All Of My Unrequited Love For You

by ButterflyEclipse

Puppy Love

Rainbow waited until she heard Twilight unlock her door. It hadn't been too long since Fluttershy left. Twilight was perplexed when she saw Rainbow laying on her couch as if she lived there for months now. "Rainbow? Where's Fluttershy?"

"I have no idea. I thought of leaving, but I don't have a key to the door. I figured it'd be safer if I stayed here in case of anything."

"That's thoughtful of you." Twilight unhooked the leash that was attached to Spike's collar. Even if he is insanely domesticated, he still gets tempered at the sight of a squirrel or a really crusty white dog. "Well, you're free to leave now, if you'd like."

"We had a fight."

"Huh?"

"Flutters and I. We had a fight before she left."

"Oh, may I ask what it was about?"

"I guess I wanted to be roommates because that's what we have always wanted to do since we were in middle school. Now she doesn't want to be roommates with me and it became a thing where she'd question if we were even friends anymore. Then in the moment, she said some things and I said some stupid things." Rainbow blankly explained, "Here's what I don't get. Right after, she told me to read this book she gave me a while ago."

At the mention, Twilight suddenly grew more intrigued. "A book? What book?"

"It was called like 'All of My Requited Love For You" or was it unrequited? But why would Fluttershy bring that up right after we fought? I didn't get to explain myself because she brought that up."

"Maybe it means a lot to her. I know with my books I am very attached to them." Twilight took off her coat as she continued her train of thought, "Oh, maybe she's using the book to tell you something."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was little, I'd give Shining Armor books to show what I'm feeling without actually telling him. I don't know if you know, but I was a very untalkative person. I didn't even want to talk to my own brother. So, when I had to tell him something important but too complicated to explain, I gave him a book to show him exactly what I was thinking."

"That seems complicated."

"I know. But it worked most of the time. Maybe the fact that Shining Armor was adequately smart and my brother helped." Twilight stated. "Now, the book Fluttershy gave you. Who is it by? I could've sworn I read all the local books around Canterlot. Non-local books can't have a title that long unless it is destined to be renowned."

"The author is like F. S." She saw Twilight frown at what she had said, "What?"

"That's odd. I've never heard of that before. I mean of course they're just initials, but I don't know many names starting with the letter F. I think I know three people with names that start with F. Do you know the author's full name?"

"I haven't even read a single page, how am I supposed to know that?

"Oh, then you must do that first."

"Fine. Thanks Twi. I'll see you later."

"Can I borrow the book after?"

"Maybe."

The thought remained in Twilight's mind for a good while. The three people she knew with names that started with F was Fluttershy, Fleur and Flash Sentry. Fleur has never enjoyed a book in her life— even at Crystal Prep, reading was never on her priorities even if it was for school. Flash would've told her every detail if he had done it. He would have taken notes from her, asked her out to the diner for some editing help. Now, Fluttershy— she was the one who gave it to Rainbow too. Initials match near perfectly.

Now of course, there is always the possibility, that there is another person that the author is, but Twilight slept well that night knowing the feelings Fluttershy could potentially unravel to Rainbow.

---

"Dedicating this book to my best friend. I'm sorry that this is my goodbye...

First time writing in this journal. This won't be a normal diary, though. It will be all about my best friend in the world. I'm planning to write in this so that I can give it to her on her birthday. I'm not entirely sure which birthday. Her 10th is coming soon, but I don't think that's enough time to write all I want to say. I guess I should refer her as 'you', since you'll be only one who will be reading this. This is stupid, but when I originally had thought of the idea, I thought it was perfect.

Where do we even start with you? You are loyal, caring, bold, confident and everything I always wanted to be. I can't even be jealous because you are just so amazing. I could always count on you to be there. Even when people started to bully me at our new school, I thought for sure you would abandon me. But you didn't. Instead, you fought the bullies and almost got held back seventh grade. Thankfully, you didn't. I couldn't imagine a better friend than you. I hope we remain to be friends forever and ever.

Today at lunch we had strawberry jam sandwiches and a ladybug had landed on your bread. You flailed your sandwich and it was the first time I had gotten mad at you I think. I'm still sorry for raising my voice, but I wanted you to stop terrifying that lovely ladybug. If it was anyone else, they would have laughed and continued it anyways. I know, because they've done it. But you're different. You actually listened to me and understood how important the bug was to me. Then you made sure the ladybug was safely on a leaf before tearing the part where it touch your sandwich off. I know it was a small moment, but it really meant a lot what you did.

I might keep writing our memories and keeping them forever in this letter/journal. I can't wait to see your reaction. Until then I have to think about what to get you for your upcoming birthday. You're just such an awesome person that it is hard to think of a gift that will amount to what you are. I hope that whatever I get, it will be as special as you.

Not the longest first entry, but I have a lot more words to say about you, and a lot more pages to fill."

---

Rainbow felt like she heard this story before. She doesn't know why, but it felt familiar to her. Ignoring that feeling, Rainbow was terribly confused. This was the book Fluttershy wanted her to read? Was this an autobiography about some person's best friend? It was fitting, but she didn't see the reason to gift your best friend a book about the experiences of other best friends. The book was also long. Weirdly enough, there weren't any page numbers, but if she had to guess, there were around a hundred fifty of them.

Rainbow took Twilight's advice and started reading "All My Unrequited Love For You". It was... fine. It wasn't her style of reading. She preferred more action-packed openings that lead the reader wanting to learn more, like Daring Do. Those books have thrill and an exhilarating adventure. Autobiographies or romance were genres she never particularly liked. She considered ditching the book to read Daring Do and the Sapphire Shore once again. But she couldn't turn the first page of Daring Do without a stab of guilt cursing her. She let out a groan and she opened the first book again.

She had to keep reading the book Fluttershy gave her. It clearly was important to her, and Fluttershy is important to Rainbow. Especially after their last conversation, Rainbow had to prove to Fluttershy that she means something in her life. Fluttershy thought they weren't friends anymore. Then, stupid words were said and Rainbow essentially said that being with her was the worst time of her life. She didn't mean it in that way. She had said the wrong words in the wrong order and it all just ended in tears.

She was going to read the book. All of it. She was going to keep reading and seeking out the words until she knows what Fluttershy is trying to say to her with this book. It might be futile and utterly useless. However, for the sake of Fluttershy, Rainbow was willing to try.

---

The country girl yelled from the other room, "Fluttershy! Something's wrong with Winona!"

Quickly, Fluttershy hurried to see Winona laid uncomfortably on top of Applejack. "W-what is happening to her? One moment I was sitting down on the ground, tryna pick up her dog toys, then the next Winona is sat right on top of me, refusing to move and she's whimperin'." Applejack asked, "Is she alright?"

Upon a further look, Fluttershy recognized the signs and she smiled. "Yeah. She's alright." She knelt down next to Applejack. "Don't worry. She feels safe with you. It might be a little painful for her to deliver, but she'll get through it with you by her side."

"Deliver?"

"We need a whelping box, newspapers, towels, sterilised scissors, notepad, pen, and gloves."

"What's a whelping box?" Applejack asked.

"Hmm, do you have a big empty cardboard box instead?"

"Yeah, behind the staircase, there's a storage room."

Luckily for Fluttershy, she knew the house of the Apples fairly well. Quicker than she could think, she gathered all the needed materials with some guided help from Applejack. Carefully, Winona moved to the makeshift whelping box with a towel underneath. Heat was provided, as well as the scissors, baby nasal applicator and other required materials. It took her several minutes to gather all of these.

"Applejack, you should have prepared more. If we wasted any longer there's a higher chance of an unsuccessful birth and recovery!" Winona was a rather healthy dog, however, her siblings have had recorded problems of delivering, and no one had ruled out genetics as a cause.

"I didn't know she was pregnant."

"What? How did you not know?"

"I don't know what a pregnant dog looks like and I haven't been able to find a new vet or an animal sheltering place cause yours got shut down."

They stopped talking when they saw Winona getting her contractions. Gently, Applejack comforted her dog as Fluttershy took charge of ensuring the safe arrival of the puppies. By the end, five new puppies had been brought to the world. It was long past midnight by the time they cleaned up and checked up on the puppies, Winona and their birth station. Fluttershy and Applejack took turns of taking a shower whilst the other paid attention to the newborns.

Once they were completely done, they sat on the floor and watched Winona sleep safely with her puppies.

"It was a goddamn miracle that you were here, Fluttershy. I can't ever thank you enough." When Fluttershy was about to reply, she noticed that tears formed in the green eyes of the country girl. "Winona was the last gift my parents ever gave me. Apple Bloom was four and I was eight. Knowing that now, I'm able to see the puppies of the gift that they gave me is the best thing that has ever happened to me this year."

Fluttershy smiled, "I'm just glad I was able to help you in the way you helped me. No matter what happens between Rainbow and us, I will always cherish our friendship." Soon, they both had tears in their eyes and hugged each other until their tears dropped into the same puddle.

Applejack pulled back, "Listen to me, Fluttershy. The passing of your mother will be hard. It might be the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life. But, what you're going to do is talk to Rainbow, fix or end your friendship— whatever needs to be done— and you'll go to Stardome Veterinary University, just like you've always dreamed of. If today proved anything is that this community needs people like you to help animals and owners in need. I don't even want to know what would have happened if Winona had given birth and you weren't there. Go chase your dream and help save lives and memories. I know your mom wouldn't be prouder."

Fluttershy pulled her back in for a final hug. She stayed there for the night, and when dawn arrived, she returned back to Twilight's place.

---

It took her eight pages. Eight pages to figure out what the story was about. Rainbow felt so incredibly stupid. She reread the first pages and it all started to make tremendous sense. The book is a journal that Fluttershy has written. F.S were roughly her initials. It made sense. It made sense to why Fluttershy would give this to her.

Rainbow didn't know how to respond. How was anyone supposed to when they receive what is essentially is a decade long love letter? She was now hesitant to read it. Not like how she was hesitant before. Before, she didn't want to read it because it seemed like a boring romance novel compared to her favourite books in the world. Now, she doesn't want to read it because she is scared of Fluttershy's perception of her now. Rainbow isn't blind. Fluttershy gave this to her after they broke up. She wouldn't have given it to her now and not have written about their strenuous moments.

Rainbow had to stay brave. She had to read and see the root of the problem between her and Fluttershy. And so, she kept on reading for another two hours.

---

"I made a decision.

I'm going to keep this journal to myself. I know in the beginning, I said I'd give this to her as a birthday gift, but this has become too personal. I'd be so embarrassed if I gave this Rainbow. Maybe in like two, five, ten or twenty years I'll give this to her, but for now, I'm going to keep it. My feelings for Rainbow... I don't know what to say about them. I thought it was normal. I thought it was normal to feel these things about your best friend. Rainbow is my saviour, my hope, and my favourite person in the world. She is pretty, athletic, brave and everything that any girl dreamed of being.

Rainbow is my hero. She probably heard those words time and time again. She deserves to hear the praise for eternity if she so wished."

---

The sweat from her fingers damped the pages. She rested the book over her face, covering the mess that is beneath it.

She remembered that look Fluttershy often gave her. It was a look others gave to her as well. When Rainbow looked deep into Fluttershy's eyes, she saw nothing but admiration. There was a certain gleam that swam in her iris that showed Rainbow that she was cherished. And she did once love nothing more than to sink into that feeling. She loved having people adore her and call out her name as a calling grace. But lately, it's been different. Whenever Rainbow stares at her favourite pairs of eyes— notably Fluttershy's— it's still there, even if she hates her now. She continues to see the shine of hope igniting her eyes.

---

"It's been a while. Rainbow and I haven't really talked much. Remember the things I wrote earlier? "Even when people started to bully me at our new school, I thought for sure you would abandon me. But you didn't. Instead, you fought the bullies and almost got held back seventh grade". So, that's not quite true anymore.

I am so hurt and confused.

I confided in her about how Gilda and Cloudy Spark tormented me. And now she's hanging with them, watching them say these things to me while Rainbow stays silent. I don't know if she knows the bruises they caused or the bits of hair they cut. I don't know if she's agreeing with them. Each comment they make about my weak body, my ridiculous hair and my gullible personality, I wonder if she is nodding her head to it all.

If I don't have her, what do I have? I don't think I am going to like middle school at all."

---

Rainbow had an idea. She had the perfect way to respond to this journal and it might take her all night. Speaking of which, it was now 12:43 AM. Despite everything, she has to wake up 5 AM because she has an early game before school. She had to push herself to let go of the journal and get enough energy out of a four hour sleep.

---

Her performance was lacking to say the least. Even after she put down the journal, her mind rattled, following and incapturing her thoughts deep into the night. Guilt that has been hiding in the corner of her mind spilt over for all the shit since middle school Rainbow has put Fluttershy through.

With less than three hours of sleep, Rainbow was struggling to focus on herself. She was lucky that the game was against the same neighbouring school and not something like provincials or anything to that level. Still, it was evident Rainbow wasn't doing the best she can be— and people noticed. From the crowds, she heard murmurs and whispers about her bad performance. Her teammates grew more frustrated and their coach yelled at her more. She fucking hated it. She felt like she was drowning into the lawn, choking on her short breaths and her pounding chest was crawling out her throat. Rainbow knew now exactly how Fluttershy felt when presenting to the class or being in front of a large crowd. It was horrifying. No wonder Fluttershy got scared. Rainbow never got stage fright until a few months ago. The actual critisms whispered through stadiums will never amount to the level of the bloodcurdling hallucinations she imagines when she misses a goal. And even when she does win, she doesn't feel the same glory as she did before.

---

School wasn't much better. She could barely stay awake for her classes and used lunch to nap the entire time. Her friends noticed. Fluttershy was far, always at a safe distance but even in Rainbow sluggish state, she could tell she was worried. She saw how Fluttershy furrowed her brows, creating a soft crinkle between and the way her bottom lip disappeared under her top pursed one.

It wasn't that major of a problem until it became the third block of the day. The class had read over a bit of text and was filling out a questions sheet. Rainbow groaned as her pencil tip broke and her head turned as she stood up. She became incredibly dizzy, unable to feel or think without it blurred. She walked her way to sharpen her pencil and suddenly— she collapsed on the way over, the pencil rolling to the side. Before a long period of pure darkness, all she heard was someone calling her name.

---

That day, Fluttershy had two classes together with Rainbow. Second and third block— biology and social studies. She tried to talk to Rainbow before, but the tension between them pulled against each other like magnets. That was a special way of saying Fluttershy was cowardice.

She quickly noticed how sleep deprived Rainbow looked this morning. Her eyes had no motivation nor did her hands as she wrote the first word or two. Part of her heart ached to see her in such a state. Rainbow normally came to school fatigued, but today was a much worse case.

Fluttershy was already absent-mindedly watching Rainbow— a small habit of hers— when she suddenly fainted to the ground. Fluttershy was quick to react: calling out her name and out of her seat immediately.

She had been trained in first aid and recently got renewed, so she tried to act as effectively as she had been taught but couldn't help but feel her heart tearing itself apart. She never imagined her first real victim being Rainbow.

Once she assured herself that Rainbow was breathing, she moved onto vitals. Her skin was cold to the touch, her heartbeat to the slower side, but still considered normal. She hasn't woken up yet. Why hasn't she woken up yet? Her memory froze afterwards. Nothing after that moment could she remember clearly in three minutes. She recognized the voices of the teacher and her classmates but only considered them as echoes. She heard the dial of 9-1-1 as faint as a dream. She watched as people took Rainbow away. Fluttershy tried to reach for her, but she was a ghost floating in the phantom world, unable to touch or hear, only watch.

All her complicated feelings emptied as soon as it happened. No resent, hate or hurt. Every betrayed emotion she felt towards Rainbow disappeared. The mammoth of a spider web string untangled itself the moment Rainbow fell into that state and tore out Fluttershy's sense of safety.

She wanted to leave. She wanted to drive swiftly to the hospital and check up on Rainbow immediately, but she couldn't. Fluttershy had to stay at school for another two hours. She had near perfect attendance and had a math test in her last class— she couldn't risk that, but throughout the rest of the day, she considered it with each passing moment.

---

Rainbow's mom had come over and dropped off the things she had requested. Fluttershy's book, paper and a pencil and lastly, her tortoise plushie— the one Fluttershy gave her the day after they first met. It still gives her the greatest sight of comfort when Fluttershy herself wasn't there.

The doctors said they wanted to keep an eye on her for another hour, but Rainbow had broken enough bones and fainted enough times to understand doctor's language. An hour is the equivalent of a two hour delay which in total is three hours stuck in the quaint room— and that's if you round down the numbers.

Her mother left to make a call with her basketball coach to tell them she couldn't make the game tonight. They were semi-finals and another strong player already said they wouldn't be able to make it. The moment she woke up, she knew that one of the first words her mother would say were: "It's a shame you have to miss your basketball game because of this", after a kiss on her forehead.

To spend the time, Rainbow continued to read Fluttershy's journal. By the second hour, she finished reading the journal. From front to back, she read all the notes on the margins, recognized the dates written on the top corners and relived the moments in Fluttershy's eyes this time. With the plushie at her lap, she hugged it wishing it was Fluttershy when reading her pages inked with her painful memories. She hated the person Fluttershy was describing. She despised how the person time and time again betrayed Fluttershy and took her for granted. Since the beginning, she hated people who hurted Fluttershy. Now she doesn't have a choice but to hate herself the most.

Rainbow let go of a profound sigh, like she was blowing a forest fire out of the confines of her mind and turned her attention to the paper and pen. Then, she started to write, "Dear Fluttershy..."

Comments

[DragonIdiot]

rd is not having a fun time rn is she?