The Girokon Incident: A Living the Dream Side Story

by Corah Il Cappo

Misfits and Renegades

That’s what friends are, the people who share your crazy outlook and protect you from the world, because nobody else is going to give a damn what you’re doing, so you need a few other people like yourself.
-Ray Bradbury

“You should have gone Breaking Dawn and killed that bitch ass Prince while you had the chance!” Break screamed in Lance’s skull as he lathered his mane. “You just let him manhandle you like you were a little pussy!”

“I think Lance handled it as well as he could. Considering the circumstances.” Dawn chimed in.

Lance rinsed himself and turned off the water with a kick. “I can’t just go killing everyone, Break. You saw what he could do with that sword! He could have cut my head off and mounted it on his wall!”

“And that would have been bucking awesome!”

“Break, we’d be dead.” Dawn sighed.

“Dead and awesome!”

“Whatever. We’ve got a few hours to get our friends together and meet Blueblood in Canterlot.” Lance quickly styled his mane and dug some clean clothes out of his drawers. He checked himself in the mirror. Presentable enough. Lance bounded out the door, hurtling over the banister and spreading his wings. "Aaand superhero landing!"

He hit the floorboards in a crouch in the center of the library, glancing over to Twilight. She sipped her coffee without looking up from her book. “Twilight! I gotta go!”

“Uh-huh.” She said, her eyes scanning the page. “Blueblood told me he needed you for something.”

“Yeah, just off to save Equestria again, no big deal.” Lance kicked at a discarded book on the floor, putting on his best disaffected sneer. “You’ll keep an eye on Spark while I’m gone, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh! And I was supposed to meet Vinetion for lunch tomorrow! Can you tell her I can’t make it?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Am I bothering you while you’re trying to read?”

“Uh-huh.” Twilight blinked and one ear flicked. “Wait, what was that last part?”

“Nothing!” Lance laughed, quickly crossing to her and pressing a kiss to her lips. “I’ll be back before you even notice I’m missing!”

“Be safe!” Twilight replied, squeezing him tight. “And Lance, for Celestia and Luna’s sake don’t get yourself killed again.”

“I promise! No death this time.”

With that, Lance was off, galloping out the door and into the crisp fall weather. He took off from the front yard, rising through thin wisps of fog and sailing over the crabbed, gnarled trees of Ponyville. He settled into a comfortable glide, a frigid bit of turbulence disturbing him as he rocked his wings. Setting a course for Sweet Apple Acres, Lance tried to think who he would want to bring along on his mission.

“Well,” Dawn’s voice whispered through his subconscious like a wind chime. “We need to think. Who among our friends is the most… Diplomatic?”

“Fuck Diplomatic! We want the strongest warriors!” Break’s voice seemed to echo in his skull like a gunshot. “Obviously we’ll want Frederic! He’s an Alicorn for buck’s sake!”

“I can’t fault that. Frederic is a powerful ally to have, and he’s not likely to fly off the handle. What about David?”

“What’s David going to do? Hit them with a sketchbook? Buck that! You know who we need?”

Lance and Dawn were both quiet, waiting for a response.

“MALBATORUS THE BRONY DRAGON!”

“No.”

“Nah.”

“Why the buck not?!”

Lance rolled his eyes and sighed. “Malbatorus didn’t even show up when we fought the Nightmare. He’s got his own things going on.”

“But Lance,” Break pleaded. “Think about it. We could show up riding a goddamn dragon!”

“Awesome, but probably not a good look.” Lance banked left, soaring over a field of ripening wheat. “We’re trying to convince them that Bronies are peaceful after all.”

“No! Show them we’re not to be fucked with, Lance!”

“What about Peter?” Dawn slipped back into the conversation. “He’s a good friend, and who doesn’t love a musician?”

“That’s a good point. Plus, if things go to shit, he can go Violent Inferno and whoop some ass!” Lance descended in a circle, landing on a wide dirt flat between the Apple Orchards and the barn. A dodgeball court had been painted in the dust, concession tables had been assembled in the wide doorway of the barn, and countless ponies in brightly colored uniforms were milling about waiting for the games to begin. The whole area was leaden with a heavy aroma of cinnamon, freshly sliced apples, and freshly baked pie crust. His stomach growled, and he remembered regrettably that he had skipped breakfast.

Mixed in with the lustrous smells of fall, however, was something else. Something foul and skunky that stuck in his nostrils like resin. Lance could recognize that smell anywhere.

“Lance, dude. Bro. My guy.” A unicorn with a forest green coat and an unkempt aqua mane threw a foreleg around Lance and flashed a lopsided grin. “Amigo. Homie. Mon ami.”

“Greg, are you high?” Lance wrinkled his snout as the cloying reek of kush smothered him.

“Psh. Not high enough, dude.” Greg reached into a pocket and removed a spliff he’d rolled up earlier. With a glint of magic, he lit up and inhaled, exhaling spirals of fetid smog with every word. “So Lance, I got good news and bad news, which do you want first.”

“The good news I guess?”

“Kay, good news is we got Zorrow to join the Ponyville Phoenixes.” Greg leaned more of his weight against Lance as they walked together. “Bad news? Dude got struck by lightning.”

Lance blinked, his vision flashing from Greg to the clear sky above. “Lightning? On a day like today?!”

“Yeah. By the way, guess who learned to summon lightning?” Greg’s lips curled back in a wild smirk. “This guy!”

“You shot Zorrow with lightning?”

“Not on purpose! It was an accident, swear to God!” Greg held up both hooves defensively, before taking another quick puff. “I don’t even remember how I did it honestly. But hey, spells come and go. Dodgeball is forever. Now c’mon dude, we’ve been waiting on you!”

Before he could protest, Lance was shoved through the crowds, popping out of a tangle of chatty mares right alongside the concession stand. Greg sidled up to him again, pointing to a steaming hot apple fritter on the wooden table. “By the way, spot me a few bits so I can buy one of those. Smoking in the morning always gives me the munchies.”

Lance sighed, handing over a hoofful of bits. “Hey, Greg? Have you seen Peter around here?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. He was over in the outhouse getting changed into the new uniforms we got.” He paid for his snack and chomped into it, getting bits of sticky apple and flaky crust all over his cheeks. “Why?”

“So, don’t be mad at me, but we’re gonna have to drop out of the tournament.” Lance kicked at a pebble and watched it skitter through the dust.

“Huh? But dude, I’ve been practicing for weeks!”

“Whipping apples at fillies and colts outside Cheerilee’s classroom doesn’t count as practice!”

“Doesn’t it? Watch this!” Greg picked up a rotten apple with his magic and pulled it back, aiming at a cream-colored earth pony who was admiring a jack-o-lantern. Lance leapt in front of him, and Greg’s projectile beamed him right in the noggin. “Dude!”

“Ow! Bucking hell Greg!” Lance rubbed the sore spot where the apple had splattered against his skull.

“Hey man, you were the one who jumped in front of my shot. Psh.” Greg rolled his reddening eyes and stubbed out his joint. “But yeah like I said, what’s the deal?”

“We have to drop out cause Peter and I are gonna go on a very important trip.” Lance glanced from side to side, dropping his voice. “I got an invite from royalty, and I don’t think I can refuse.”

“Oh, shit dude! Celestia hired you?!”

Lance shook his head.

“Luna?”

Another shake.

“Dude, don’t tell me Frederic put you up to this.”

“No! Prince Blueblood!”

Greg stared back blankly. “Who?”

“Whatever, point is he told me to meet him in Canterlot in an hour, and Peter is coming with me.” Lance spun on his heel and stalked off towards the outhouses arrayed against the treeline.

Greg set off after him at a trot. “The hell, Lance?! You’re gonna bring Peter but not your best buddy in all Equestria?”

“David?” Lance raised an eyebrow. “Louie?”

“No, you idiot! Me!” Greg thumped a hoof against his chest. “How many times have I been there to save your flank?”

“Greg, you smashed my nutsack with a rock.”

“What’s a little mutilation between friends, right?” Greg shrugged nonchalantly. “Look man, you can’t leave me behind! This is my destiny, man!”

Lance huffed. “You don’t even know where we're going!”

One of the outhouse doors swung open to reveal Peter, a rich violet pegasus. “Oh! Hey guys! I was wondering when you’d show up! Lance, I’ve got your uniform in my bag here…”

Peter fussed with his straw-colored mane as he dug through his saddlebags. Lance reached out a hoof to stop him. “Peter, real sorry to do this, but we’ve got a situation.”

“A situation?” He tensed the muscles in his jaw. “Nothing happened to Rarity, did it?”

“No, nothing like that.” Lance gave him a reassuring slap on the back. “You and I got an invitation to take a trip to the Gryphon Kingdoms, and it’s too good to pass up!”

“What’s the catch?” Peter narrowed his eyes.

“Well… Basically, we kinda have to prevent a war from breaking out. But that’s nothing we can’t handle, right?” Lance swung a foreleg around him, grinning. “Whadya say, Peter? You in?”

“I mean…” Peter’s face grew pale. “Are you sure I’m the right pick? I've never prevented a war before."

“C'mon man, you're perfect for the job! After all, who can hate a musician?"

Peter smiled faintly. "I mean, I don't know anypony who doesn't like music."

"Exactly! It’ll be you, me, Frederic, and some diplomats from Canterlot! It’s gonna be a breeze!” Lance held out a hoof. “So, are you in?”

“You can count on me!” Peter exclaimed, slamming a brohoof with Lance as his face lit up. “I’ll meet you in Canterlot Palace! Lemme just pack my things!”

Peter prepared to take off, but Lance grabbed his tail before he could lift off. “Oh, and Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“Please… Please no pranks until after we’ve sorted things out with the gryphons?”

“You got it, Lance!” Peter gave a mocking salute as he flapped his wings and lurched skyward. Lance waved farewell to him. When he dropped his eyes, he found that Greg was standing only inches away from his snout.

“Dude.” Greg rasped. “Not cool. You’re really gonna leave me behind? After all we’ve been through together?”

“No offense, Greg, but you don’t exactly strike me as the diplomatic type.” Lance winced as he recalled a lot of painful memories. “In fact, it seems like every time I let you tag along, I get hurt.”

“But, but but!” Greg held up a hoof and his eyes shifted back and forth. “You need me.”

“I do?”

“C’mon man, you’re gonna be surrounded by a bunch of suits and stiffs. You’ll need someone to take your mind off things. Someone chill and mellow.” He smirked and wheezed out a chuckle. “And who’s more mellow than Mellow Haze, my dude?”

Lance hesitated, looking Greg up and down.

“Lance, do not, under any circumstance bring him with you. He’s dangerous!” Dawn’s voice rang in his mind, clear as a bell. Good advice, to be sure.

“But consider,” Break hissed. “It would be really funny.”

“Plus if you leave me behind, I’m gonna be so bored! And you know what happens when I get bored…” Greg waggled an eyebrow and winked.

Well, that settled it. Lance sighed, rubbing a hoof down the length of his face. “Fine, fine, whatever. Just get your stuff and meet me at the palace. Don’t make me regret this.”

“Awesome! Now we’re talking! Dude, should I bring my bong that looks like a cock? Or should I go with the one shaped like your mom?”

“You have a-”

Greg blurted a laugh in Lance’s face. “Man, I’m just fucking with you. I’m bringing that custom bong I got made. You know the one. The one shaped like my own head?”

Lance was already regretting his decision.