G.I. EqG

by SonicSpeedster97

Den of Snakes

Hidden away somewhere, a dark army marched about as a wicked man in a mirrored silver mask watched from above… not even looking at the soldier he was addressing in his command room. “Now Zartan… tell me again exactly,” he asked in an angry raspy voice. “What happened?”

“All respect, Cobra Commander; I don’t know how much clearer I could be.” Zartan pointed out. “I tracked those girls you sent us Dreadnoks after, but we were beaten to the punch in pickin’ ‘em up. By G.I. Joe.”

Cobra Commander scowled under his mask at that as he finally turned to look at Zartan, drawing a very fine-bladed rapier and pointing it at the mercenary’s neck. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t ensure your terminal unemployment.”

He got his answer when a large combat knife was suddenly at his own throat, in the hands of a redheaded woman in a cutoff pink shirt. “Because if you even think about it, we’re gonna see if Mindbender can stitch a severed windpipe.” she threatened, her accent a mirror of Zartan’s.

“Ah, Zarana.” Cobra Commander smirked under his mask, almost amused as he sheathed his sword. “Ever one to leap to her brother’s aid.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate the thought, Zarana, but I can take care of myself,” Zartan assured as he stood up.

“Obviously not, since you failed in your simple mission to abduct seven teenage girls from some nowhere town in Virginia.” Cobra Commander pointed out as Zarana lowered her knife. “I should terminate your contract here and now and turn you over to the Joes.”

“I don’t doubt that you would. If you didn’t need our talents and muscle.” Zartan pointed out. “Besides, this fight isn’t over yet. We know who has the girls now.”

“You say that as if it isn’t a problem, Zartan.” That voice came from a man who looked almost perfectly like the archetypical mad scientist as he entered the room; bald, a wicked mustache, a monocle over his right eye, and unusual high-tech clothing with no shirt whatsoever, but a cape held in place by pins in his suspenders. “We have tried to attack G.I. Joe’s headquarters innumerable times. And unless I’m misremembering, nearly all of those attacks have come to absolutely nothing.”

“Indeed they have, Dr. Mindbender.” the Commander agreed. “So tell me, Zartan; how exactly do you intend to secure these children from the Joes’ grasp?”

“Simple. I don’t.” Zartan shrugged.

“Would you care to rephrase?” Cobra Commander scowled in unbridled outrage.

“I’ve been tailing these girls for months, Commander,” Zartan explained. “I know how they think. And I know that as soon as the Joes offer them a shot at us, they’ll throw themselves right into the fray for a chance to get even. Which will, in turn, give us the chance to scoop ‘em back up off the battlefield.” He glanced over at Mindbender, who appeared almost impressed as he adjusted his monocle. “Once we have them, Mindbender, they’re all yours.” Zartan smiled as he looked back at the man in the mask. “In simple words, Cobra Commander; we don’t have to go to them. They’ll come to us.”

Cobra Commander simply stepped right up in front of Zartan, uncomfortably close as he pointed at the mercenary’s collarbone. “If you are wrong about any of these assumptions, Zartan, I’ll instruct Mindbender to see exactly what makes a man like you tick.”

“And I presume you will be rather non-specific as to the method?” Mindbender smiled wickedly.

“Correct.”

“Message received, Commander.” Zartan nodded. “But if I may remind you… you don’t get the sorts of skills I have…” He spoke that phrase in an almost perfect imitation of Flash Sentry’s voice before he resumed his own tone. “Without massively comprehensive character research.”

“I submit that as masters of disguise, you and your family are indeed unequaled Zartan, but don’t presume to be knowledgeable in military tactics above your paygrade.” Cobra Commander warned. “Your targets are teenage civilians. I harbor significant doubts that the Joes would ever allow them to leave.”

“I feel as though I must respectfully disagree, Commander.” An Eastern European voice came on over the communication links as a dark-haired woman appeared on a holographic screen behind the group. “Zartan is correct about one thing; these children are nothing if not tenacious. I have determined little if not that from my own observation of them before the Dreadnoks were ever contracted to acquire them for Cobra; even despite the Joes’ regulations, I doubt they would be able to keep the children from the battlefield.”

Cobra Commander sighed quietly as he looked at the screen. “Your input is… appreciated, Baroness. But I prefer results. What have you to report from the city?”

“As anticipated, after the battle, the American military is sealing off the city pending investigation,” Baroness noted. “While Mindbender’s plans for the children are on hold, I am however pleased to report that Destro’s newest equipment is prepared to launch on your command.”

“Project Hurricane? Hmph. It’s about time.” Mindbender remarked.

“I could not agree more.” the commander nodded. “When will it be ready for deployment?”

“Soon. Destro assures me all that is required before its deployment is the primary ingredient. And lots of it.” Baroness explained. “I would like to request a Viper Team to assist in its… acquisition.”

“Granted.” Cobra Commander nodded, swiftly terminating the communication as he turned to Mindbender. “Find the Crimson Twins. Order them to send the best scouts and infiltration operatives within the Crimson Guard to locate and breach all of the Joes’ main bases of operations. Find the children and bring them here, whatever it takes.”

“Yes, Commander. Hail Cobra.” Mindbender saluted with a raised fist before he walked away.

“Zartan, if you and your Dreadnoks wish to continue to show your worth to Cobra, I suggest you take them and tell them to prepare to move on even the simplest order.” Cobra Commander ordered.

“Yes, Commander.” Zartan nodded, leaving the room with Zarana quickly following him.

Once he was alone, Cobra Commander leered under his mask as he looked out over his forces, knowing that power was well within his grasp.

Comments

[Comickook]

Yikes. Definitely a really good job on the dialogue, characterizations and future chapter set-up. The stuff with the Cobra higher ups AND Zartan and his sister discussing why they're after the girls in the first place - yeah. Definitely makes sense that Cobra would want to find a way to tap into that kind of power to make themselves more formidable.

VERY much looking forward to more of this.

[fluffytailmofu]

I went into this having never tried out any G.I. Joe media before... And I have to say, if this is anything like how the protagonists act in the actual series, they are a thoroughly unlikeable group who engage in highly unconstitutional and illegal behavior at the behest of a dystopian portrayal of the American government. Even more alarming than their plans of indefinite arbitrary detention of civilians without charge, combined with a lack of provision of legal counsel, is the fact that some commenters are so entrenched in a 'my country right or wrong' mentality they think Sunset and co should apologize.

The writing style is fun, and the heroforge pics make this somewhat accessible even to readers not familiar with the G.I. Joe fandom, but the flagrant disregard for civil rights from one half of the crossover's nominal heroes has me not wanting to continue the story.

[Mystic Sunrise]

11828525
This is nothing like how the Joes actually are. While they're not 100% perfect all the time, they would never do this for no reason like they are here .