11872815
*The wordsmith wizard dies of 1D4 Positive Reinforcement damage.*

Need moorrreeeeeee

bro you did that Mayor so dirty. name, stature, manors,...

I cant help but give her the most annoying voice with the ugliest face I can imagine as I read.

10/10

"Mayor Shiitake, ma'am!" They all salute at the same time

I can immediately tell this pony has terrible opinions.

"Arrest him," She commanded her two guards, who took up handcuffs and were approaching Ragged until Purple intervened and got in between them and Ragged.

And there it is.

A lot of exaggerated corruption The princesses in this AU cannot be competent in the slightest if they can turn a blind eye to such obvious and extreme levels of corruption in their very castle. All the extreme negative stuff contrasts with the normalcy of the main character's personality.

Giving a character the short end of the stick in life will not protect them from becoming a Mary Sue; so keep that in mind.

11873223
to that I have to say two things.

1) You mean GARY-STU, Mary is for females,
2) ...how exactly? Gary-stu by definition means that everything is handed on silver plate, the guy is literally homeless, no friends, cursed, and be an alicorn so far has only make his situation worse. Twilight is leagues more a Mary-Stu so far so what is your point?

Also, more than corruption I say this fall more into incompetence, and Shiitake has a point. She did routine work investigating if a homeless need help. Wouldn't be strange and changeling behavior if he doesn't have any record? no past, no birth, no nothing. And has been operating for a long time everywhere.

Yes the police there were simply assholes, but tell me, doesn't that sound like something Chrysalis would have done? Disrupt peace and generate panic? So far Shiitake is just been paranoid and impulsive but that is it.

11873241Mary Sue and Gary Stu are mostly interchangeable and can be used in gender-neutral contexts

He may not be a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu yet (and not in the obvious definition), but he has the potential to share similar problems. Because there seems to be a focus on extremes. Extreme negatives vs extreme positives in the different character outlooks. I could go into more detail if you wanted. It's hard to put into words.

Corruption and incompetence in of themselves aren't unrealistic. But they are taken to absolute extremes here. I cannot, in any stable society, see someone being arrested straight from a hospital bed while still recovering from injuries, and it would be a massive failing of any society for any pony to think that to be okay. The mayor pony here is also very over-top cliche.

Course, it is your story so I shouldn't be too critical of your choices. I don't want to discourage you.

11873248
Ah ok, yeah that seems fair. And for the most part I will try to balance both good and bad things here, to avoid just that. I want to make things interesting.

I agree the Mayor is over the top, I was mostly thinking how in the show there were soldiers that were like that, but I will keep your notes in mind

11873133
Delores Umbridge? Is that you as a pony???

11873072
OH SHIT, DOES ANYONE KNOW RAT CPR?!

Definitely needs some work in the grammar department..... But, I like where this is going.

11874615
Damn if only Eddy Murphy was here

Possible ETA on next chapter

11900050
Unknown, it all depends on my editors, apologies for the delay

11900187
All good 👍

Purple smiles and nods satisfied that she has seen the alicorn open up. "Nice to meet you, Amon; thanks for telling me."

he*