Adventures of Zebra Anon

by ImNew2023

Anon gets a Job

In the quiet town of Ponyville, Anon the Zebra sat looking at the ceiling with his land-mare Twilight Sparkle.

“How did you get a marmalade sandwich on the ceiling?” She asked.

Looking at the piece of bread stuck to the wooden material above them, both confused and somewhat impressed he managed to get it up there.

“I didn’t” the zebra replied.

“Then what is that?” She asked, turning her gaze to Anon.

“It’s vegemite” Anon corrected.

Rolling her eyes, Twilight’s horn lit up as the sandwich was removed from the ceiling and the stain left behind was removed.

“Again, how did you get it up there?” Twilight asked.

“I’ll level with you Twiggles, I don’t have a clue” Anon admitted.

It’s been months since Anon was turned from a human to a zebra by Twilight in an effort to get him back to his own world and so far he’s been nothing but trouble for the purple bookworm.

“Anon, I think it’s time we talk about getting you your own place to live” Twilight stated.

Letting out an exaggerated gasp, Anon touched his chest with his hoof at the mere suggestion of it.

“Oh I see how it is, you kidnap me from my home and put me in this twisted form, but after I refuse to entertain your lewd fantasies you throw me aside!” He accused the purple bookworm.

“I told you a million times, this isn’t some weird sex thing! I genuinely didn’t plan for you to get turned into a zebra!” Twilight defended herself.

“Bullshit. I’ve seen your porn stash, it’s all rather Celestia booty pics or stories about lonely housewives getting “striped” by big black & white co-“ Anon began to reply before his mouth was magically sealed shut.

“Anon, you’re my friend. But you are IMPOSSIBLE to live with. You’ve broken three toilets during parties you threw while I was out of town, turned the sofa into a warhead that almost started a war with the Yaks and you put milk in before the cereal!”

Despite her valid points, Anon remained resolute that he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Ok other than that name ONE thing I’ve done that warrants this” Anon requested.

“How about the weeks following your transformation where you went around having sex with any mares who’d say yea resulting in several divorces” Twilight reminded him.

“Hey if those marriages were built to last they wouldn’t have slept with me” Anon argued.

It wasn’t that Twilight wanted to get rid of Anon, she valued her unorthodox friend quite a bit, but time and time again his chaos had turned the town upside down.

“Alright alright, you don’t have to move out, but I do want you to get a job. Being cooped up in the house all day clearly isn’t good for you” Twilight said.

Considering his “activities” Anon doubted heavily he could find work. But with his housing situation on the line he knew he had to try.

So setting out into town, Anon began his hunt for employment.

Passing several of its residents, being greeted by some and ignored by others.

“Fuck you”

“Fuck you”

“Fuck you”

“Morning” Anon greeted back, having grown used to the method in which he was greeted by.

“Fuck you Anon” Diamond Tiara said as she trotted past on the way to school.

“Morning Diamond, how are your parents?” Anon greeted the little shit.

“Still getting a divorce” she replied, a hint of venom in her tone.

Continuing his trot, Anon pondered on what job he could possibly get.

Deciding wandering about town looking for somepony to hire him would be a waste of time he headed directly to the Mayor’s office. He had heard there was an employment office there so it was a good place to start.

Entering the office building, Anon was met by the Mayor herself. Sitting at a desk going through paperwork, Mayor Mare looked up to see Anon standing at the entrance.

“Oh hello Anon, what can I do for you today?” She asked.

“Morning Mayor Mare, I need a job, you wouldn’t happen to have any going would you?” Anon explained.

Rummaging through her desk’s drawer, Mayor Mare pulled out a piece of paper and slid it over to Anon.

“Here’s an employment seeker’s form. Just fill out the questions the best you can and I’ll see what’s available” Mayor Mare explained.

About half an hour passed as Anon filled out the form.

Reading through it, Mayor Mare’s face cringed, member before had she seen a less employable creature.

“So pretty good right?” Anon asked optimistically.

Adjusting her glasses, Mayor Mare’s mind turned trying to figure out a nice way of breaking the news to Anon.

“Anon, you put your greatest weakness as pork chops” she pointed out.

“Yes, and?” Anon asked.

“I’ll be straight with you Mr Anon, you come off as hostile, uneducated and from the question that asked you why you sought Equestrian citizenship you put “because Celestia has a phat ass” I can see you have no problem using foul language in a professional setting. I’m sorry but I don’t see a single job in all of Ponyville you’re qualified to do… unless-“ Mayor Mare explained, before a thought crossed her mind.

“Here we go” Anon groaned as he made his way around the desk.

“What are you doing?” Mayor Mare asked, curious what the zebra was up to.

“I’ve been in this situation before, fine I’ll fuck you if you can get me a job, let’s just make it quick I’ve got places to be” Anon said flatly, for he indeed had many places to be.

Going bright red, Mayor Mare backed away from the black and white stallion.

“That’s most certainly NOT what I meant!” She snapped, the mere idea offending her.

“It isn’t? Then what the hell did you mean by “unless?” Anon asked.

——

Meanwhile at couple’s therapy, Filthy and Spoiled Rich sat trying to sort out their problems.

A magenta coloured pegasus stallion was sat with a clipboard writing down notes as he had for the last two hours.

“Alright Mrs Rich, is there anything you want to say to your husband?” The therapist asked.

Messing with her hair slightly, Spoiled avoided making eye contact with her husband.

“Filthy, I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough but I really am” Spoiled confessed, still not having the courage to look Filthy in the eye.

Taking in what she had said, Filthy looked at the floor for a few seconds before turning his gaze back to her.

“I can’t forgive you for what you did Spoiled, but if you’re willing to put the work into fixing us, I’m willing do the same. If not for our marriage then for our daughter” he replied.

“I’m glad the two of you are on the same page, now quick question Mrs Rich, this “Anon” fellow, he wouldn’t happen to be a zebra would he? The therapist asked.

“Oh great! Let me guess you’re sleeping with him to?” Filthy groaned, clearly agitated by the sound of Anon’s name.

“No, it’s just he’s running right as us” the therapist replied as he pointed his hoof to the window behind the Rich couple.

With a loud smash, Anon broke through the window and tackled Filthy, proceeding to choke the wealthy stallion.

“You put a fucking button in your tax folder!? Nopony screws with the Equestrian Revenue Service! Nopony!” Anon roared in fury as he proceeded to shake Filthy back and forth.

“When I fantasised about a stallion pinning my husband down this isn’t what I meant!” Spoiled cried out in dread.

AN: I’m still continuing to work on thestral, I’m just using this story as a dumping ground for all the insane ideas for Anon stories that wouldn’t fit into thestral given its current trajectory.

Comments

[Fun1901]

Who in the right mind put a button in a tax folder.

[ImNew2023]

11836962
Hey it was worth a shot.

[RuneGuy116]

What do you mean soft reboot? Please tell me you are not abandoning out favorite Bat pony thing. Just finished reading this first chapter and I retract my previous statements. Still funny as hell.

[Mister-H]

Oh good. I was worried Threstral Anon was dead.

[ImNew2023]

11837471
Nah I’m still working on Thestral. This is just a place to put all the stories that won’t fit Thestral Anon anymore.

Curse you character progression!

[ImNew2023]

11837530
Don’t worry I’ve already planned the next five chapters.

Although I still need to write them.

[Mister-H]

11838160
Can't wait!