Diary of an Aspiring Evil Overlord

by CopperTop

How I ALMOST Became Class President

Monday

Dear Diary, Hello My Loyal Subjects!

These are the memories (Mom says it’s “memoirs”. I think somepony misspelled “memories” a long time ago but didn’t want to admit it and created a new word that means the same thing. I’m going to remember to do stuff like that when I’m in charge!) of your Evil Overlord: Lord Milk Dark Chocolate! (Note to self: change later to super cool villain name)[Lord Dark Chocolate!] I’m going to use this journal to record my rise from a lowly blank flank to being the ruler of all of Equestria and the whole world! Because I think it’s important that my subjects have a COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY ACCURATE history of me to study in school.

I thought about destroying all the schools when I become an Evil Overlord, because school sucks and I hate it; but then I remembered I’m supposed to be evil, and an Evil Overlord would totally make colts and fillies do things that suck like go to to school. Grown-ups too. I’ll make grown-ups go to school too so that it also sucks to be a grown-up. I'm also going to give them stupid bedtimes!

Anyway, at this point in my TOTALLY AWESOME AND INSPIRING STORY of my rise to greatness, I’m still just a blank flank. Which is okay. Everypony starts out as a blank flank, and it means that I have a lot of time to practice being a great Evil Overlord and see which of my evil plans works best! My name is: Milk Dark Chocolate (I said this already. Oh well…) and I live in Ponyville. This will be the first place I conquer on my rise to power, but that will have to wait until after I get my Cutie Mark. I tried to take it over already once, but Mayor Mare said only grown-ups can run for mayor. (I double-checked with Mom that this was a real rule and not just a lie Mayor Mare told me to keep me from conquering the town. It is. Drat)

I won’t describe what I look like, because obviously by now you’ve seen my statues everywhere since I’m going to put them all over every town. Posters too. It’ll be a rule that every bedroom needs my poster in it and it has to be the biggest poster. (It’s the only poster!)[Well, maybe Power Ponies posters are okay too, because they’re cool]{No Power Ponies posters! Because I’m evil!}

Now, I’m sure all of you want to know why I wanted to become an “Evil Overlord”, and not, like, a “Good” one or something. That’s easy: Because there already is a Good Overlord! (Mom says I shouldn’t call Princess Celestia an “overlord”, even a good one. Sorry Princess Celestia!)[Nevermind. Evil Overlords aren’t sorry for things. Need to remember that…] Being a second Good Overlord wouldn’t be a very special talent. So I have to be an evil one! Like Nightmare Moon. Well, maybe not exactly like Nightmare Moon, on account of she got banished to the moon and I don’t want to be banished to the moon because I don’t like heights a lot. Or the dark. I’m not afraid of the dark (Super not afraid!), because Evil Overlords aren’t afraid of anything! I just don’t like it. And Evil Overlords don’t have to do things that they don’t like. (Note to self: Make it a law that anypony who says I’m afraid of the dark goes to jail)

I also don’t want to have to eat foals either. Especially not fillies because they’re icky! (Some of them are okay. I guess…) So I’m going to be better than Nightmare Moon! (Worse!)[Better!!]{Note to self: ask Mom if there’s a word for “being better at being bad”}<She doesn’t know. Drat>

First, I have to get my Cutie Mark in being evil. Or overlording. (Mom says that’s not a word, but I don’t care. I’m making it one like the “memoirs” pony probably did) Whichever mark means I’ll be good at taking over and ruling Equestria. And maybe the rest of the world too. I’m not really sure yet if I want to rule the whole world. That sounds like a lot of work. But it would mean more statues and posters of me, which I like the idea of. So maybe. I’ll think about it. (Griffons are mean and stupid and dumb and I don’t want to rule them!)

So I’m going to try being evil first and let you guys know how it goes!

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Tuesday

It did not go well.

Miss Cheerilee put me in Time Out for most of the day and told my Mom.

For the record: telling your Mom you only spat spitballs at the filly in front of you in class because you’re trying to get your Cutie Mark doesn’t get you out of being grounded. Drat.

So, because trying to be evil is probably just going to get me in Time Out and grounded a lot, I’ve decided to work on being an overlord first. Thinking about it, that’s probably the more important part of being an “Evil Overlord” anyway. I mean, anypony can be evil. That part’s easy. You just need a straw, spit, and pieces of paper. Ruling over someplace? Well, there’s only one princess, so that’s probably a pretty hard thing to do if there’s only one of them. If becoming a princess was easy, then there’d be a whole bunch of them! (I guess it’s easier than I thought?! There’s like five now! None of them are evil though, so I’ll still be special)

I already know I can’t take over the town because I’m not a grown-up, but while I was in Time Out today Miss Cheerilee announced that we’d be electing class presidents this week. I didn’t know they’d let one of us become president of the whole class! This is a perfect opportunity! I can use ruling over the school as practice for ruling the town! My first act will be putting Miss Cheerilee in Time Out and see how she likes it! Then I’ll make my being evil allowed by the rules so I can get my Cutie Mark without getting Time Outs.

We’re supposed to come up with campaign speeches and stuff to convince our classmates to vote for us. I probably shouldn’t mention in my speech that I want to be class president so that I can be their Evil Overlord? I don’t think any of them want that. But maybe they’ll vote for me if I promise to put Miss Cheerilee in Time Out for giving us so much homework. I’ll also promise to get rid of homework forever. Then, after they vote for me, I'll make it so I don't have to do homework, but everypony else does! Because an Evil Overlord wouldn’t keep their promises!

As long as they don’t make me Pinkie Swear about the homework thing. You’re not allowed to break those.

I’m really excited and I’m going to get started on my campaign speech right now!

You know, because I’m grounded in my room and don’t have anything else to do. Well, except the homework Miss Cheerilee gave us. But I’m not going to do that because I’m going to make me doing homework not a thing when I’m elected anyway!

All hail President Milk Dark Chocolate! (I’m not going to change any of the ones after this one. It’s a lot of work. Just replace “Milk” with “Dark” on your own from now on)

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Wednesday

Miss Cheerilee put me in Time Out again for promising to put her in Time Out. Then she gave me detention for not doing my homework.

I didn’t remember that we weren’t voting for class president until tomorrow. Drat.

I’m also grounded again for not doing my homework and saying I’d put my teacher in Time Out. Double Drat.

On the way back home after detention, I heard Mom say that it was going to be a “long week”. I didn’t know that was a thing. I thought all of the weeks were the same number of days. To me this just proves that Miss Cheerilee is not a good teacher and deserves detention, since she never taught us about some weeks being longer than others. (Okay, well I know now that it’s just an expression. Miss Cheerilee still deserves a Time Out though)

Still, I think I have a good chance of being elected class president anyway. Which will mean not having to worry about Time Outs or detentions ever again after today! (So, I learned the definition of the word “irony” today…)

I’ll probably still have to worry about being grounded by Mom, since I'm not being elected "House President" (I asked Mom, she said that's not a thing. Another Drat), but if I’m making all of the rules at school then it means I can make it so I’m not breaking any of them and not get grounded for breaking school rules. So it should work out.

Hail President Milk Chocolate! (Glad I’m not changing these anymore. I write my name a lot in this thing…)

Even though I’m going to make it so I don’t have to do my homework when I’m the president tomorrow, I still have to do my homework tonight. Mom says she’s going to check from now on to make sure I do it. Triple Drat.

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Thursday

That election was rigged! Diamond Tiara bought all of the votes by bringing in a cake and giving pieces to anypony who voted for her!

Elections are stupid! When I become the Evil Overlord of Equestria, I’m going to outlaw elections! And also outlaw cakes with stupid Diamond Tiara’s stupid face on them! But it’s also not a bad idea, so I’m going to remember to promise to buy everypony cakes when I grow up and run for mayor of Ponyville. Then I’ll outlaw elections so I can’t be unelected later by somepony with a better cake. (I’ll also outlaw cake because I’m evil! But I still get to have cake because cake is awesome!)

I did my homework, but didn’t bring it to school because I thought I’d be elected the class president. So I got detention and grounded again. Drat.

Mom says she’s going to check my saddlebags before I go to school now to make sure I have everything. I’m going to have to make sure to hide my spitball straw.

Today wasn't totally horrible though. I got to eat some really tasty cake!

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Friday

Well, it turns out that being class president wouldn’t have been so great anyway. All you do is take morning attendance. You don’t actually get to run the school or make any rules or put Miss Cheerilee in Time Out. I guess you get to wear a neat sash too? I don’t know if that was an “official” class president thing because Miss Cheerilee told Diamond Tiara to take it off when she saw it. It looked cool though, so I’m going to make a sash part of my Evil Overlord clothes. (Nah, a cape is cooler)[Using both is cooler!]

I did learn a lot from this experience though! I learned that you shouldn’t promise to put your teacher in a Time Out when they’re listening to your speech, because they’ll just put you in Time Out first. I also learned that using cake to get votes in an election is extremely effective. (Bits work too, but it’s harder to get a lot of those and you can just bake a cake at home)

So even though my first plan to become an Evil Overlord didn’t go exactly how I wanted it to, I will remember these lessons and I will figure out how to use what I learned to make my next attempt go even better!

I also learned that Mom is really good at finding spitball straws in my saddlebags. (Note to self: get a replacement straw)[Maybe a smaller one that’s easier to hide?]{Definitely a smaller one that’s easier to hide…}

So I am also grounded again…

Drat.

Author's Note:

So, trying something pretty different from my usual stuff (feels weird not to add a "Dark" or "Violence" tag...). This project will update sporadically, but I hope you guys still swing by from time to time to follow along with Milk's—I'm sorry, Dark's—rise to power and glory!

In case it's confusing to any readers, the colored writing represents "notes in the margins" or "corrections between lines" that Milk/Dark has made later on to his original entries. Purple is notes he's made a day or two after initial writing, Red for a few months later, and Green for a couple years later.

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Thank you so much for reading! As always, a thumbs up and comment are always greatly appreciated

I've set up a Cover Art Fund if you're interested and have any bits lying around!

Comments

[Mystic Sunrise]

Just for how dumb his ideas are. But he is a colt, and we were all this stupid at his age probably.

[LoserkidUwU]

This is great.
I love it.
I love you,
please make more.

[CopperTop]

11758180
This has been a LOT of fun to write, lol!