My Little Miner

by AuroraWrites

Chapter 1: A New Mod?

Chapter One: A New Mod?

Author's note: This is my first story, I hope you enjoy! (Criticism can be helpful!) EDIT: FIXED MOST CORRECTIONS.

In a little server in Minecraft one person is absolutely bored. Steve is his name. He has everything he ever wanted and is bored with it until one unusual day...

"Man this is BORING!" , Steve said as he looked at his mansion and things.
"I have everything I need, went through every server. What else is there to do!", he yelled to himself.

Deciding a walk would help calm him down and find out what to do next, he ventured off into the wilderness. Slowly walking around, he tried to find an adventure. "Nothing", he thought to himself. As he was coming back to his house something or someone hit him in the head and knocked him out of unconsciousness. Snickering
voices could be heard as the mysterious people take Steve somewhere.

"What the heck happened?", Steve groaned as he got up to take in his new surroundings.

As he got up he noticed something, everything wasn't blocky but smooth! Steve was now in full panic. He first thought was that this was a new mod with a different type of format which kinda relaxed him. But at las, there were no names or numbers in the world that told this was a mod or server. "AHHHHH!!!" he screamed as he ran in circles trying to find out where he was.

After a long time of screaming and running, Steve slowed down. He finally found out out he was on all fours and his skin was blue green like his shirt. Confused he stumbled to a nearby lake with his new body. ( That somehow allowed him to run in control when in panic mode. ) In the reflection he saw a bluish-green pony with navy blue eyes, hazel nut hair, a tail that matches his hair, a weird horn thingy, and a picture of a diamond sword/pickaxe on his butt.

Wow. Was the only thing he could describe as he marveled at himself awkwardly. He's been through mods as a pony, but he has never seen himself like this. The sun was setting, "Dang it!", he said as he was trying to create a crafting table. "No luck.", he sighed. Looking around in the strange land he saw a tree that was low enough to climb on, but high enough to be away from mobs. Quickly he went to climb the tree, but he couldn't get up because of his clumsy hooves.

"WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME!?", Steve had said out loud.

He wanted so badly to get up the stupid tree. "So" focused on the tree, he teleported on it without knowing. Blinking, now aware he is now on the tree, he was dumbstruck. He was too tired to find out how he got on the tree, so he didn't. Sadly he was going to have to stay up a night in a tree waiting for mobs to die. Suddenly he became drowsy,"But I have no be-", was the last thing he said as he drifted into sleep.

Awakening from the early bright sun, Steve stood up in the tree. At first he thought it was all a dream. Thinking he was invincible, he jumped off the tree. With a bone-crushing landing, Steve feebly pushed himself up.

"Argggg. So this is not a dream? ... REALLY?!", He laughed as he talked to no one, but him.

A slight growl and gurgle came from his stomach. With a newfound feeling of hunger, Steve wondered around searching for food. Each step he took made him even hungrier, desperate for a snack he saw a tree with apples. In fact, the whole valley was filled with apple trees! Almost running to hug a tree, he thought about it.

"Why is there so many apple trees?", he asked himself.

Now that he thought about it someone had to plant all these trees. Maybe this person could tell him where he is, or be a bad guy and try to kill him. Finally he decided on taking one apple so no one would notice. In an attempt to get an apple Steve punched the branches, but he only hit air. Again he kept hitting, faster and faster he went. At his maximum speed of punching he gave up. Too stubborn to let the tree win, he concentrated on an apple like he did when he tried to get up the mean tree yesterday. Poof! one apple was on the ground. Rushing to the apple he greedily chomped on the apple with his body flat on the ground.

Satisfied with his breakfast, he quietly trotted away from Apple World because he didn't want to get caught by whoever owned this land. "I'm walking alone in a weird and different world with no one to talk too. ", he thought to himself. " Yayyyy. I'm in a unrealistic world with no clue on how the law of physics work here, have magic abilities which is pretty useful, don't know who sent me here, and I don't know who or what to trust!", sarcastically he spoke aloud.

EDIT: DONT READ THIS IF HATES BAD POEMS PLEASE ( I don't even think this is a poem ) DON'T EVEN COMMENT

Hearing birds chirping, the wind blowing, and drips of dew pitter-patting Steve randomly broke into a poem:

Why o why am I stuck in a place where things are not cube, but odd and different?
All is peculiar, but I can see that all of this world will be new to me.

Of course there'll be adventures waiting for me, as I look for the place where I used to be.

As Steve sang louder, he started prancing around, not caring where he was going.

This wonderful land I guess is not so bad, not as boring such as my old dear same life. I will make some new friends to meet, hopefully they'll help me on my journey.
Yes! This will be exciting Yippie! All just because someone hit me! ( I sound like a hippe... 8( )

EDIT: THE TERRIBLE PART IS NOW OVER :D

Steve's POV

Why did I just sing? Thats weird, but I feel much better now. Picking up my pace, I search for a place to call a temporary home. I can't craft, so I'll have to find some sort of natural home from nature. Either that, or I use that weird magic glow power. Wait, I think thats how I craft! But, how does it work, meh I'll just go to nature for now. Walking far longer than expected, I see nice little cave thats perfect as a dwelling. Coming closer to the cave I inspect what's inside.

Nothing but darkness fills the cave. "What a great start." I say to myself, but going in deeper I see a bear. When the bear looked at me it roared with a massive ferocity. With slight fear, I start punching the bear with my front hooves. The bear now mad slashes me on the back. Feeling pain I hit even harder, this time with my hind legs. Screeching in pain, the bear leaves, tears on its pudgy face.

I look around with a hint of smug/triumph on my face, but that soon faded away as soon as the pain hit me. The bear's claws were very strong and had cut deep into me. I was losing blood fast, unable to keep my eyes open, I pass out.

Meanwhile

" Spike! Are all the checklists correct for tonight's camping trip with my friends?" Twilight asked briskly.

" Yup! Everything's ready, but don't be so eggheaded like you're usually are and try to have fun!", Spike said
kindly.

" Hey! I'm not so geeky! I'll prove it to you because I'll find something so interesting you'll be asking for forgiveness."
She said in an angry tone.

After saying her goodbyes to Spike, she set off with all her friends to camp in the wild woods of the Everfree Forest.

EDIT: Author's Note: ME GUSTA? I'm a noob at this stuff okay? Go easy on me. Also some questions will be
answered in next chapter! Love the comments heh heh nope. I'm very young you should know.
(6th grader's education.) EDIT: Who wants me to delete the eleven-year old song? vote!

Comments

[Cellybeans]

I like the concept, but you really need an editor. Grammar needs work, especially regarding quotations and commas, but I'll let someone else detail that as I need to go to sleep. My biggest issue was all the horrible line breaks. I imagine you copy+pasted your story from a file or something because you have line breaks in the middle of sentences that make the whole paragraph into a jagged mess to the point it's almost unreadable. You need to go through your entire story and backspace each line's break so people can read it without their eyes bleeding.

edit: bah it fixes the thing in the comments I guess so I can't show what I mean

Also, the "Steve's POV:/End of Steve's POV" thing was really unnecessary. It broke any sense of immersion since we were already seeing from Steve's POV (it doesn't have to be first person to be his point of view), and to switch to something else, just the linebreaks and "Meanwhile..." will do nicely. :P

This is getting a thumbsdown from me until the technical parts are fixed at least.

[Cynewulf]

Sweet pony mother of pony god.

Man... er, woman, whichever: I couldn't get past the first paragraph. I don't know if it's any good because there's so much... Look, I don't wanna be mean, I'm just going to be honest with you. This is gonna be painful and I'm sorry, but the way this is written, friend, I hope you don't have any papers to write for school or else you are deep in the trenches of trouble. Here:

Deciding a walk would help calm him down and find out what to do next, he ventured off into the wilderness.

Slowly walking around, he tried to find an adventure. "Nothing" he thought to himself. As he was coming back to his

house something or someone hit him in the head and knocked him out of consciousness. Snickering voices could be heard

as mysterious people take Steve somewhere.

First off, though it doesn't come through the same here, why on earth did you double space like this for every line? It really messes the formatting up. In the doc itself, lines kind of just stop half way so you get this:

house something or someone hit him in the head and knocked him out of consciousness. Snickering voices could
be heard

as mysterious people take Steve somewhere.

That's how it looks in the chapter. Friend, this looks like poetry by one of those weird modern hipster college poets who writes about their menstruation cycle and the moon and beautiful hobos on free park benches. What is going on here, with the random spacing and the line breaks? Beyond that, you also change tenses everywhere. You've got to give the reader something to chew on, as well, and there's nothing for me to hold on to in what I could stand to get through but thin narration that's rife with error and some short dialogue.

Okay. Pain is over now.

Friend, if you're still reading: Go forth and read books. Seriously. Study your own language a bit, and find writers who you respect and admire and study how they use language. Then... try again. Or don't. But there's nothing to lose in trying. Telling stories is a great thing. Just tell them effectively, or at least try to tell them coherently.

[JellyDrivex64]

I'm loving this so far!

Seriosly finnally a GOOD minecraft crossover fic! //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png

[Whisper The Saint]

Here is a short review for you!

First, be careful when you write: "This is my first story." While there are some who will take it easier on you for this... there are others who will want to rip it apart.

Second, fix those paragraphs. There were many of them which were cut in half. Did you write this story somewhere else and pasted it here? I don't know if this is a bug... or you tried to write some form of poetry. But it sure makes it hard to read.

The idea has promise... but you really need to fix those line breaking.

Keep safe and keep writing!

[Biker]

Please continue writing the story, I really like your concept. The other commenters above are correct, you probably want to fix your formatting before you release the story for general consumption.

[BaconHazard]

1368456 FINALLY a good Minecraft fiction?

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/207/234/you-must-be-new-here-willy-wonka.jpg

[AuroraWrites]

Yes I freakin know I had bad grammar. IM going to fix it, if you guys are disliking this story because of grammar I understand. I new to the whole story concept, and I will get a editor. I had A huge migrane when I started this and didnt remember what I was doing. I'm very sorry.

[Feurisson]

1368456 If you like Minecraft related stories, have you taken a look at the stories in this group dedicated to Minecraft crossover, like Applejack plays Minecraft?

1371687 No problem, getting an editor is a very good idea. It would be better if you removed the double spacing 1368395 was talking about, too. And read some of the top rated stories here to get some more ideas on how to write a good story.

[AuroraWrites]

Yes the grammar and formatting is finally fixed! Now listen here disliking people, are you trying to break mah spirit?Yeah? Well guess what, WHO CARES?! I only do this for the people who see potential in me. Even the smallest of the bundle can grow real big with patience and ENCOURAGEMENT. Yeah I'm very young (11) trying to reach for the stars, without all the mean stuff. Don't judge a book by its cover, read a little more and you might find out you like it a lot. Haven't you felt sad that many people dislike your story, even when you tried your best? I have a diamond sword, some friendly creatures, Herobrine, the Enderdragon, and Pinkie Pie. Go away disliking people!

P.S :Don't worry a guardian watches me while I read.

POST THIS IF YOU EVER HAD WRITTEN A STORY WITH YOUR BEST SHOT AND MANY PEOPLE DISLIKED IT

[7x9000]

Meh, seen better, but would like to see where this goes.

[Cynewulf]

(You indent all paragraphs, not just ones with people talking.)

I was also rather plain in saying that I wished not to leave you with nothing but condemnation, friend.

[Cellybeans]

Ah! This is much better now that I can actually read it without hurting my eyes. Good on you for taking the time to go back through it and fix those paragraph issues, it really makes a big difference! I'll give it another thorough read and see if I can change out that Thumbs Down afterward.

Also, if could be so bold, I'd recommend you read this fic for an example of an extremely well-done comedy. It's not a crossover, but it's almost like an episode of the show, and it's one of eight total stories that have ever made it to my Favorites list. The writing style and characterization should at least give you some ideas on how to improve I think!

[TheMusicMan]

So much horrible!