Author’s note: This is the prologue, explaining a few things. If you wish to skip this, then scroll down until you see the (…). I suggest that you read it all though.
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Before we…’start the show’ … I would like to state a few…’facts’.
There is, of course, more than one universe.
As such, there is also more than one ‘multiverse’ as well.
…at least…that’s what I believe.
The fact of the matter is, that there are many ways to enter these vast amounts of universes and it is simpler than you believe. Believe me or not, one of the many doorways to these vast amounts of parallel dimensions is through writing.
I would understand skepticism in this, but there is some truth to the words I write to you now. Many people believe that a writer, such as myself, or even you, create the worlds with the stroke of our pens and the seemingly endless typing of our keyboards.
This is only half true.
Sometimes, if we’re lucky, we create the worlds.
Most of the time, we write the stories of worlds already created.
These stories aren’t real. At least, not to this world anyway. But, it’s very real to them. Those who thrive in their own universes, I mean. So it would be nice to care about their well being when they are in peril.
Then again, I’m a writer who hasn’t been too kind to many a world.
But I’ve had helped many too.
It started out as a bit of a ‘writer’s block exercise’. I would enter a universe in danger, of any kind, and attempt to save it.
Please, don’t think that I ‘played God’ or was always ‘the hero’ in the story. That’s foolish.
I always kept a few rules.
Never state my real name. Think before acting. Pay attention to details without losing the big picture of things.
Achieve the final goal, defeating whatever darkness was in that universe, by whatever means necessary. If the other ‘heroes’ were perfectly capable of winning, which they usually were, help them achieve it before even thinking of taking it on alone or trying anything too risky.
…And that the character I place myself as in the story, my ‘avatar’ if you will, is perfectly capable of being hurt, maimed, crushed, poisoned, and most ultimately, killed.
With those thoughts in mind, I sit down, relax, and let the story begin where it will, letting my mind flow with the story.
Things do not, and I really mean do not, always go as planned. There’s always something…chaotic and unexpected that happens during these tales. Not sure how, not sure why. You could believe what you just read or you could say I’m a few apples short of an orchard.
Either way, this time the story seems to be different.
Sure, I’ve ‘went into’ the MLP multiverse before, dropping that story after a bit, but one day I wanted to go into another.
I know it sound funny, but this MLP world, it was…’felt’… significantly darker than the last one I went to. Or many others I went to.
Perhaps the better word would be ‘sinister’. It felt sinister. Or devious. Simply put, it rubbed me the wrong way. Only a couple of stories I wrote did that. Ones that had some unfortunate happenings in them.
I suppose that I should tell you of how I ‘felt it’.
This is where the story starts.
(…)
I open my eyes to see the dark streets of Ponyville. The night sky is free from clouds with stars as clear as the full moon above me.
I remind myself of what I look like in this world. A midsized, black unicorn colt, short black mane…not exactly ‘blending in’ but it will have to do.
I look back to the outskirts of the town to see, what I believe is, Everfree forest. I instantly felt something was wrong in there. Something that was way too dark to be taken lightly…or by oneself.
I turn back and walk through the empty village. ‘Everypony must be asleep…’ I thought as I walked, taking note to the lightless houses with the only sound being the rustling of the trees through the wind. I had begun to get a bit nervous, things seeming to be a little too quiet, I needed to calm myself down just in case something would-
“HI!!”
I jumped, quickly turning toward the owner of the voice, but sighed in relief. The owner of the voice was, thankfully, the ever happy, party loving Pinkie Pie, who then introduced herself after the surprising greeting.
“Hi…my name’s M-Maelstrom.” I replied, a bit of a stop in my voice. Was I that scared that I couldn’t speak normally? Perhaps I was thinking too much about the scenery or what was in that ghastly forest.
She was about to go into a stream of questions and comments, as I would have expected, but she stopped short, then gasped dramatically.
“Where is your CUTIE MARK?!” she suddenly blurted out
I blinked for a couple of seconds, not even thinking about how she could have woken someone up with her yell.
I had forgotten that, in the first MLP world that I went to, that my character had no cutie mark. Don’t ask me how, I didn’t know the reason. It could have been I hadn’t thought of it, or something else entirely, but I knew that wouldn’t help with keeping ponies from questioning. I had quickly told her that I just never had one, hoping she would drop the subject for now.
“…well, Maelstrom, I know you’re not from around here. Where are you staying?” She asked.
Good, she dropped the subject. “I don’t know…I just got here…”
She immediately offered me a place over where she stayed, at Sugarcube Corner. I gave in, after refusing once or twice, and followed her to the bakery.
As we walked in the store, I supposed that we were going to sneak upstairs to her room while the owners were asleep, and then explain my presence in the morning.
“MISTER AND MISSIES CAAAAAAKE!!”
Then again…I had offhandedly forgotten this was Pinkie who I was staying with.
The shop owners, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, had walked in the room looking tired and slightly aggravated. I didn’t know if they lived in the store or not, and I wasn’t willing to ask. Pinkie had quickly asked if I could stay the night, to which they looked at me, questioningly. I suppose they were just being cautious, I am a stranger after all.
Mrs. Cake then smiled. “Well…I suppose it will be okay if he-“
She stopped short. Both Cakes had stared at me, eyes now fully wide with shock. I think Mrs. Cake had mumbled something, not losing her surprised look. Pinkie Pie, however, held a bit of a…embarrassed look, smiling as if she was about to nervously laugh like it was nothing.
It didn’t take much to figure that they were looking at my markless flank. I had thanked them for their approval for staying, and Pinkie and I headed upstairs. I turned my head back in time to see the couple exchange a worried look. I sighed. The morning would bring many questions.
“Oh don’t worry,” she said “They’re just a little tired from being woken up…”
…was Pinkie trying to be reassuring to me? Hmm…I suppose she thought I was insulted or embarrassed. I was surprised that Pinkie had already made a makeshift bed for me, just as soon as I entered her room, which I immediately laid down on. Usually, I would ask, but when it comes to Pinkie Pie, I could let that detail go. Before I laid my head down on the pillow, I saw a little lizard staring face to face with me.
“Oh that’s just Gummy, my pet alligator.” She said giggling “I think he likes you!”
That alligator had always me uncomfortable with its stare. I turned the other way and closed my eyes.
“Good night, Maelstrom.” I heard her say before I drifted into sleep.
…
I returned to my world. I was slightly disappointed in my findings. Just some premonitions and nothing more. Then again, that was just a little dip into that world. I would need some more time to fully go through and see what happens during my next look into this world…
Something still rubs me wrong about the forest…but I’ll leave that for another day.
Farewell for now.
There are a bit of unrelenting plot holes. Some side implications, and characterization issues. Not grand but noticeable. I like your idea. I like where this is headed, and I like your writing style. This just too short and too confusing. The name right off the bat is sue, even if you never intended for your alias to be such a way since you never state your name in your dream (storyception is confusing me). Plotholes come from not adding enough detail to understand the big picture. Characterization don't worry about it, Pinkie is too hard to capture, I prefer a calm and controlled pinkie any day.
It takes a whooping good story for me to track, so I will not be doing so for this one, but I will rate it 5 stars however, just because I like your idea
This was... different... Not in a bad way at all, but different. This style of writing is something I've never read before, not to say even thought about.
I like where this idea, of a character not "being" in the story, is going. I'll keep reading it to see where it goes.
I'll give it 4.5 stars just because I'm an arse
-Glassed
Self-referential? Fourth wall breaking?
I'm in.
(A bit surprised Pinkie is in the first chapter of such a fic and DOESN'T contribute to the reduction in wall count to three)
94539 Thanks for the info, I'll try to work on it. This chapter was just the proluge, I only wanted to explain a couple of things, and then set the scene a bit. Looking back, I probably could have added a bit more. The name...it came to me. I just decided to roll with it, though it sounded a bit 'sueish'. If you could be specific on any of the plotholes though, it would be great.
Constructive critisism is appreciated.
95264
Introductory chapter(apart from being short) is missing something very vital. That is, "What is the problem at hand."
This has an adventure tag. Which means this needs a problem at hand before you can solve it. I mean, the only exception in the genres is random and comedy. There are many methods of doing such in subtle manners. I know this isn't the first chapter, and it wouldn't be such a big deal but if you don't present whatever is at stake or whatever needs to be resolved then the prologue just turns into a useless jumble of words.
Explaining is alright fancy, but as I had mentioned above you need a drive or else it doesn't work. If this is a story within Mael's mind then its just as important to add a conflict no matter what kind of plot device you are using. I suggest adding a problem within the equestrian story that would also 'effect' Mael's human world. That would come for some interesting premises. That way, this explanation chapter actually comes in more use than anything else. Its not simply easy to add such a base to a story and not work upon it as you follow through the entire story the Equestrian side. A transition between the two could be very interesting indeed.
Your character right off the bat knows of these 'parallel universes' which is a little sue but thats fine, its acceptable as long as you introduce him to new challenges, new adventures and such. Maelstrom is also a viable name as long as you give him something related. He is a unicorn right? By the picture it seems that way, so let him use water magic as a maelstrom is a violent whirpool. Don't start him out strong, Maelstroms have never been known to cause a single sailor's death, so start him out weak with such magickz and then evolve him.
But I'm only explaining the bad things. Heck I love your writing style. Believe me, its better than most mediocre pieces of literature around this sight *wink* including my own! My story was much worse, but we can all improve so never give up with this story. You and this story have a great potential.