An introvert can only stay secluded for so long before someone pulls them into the open. In Stuart's hellish nightmare, fantasies are twisted, dreams are annihilated, and personal security shattered. Emotional toil shall ensue evermore.
.....this is reverlent to our interest's Silver Shadow: yes ... this pleases me aswell Me: Silver my good oc.... you do know your based of me right? sooo you will allways like what i like? Silver: ..... shutup party pooper
1453330 If you could find some to submit it to, then yes. I rather the reader themselves judge where it might belong.... Anyway, where do you think the story might go? I am literally dry as to where it may head, even I don't know.
1427690 That's it? No cretique?? Surely there must be some. Especially not in the chapter I have posted yesterday, made in haste to submit, and has absolutely nothing deviant about it whatsoever, I swear. No really, it doesn't.
It seems that your only problem in both stories, is repetition. If you want, I can proofread all your chapters, with a gdoc, to completely eradicate any problems.
Alright, so chapter one, overall it's good. There are some typos that make it a bit confusing, the biggest offender being.
engaging in a spell cast matrix with Celestia pride
Which is confusing because Celestia is not mentioned before as being there with Luna and Twilight.
Reading just chapter one is very puzzling because there is a lot of information being thrown at you at once and in a relatively short chapter, not giving an incredibly large amount of time for the reader to piece it all together. I, personally, like this but others may see it as a failure on the writers part, just letting you know.
There are also a few formatting errors, no spaces between some paragraphs and no spaces between breaks in the story, but it doesn't hurt the story. For story breaks you use periods, I (again, this is a personal thing) would say use tilde's (~~~~~) it's a much cleaner break than periods in my opinion, also please center the periods/tildes/whatever you choose to use.
.....this is reverlent to our interest's
Silver Shadow: yes ... this pleases me aswell
Me: Silver my good oc.... you do know your based of me right? sooo you will allways like what i like?
Silver: ..... shutup party pooper
*sees the word introvert in the title...becomes curious...tries to read but finds himself getting distracted...adds to read later list*
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/212/587/2667328774161692252111104.gif
I like this story. That's really all. It's nice.
1453330 If you could find some to submit it to, then yes.
I rather the reader themselves judge where it might belong.... Anyway, where do you think the story might go?
I am literally dry as to where it may head, even I don't know.
It was written on a whim in a day.
1427690 That's it?
No cretique?? Surely there must be some.
Especially not in the chapter I have posted yesterday, made in haste to submit, and has absolutely nothing
deviant about it whatsoever, I swear. No really, it doesn't.
It seems that your only problem in both stories, is repetition. If you want, I can proofread all your chapters, with a gdoc, to completely eradicate any problems.
Alright, so chapter one, overall it's good. There are some typos that make it a bit confusing, the biggest offender being.
Which is confusing because Celestia is not mentioned before as being there with Luna and Twilight.
Reading just chapter one is very puzzling because there is a lot of information being thrown at you at once and in a relatively short chapter, not giving an incredibly large amount of time for the reader to piece it all together. I, personally, like this but others may see it as a failure on the writers part, just letting you know.
There are also a few formatting errors, no spaces between some paragraphs and no spaces between breaks in the story, but it doesn't hurt the story. For story breaks you use periods, I (again, this is a personal thing) would say use tilde's (~~~~~) it's a much cleaner break than periods in my opinion, also please center the periods/tildes/whatever you choose to use.