“Such as?”
“I’d rather not go into details yet, mostly because my theories are well, theories, and still need to go through experimentation before I feel that they can be considered a threat to Equestria society.”
“So how does the human fit into all of this?”
“Humans are far more advanced in technology than us ponies. They harness this incredible power called ‘electricity’ that powers most of their machines.”
“Are you sure that ‘electricity’ isn’t some fancy human term for ‘magic’?”
“Humans are non-magic users. They use tools and machines rather than magic.”
“And why exactly are we observing the human?”
“I’m looking for patterns, Vigilant. I want to figure out the daily habits of the human.”
“And why are you looking for patterns exactly?”
“Why, I plan on kidnapping him and forcing him into work. He will be the base of our pyramid for our revolution.”
“But what if he doesn’t agree into helping you? It’s very likely he’ll tell you to kiss your butt and then attempt to escape.”
“I’ll attempt to persuade him first. If that doesn’t work, then I may have to get a bit more physical. If he still refuses, then I’ll just send him back from where he came from. There’s no use for him being here if he refuses to help me.”
“But what if he develops… you know… attachments towards any of the ponies? Whether it’s just a simple friend or… something more. I’m sure that he’d reject to that statement of yours, Professor.”
“I’m the one who brought him here, so I’ll be the one to send him back. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t even be in Equestria in the first place. And don’t call me ‘Professor’. I believe I’ve been stripped of that title a little over a week ago.”
<><><><><><><><><><>
Blake stared at the scroll in front of him with the most bizarre look plastered on his face. How was he supposed to answer these questions? Not once had he read anything about what this test was asking him to answer. He knew that Luna was eagerly awaiting his finished work, so he needed to get started. She only allotted him an hour to finish the test, which was hardly fair. Each question was to be answered in a full paragraph with complete sentences. If that wasn’t bad enough, there were over forty of them, each referring to a random point in Equestrian history.
Blake took several deep breathes to calm his nerves. He rubbed his eyes, mentally kicking himself for only getting four hours of sleep the previous night. He turned his attention back to the impossible exam that lay in front of him.
“Question one,” Blake said aloud, lifting up the test for his eyes to see. “What caused the Equality Rebellion and why?” He placed the paper back to its original spot, his confused look still lasting. The Equality Rebellion? What in the hell was that? Did he accidently miss something while reading those ragged textbooks? He didn’t have a clue as to what this rebellion was.
“Might as well move onto the next question,” he sighed. “Maybe my memory will be able to remember whatever that thing… in the place… was.
“Okay, question two. After the founding of Equestria, what caused the three pony tribes to debate amongst themselves and eventually separate to look for new lands?” Blake then squinted and reread the question, making sure he didn’t misread any words. And wanting to make sure his mind wasn’t playing any tricks on him, he triple-checked the question, reading as slowly as possible. Something was wrong with this question. If it was a true or false one, he’d be able to answer it, but his mind immediately picked up on the contradiction.
He slid his chair outwards away from the table, grabbing the test in his right hand. He immediately sprang up onto his feet and began searching for the Prankster of the Night. He moved through row after row of the library. Where could she be?
After nearly ten minutes of running in circles, he finally found the princess reading some sort of scroll that looked like it had been murdered by an angry cat.
Luna wound up the scroll with her magic after she noticed Blake coming her way. She smiled and said, “Finished with the test already? Wow that fast, you must have a new pony record.”
Blake folded his arms. “You’re very funny princess,” he deadpanned, putting extra emphasis on the last word.
“And what do you mean by that?” Luna asked innocently. Unfortunately for her, Blake had already figure out her little tricks. She wasn’t going to smooth talk her way out of his verbal grasp.
“You very much know what I mean by that,” Blake said. He lifted up the test directly in front of her face to see, and used his index finger to point to the second question. “This test is a fake. This question isn’t correct.”
Luna cocked her head to one side while lifting an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, but I don’t really know what you’re talking about. I had Scribe go through it and double-check everything just to make sure I didn’t get anything wrong. That test is perfectly fine. I just think that you haven’t been taking your studies seriously.”
“Objection!” Blake said, suddenly raising his voice.
“Blake, you’re not a lawyer, there’s no need for you to point your finger at me,” Luna pointed out.
Blake brought his finger back down to his side. “Sorry,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “Kind of got caught up in the moment.”
“But please, tell me what is wrong with this test. If you can’t find a clear contradiction, then I’ll make you write another essay on Ponroe Doctrine, and trust me, it’ll be a long one.”
“I’ll tell you what’s wrong,” Blake said, pointing his finger at Luna for the second time. “Question number two asks, ‘After the founding of Equestria, what caused the three pony tribes to debate among themselves and eventually separate to look for new lands,’ am I right?”
Luna snatched the test out of his hand, letting it hover in front of her eyes to read. “Yes, it does say that. What’s the contradiction, then?” she asked, floating the parchment back to Blake.
“The pony tribes didn’t separate after the founding of Equestria, they separated before it. In fact, if they had never separated, this country probably wouldn’t even exist today!” Blake explained, grinning in triumph that he had bested Luna.
“Oh my, you’re right,” she said. “But that doesn’t really matter.”
Blake’s shoulders drooped. “What…?” he said dumfounded, the simple word barely escaping his mouth.
“Sure, we may have messed up on one of the questions, so what?” she said, shrugging off the mistake as if it had never happened. “You still have thirty-nine to complete in less than an hour.”
I could’ve sworn I had her, Blake thought.
<Don’t give up yet. I’m sure there’s something else that you’re missing.>
Blake jumped at the unexpected voice midway through the sentence. Ugh, Lyra don’t do that. You nearly scared me half to death.
<Sorry, I just noticed the little predicament that you’re in and couldn’t help but join in. Plus, you’d think that you’d be used to me jumping in your head every now and then.>
Yeah you’d think that, wouldn’t you.
“Blake, is there something wrong?” Luna asked, noticing Blake’s sudden drawback from their conversation.
“Just thinking is all,” Blake said, not telling the whole truth.
What’s something else that you can think that could be wrong about this test?
<How should I know? I can’t actually see this test that you’re taking. I’ve just been hearing your thought process for the last few minutes and I thought that I’d just jump in.>
Yeah, thanks for the support.
<Just remember that tips are appreciated.>
Piss off for a moment.
<Good to see you back to your old self.>
And since when were you sarcastic?
<Since now.>
Wonderful.
<I know, right?>
“Are you sure that you’re okay?” Luna asked with a tone of concern. “You keep suddenly spacing out like you’re — oh, never mind, you’re talking to Lyra. I should’ve figured that out sooner.”
“Yes you should’ve, just like you should’ve been thinking when you were writing this test,” Blake said.
“Well, like I just said, that doesn’t really matter now. We may have made one tiny mistake, but other than that, the test is still legitimate,” Luna said calmly. Maybe a bit too calm. But that’s not the only thing that Blake noticed that seemed out of place.
“Luna, I think you’re lying to me,” Blake claimed.
<Figure out something, have you?>
Quiet you. Just keep listening or thinking or whatever.
“And what makes you say that?” Luna asked, smiling sweetly as if she were a small child.
“You blink twice when you lie,” Blake said.
“I do not!” Luna immediately came back.
“You just did it again.”
“That’s not true!”
“And again.”
Luna remained silent for several moments. She turned her head away from Blake, obviously not wanting to make eye contact with him.
There’s no way you’re squirming out of this one, princess!
<You must have a very keen eye to have noticed something like that.>
I just saw that by chance. I can’t believe that I’ve never noticed that before. At least I’ll always know when she’s lying to me now.
<Nice work.>
Luna slowly guided her gaze back to Blake. Then out of nowhere, she began to laugh hysterically.
“What’s so funny?” Blake asked, curious to his mentor’s sudden mood change.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” Luna cheered, jumping up and down in place.
“What the hell has gotten into you?” Blake asked, rubbing his eyes just to make sure he was actually seeing this right. “One moment you look as if you’re plotting to kill me in my sleep and the next you look like you’ve just won the lottery. Seriously, what’s going on?”
“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you,” Luna said, still chuckling in between phrases. “A couple days ago my sister wanted me to give you a pop quiz to see how you were progressing with your studies. To be frank, I absurdly hate pop quizzes. I don’t see the point in them.” She began giggling again, like someone had told her a funny, yet idiotic joke. Blake made a “go on” gesture with his hand. “So anyways, I thought it would be funny to play a little prank on you because you’re always so grim while you’re studying.”
I just knew she was pulling my leg with this stupid test.
<Shhh. I want to see where she goes with this.>
“So I came up with a test where there were impossible to answer questions that were ridiculously long with little time to do them. I’d then pretend like I’m searching through scrolls or whatnot, but in reality I’d be watching you the entire time to see your reaction. After I hatched my devious plan, I told my sister to see what she thought of it. She said, ‘I’m sure Twilight would easily see through this ruse instantly’ with a straight face. To which I replied, ‘Are you saying that Blake wouldn’t be able to catch on?’
“And then she said, ‘I’m not saying anything, but I’m sure his reaction will be priceless’. However, I was sure that she was hinting at me that you couldn’t do it, so I said, ‘I’ll bet you that he’ll be able to see through it within the hour he takes it’,” Luna explained, pausing for a moment to catch her breath.
“So I take it that you two made bets,” Blake said, curious as to what the bets were.
“Oh yeah. We agreed that if you were able to figure out the test was a phony and give evidence that it was, then Celestia would have to paint herself pink for an entire day,” Luna said, giggling again. “I just can’t wait to see the look on her face!”
“Just wondering, but what would’ve happen if you lost?” Blake asked.
“I’d have to play ‘Sunshine, Sunshine, Lady Bugs Awake’ with Cadence in the streets of Canterlot for an entire hour,” Luna explained, slightly shuddering at the thought of having to play a child’s game in front of the entire city.
“That does sound terrible. But remind me, who’s Cadence again?” Blake asked, shifting his eyes upwards to suggest that he was trying to remember who this pony was.
“She’s my niece, of course.”
“I haven’t met the entire royal family then, huh?”
“I guess you haven’t.”
“Is there any time that I’ll get to meet her?” Blake asked.
“Her wedding is actually just a couple days after the Grand Galloping Gala. There’s probably a good chance that you’ll be able to meet her then.”
“A wedding, huh?” Blake repeated. “Who’s she marrying? I’m sure that her fiancé is probably a more prestigious figure, right?”
“She’s marrying Shining Armor, a captain of the royal guard. Not to mention he’s also the brother of my sister’s protégé, Twilight Sparkle.”
“She’s the purple unicorn, right?”
“Yes, she is.”
“Well, uh…” Blake began, wanting to change the subject back to where it was before. “So, do I not have to take that long ass test now?”
“No,” Luna laughed, “you don’t have to take it at all. I just can’t wait to tell me sister.”
“A pink Celestia. That ought to brighten my day up.” Just then, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a black silhouette shudder through air as if it were an optical illusion. Blake wasn’t sure, but he was almost positive that it was a form of a human. Were his eyes playing tricks on him, or was it just his imagination? What if the silhouette was something that was waiting for the precise moment to… kill him.
He clenched his hands into fists, trying to keep the tears from shedding. Did those guys make it out? Were they still alive and well, or did they all end up getting shot or executed?
“Blake, are you alright?” Luna asked, trotting up to him.
“Yeah,” he lied, trying to hide the pain. He leaned himself against a bookshelf and massaged the corners of his eyes with his left hand. “I think I’m just gonna need a little time to think.”
<><><><><><><><><><>
Several days had passed since Lyra “received” the news from Blake that Princess Cadence was getting married, and only a couple days after the Gala as well! It would be the opportunity of a lifetime to attend a royal wedding, and Lyra wouldn’t miss this for the world. She was obviously going to need some way to get in, and she was certain that Blake would be her ticket. Although Lyra knew it wouldn’t be right to use him as a way to convince the princesses to give her (and a few friends that she knew would absolutely love to go) invitations to the wedding.
After discussing with Bon-Bon and assuring her that she would be able to receive tickets to the wedding, she immediately headed to Rarity’s Boutique to place orders on dresses. While her roommate was out of the house, Lyra left it herself to talk with her other closest friend, Colgate.
She and Colgate had been friends since school, but hadn’t really talked with each other much as of late because of a recent influx of cavities caused by Pinkie Pie’s “experimental” candies. Colgate was always busy in her Dentist Office, trying to clean ponies’ teeth around the clock, several days a week.
Colgate literally jumped for joy after Lyra told her that she would most likely be able to get her in. It was almost like a dream come true for her blue-coated friend.
After giving her the good news, Lyra returned home and began practicing again for the Grand Galloping Gala. Her stomach churned in anticipation for the wedding. It was going to be one of the greatest days of her life.
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Sorry for the long wait again on this. I just never had time to write. Hopefully the blatantly obvious reference makes up for it.
Possessed Lyra?
files.g4tv.com/ImageDb3/253768_S/Phoenix-Wright-Objection.jpg
The evidence CLEARLY suggests that the author has been playing far too much Phoenix Wright!
540695 Actually, I sold my DS a couple years ago, so I can't purchase the game. HOWEVER, I've been watching the walkthroughs on YouTube, and I've really gotten into them. I wrote the second half of this chapter while I was sleep deprived, so I kinda wasn't thinking when I put that in. I just had to, y'know?
540744 Hmm...
court-records.net/animation/phoenix-thinking(a).gif
Very well. You're Honor, I'd like the witness to add the last statement to his testimony.
(P.S. If you REALLY like Phoenix Wright, and MLP, you have GOT to check this out!)
540784 I've seen that already. It's amazing.
541530 I've stopped after finishing Part 2. Kind of scared of Twilight's private reaction to his desperation move. I really don't want to see Phoenix get his ass kicked just because of circumstance...
541577 Don't worry, Twilight forgives him. Even Fluttershy defends Phoenix.
541639
... I didn't think it was possible to say something about a latter part in a story and not have a spoiler in sight.
U R awesome. If you'll excuse me, I need to get the rest of my
img.ponibooru.org/images/e2/e2e08aa2fa0769c17aa7a57afe17ae2f
fix.
540744 you know there is a Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney app for iPod touch, iPhone and iPad? I was just playing it! It's really cool. I'm on the fourth case right now!!
Also, Maya is awesome. BURGERS!
542596
I did not know that. Thanks!
Ha ha, if a Changeling tries to become Blake, it'll fall flat on its face from never walking like a Human!
lol pink celestia
, you so need to include that in next chapter.
) upcoming, man cant wait until next chapter
i like the weeding thing, it will be fun to see how you play it out, (just as in the show) or take some artistic license and maybe you find a way to explain Luna going missing during the entire thing.
and we also now know how he goth here and wath they have planned for him, i was glad to see you go for a different motive then conquering equestria, that was getting a bit old if you ask me.
So we have the villains, the gala, and the weeding (whit possibly more villains, thumbs up for chrysalis
you Have no clue what he has in Store for u guys
heh the second i read objection i saw where this was going.
so i just had to go to youtube and play some phoenix wright background music