It'll Be Okay

by Leviathan Eclipse

Prologue

Today was going by in a flash. Shining Armor's mom and dad were running around, well his dad was. His mom was mostly screaming and walking funny. Later they all took a fancy carriage to the hospital where his mom and dad were taken to a room and he had to wait while some older ponies watched him. He tried to sneak off to see what was happening, but the guard ponies watching the white colt just kept blocking, and telling him to be patient.

After the fifth try Shining admitted defeat and decided to talk to them out of boredom. “Hi, I'm Shining Armor. What's your name?”

Relaxing a bit the pegasus guard answered. “Name's Kicker, Thunder Kicker, but you can just call me Thunder. Don't want to confuse me with someone else from my clan after all.”

“Clan?” Shining asked, cocking his head and wiggling his ears in curiosity.

“Yeah, it's like a really big family. We have a long and proud history as one of the original pegasus clans who were loyal to Princess Celestia during the lunar rebellion. Thanks to our loyalty we weren't forced to disband," said Thunder, pride welling up in his voice. "Now-a-days if you see a pegasus guard, they're most likely a Kicker. Hay we even have a few non pegasi in our clan.” Thunder Kicker puffed out his chest a bit in pride as he finished his explanation.

“Oi, Thunder! Don't bore the kid any more, can you not go five minutes without gushing about your clan?” The unicorn guard asked in an annoyed tone, before softening his gaze on to the young colt. “By the way kid, as long as we're doing introductions, you can call me Flash Break. No famous clan name, just a humble guard. So what's your story?” He asked, not wanting to hear any more of his partner's ramblings.

“Well, my mom and dad are somewhere down the hall and I don't really know what's going on but dad said something about a foal and mom was walking funny.” Shining said with a twinge of concern in his voice. His ears drooped back on his head as he looked up to the guards. “Is my mom gonna be okay?”

Thunder kicker perked up and gave his best reassuring smile. “Your mom is gonna be fine. And soon, you're gonna have a little brother or sister,” he said with an excited grin.

Shining Armor's ears flipped back up at attention. “Oh yeah, they said something about that last month. I think they said I was getting a little sister...” He stated, a look of contemplation on his face.

Flash Break showed some visible interest at that. “Really? I have a little sister too! Let me offer you a bit of advice,” He said looking directly into Shining's eyes. “Now listen up because this is important” Flash continued. “Your gonna be her best friend. You'll be there for her no matter what. You'll also be her shield against anything that would dare hurt her. It's a big responsibility, but it's your job now. Failure is not an option. You hear me soldier?!” The unicorn reverted to his usual commanding guard voice.

“Sir yes sir!” Shining suddenly stood at rigid attention and gave an enthusiastic salute.

Thunder Kicker rolled his eyes. “Really? You get on my case about my clan but you go on a mega rant like that over your sister?” He said before returning his attention to the colt. “Kid, it's great you're so excited to be a big brother but you don't have to go overboard. Be there for your sister, but don't be overbearing or anything. I've seen how that goes,” Thunder said with a sigh. “Just make sure she knows you're her best friend and big brother, and it'll be fine...” He paused a moment in thought before speaking again. “Although if you ever want to go the extra mile and learn how to protect her and other ponies better you can always join the guard.” Thunder finished with a gentle smile on his face.

“Really? That sounds great! I wanna protect ponies! Especially my sister!” Shining was practically bouncing in excitement thinking of all the great memories he would make with his new little sister.

---

The next few hours went by much faster as the two guards told the young colt all about being a guard and answering his occasional questions about being a good big brother. Eventually though, Shining Armor's father came trotting down the hall slightly limping and looking frazzled, yet happier than Shining had ever seen him.

“Shining, come with me, there's somepony I want you to meet.” Night Light looked at the guards before speaking again. “Thanks for watching him guys. I hope he didn't bother you too much.” Shining trotted up to his father happy to finally see him.

“Ah, he wasn't any trouble. You've got a great kid there Night,” Flash said, a gentle smile on his face.

“Do I get to see her now? My little sister? I wanna see her so bad!” Shining Armor was practically vibrating in excitement.

“Of course, follow me and try to stay calm and quiet. There's lots of others here and we don't want to disturb them, okay?” Night light turned around and started limping back to the room he came from as he motioned for Shining to follow. After a minute of slowly walking they made it to their hospital room. Night Light opened the door with his magic as gently as he could to make as little noise as possible. As he did so, he wrapped his son in his telekinesis, lifting him up to sit on the bed where Twilight Velvet was laying down.

As Shining got situated on the bed he noticed his mom was holding a small bundle of blankets. His heart skipped a beat and he froze in place as if afraid any movement would disturb the scene in front of him. With a gentle nudging from his father and his mother giving him a gentle smile, Shining slowly made his way closer to the other end of the bed. His eyes never left the small bundle of blankets, locked on like it could just disappear at any moment.

Night Light walked around to one side of the bed to face his wife and two children. “Shining Armor, meet your little sister, Twilight Sparkle.” At that Twilight Velvet gingerly lifted her daughter up to face Shining.

Shining for his part, was utterly speechless. Seeing his baby sister for the first time, this scene would be forever ingrained in his memory. She was the cutest thing he's ever seen with her lavender coat of fur to her messy dark purple mane with a pink and purple stripes in it.

Just when he was getting used to seeing his new sister, she opened her big violet eyes and stared right back at him before smiling and cooing at Shining. Suddenly, everything he talked about with those hospital guards clicked in the deepest depths of his soul. It was one thing to talk about being there for your sister, but Shining suddenly felt brand new instincts kicking in he never knew about. He was utterly determined to make sure no harm ever came to his baby sister.

“C-can I hold h-her?” Shining whispered as gently as he could, afraid of raising his voice and disturbing his sister.

“Of course, just be very gentle,” Velvet said a little louder than her son's whisper. She then slowly held Twilight out to Shining while Night Light maintained a gentle magic hold on his daughter. Shining held out his hooves expectantly. He tried to reach out to his sister with his magic and to everypony's surprise he actually managed a weak telekinetic field of his own. The three of them gently guided Twilight to Shining's grasp. Once she was safely in his hooves, Night Light let go of his magic, but Shining kept his up, not willing to take the slightest chance of letting her go.

For what felt like forever, he just sat there dumbfounded, eyes locked with his sister's. He couldn't tell how long he held her there. A minute, and hour, five seconds, it felt like time lost all meaning until twilight scrunched up her face, and started crying. Snapping out of his daze he instantly panicked, then calmed down as his mother took Twilight back and his father put a reassuring hoof on his shoulder. “Did I do something wrong?” Shining asked as his ears fell back against his head.

“Not at all. She's just hungry and tired, so is your mother,” Night Light said before letting out a barely stifled yawn. “Let's leave them be for now. You look pretty tired yourself son. Lets see if we can get some rest back in the waiting room,” Night Light finished, as he prompted Shining to follow.

“Okay dad,” Shining replied. Glancing over his shoulder he caught one last look at his baby sister being held by their mother. Although he was tired, he was also excited beyond description to have a baby sister. Noticing his son was wavering on his hooves, he picked up the young colt in his magic to drape him over his back. Despite his insistence on staying up longer, Shining Armor's biological clock won out and he fell asleep on his father.

The next thing he remembered was waking up in his bed at home, to the sound of a foal crying. Any annoyance at the disturbance was overridden by the joy Shining felt in his soul. “I have a sister!” he said to himself, squirming in excitement. In that moment, he felt that no matter what happened, everything would be okay.

Author's Note:

Please let me know if there's any spelling or grammar errors I missed. This is my first time publishing a fan fiction, and I'm defiantly planning on this being a fairly massive project. I just want to get some brutally honest feedback. Like, Rainbow Dash levels of brutal honesty.

Comments

[silent_user]

That was a nice read
Excited to learn what will happen next

[LastToTheParty]

I just want to get some brutally honest feedback. Like, Rainbow Dash levels of brutal honesty.

Well, that's something I think I can deliver. First of all as general advice, I can't recommend starting out as an author with a giant project, that you seem to be planning for practical reasons:

First of all, we usually publish to receive some form of recognition in the form of comments and viewer numbers and after looking and comparing how well stories are doing it seems to favor smaller completed works . So if you want to get some more followers I would suggest either trying some alongside or maybe just writing the first arc for this story as its own story.

Second is simply that people usually are not perfect when they are just starting out which might lead to you being unhappy with the earlier parts of the story down the line. In some cases that even led other writers to cancel their story, The Demesne of the Reluctant Twilight Sparkle being a prominent example of exactly that happening .

But this is just general advice that you may take to heart or choose to ignore, let's get to what you really wanted, some feedback .

Today went was going by in a flash.

A minor grip I have with the tense, but as it's your very first sentence in the story, it did bother me a bit. There are other usable tenses here, but going with just "went" just doesn't seem correct to me in the context, though that could also be my non-native brain talking. But that was actually the only thing about grammar/spelling that stood out to me, the rest seems pretty good .

About the plot, though not much has happened yet I do have a few notes:
Why is Shining being watched by two guards instead of hospital staff, more specifically why are they even there? That seemed a bit out of place .
I like the small exposition dump about Clan history, it doesn't feel unnatural but something an overly proud pegasus would say to a small colt. However, I have to take some points off for how the whole BBBFF is now a suggestion by the guards. That acronym is something that sounds like it was made up by little kids, not something an adult would come up with, or at least not so out of the blue as it is here. It also makes that acronym not so special anymore, as it would hold more meaning if the two siblings had come up with it themselves .
With a similar thought, I hope you give Shining more of a reason to join the guard than simply that one comment he got, as that would be a pretty weak motivation and makes him seem to just go with what his environment suggests him to do .
The second part where Shining meets his sister is pretty good and just a sweet thing to read, don't really have anything of note there.

All in all a pretty good start and welcome aboard this cozy platform .

[Leviathan Eclipse]

11759889
I appreciate the notes a ton. Some of your concerns I plan to address in later chapters like why Shining was being watched by guards. And Shining will have plenty of other reason to join the guard as he grows up... Well, one or two very big reasons. As for the acronym thing, I have a plan for that as well. It might not be a great plan, but it is a plan.

As far as your concerns about getting recognized, I plan to write various shorter stories along with this longer one. I have a lot of irons in the fire, and this is defiantly gonna take a while. Also, I mostly do this as a hobby. Sure it would be great to be recognized as a good writer, but I mostly do this because writing is fun, and I have tons of stories in my head I feel the need to put down. This specific story though, has a greater significance to me. Not to say I want it to be perfect. I just have a specific message I want to put out, but that wont be clear for quite a few more chapters.

Thank you for giving me exactly what I asked for, and I look forward to see your opinion on my future work. Especially my Jinglemass story I'm writing. That's currently my top priority, but after I finish that, I'll be a free agent once again.

[LastToTheParty]

11760000
Glad I could help you .

However, I must say that I still think it's important to reach other people even if you are mostly writing for yourself. I get the sentiment, but we post stories online to hopefully get a little bit back like the feedback you want, which can only happen if people are actually reading your story. I probably would not have stumbled onto yours without it being recommended to me by a certain user who tends to be silent . Because to me not getting any response after putting a story out there, but only indifference and neither likes/dislikes or comments is not a good feeling. That's why I think it's actually reasonable to think of steps to actually get a decent reader number. I get that you don't write for fame or recognition, but we still want to talk about our hobby, and well, that'll only happen when you get some people to actually talk with .

[Leviathan Eclipse]

11762139
I do appreciate the help and suggestions. I'll likely do a lot more out reach as I continue to add more chapters. I do hope to hear more from you as I continue to hone my craft. I actually came up with more ideas for this story just from ruminating on your advice.