The New Rumor
It was a beautiful summer day and Rainbow Dash lay peacefully on a cloud soaking up the sun's rays. She took a bite of an apple and wiped the juice off her mouth. She was enjoying this day and relaxed as the wind blew her colorful mane around. She finished her apple and tossed the core away. She sat up and sighed. She was bored now and decided to go see what her friends were up to.
Rainbow Dash took off from her cloud and flew across Ponyville. She heard a familiar sound of giggling and laughing and looked down at the ground. There she saw Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootlaloo. They appeared to be carrying stacks of papers with them. Rainbow sighed and muttered to herself, "I wonder what those fillies are up to now. I'd better go check to see what they are up to." Rainbow Dash zipped down and stood before them. "Hey squirt! What are you all up to today?"
Scootaloo ran towards Rainbow and threw her front legs around her body. "Rainbow Dash!" she called out. "We hoped to run into you sometime today! We have been busy posting these fliers all around town."
Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow and asked, "What's the occasion for, squirt?"
Scootaloo proudly held up one of the fliers just inches away from her face.
Rainbow backed off a bit and read the flier. It was the annual series of race events for pegasus ponies. "Oh, so you girls are excited to see me win gold this year again, huh?" Rainbow said with a smirk.
Scootaloo closed her eyes and nodded yes proudly.
"But we are also excited about a new rumor going around!" Apple Bloom said.
"A new rumor?" Rainbow asked.
"Yeah!" Sweetie Belle yelled. "Ponies all across town have been talking about this new mysterious competitor who is supposed to be really good. Every pony has been talking about how this new pony is supposed to win the competition with ease."
Rainbow Dash threw herself on the ground and started rolling around while laughing. She put her hoof to her head and said, "You girls seriously think a pony can defeat Rainbow Dash? The fastest and greatest flier in all of Ponyville? Give me a break!"
Scootaloo had a confused look on her face. She walked closer to Rainbow and asked, "You mean you're not afraid of this new pony, Rainbow Dash?"
Rainbow put her front leg around Scootaloo and messed up her mane with her hoof. "Afraid?" she asked. "Are you kidding me, Scoots? Did you seem to forget that I win first place in this silly little competition every single year? I promise you that I'll do the same again and that I'll pass by all those ponies with flying colors just like I do every single time."
Scootaloo grinned at Rainbow's confidence. She looked into Rainbow's eyes and cried out, "And I'll be cheering for you the whole way through! I'm still your number one fan, aren't I Rainbow?"
Rainbow giggled a bit and said, "You sure are Scoots, I don't know if I'd be able to win without your cheering, so you'd better cheer for me like you have never cheered before if you want to see me dominate the race this year."
"I'll do my best, Rainbow. I know my hero won't let me down!" Scootaloo said.
Rainbow Dash patted Scootaloo on the head and said, "Have you girls seen Twilight around?"
Sweetie Belle pointed with her hoof and said, "Oh, we were just talking to her at the library a few moments ago. I'm sure she's still there."
Rainbow Dash hovered above the ground and said, "Thanks girls, I'm going to go see what she's up to. I expect you all to practice your cheers for me. That includes you Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom."
The three fillies yelled out in unison, "We will!"
Rainbow Dash gave them a salute and took off in the sky. "They really think some pony can beat me in an air race. Oh, just wait until I tell Twilight this!" Rainbow giggled to herself. Rainbow Dash touched ground and knocked on the library door.
Spike opened it and said, "Greetings Rainbow, come right on in."
Rainbow walked in and was surprised to find all five of her best friends talking around a table and having some tea.
Twilight shot up when she noticed Rainbow and said, "Hi Rainbow, come on in and join us."
Rainbow sat down next to Fluttershy and said, "Girls, you're not going to believe this, but I just saw Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo posting fliers around town about that annual upcoming series of race events for pegasus ponies. They told me that there is some kind of crazy rumor going around that some mysterious pony is supposed to dominate the race this year. Can you believe that? They truly think that a pony can defeat me in the air."
All the girls stared at Rainbow without saying anything.
Rainbow stared back at them and said, "What's the matter? Don't tell me you all actually believe those crazy rumors too?"
Fluttershy nervously spoke up, "Umm Rainbow, that's what we were all talking about here. Those rumors are true."
Rainbow became slightly annoyed now and said, "Well I don't believe it! No pony is going to even come close to stripping my title away as the greatest flier in all of Ponyville."
"Rainbow, just because you're currently the fastest flier in Ponyville doesn’t mean you're the fastest in all of Equestria. The world is a pretty big place and there are thousands of other pegasus ponies who want to be number one as well. Ponyville is such a small town compared to other cities like Manehatten and Las Pegasus," Twilight said.
Rainbow Dash fumed. "Hey, I'm not afraid. I can take any pony on. I am the best! I have proved it many times before, and I'll prove it again. You girls just watch me. I'm already tired of hearing about this new pony. See ya!"
Rainbow Dash got up and left the other five mares. She slammed the door on her way out.
"Well, golly!" Applejack said. "I reckon some pony needs to have a lil' time out. Can ya girls believe how cocky she is about this race? I think she forgot her lesson about bein' humble and everythin'. Maybe she needs a good swift kick in the backside again."
Rarity sighed and said, "I think the poor dear just feels threatened a bit and needs time to cool off. You do know how important it is to her to be able to win."
Pinkie Pie leapt in the air and cheered, "Oh! Oh! Oh! Can I throw a special party for her to cheer Dashie up? I can bake my special Pinkie Pie cupcakes. No pony can refuse a smile while eating one."
Twilight Sparkle took a sip of her tea and said, "Pinkie that's very thoughtful of you, but I don't think Rainbow is in the mood for a party right now and sometimes you can be a bit much, Pinkie. I think you girls better let me check on her."
Eventually, all the other girls went home and Twilight searched around Ponyville looking for Rainbow Dash. It didn't take her long to find her friend. She was napping on a cloud. "Rainbow Dash, wake up!" Twilight called out.
Rainbow Dash opened one eye and peeked down at Twilight. She picked her head up and asked, "What do you want, Twi? I'm in the middle of a nap here."
"You sure have been sleeping a lot lately. What happened to practicing for this years race, Rainbow?"Twilight asked.
Rainbow shot her an annoyed look and replied, "Hey! What did I just tell you not too long ago? I'm not worried at all about this race and I don't need any practice because I'm going to dominate every pony regardless of who competes."
Twilight smiled awkwardly and said, "But Rainbow Dash, what happened to your lesson about being hum.."
Rainbow Dash cut her off. "Twi, I'm really not in the mood to talk about this anymore. I already told you I'm going to win this race. I'm going to go home now. Don't bother me with this talk again." Rainbow Dash flew off to home as Twilight watched her disappear into the distance.
Twilight kicked a rock with her hoof and sighed. "Maybe Applejack was right. Maybe she did forget her lesson about humility and needs a new reminder. I just hope that she'll be ok." Twilight went back home and fell asleep. Maybe she would talk about this another time with Rainbow when she was in a better mood.
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DEAR GOD! USE THE ENTER KEY!
Maybe there is a decent story under all this, but I sure as hell am not going to read through the Great Wall of Texta to find out.
I have to agree with mr. EQEnigma on this one. the story itself isn't that bad, but with the Great Wall of Text, it is almost unbearable to read. Also, the story suffers slightly from the continuous repetition of some words, especially from names. It is perfectly acceptable to use "he" or "she" to indicate the subject of the current action instead of their full name. This helps to make the story more easily accessible to readers, and it makes the reading experience that much better.
Despite these slight problems, the basic idea behind this story is a solid one, and although I have seen it done already in a couple of fics, I personally belive people should use it more often in their stories.
In short: fix the small problems, and Cool Story, Bro.
1393681 Ditto. Down voted until you learn how to use paragraphs.
Time skips can be useful. If you have a character who needs to travel a long distance, put in a line and start a new paragraph to show a time skip instead of having them suddenly arrive.
The enter key is your friend. Start new paragraphs every five to six sentences if applicable, and always start a new paragraph for new speakers or perspective shifts.
Other than a couple tiny errors such as spelling mistakes, this is actually an okay story.
Hi, my name is spymanx, I was reading this because I dont mind GWOT (Great walls of text.) and I really liked it, it was well writen (You know other than being a GWOT) but the ending...god it ruined it for me...
it was such a good story too...If you don't mind I'm going to write a little revew of JUST the ending here...and a few sugestions...read if you want to, but I might be a bit burtal. 
Rainstorm and Rainbow Dash both stayed at Twilights house for a while, and even though the doctors said he would never be able to fly again, he still practiced very light wing exercises every day, despite the horrible pain it brought him. Eventually, a miracle had happened and he was able to fly again.
First things first, if I go to the doctors after something happens and he tells me I'm not going to be able to do something, he is probibly right, but who am I to tell you what doctors know...
FIX: maby a spell from Twilight alowed him, if he worked at it, to one day be able to fly a bit, just a sugestion
He would never be able to race or fly nearly as strong as he used to, but he was able to fly none the less and eventually, he was able to fly back to Rainbow's house to stay with her.
ok, no problems that I can see here...
Rainbow gave up ariel races and opted to race on the ground with Rain Storm only.
Thats like saying Hittler fell in love and desided to not hate Jews anymore. Rainbow no matter what would NOT give up everything. Parhaps she would stop trying to become a wounderbolt. (even as unlikely as that is in her char)
NO JUST NO
Fix: Read the above
They would work as a team in races where they would pass a wand to each other and race against other pony couples. They dominated the competition together.
Ok..thats nice and all but didn't you just say
He would never be able to race or fly nearly as strong as he used to, but he was able to fly none the less
Yea...I know Dash is fast and all...but other ponies are still fast as well, I just...no...I'm sorry thats just not posibl- you know what this is my little pony, screw the possible, right? No.
FIX: Take everything after this and just deleate it. A bit harsh I know but I am trying to help you, one sucky author, to one that added a Way-to-optimistic-ending.
Rainbow was humble about winning and she loved her stallion with all her heart. He loved her just as much too.
I guess he could humble her...I let that one slide
One day, after they won gold at a race event,
just...if there is gold, it means compeditive and It's basicly saying guy with slighly broken leg and super fit person beats like 8 teams of super fit pepole...Not posible.
no
he took her to that special spot, by the broken down gazebo and proposed to her. They married each other and lived their lives happily ever after. Rainbow was a completely new mare and she was grateful everyday for the stallion of her dreams. He loved her unconditionally and was always by her side.
Why did you have to include this? We were more than happy without a it. Other than not needing to be there, its ok.
The End
To be brutal, best part of the ending.
Sorry if I came across as harsh or butal, I suck WAY more than you do. Just trying to help a fellow author out, my idea to make this better is to just deleat the ending and work on spacing, it helps to put a break every time somepony speaks
EX:
NOT TO DO: "SPIKE don't do that" Twilight yelled at her assistent "Sorry Twilight I didn't mean to write a ending that wasn't needed!" Spike said looking down "It's ok...we all make mistakes" Twilight said
DO: "SPIKE don't do that" Twilight yelled at her assistent
"Sorry Twilight I didn't mean to write a ending that wasn't needed!" Spike said looking down
"It's ok...we all make mistakes" Twilight said
Well hope it helps...And sorry if I came across as harsh
1396557 Hey spymanx. Thanks for your very detailed opinion!
#1. Dr.'s can be wrong, and I am a believer in miracles. I was VERY conflicted about the idea if he should be able to fly again. I wanted to give the reader hope for him, and to inspire people to never give up no matter what the odds are. I also decided to let him fly again because I wanted him to be able to live at Rainbow's house in the sky.
#2 I don't see a problem with Rainbow quitting air races and wanting to spend all her time practicing and racing on the ground with her mate. Why can't she give up something for him since he gave up so much more for her.
#3 "He would never be able to race or fly nearly as strong as he used to"
This is a mistake! Thank you for pointing this out! I have fixed it. He WOULD be able to race as fast as before on the ground, Just not fly nearly as strong in the air.
#4 I'm not so sure what you're saying. His wings were the only thing damaged. In the show, Rainbow Dash and Applejack are the two best runners in the "Running of the leaves" episode, and niether of them practice running, but both are in great shape from work and sports. I don't see a problem with the both of them becoming the best racers on the ground since both their cardio was top notch to begin with and they are both top of the line atheltes. They just had to transition their power to their legs rather than their wings.
Thanks again for taking time to read!
The story itself was VERY WELL DONE, but your right, it needed shorter paragraphs.
1397881 Thanks so much for reading! So glad you enjoyed it!
i love this story sooo much /)
(\ !
1399745 Thank you so much! I'm so glad you loved it! Have a Rainbow kiss!
Who cares that there's only 5 paragraphs? The story was incredible. I read it at 1:00 am on Saturday and it's my most favorite story so far.
1397114
Fair enugh, the reson I said the last part was as you said
he would never be able to race or fly nearly as strong as he used to"
This is a mistake! Thank you for pointing this out! I have fixed it. He WOULD be able to race as fast as before on the ground, Just not fly nearly as strong in the air.
as I was commenting on the Race part (as now you said that was a mistake) but like I also said great story!
1400307 I'm so glad you loved the story and it's your favorite!
1400727 I'm glad you really liked it spy, thanks again for helping me find that error :)
One of the best stories i have read so far! But please, new paragraph INDENT!
1402713 Thanks for taking time to read! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
1402783 Why wouldnt i take the time to read this story? I absolutely love it!
Holy wall of text Batman!
Wall of Text.
Other than that Good story.
1393681>>1404306>>1394159 New Update! Story is now fixed and wall of text is gone! I did the best I could and I hope those of you who didn't want to read it before may reconsider now, sorry it took so long.
2240852 Still a holy wall of text Batman. iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/not-amused.gif
No matter what, this story was by far the best i've read this year. Thank you sir for just lighting up my day and life with this.
2803670 I really appreciate that and it means a lot to me! I'm so happy it was a good read for you!