I’m in pain.
“No, no, no, we can’t tell Rarity.”
Why is everything so heavy?
“I’m sorry Scootaloo but her sister just got zapped with a high voltage of electricity.”
Rarity… She is… never going to let me leave the house again. I shot up, finding myself wrapped up in a series of blankets.
“Twi.” I squeaked as I wrestled with my cocoon. After some struggle I fell to the floor in a thud.
“Ow.”
“It sounds like she’s awake.” Apple Bloom stated coolly.
“Thank goodness.” Twilight said as she raced into the room and wrapped me in her magic, the blankets falling to the floor.
“Are you okay? I don’t know what I would have done with myself if you- and Rarity too-” Twilight inspected me before pacing.
“How are you holding up?” Scootaloo asked in a dull tone.
“I’ll live.” I said with a small grin.
“Do you know how many volts that was? It’s a miracle that-”
“What in the hay is wrong with you Sweetie Belle? First you beg us to bail you out of your house, then you got your eyes set on power like a hungry fruit bat given a bright juicy apple. Then you didn’t listen to Spike. THEN YOU BROKE OUR ONE PROMISE!” Apple Bloom pointed a hoof to me. Twilight grew quite as she lifted me down and stepped back.
I watched as she huffed, an anger fueling her eyes. Stopping herself from saying something hurtful. I can’t help to think I have seen this before and I have, the reason why all this happened. Sorry wasn’t going to cut it.
“Apple Bloom, I kn-”
“WHAT?”
“I know saying sorry isn’t going to undo today. I do hope you can forgive me for not telling you sooner.” I cringed.
“Not telling us what?” Most of the anger gone from her voice. I retreaded back slightly, unaware of how difficult this was.
“I-I’m a robot.”
The room was silent as my friends watched me.
“Like a fake pony?” Scootaloo asked in a low voice.
“In some words… yes.” I looked away from the group as quietness fell over us again.
“Are you the real Sweetie Belle?” Apple Bloom asked with a deep seriousness.
“O-Of course I am.” Or I should be.
“Sorry to cut in but is it true? Are you a robot?” Twilight stepping between me and my friends, towering above me with a frown.
“Y-Yes.” I stammered back, forgetting the unicorn was here. She stared for a few long seconds.
“That actually solves a lot of problems.” She chuckled slightly
“It does?” Me and the crusaders echoed.
“We have been trying to root out the power problem in Ponyville for months but haven’t managed to figure out the core issue. Well, the core issue is you.” Twilight spoke in a low tone. I backed up slowly, keeping the door in my view. Then she winked with a grin and the extreme unease left.
“So, if we get rid of you then there won’t be any more problems.” She formed a frown again as she grew more hostile with every step forward.
“Twilight, how can you say that!” Scootaloo threw herself between us.
“You ain’t touching a- a gear on her.” Apple Bloom joined in.
“Girls, you do realize that you are protecting a robot? A soulless machine.” Twilight asked in a deathly tone. If I had a heart, it would be leaping out of my chest.
“I don’t care.” Scootaloo stated sharply.
“Yeah, and she is our friend.” AB starred daggers. The grown unicorn readjusted to a relaxed smile. Rather off-putting to the three of us.
“I’m sorry about the insult Sweetie Belle, I hope I didn’t cause any harm by it.” She said remorsefully.
“It’s okay Twilight, I knew you were just helping.” I gave a half-baked smile.
“What?” Apple Bloom asked simply.
“You aren’t going to try and ‘get rid of’ Sweetie Belle?” Scoots looked to the mare in confusion.
“Of course not but I wasn’t completely lying with that speech. She is the reason for us being so short on power but it isn’t completely her fault. Sorry about tricking you fillies, I’m sure that was a bit tough on you.” Twilight said as she rubbed the back of her head.
“It was terrifying.” Scootaloo stated, hoof over heart.
“But not as scary as losing Sweetie Belle.” AB sighed in relief. The grown unicorn gave a smile.
“Sweetie Belle has already gone through a lot. Figuring out you aren’t who you think you are is difficult.” Twilight answered and I responded with a frown.
“Twilight… Why am I a robot?” I asked and she stood thinking for a moment.
“Because somepony made you.” She stated calmly.
“No, that isn’t what I mean.” I shook my head.
“Then what do you mean?” Scootaloo asked, scratching her head.
“I think it’s better if we talk with Rarity.” Twilight gave a small, lighthearted smile.
Ehhhhhhhh, I don't know.....I would like some awnsers though, but I don't know if she would be willing to explain.
Atleast Twilight and Sweetie Belle's friends took it better than I expected.
Why is the text in the synopsis so much bigger than all of the other stories on here?
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It's only 20% bigger then normal. Do you have some kind of odd font that messes with the size of text? Also why do you keep asking this on my stories? It's a bit silly.
Example <normal text
Example <what the synopsis uses
My phone crashed two times while writing this so I’ll be keeping this one relatively short (probably just a sign that I need to clear out some junk).
Phew, I thought I had caused a maybe indefinite hiatus. In fact I was in my way to comment about that, but commenting about this chapter instead is way more enjoyable.
Keeping it short the main qualm (if you will), I had about this chapter is how abruptly (for lack of a better word), the
chapters*characters act. The crusaders just kinda seem to accept Sweetie being a robot, and Twilight kinda just jumps to Sweetie being the source of the power problem. I can definitely infer why, but it’d probably be better for us to see them go through that process as well.I’ll leave that there for now, but I’ll be sure to come back and expand on my thoughts later. Glad to see you had fun at harmonycon .
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I hate when that happens. Thanks for coming back each time for your comment, it always means a lot.
It would have been a sort of funny to end it on last chapter but I'm at the homestretch now. It was just pretty difficult to write this chapter, having to set it down and pick it up again didn't help.
That is what I was having the biggest problem with and why it took so long. I think more time with each character and slowing it down would have helped with that problem. I was also having the issue of Sweetie Belle hardly ever talking or adding input to conversations so I trimmed down some conversations but that was also tied to my motivation and only wanting to write down what I needed to. In the end there needed to be a new chapter and instead of perfectionism taking over, I needed to release it.
I can try to include the power explanation next chapter if you want but it was more of a background thing that led Sweetie to this point rather then an important lore thing. As you can assume, I cut a decent amount of Twilight's lines to keep the story on point.
If you have any suggestions on how you think it could have been improved I'm interested to hear (as long as your phone stops dying). Next story I am planning things out ahead of time (and hopefully getting an editor) to help with pacing and tone. This story is all over the place lol, I really need to hone that in.
Thanks again, hope to hear soon
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I thought about it overnight (why is it always during sleep hours when I get ideas?), and I've got one other thing.
The dialouge feels a bit clunky, but that was never my strongsuit. Don't know where to begin with that.
I think maybe cut out the odd threatening Twilight thing? I found that bit to be confusing, senseless, and distracting. The the removal of that should allow for more space for the characters to think and act, while keeping focus on the whole "wait sweetie belle is a robot?" thing. Let the characters settle in with that reveal.
I only brought the power up as a second point. I don't think we need a explanation, but since it was brought up we should be due for Twilight to talk to Rarity about Sweetie's power consumption. Since it's not the focus a throwaway since should do.
But yeah that's all I got, so uh. I can't really think of a way to end thi
It’s been a hot minute since I last used this site. It also appears to have been a hot minute since this story was updated (4 weeks wow time flies). May I ask how the story is doing?
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The story IS being worked on. I was very sick for a week straight so that set me back a little. Work on the final chapter is slow, the story as a whole is seen as a disappointment by me and 'working on a disappointment' is far less appealing then working on something new. Yet I still want to finish this story and provide at least a decent ending for those who got this far. I'm planning on making a blog after the final chapter to conclude my thoughts and what I learned from this story which might increase the wait time a little bit more. It's not dead, just slowly being made
Thanks for asking
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I understand the sentiment of not wanting to work on what you see as a disappointing project, but I think it’s good that you’re seeing it through. If it’s any consolation in hearing (or rather reading), it from someone else, then I say this project has been pretty successful.
It may not be very good, but I think you’d agree that as a learning experience it’s been pretty valuable. Looking forwards to seeing your thoughts. It’s always fun taking a peek into other peoples minds.
That’s probably part of why I tend to lend more bloated comments actually.