Losing Ponies Sucks

by TheKing2001

Chapter V

I sighed as I slammed a hoof a few times on the castle door as Starlight shifted on my back. Thank Celestia for earth pony strength. The door opened slowly and I peeked my head inside, looking around.

“Uh Princess?” I called out hesitantly before stepping inside fully. I don’t think Twilight is the type but I’d really rather avoid getting arrested for trespassing. That would kinda suck. “Huh, guess noponys home.”

I trotted a bit more inside and resisted the urge to face hoof. This was a pretty bland castle in my opinion. Really could use some more decorations. Surprised Rarity didn’t go well, Rarity on it.

“Who needs this many libraries?” I grumbled as I stared at the three libraries side by side. I knew the Princess was a book worm but three libraries? That’s pushing it.

“They can take our alcohol but they can never take our freedom!” Starlight shouted out as she waved a hoof around.

“Got that right sister,” I rolled my eyes and smirked as I stared at a scroll. “What the hay is this?” I stepped closer and raised an eyebrow. “Dear Starlight, the map called us away for a friendship problem in Celestia knows where of Equestria. I’ve asked Mrs. Cake and Cheerilee to check up on you in the morning if you find this. Lyra always wanted to know if you could work a earlier shift two days from now because it’s gonna be a rush day for them at Bon Bons Bon Bons. You really need to quiet drinking so much. Yours truly, Twilight. What the hell is a friendship problem?”

“It’s where problems have their friendship!” Starlight giggled as she peered over my head. “Your mane is soft. Like a pillowww.”

“Uh huh. I don’t think the Princess would be entirely enthused with me if I left her student drunk and alone in a large castle,” I mused and turned around to start trotting to the door. “I mean I guess I can let you ride the couch back home. I’ll just have to hide the alcohol so you don’t get into it.”

“You don’t gotta hide anything from me Punch Berry,” Starlight mumbled as she yawned.

“My name is Berry Punch,” I corrected automatically. “Not Punch Berry. That sounds like a day where ponies are allowed to run around punching me and I’d prefer to avoid that at all cost.”

“Fair enough,” Starlight mumbled into my mane. “Getting hit isn’t fun. I can walk.” She slipped off my back and started stumbling to the door. “Onward! To adventure to save the whiskey from the evil prohibitionist!”

“The prohibition ended a few hundred years ago Starlight,” I said as she staggered out the door and tumbled down the steps.

“Starlight is okay!” She called out and stuck a hoof up, wiggling it around. I slammed a hoof against my face and groaned.

“Let’s just get home. Tonight’s been eventful enough.” Strange to think that way for me. At one point in my life, I’d have jumped at the opportunity for any form of adventure.

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I galloped down the road and sighed internally. How she can be this fast while intoxicated was impressive and bit concerning. Celestia knows what else she could be capable of. Drunk unicorns scare me but I’d never say that out loud. Hell, unicorn foals can shoot lasers when they sneeze. I remember when Pumpkin Cake started shooting holes in the roof of Sugarcube Corner. Thought it was a freaking light show.

“Slow down for Celestias sake!” I shouted as I jumped over Roseluck.

“The horror! The horror!” Lily shouted and I rolled my eyes. Most dramatic trio I’ve ever met in my life.

“It was awful!” Daisy agreed. Somepony needs to give me a roll of duct tape and the town would be lot quieter. We don’t call those three the early warning system for monsters for nothing.

“May Luna strike me down now,” I muttered as I skidded to a stop and stared at a house. Lyra and Bon Bons house to be precise. I couldn’t keep up with Starlight, especially if she teleported around I’m pretty sure drunk teleportion is not a good idea. I trotted to the door and pounded on it. “Open up Lyra! Or Bon Bon! I’m not picky at this point!”

“What in Equestria do you want?” Bon Bon grumbled as she swung the door open. “It’s past my bed time.”

“What are you, five?” I chuckled. “Listen, I need your help.”

“With what? Did you misplace more kegs at the bar again?” Lyra giggled as her head appeared over Bon Bon.

“Lyra get off me please,” Bon Bon mumbled as Lyra jumped off her back. “Thank you.”

“It’s worse than any monster attack or me losing kegs. Drunk Starlight. Rampaging around town on a quest to stop the prohibitionists from taking all of Ponyvilles whiskey.” The rampaging part was a bit of a exaggeration but meh who cares. Both mares stared at each other before staring at me and blinking.

“Oh thats funny!” Lyra laughed. “You had me going for a minute there.” Bon Bon rolled her eyes and made eye contact with me.

“She’s serious,” Bon Bon said and sighed. Starlight stumbled past waving a plastic sword in the air. Where in Equestria she found one of those, I’ll never know.

“We must defeat Daring Do!” She slurred out and faceplanted. “Sorry Punch Berry. Didn’t mean to fall on you!” Lyra stared at her with wide eyes and sighed.

“You were right. This is awful. I gotta get my camera for pictures after this is all over. Gotta have something to tease my friend about of course!” Lyra grinned as she darted inside the house out of my view.

“Lyra Heartstrings!” Bon Bon growled. “Get your flank down here this instant. Forget the camera!”

“I don’t understand that mare of yours some day Bon Bon,” I admitted as I watched Lyra’s shadow running around upstairs. Bon Bon grumbled incoherent curses and shook her head.

“Neither do I.”

Comments

[Hoofprintz]

This does not have a comedy tag so I'm just gonna say it.

This story would go hard if Starlight died. Just saying.

[Bronycommander]

another interesting chapter

[PrincePegacornV]

A drunk Starlight is way worse than any Legion of Doom could be.
Any drunk unicorn is very bad,

[TheKing2001]

11642912
Facts