Ad Astra Per Derpy Aspera

by SparklingTwilight

Chapter 8: Soarin and Rainbow Dash Set the Record Straight

Twilight Sparkle checked in on the other two ponies who were qualified to go to space, although neither of them would be traveling there anytime soon.

Soarin and Rainbow Dash recovered now in the same room. Soarin's injuries were far less prominent than Dash's--a cast around the head, a bandaged wing.

"Is there anypony, Wonderbolt or not, who could make the rescue?" Twilight Sparkle asked.

"Maybe Vapor Trail? But she turned down the offer three times." Rainbow Dash speculated. "She's afraid of space."

"Is that worse than claustrophobia?"

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said. "Space is like the least claustrophobic place. There's like nothing there."

"It's not so wide open when a pony has a helmet."

"Fine. But what's wrong with Spitfire? Diamond Dogs get her too?"

"Medical reasons."

"Something worse than what happened to us?" Rainbow Dash guffawed and indicated her tattered wings with a head nod.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss it."

"She works for me," Rainbow Dash said. "Bubble of silence?"

Twilight Sparkle cast the bubble and spoke to Dash with her back facing Soarin. "Spitfire won't wear a head-encompassing helmet. She panics. Passed out."

"Is a helmet reaaaally necessary?"

"She may have pressurization problems when she makes her descent. And anything could happen in space. That's why you trained with helmets."

"Strictly speaking, Spitfire and I didn't. Not full glass, anyway," Rainbow Dash said. "We were the control group."

"Why was there even a control group?"

"I'm not an egghead," Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Scientific method, I guess."

Twilight sighed.

"What about Thunderlane?" Soarin suggested.

"Maybe if we have three months. Twilight needs three days," Rainbow Dash said. "Thunderlane's not exactly quick on the uptake. Doesn't react fast enough until his muscle-memory's trained. He's a braggart but ultimately a beta. A follower. And no way he's picking up Hoarse code in a few days. Unless they've got the two-way radio ready, there's going to be a disaster."

"Blaze?"

"Her husband would say no."

"Not his decision," Soarin said.

"I'm not sure I could live with myself if she... didn't come back. She has four kids. One has special needs. Her husband's already supporting the household full time, but she's retiring in six months--as soon as she gets her pension."

"She seems like our best bet." Twilight Sparkle said. "We'll train her and Thunderlane."

"Neither are high altitude breathers."

"And we need a high altitude breather, why?"

"We don't need one. But one would be good to have," Rainbow Dash said.

"A high altitude breather could go without the oxygen tank. Rather, could only have one oxygen conversion tank. It would allow for more fuel to be filled," Soarin explained. "You'd have greater range."

"How common are high altitude breathers?"

"Not very," Rainbow Dash said. "I'm awesome, but I don't have that skill. Vapor Trail's the only one with that skill on the Wonderbolts. She already mastered anxiety and imposter syndrome before we let her in, so I bet she can get over her fear of space."

"In three days?" Twilight Sparkle asked.

Rainbow Dash made a face. "Fairly speaking... probably not."

"That's quite an amount of faith in your team, Cap'," Soarin said.

"You disagree?"

"There's no perfect choice."

"I'll go," Twilight Sparkle said.

"No way!" Rainbow Dash said. "You can fly and, like Luna, you'll probably be able to breathe in space. But you raise the sun and the moon. You're needed here!"

"With a rocket, I could do it in a day. Probably. And I might be able to raise the sun and moon from afar. I'd just need to figure out how the trajectories and distances change and make a few alterations."

"Lightning Dust is more than a single day away. The Doctor can't make a rocket go any faster," Soarin said.

"Soarin was our best theoretical student," Rainbow Dash noted.

"Only because I wasn't sleeping in class," he said.

"Maybe the world needs a few days of darkness. Some darkness in exchange for a life--it's a good trade, right?"

"You can't save everypony, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said. "If you leave us with a few days of darkness or solid sun, more than a single pony could die. I don't want to play the egghead... but it's like when we had to make decisions about weather in the patrol. Some things could really help a single farmer, but those same things might cause an unexpected flood that washes out a bridge. Everything's interconnected. You need to keep your eyes to the periphery, scanning all the time. Even the best pony can't do everything."

Twilight stared at Rainbow Dash. "I know you don't like Lightning Dust--"

"That ain't... doesn't--sorry, Applejack's been wearing off on me. That doesn't mean I want her to die. I'd be the first pony racing to save her if I could. Sure, Dust is a jerk and conceited and a lousy drunk--at least she was. I really doubt she's given up on the sauce. I guess ponies can change, but still--Dust? Really!"

"Focus, Rainbow--" Soarin urged.

"Yeah, whatever. But, Twilight! Are you going to sacrifice innocent lives to save somepony who knew the risks of going to space?"

"You're right. I can't do it myself."

"Can Celestia or Luna?" Soarin asked, citing two other alicorns.

Twilight looked to a side. "When they retired to Sapphire Shores, they lost a lot of their power. They weren't in the best shape when I saw them. They gave up immortality, you know."

"Oh,"

"--can't save every pony..." Twilight sighed.

"What about Princess Cadance, or Flurry Heart?"

"My sister-in-law and my niece? Cadance doesn't have the power, I think. I'll ask. She's never flown to space. She was a pegasus before becoming an alicorn, so she should be good at this. Maybe riding a rocket would help? It's not like she hasn't been tossed like a torpedo before.... Flurry Heart though--no way. It's far too risky. She'd do it. But she's in the Mirror World... and the portal won't open for a week. Darn. Flurry Heart would be a good choice. But we can't open the portal except when the dimensions are overlapping.

"We'll need to train all of the ponies you listed," Twilight Sparkle said.

"Fine. But there's an option who's not a Wonderbolt--"

"Scootaloo?" Twilight Sparkle named Rainbow Dash's flightless pegasus protege.

"She'd like it, and I bet she'll get to space one day, but we don't know how maneuverable she'll be, rocket or not even though she's no stranger to strapping them to her skateboards. But there's no time for that since we never tested a flightless pony."

"I'm sorry the Program excluded her."

"She'd have been good at it."

"Should I add her to the list?"

"If Doctor Hooves thinks it's safe. He's only tested with flying pegasi. When something goes wrong, we've flown to the ground. If it goes wrong for Scootaloo..." Rainbow Dash trailed off.

"Maybe a parachute," Twilight Sparkle thought.

"There's the mass problem, but yeah, I was thinking about a parachute too. But we'd have to figure out the orientation so it isn't singed by the rocket and doesn't get tangled and holds up in the atmosphere. Sugar cubes. We should have had Doctor Hooves start on developing that ages ago."

"Sorry we moved so fast," Twilight Sparkle said and there was a long moment of silence before she returned to her questions. "If not Scootaloo then... who were you thinking of?"

"Derpy," Rainbow Dash said. "She has her flaws, but--"

"She's pregnant, Dash," Twilight Sparkle frowned.

"Oh," Rainbow Dash knitted her brows. "Guess that explains it. Really glad I didn't say anything. Yeah, she probably won't want to go up. Train the three 'bolts. Whoever performs the best should make the attempt."

"Anyways, she failed ponynaut qualifications," Twilight Sparkle commented about Derpy.

"I was clearly going to be a better ponynaut," Rainbow Dash noted. "Or are you calling it a celestianaut now? Scootaloo said something that--"

"They're ponynauts," Twilight Sparkle made a peeved face.

"Derpy will be happy to hear. That was her term, I think."

"It was!" Soarin confirmed.

"Yep. But why was Scootaloo calling them celestianauts? I was strung out on morphine when she came in but the term stuck with me. Barrel rolled in my dreams."

"Some ponies are... missing Celestia's rule."

"That's why it wasn't twilightnauts."

"Likely. The new term sends a bad message to international malefactors."

"That you aren't in command of your little ponies' trust and respect?"

"It has been causing so much trouble. There's been an incursion by yak separatists, defecating on pony farmland they claim was yak lands a thousand years ago... given that the county's called Yakponytaphwah county,^{(Note 1)} they may have an argument. I have my best and brightest ponies investigating that. We wouldn't want to object to their claims and then find out our ancestors accidentally colonized the land without providing proper compensation!

---

Yakponytaphwah County - Meaning, in Yak, "the land split between ponies and yaks."

---

"Then, on the other side of Equestria, some ponies decided it was better to fence off part of the buffalo range despite my clear request to them to, despite our change of regime from Celestia to me, to continue to NOT grange the range."

"What the range, now?"

"Grange--I mean enclose the fields like a granger would."

Rainbow Dash stared at Twilight with narrowed eyes.

"Grangers are farmers."

"Just say that, then."

"Sorry,"

"And ponies say that I show off," Rainbow Dash chuckled. "You eggheads with your pointless thesaurus synonyms are really something else. Surprised anypony even hears you out some times."

Twilight Sparkle sighed. "Celestia didn't have that problem. Ponies respected her."

"Because she torched a lot of houses a thousand years ago."

"Is that how it is?" Twilight asked. "Fear is how a pony gets respect? Not a proffered hoof of friendship."

"You've got me and the rest of the Elements of Harmony to help you out. And the Pillars of Equestria. And the Young Six."

Twilight sighed, "I ask so much of you, tearing you away from your happy home life, your hobbies and jobs, your health--" she bit her lower lip and looked away from Rainbow Dash's shattered wings.

Rainbow Dash growled, "We do it because we want to. Just because you do us a favor doesn't mean we have to do one in return. We're obligated, right. But we don't keep a record of who's been bailing out whom. That's not how friendship works, Princess of that self-same-named term."

Twilight Sparkle shared a chuckle with Rainbow Dash.

"You were saying something about Derpy, though?" Twilight Sparkle asked. "Before I digressed? Like I usually do."

"T'aint no thing," Rainbow Dash winked, and winced. "She started the testing program. She figured out a lot of cool things."

"Remember when she reached the edge of the thermosphere?" Soarin laughed. "Came back all singed after falling faster than a sonic rainboom. An assisted one, of course." Soarin checked to see if the maneuver's inventor, Rainbow Dash, was offended.

"Built up a lot of friction," Rainbow Dash said. "Walked away from it, too." She raised an eyebrow at Soarin.

"I had heat shielding when I went up. Even after that, though, I couldn't take a hot-hoofed step after landing. Had to jump in the lake!" Soarin noted. "Derpy got burned more than any of us and as far as I saw, she smiled and laughed through it. She's got the right stuff to go into space, if she can."

"But she failed the qualifications," Twilight Sparkle said.

"Maybe they weren't testing the right things?" Rainbow Dash suggested. "Eggheads get full of themselves, you know."

"Yes... I do."

"I know when you started as Princess, you delegated. And you've gotten really better at that. You have to delegate," Rainbow Dash said. "Just like I delegate in the Wonderbolts. It isn't being lazy. It's being efficient."

"And--"

"And when you delegate, results may turn out in weird ways sometimes. Maybe, and I'm just guessing here, you provided some strict ideas about who was going to be more likely to succeed. Ponies with certain qualifications. But did you think about including a path to becoming a ponynaut for ponies who'd done the same task we were testing?"

"No. Because no pony had."

"One pony did. She went to the edge of space."

"The report didn't say anything about that. It just said Doctor Hooves occasionally tested with the assistance of some community members."

"Huh," Rainbow Dash said.

"Who wrote that report?" Soarin asked.

"An anonymous concerned citizen who wanted the program to succeed. It was recommended as a project that could benefit from government assistance and oversight."

That request caused so much to go wrong. A lot went right at first--the Program developed fast. But speed isn't everything, regardless of what some Wonderbolts might say. They want to be good ponies, but not every question is answered by a straightforward solution. Some questions need to be approached from a side.