The NLR
Cloudsdale moved even closer to the ruins the Rag-Tag group were hiding in. Its buildings had lost the alluring white, and the weather factory had shut down. Now the weather did as it pleased and the buildings where black as night, and New Lunar Republic banners hung from every building marking its allegiance. Now the factory was the armoury for the NLR air force, and the overseer’s office the command room.
And in said command room, Air force commander Rainbow Dash stood at the window watching the ruins come into view, smiling. She had them this time. The children of Discord would have had little time to rest after running from the Solar Empire. But still, she’d have to be cautious. There was more than one reason why no one had caught them yet. For someone who disliked violence, Spell Bound was a ruthless fighter to protect his mismatched family.
‘How had it gotten to this?’, Rainbow thought. She cast her mind back, to a time before everything was consumed with war.
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"Hey Spelly hurry up! I Want to get to those ruins as soon as possible!" Rainbow dash called out.
"How many times have i told you Rainbow dash not to call me that! And besides, the ruins aren't going anywhere soon. And when did you become such an...oh whats the word you use...oh yes. Egg head." Spell bound teased
"I'm not an egg head!"
"Yes you are. Otherwise i would be back in bed with AJ sleeping."
"You sure that's all you where doing Spelly?"
"Silence Dashie. One bred in Canterlot does not reduce to such lustful behavior."
They looked at each other and burst out laughing knowing full well the truth of the matter.
"Anyway Dashie. You've become an egg head whether you like it or not. And we have arrived."
They looked up at the golden ruins covered with moss, vines and tree's that had taken root in the millennium since it was used. Very few of the towers remained standing, and the only building that was mostly intact was the main hall in the middle of the ruins.
"So whats this artifact we're looking for?"
"Some sort of mystical sword from ancient times. Supposedly from Discord's reign."
"Di..discord?" Spell Bound couldn't help but gulp. No one yet knew that his father was Discord. He only just recently discovered that fact, and everyone else believed no one knew.
"yeah. Scared Spell. Don't worry. I'll protect ya" She flew off towards the hall crashing into one a tree that suddenly appeared.
"Yeah. You'll protect me. Tell you what. When you can protect yourself from my nature magic I'll let you protect me."
Commander Dash!
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"Huh?" Rainbow snaps out of her day dreaming and looks at the soldier who called her. "What is it boy! Make it quick!" Getting snapped out of her day dream angered her, and her temper was legendary.
"S...Sorry Sir. Its just that we are over the ruins. Shall i send down a squadron?"
"Yes yes. Just warn them to be careful. Spell Bound hasn't gotten this far just by running you know. And tell them not to let him summon Bone Shredder. If he does they don't have a chance."
Bone Shredder. Spell Bounds constant companion. Now Rainbow Dash wish they hadn't found the accursed thing.
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Spell Bound and Rainbow walked up to the artifact. It was indeed a sword that was impaled into a slab of stone at the back of the hall, almost as if it was an altar of worship.
"So this is it. Doesn't look to impressive. Kinda rusty. Bet even a egg head like you could pull it out spell."
"I bet an arrogant fool like you couldn't."
"Oh you are on. Loser has to dress up as a cheerleader for Nightmare Night."
"Deal"
Rainbow flew up to the sword and tried pulling it out while Spell cleared away the moss at the base of the stone reading what was inscribed.
"Hey spell....What happens if neither of us pull it out?"
"We go dressed as each other."
"Oh. OK. That will be....strange."
"Why, can't pull it out?"
"No. It's jammed in pretty tight."
"Well of course you can't get it. Says here that only the hand of chaos can pull it out."
"What the hay is that supposed to mean?!"
"It means that only those who can use chaos magic can pull it out. And very few of those exist anymore. Lucky for you I'm one of them. Or unlucky given our bet."
Spell steps up to the blade and pulls it out and reads the inscription on it.
"Bone Shredder eh? Interesting name. Dashie.....why are you looking at me as if i was a changeling who took you form and had fun with your boyfriend in front of you?"
"How can you use chaos magic Spell? What haven't you told us?"
"Um that's not important....." Spell shuffles around nervous and blushing. Rainbow moves even closer staring into his eyes.
"I think it is. You said very few people can use chaos magic, and Twilight said that the only people who could had Draconequus blood in them."
"When did she say that?"
"After the Discord indecent." At the mention of Discord Spell Bound stiffens slightly sweating.
"Why do you keep on doing that when ever i mention Discord. What. Are. You. Hiding. Or do i need to get pinkie pie to sing a sad song with a deceptively happy tune?"
"Oh Sweet Luna NO!"
"THEN SPILL"
"Alright alright. I'll tell. Promise not to tell anyone else? I'm not ready for others to know."
Rainbow stared deep into Spell's pupil-less eyes before nodding. "alright. I promise."
"My father.....He's....um....he's discord. My father's discord." Spell looked down ashamed.
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"Commander. The Squadron have returned. Only 5 remain unharmed. The rest are dead or injured."
Rainbow silently cursed. Each squadron had 50 men. And now only five remained in top condition.
"Don't worry soldier. We'll get them next time."
'I'll make sure of it Spell Bound. You'll work for the NLR yet' Rainbow thought to herself.
1407877 Indeed that would be neat. Unfortunately I've made everypony human for simplicity sake. Other stories will probably be ponyfied.
Wait, everyone is human? Huh. Still, the way Spelly told Dash about discord was to casual. Have him mention something about it and then Dash poke at him about it. He then gets fed up and says it. Other wise all good so far.
You get a mustache.
1408009 hehehe sorry about that. I'm not experienced in writing before as i said. This is just an idea i had after reading The New Lunar Republic by Moxipony and Sabotage Valkyrie on deviantart. I hope you enjoy future chapters.
1408035 WOOO Mustache. I'll edit that later. I do agree that my OC was a bit to open about it. I kinda rushed this chapter.
Edited now.
I like it!
1408459 Why thank you. I'm surprised. 3 dislikes already. makes me sad. Not good omens i think
1408485
Don't worry my first story had 4 dislikes and 3 likes at one time, but now I have 5 likes. If you like writing you won't let stupid dislikes in the way, they can have their opinion, just focus on the likes.
1408181
Well done! Much better.
Mmm...constructive criticism...I'm bad at that Um, I suppose it's not too bad for a first fic, but usually what wins people over is the idea behind it. Look at some of the leading stories on fimfiction right now: Private study lessons, Dark side of the moon, Twilight discovers Wikipedia. What do they all have in common? They're unique. In other words, what's the gig of your fic? What's it about? How many people have wrote fics about those things? Probably just one each, the creators, and "New Lunar Republic" fics are just about a dime a dozen, and are second only to "Human in Equestria fics" in frequency. Guilty as charged, my first fic was a HiE fic, and my next one WAS gonna be about how Fluttershy turned out to be the Dovahkiin of Equestria until I saw how many times that fic had been written. Half of what makes up a great fic is the IDEA and how unique it is, and the other half is the person's writing skill. As writing goes, I'd say it's better than how the average brony starts out when they start writing, although I'd say one of your biggest things is that you have big hot chunks of paragraphs floating around (Ironic how I'm writing a big paragraph and I'm too lazy to space it ). A lot of people will take one look at these paragraphs and just move on because it just looks noobish...no offense of course. Really, as first fics go, this one is pretty good...if you start a new fic, DEFINITELY come up with a creative idea/plot, and search the idea on fimfiction to make sure no one else wrote about it (If like 1 or 2 minor fics are about the same topic, it's not a big deal). Other than that and the paragraph thing...I think it's alright Have a mustache
Sorry if I was a bit mean in this...in order for me to give good, honest constructive criticism I have to turn off my Fluttershyness and hit people with a blunt stick of observations Feel free to ask me if you need help with any of this, though I'm not amazing at writing either
Any Advice on how to go with the Rarity approach. I have a general idea for the rest i can build on but dont really have anything for her.