Cheerilee's Normal Day

by PseudoBob Delightus

Chapter 4 - FanOfMostEverything

Author's Note:

This chapter was written by FanOfMostEverything, who only knew about chapter 3.

One Sparkle lecture later—7/10, Cheerilee couldn’t help but think, very informative but nowhere near engaging enough for her usual class—the teacher took a deep breath. “So,” she said, voice echoing across the throne room, “Let me make sure I fully understand the situation. You need to weaponize the innocence of children, your words, not mine, to stop this fabled scourge of the land.” She left any comments on relying on the innocence of Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon to herself.

To her credit, Queen Twilight squirmed on the throne itself. “Believe me, if there were any other way to do this, I’d have done it.”

“There is a further complication,” noted Princess Luna.

“What?”

“The foals dispersed during your summation, my friend.” Luna smiled down at the colt sitting at her forehooves like a spotted dog. “Save for good Pipsqueak, who has been admirably patient.”

“I’m just glad to spend more time with my favorite princess!” the colt cheered.

Luna’s grin widened. “For which I am deeply grateful.”

“Heartwarming as this is,” said Celestia, “one colt won’t be enough to help Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. Certainly not if we are to stop this before it spreads.”

“Spreads?” said Twilight and Cheerilee both.

The queen turned on Discord, who had been snoring on the throne’s backrest since she’d begun retelling the changeling legend. “You never said it was contagious! I’d have never risked exposing foals if that were the case!”

He peaked out from under his sleep mask. “Yes, that’s why I didn’t say it. Obviously.”

“Discord.” Cheerilee didn’t shout. She didn’t even sound especially angry. But there was so much Authority in her voice that it made Twilight shudder at sit up straight, much less the draconequus. “If you bringing my class here harms one hair on their heads, I’m having words with Fluttershy.”

He snorted a white cloud. “Look, Miss Chalkbreath, you can’t just wave her like a cudgel and expect me to obey.”

“No, but I can suggest all the fascinating things the foals can learn with a live dissection of the Spirit of Chaos.”

Discord’s retort died on his tongue. He stroked his goatee during the following three-second-long funeral. “She’d probably want to watch.” Complex emotions played across his face along the real and imaginary axes. “I’d say not to threaten me with a good time, but Sweetie Belle and surgery probably mix as well as her and a stove.”

Cadence and Shining both giggled at that. All three of the other alicorns in the room shared concerned looks and turned to Discord. “We must make haste,” said Luna, “not just for our sake but for all of Equestria. Can you at least teleport the foals this time?”

“Oh no. Innocence is a very specific blend of various ephemeral forces. Dragging Cherry Lane’s little herd here would render them utterly useless for our purposes for a week.”

“About that,” said Cheerilee. “Any reason you didn’t use a Canterlot class?”

“Innocence and politics never mix. But I can get them here through less direct means.” Discord pulled a megaphone out from behind the throne. The crackle of feedback was all the warning everybody got before his announcement filled the air. “NOW SERVING FREE ICE CREAM IN THE THRONE ROOM!”

For a few seconds nothing happened. Judging by the ringing in her ears, Cheerilee wouldn’t have been able to tell if it had. Even as it started to fade, she felt more than heard the response, a faint shaking of the castle floor.

Then her tinnitus faded further, and she heard the eager shouts that accompanied it.

She glared at Discord, He smirked back. “Call it self-defense.”

Any answer she might give was preempted by the rest of her class bursting into the throne room. “Okay, everypony! Don’t worry, I’m sure there’s enough for all of you. Yes, even you, Truffle. We just need to…” Cheerilee trailed off as she finished her headcount. Everypony was accounted for. And then some. “Girls?” she said to the Crusaders. “What is that?”

“That,” answered Luna, “is the source of all our problems. Get behind me, Pip.”

“Omigosh, hiiiii!” Cheerilee wasn’t sure what was worse, the ear-piercing pitch of the cry, or the fact that it had come from Shining Armor. Really, she was more concerned about the pinker-than-Pinkie-Pie entity astride Apple Bloom, but the falsetto was doing her ears no favors.

A shift in her peripheral vision got her to glance to the side. At some point, Discord had wrapped around her and gave her the same look of dread and camaraderie the other student teacher had on her first day in a real elementary school.

“So,” Cheerilee said to him. “What now?”

“Now?” Discord’s head did a full rotation about his neck as he took in the scene. “We need to explain to the Crusaders why we need to eradicate their new best friend. Failing that, with every alicorn save Flurry in this room, I recommend making the best religion you can in a ten-minute span, if only so we all have something to pray to.”

Comments

[Dashie04]

“Omigosh, hiiiii!”

Vantapink unironically the best character.