Cherry Pie, Pet Unicorn

by AlwaysDressesInStyle

Cherry Pie, Pet Unicorn

It’s a crisp fall day and you’re driving through the countryside on a scenic back road. Time seems to slow down in the country, or maybe you’re just going slower than normal to soak up the sights. Picturesque barns, horses galloping in pastures, a pink unicorn grazing by the side of the road…

You check the rearview mirror to verify that you really had seen that last one. Confirming it with a quick glance, you turn around and head back the way you’d just come. You’ve seen ponies around, and they’re not exactly uncommon, but this strikes you as unusual. You stop and get out of the car, and take note of the signboard you’d missed in passing.

Useless unicorn: Free to good home

You walk up to her. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” she responds, not looking up. Instead she nibbles on some clover.

What do you even say to a unicorn? “Interesting sign.”

She shrugs.

“Can I ask why you’re giving yourself away? This is normally frowned on.”

“Because I’ve got nowhere left to go. I’ve seen it in the eyes of so many humans since I arrived on Earth. You all want a pet pony. So here’s your chance to have your very own pet unicorn. Do you have kids? They’ll love me! Are you a dog person or a cat person?” She continues, not giving you a chance to respond, “It doesn’t matter! If you throw a ball, I’ll fetch it! If you sit in your armchair, I’ll hop on your lap and purr. With a unicorn, you get the best of both worlds!”

She’s a horrible salespony.

“Please, kind human!”

“Kind human?” you ask, repeating her words.

“Kind pony? Um, what term of endearment do humans prefer?”

“We usually use ‘sir’, ‘miss’, or ‘ma’am’ when addressing one another.” You facepalm. “Have you no dignity?”

“None left, kind sir, miss, or ma’am! That was auctioned off with the rest of my assets to pay my debts when my bakery went out of business. I’m also told they’ll garnish any potential future wages until I pay everything back.”

“You bake?” you ask, ignoring the fact that she just addressed you as ‘sir, miss, or ma’am’.

“Of course! I make great cherry pies, cherry cobblers, cherry cheesecakes, chimicherries, cherrychangas…”

“Anything without cherries in it?”

“…Not so much.” She turns to present her cutie mark, a pie topped with a cherry. “My talent really only works if cherries are one of the ingredients. I’m kind of a one-hit wonder.”

“I’m starting to understand why your bakery failed.”

“Hey, it’s not like anything I bake without cherries is awful or anything, it’s just it never turns out as good if it doesn’t have cherries in it.”

“What else can you do?”

“Lots of things!” Her horn lights up and she levitates a few balls from her saddlebags, which she proceeds to juggle. “I’ve been entertaining at kids’ birthday parties. I get all the birthday cake and ice cream I can eat.” She sighs. “I’m willing to work for you. I can do chores around the house to earn my keep.”

“Well then you’re not useless.”

She grabs a marker from her bag and scribbles ‘mostly’ in front of ‘useless’ on her sign. “Happy?”

You groan. Cherry Pie is obviously full of self-doubt and self-loathing, and she’s likely depressed. You can’t just leave her here, can you?

[CHOICE]Do you let Cherry Pie come home with you?
>You can’t just leave her standing by the side of the road. Take her home. (hero)
>You can’t just leave her standing by the side of the road. But you make it clear to Cherry Pie that she’s under no obligations to either you or your family, and that she’s free to leave any time she wants. (chaos)
>You’ve got enough mouths to feed already, you don’t need a freeloading unicorn too. (villain)

Comments

[ibanix]

It's short. Cute, but short.