The Studying Obsession

by Lhmac

Lesson One

Eager to begin her new lessons, Twilight was up before the sun.

She watched it rise, feeling more than a little bit apprehensive that her new teacher was the one who raised it into the sky every morning. Princess Celestia was awake, too. She smiled at that. Maybe it would show her dedication even more if she woke up the same time as her mentor every morning from now on.

Now she was awake, though, Twilight wondered what she would do. It wasn't a special occasion, so she wasn't going to wake up Shining Armor or her parents – after the morning of the Summer Sun Festival, her mother and father had spoken to her about not waking them or Shining up before a certain time every morning, no matter what the occasion.

On the table beside her bed was a book. She didn't bring her study books into her bedroom – she knew they were close enough when they stayed in the study – but this was a book that Cadance had given her before she'd said goodbye. It had fun pictures of Princess Celestia raising the sun, but also another pony like her raising the moon at night. The book intrigued Twilight, and she picked it up to look at it again. It was like history, but there was another pony involved. Her name was Luna.

When Twilight read the story of Celestia and Luna, she was reminded of the feeling she had after the Summer Sun Celebration. Se had felt that magic was pulling her onward, that she had to learn more. And this book ... had the same kind of feeling.

Twilight glanced backward at her newly-acquired cutie mark. Stars. So many stars! She was so proud. It was so nice to have found her special talent before she'd even begun to worry about it. And it had to do with magic, which made her excited. And it had appeared around Celestia, so maybe her destiny even had something to do with the princess who raised the sun and the moon.

She looked up to see the pinkish light of dawn and leapt over to her window, eager to watch the sun rise over her first day as Princess Celestia's student.

She watched the sun for a short while, then began to move away from the window. She stopped in her tracks.

Today was her first day with Princess Celestia.

What if Celestia gave her a test?

What if Celestia asked Twilight to show her what she'd already learned?

What if she decided Twilight wasn't a smart enough student and she had made the wrong choice?

Twilight Sparkle felt a shudder through her body and cantered to the study. She had to at least show she had sufficient knowledge of magic to make sure Celestia knew she had made the right choice making Twilight her personal protégé.

Upon entering the study, she scanned the shelves of books for one in particular. Upon seeing the Encyclopaedia Magica Index, she used her telekinesis to take it off the shelf it sat on. The book was heavy, and it bobbed up and down as she stained to keep it airborne. When the book was hovering over the desk, Twilight didn't put it down. What a weak display of magic talent. It was just a book, and she should have been able to lift it easily.

Twilight levitated the book upwards then back down again. Up and down, up and down. Sweat dripped down the side of her face from her mane, but she wasn't going to be bested by a book, no matter how heavy.

When she was completely exercised out, Twilight lay the book down gently. Well, she tried to do it gently, but her exhaustion caused the book to bump heavily on the wooden surface.

Shining popped his head in the door, clearly having been walking past when she made the noise. "Whoa, kid. What are you doing, making noise so early in the morning?"

He had a tone of amusement in his voice, but Twilight was in no mood for jokes. This was the most important day of her life! What if she screwed it up?

Twilight turned the pages frantically, looking at listings for spells.

She felt a comforting hoof and looked up into Shining Armor's caring eyes.

"Come on, Twily. It's time for breakfast. Today will go great because you're the most magically talented filly Equestria's ever seen."

Twilight lowered her head and blushed. "You don't know that, you're just–"

Shining's hoof brought her face up to his again. "You know you're brilliant, Twily. You've worked for this, and you're definitely not going to blow it on your first day."

Twilight finally smiled back at her brother.

"Thanks, B.B.B.F.F." The two ponies hugged.

By the time Princess Celestia turned up at the door, Twilight Sparkle was nervous once again. She hesitated just out of sight of the doorway, and Shining Armor gave her a nudge, sending her stumbling towards where the princess waited.

"Oh good morning, Twilight Sparkle. Shall we begin?"

Twilight looked back at Shining, who waved his hoof to indicate she should move, and Twilight turned back to Celesia, nodding timidly.

Celestia gave the filly an encouraging smile. "There's nothing to be nervous about, Twilight. This is your first day, after all. We'll leave the difficult things until tomorrow, at least."

Her joke didn't have the desired effect, as Twilight let out a little squeak. Her father held out a hoof and pushed her out of the door.

"Don't worry about Twilight," Celestia reassured the two worried-looking parents. "I know she'll do brilliantly."

The princess used a hoof to guide the young pony down the front path of the cottage. Twilight took some deep breaths to steady herself before she started trotting normally alongside her new mentor. Celestia said nothing more as they moved through the city streets of the early morning. Ponies had just started to go about their daily routine, and watched in awe as their princess passed by, inclining their heads and bowing in respect.

Walking alongside the princess, it almost felt as if Twilight herself was an important somepony, and she felt proud at the thought.

Of all the foals who had ever applied to Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, Twilight had been the one who caught the princess's attention. Granted, it had been from ... making a big mess. Twilight grimaced, and Celestia caught the movement.

"You're probably wondering where I'm taking you for our first lesson."

Twilight nodded and the princess smiled.

"Quiet little pony, aren't you? After you were so energetic when we first met." She mused on that for a second. "Granted, you only said a few words then, too."

"I'm sorry."

The princess beamed. "And those were the first words you ever said to your princess!" She kicked up her front hooves a little as they went along.

Twilight was unsure of how to react. She'd always been taught to be respectful and formal in the presence of Equestria's princess, but Celestia wasn't giving her any chance to do so with all of her smiles and jokes.

"I ... I ... Where are we going, Princess?" she asked finally.

"Ah, that's better. Good for you to start speaking. That should be your first lesson, Twilight."

"To ... talk?"

"To share, and to ask questions. A free exchange of information is always important, Twilight Sparkle, and you should be sure to tell me anything you've learned or anything that you might find to be wrong. You're my protégé now, my faithful student. And you always need to speak up. Especially if you don't understand something."

"Okay, Princess Celestia."

"That's great. Now, as to where we're headed. I heard that you're great at studying and you like books."

Twilight almost stopped moving, but knew she had to keep up with Celestia's gait. Was there going to be a test? Was Celestia going to test her at studying on her first day?

They walked into the palace grounds and Celestia led her to a huge building with many wings.

Celestia threw open the doors with a flourish.

"Twilight Sparkle, welcome to the Royal Canterlot Library!"

Hi! It's me again: the one who should just hide in the shadows so you can get on with reading. *waves*
If you find errors here, don't be too harsh. I haven't been able to look over it due to this being one of the worst days ever.
Oh, and I've finally caught up with my fanfiction.net uploading, so I can't use that site as the guinea pig first.
Anyway, comment! Shake yer groove thing, fire up your tuba: season three is on its way!
Oh yeah, don't crucify me for the title, either. I was going to put a lesson in here, but it just didn't work out that way. I just fire up the computer and type what comes to mind. Mostly, that doesn't go according to plan.

Comments

[BuffaloBrony]

Hmmm. I'll comment....

So far - this story just leaves me kind of... flat.

It's not that you aren't filling in Twilight's backstory in a very plausible way. You have no obvious mischaracterizations in your writing. Everything feels very believable. Your grammar is generally good as well.

But for some reason I can't quite identify - this story just isn't grabbing me the way I thought it would.

I think part of it is pacing and detail. There are several times in the story that could have used a little bit more of "show - don't tell!" to counteract the large amount of "Twilight did this" and "Twilight thought that". Just a tiny bit more detail to add a little more punch.

(Here's a specific example- I liked the scene with Twilight in the study. You did a pretty good job capturing her mental panic and push to suceed. But adding a few more sensory queues would have totally put it over the top. Here's a mild rewrite - just adding a bit more detail.)

~~~~~~~~
Upon entering the study, she scanned the shelves of books for one in particular. There it was. The Encyclopaedia Magica Index, the definitive reference to all thirty six volumes of the set. Her horn glowed as she used her telekinesis to take the massive tome off the shelf it sat on. The book was heavy, and it bobbled up and down in her telekinetic grip as she strained to keep it airborne. When the book was finally hovering over the desk, Twilight stopped. What a weak display of magic she thought to herself. It's just a book, and I should have been able to lift it easily.

Twilight slowly levitated the book upwards towards the ceiling, then lowered it back down again. Up and down, up and down. Sweat dripped down the side of her face from her mane, but she wasn't going to be bested by a book, no matter how heavy.

Up and down, up and down. The book's motion became less steady, lurching through the air instead of rising and falling smoothly. Twilight's pulse pounded in her temples and her breathing took on a ragged edge as the morning light continued to pour into the study. The irregular motions of the book caused dust motes to dance in the air; but Twilight paid them no mind - her attention was focused entirely on the book.

Finally she could do no more. When she was completely exercised out, when she could lift it no longer - Twilight lay the book down gently. Well, she tried to do it gently. The glow surrounding the book winked out as it dropped the last six inches to thump heavily on the wooden surface, the noise thunderous in the morning quiet.
~~~~~~~~

A little more detail involving more of the senses *shows* she is pushing herself to the limits - rather than simply telling the reader "she's exhausted so she stopped".

I'm going to continue to follow this story to see where it goes, but I'm withholding a thumbs up until I see something that makes me go "oooh!" - be it an idea, a novel bit of dialogue, or a nifty description.

[Twilight_Crow]

Nice little story for d'aaaws. But I totally agree with this ^

[Lhmac]

1486658
Thanks for commenting.
It's nice to understand people's thoughts, but did you really have to add that last bit? It kinda stung. You don't have to tell me you're not gonna upvote. I know you probably didn't mean it that way, but it was kinda a slap in the face to me.

1486708
Mighty nice of you to comment. That 'd'aww' was what I was going for, really.
Wanted to get this out there (especially since I haven't seen so much of filly Twilight in pony fic so far).

Tbh, my lack of ... detail ... is because I'm not spending an awful lot of time here. I'm not description queen (I'm actually really bad at it), so expanding the description of a scene takes up more time than I have. Someday I'll probably go back and make it better, but that's actually how my writing process works, it takes me weeks to come back to a story and add proper scenes in. Aw well. We can only do what we can do.

[BuffaloBrony]

1490278

Actually - it wasn't meant as a slap in the face...
I meant it as a straight up statement of "hey - i know I made some negative comments, but i think this has potential, so I am telling you I am watching it."
You're close. To be honest- you're real close.

In my experience - knowing WHY you got a upthumb or a downthumb (or a neutral) is worth its weight in electrons. That's why I try to make it clear what it needs if it's short, (and what REALLY needs fixing if it's a downthumb)

~~~~~~
Scenery:
I can understand that. I have my own set of downfalls when it comes to writing.

A good editor/teacher once told me a good rule though: If a scene is important enough to write about, it's important enough to include at least three "senses". (Touch, taste, smell, sound,or sight.) It's almost like it should be a character, too. If a character is in a story (or a scene) - they should have enough dialogue to give an explanation as to WHY they are in the scene. Same thing with the background scenery.

Hearing and sight are always easy. You brushed up against touch a few times yourself. (the sweat trickle was a good one). You don't HAVE to describe everything (in fact - that's a great way to wrecking the flow of a story), but little good description can be used to control the pacing of a story and help set an emotional resonance with a character.

Just my two cents. Just keep on writing! Like any skill - it gets better with practice.

[Lhmac]

1490877
Huh. Wow. I never heard the 'use three senses' thing before. That's a very good guideline.
With some practical advice like that, I'll be sure to check over my chapters for something like that before I post them (it's so easy, even on my short time I can do it, so I shouldn't be lazy.)
Sorry for being over-sensitive the other day though. Sometimes things just seem like a big deal when they're really not. I'm a girl, it's one of those dumb mood-swings . Your comments are pretty awesome.

1494930
Heh. Once you see the sea ponies, you never get them outta your head. Lol.

[BuffaloBrony]

1497376

Yep! Exactly.

And the more "important" the scene to the overall story, the more senses you should *try* to include. You don't have to go all "Stephen King" and spend 14 pages describing a room, though. It doesn't even have to be a BIG description, just something to help capture the emotion of the moment besides just outright stating it.

Everyone knows that feeling of their heart thudding in their chest, or that clenching in the pit of their stomach, or that electric jolt of realization. You don't have to say "She was scared when she saw the princess" if "Twilight's legs trembled slightly as she walked towards the princess."

The faint smell of dusty pages lingering in the air, the salty tang of sweat on her lips, the hushed whispers of a library, or the warmth of sunlight on her face as she enters the room. Even such brief descriptions all help set the emotional tenor of the scene.

Show - don't tell.

(And don't worry about it! I know I'm awesome! )

Actually, I know taking criticism can be pretty hard. But I've been learning from my primary prereader/editor, who can be brutally honest at times. You don't get better if you don't get told what's wrong. For me - it's a slight tendency to be TOO verbose. Go figure!!!

[Lhmac]

1497605
Having done a Creative Writing degree, it's not the criticism I have trouble with so much as keeping a lid on my emotions when I'm in a mood
It's not so much knowledge of how to write well that I need , it's how to do it quickly and efficiently. It'll be good to implement this kind of thing onto my "serious" work to maybe cut down the amount of time I spend re-writing scenes that don't have the right amount of description in them. Having a rule of thumb is quite an awesome thing, so thanks again.

[NeedsGroup]

"To share, and to ask questions. A free exchange of information is always important, Twilight Sparkle, and you should be sure to tell me anything you've learned or anything that you might find to be wrong. You're my protégé now, my faithful student. And you always need to speak up. Especially if you don't understand something."

Sounded like a lesson to me.

[Lhmac]

2061362
You know, it's been so long since I wrote that, I had to go back and check. It sounds far too intelligent to be something I wrote. Lol.
I was trying to go for subtle lessons. I find that in the show, Celestia teaches Twilight more about wisdom through her experiences than actual lessons. I imagined that she had always done that.

[PeachClover]

You misspelled Celestia as “Celesia” Also, you misspelled she as “Se”.

It had fun pictures of Princess Celestia raising the sun, but also another pony like her raising the moon at night. The book intrigued Twilight, and she picked it up to look at it again. It was like history, but there was another pony involved. Her name was Luna.

This is out of place. All of Equestria had forgotten about the existence of Luna prior to the pilot. This is exemplified by the shocked reaction when Celestia announced that Luna was her sister. If this is supposed to be the same book that Twilight is reading in the pilot, it is very out of place because that book did not explicitly state the identity of either sister.