How Luna Adopted a Hatchling (Against Her Will)

by Hokusai3211

A Discordant Night.

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Most ponies would not believe that pigeons are spiritual creatures. But pigeons are one of the most pious creatures on Eques.

They believe that if they’ve lived the life of a perfect pigeon, which is to say, cooing sufficiently loudly whilst ponies tried to sleep. Nest on only the most important statues in any given land and excreted on others whilst they wore their Sunday best. Then they will earn a place on the Great Blue Perch. Which they would be carried to by the great talons of the messenger.

Currently one of them was praying on the side of the old manor near the tree it had been nesting in, sending droplets of the divine down onto a spiky horned creatures in a black suit, which cursed angrily.

It pecked idly at one of the loosened tiles wondering where it was going to find its next meal. Then suddenly out of the sky something fell onto its head. It flapped its wings, flew backwards and cocked its head towards the ground.

A fluffy piece of what smelt like corn was slowly rolling down the tile. Idly it pecked at the thing, as was taught by the great white dove, “all-eth thingy’s shouldeth be pecked-eth at lest-eth three timeys as is right-eth and proper.” which meant everything, even rocks, train platforms and other pigeons.

Then having pecked sufficiently, it tasted something it could not quite fathom. The pigeon pecked again and swallowed.

What little synapses of intelligence its brain occupied flooded with euphoria as the taste of this exploded corn, this banged grain as it had decided to call it hit its taste buds.

Even as it was pecking it, the pigeon wondered if it would ever taste anything quite so sweet again. When suddenly the sky rained with banged grain.

The pigeon could hardly believe its luck. Twisting its head up to the sky to give thanks to the Great Perch it noticed a cloud just above it on the roof, a scaly tail and fluffy paw was dangling lazily from one side of it.

It started up in wonderment. Surely this was the Great Talon of the messenger, it had come down from the cloud and bestowed a bit of feed from the very Perch.

If the pigeon was capable of higher contemplation, it would have noticed that this was different to all the other stories of the great talon. This usually happened out of nowhere, grabbing you mid-flight in a flurry of screeching feathers and blinking confusion and dragging you off, presumably to the Great Perch, though strangely, no pigeon could actually confirm this to date.

But that didn’t matter, what was important was that it told all the flock. It would tell all the tale of the talon’s appearance and the exploded corn. The pigeon took off, ready to preach to its flock to create a schism in the orthodoxy and start a cult that would last a thousand clutches. But then it spotted a worm crawling out from a pile of leaves and took off after that instead.

Pigeons after all, are not the brightest of creatures.

Meanwhile in the less important world of pigeon deities, the emissary of the Great Perch, also known as Discord or “The avatar of chaos and disharmony, the reckoning of peace and tranquility,” to his friends, was having one of his best days yet.

He stuffed another paw into the popcorn bag and barely had a second to chew, before it came spilling out in a fit of giggles and belly laughter. As he glanced down at the show below him.

This little plan was turning out to be one for the books alright. He would have to save a whole page, maybe even two for his scrap book of chaos, heck maybe even a collage?

Even he couldn’t believe it was still going. He had thought when those abominable sisters had finally had that little talk, that would be the end of all his fun.

But somehow they’d agreed to the idea? Somehow that stubborn mule of a mare had actually convinced that other stubborn mule to look after the little cub she hated.

It was like they had wanted to keep this going as much as he did. The best part was, they had been so busy dealing with their own mess they hadn’t even bothered to find or come after him. He thought for sure the moth was pushing it a little too far. But no one was even the wiser.

He had to admit, begrudgingly of course and if anyone else ever found out he would deny it. But this ‘patie-‘ this ‘patien-‘ sigh, this ‘waiting around instead of doing something.’ was actually working out!

But that wasn’t even the best part. The best part was that he had not even thought about all the other little branches of chaos that had grown from the trunk of it all.

Speaking of which, he was missing the show.

“Uncle I’m telling you, there were these strange figures in the basement, they shot at me with some strange wooden thing.” The pony with the clown make up and frilly maid outfit whined.

“Sorry, was this before or after you met the ghost that turned out to be the grounds keeper and followed him into a cryptic basement full of, what was it? Magical occult items?” The fat, but Discord had to admit, impeccably well dressed pony asked incredulously.

“Uncle, you're doing it again.” She said somehow managing to scowl through those bright red lips.

“What?”

“You have your ‘I’m trying to pretend I believe you, but actually I think you're lying through your teeth’ client voice on.”

Discord watched the fat pony chins formed into a frown, it was like watching sheets of snow collapsing down the side of a mountain, “I don't have that voice, do I have that voice?” He asked rhetorically. “Look Golden, I think we’ve all just had a very long day, why don’t you take a break, I’m informed that the rooms are ready now, why don’t you go take a nap.”

The clown stamped her hoof on the ground, making a sound of a rubber ball. “I’m telling the truth uncle, there’s something not right with this place.”

“Okay then Golden, tell me where they are, where did they go?”

The mare raised her hoof as if to point out the direction then deflated slightly and said, “I…don’t know.”

“And where is this gardener you met?” The fat one said, raising his brow questioningly.

“He took off somewhere… but he said he’d be back.” She added hesitantly.

Discord watched the sharp dressed stallion nod sagely. “Look Golden, my dear I think-”

“-Your doing it again, you’re going to lie to me and say everything is fine aren’t you?”

“Golden?!” He said in a slightly hurt tone, “when have I ever lied to you?”

“Yestur-“

“-Metaphorically speaking,” he added quickly, “look, if it puts your mind at ease, I’ll ask the guards if they can put in an extra patrol, now did you put the princess to bed?”

“I…yes.” The clown said dejectedly.

“Good, then let’s just put a pin in it today and tomorrow we can have a look at this basement and these strange sightings, I promise.”

“But…okay uncle.” She said sagging like a deflated whoopee cushion.

“Relax, Golden let me handle things,” he said, patting her on the back, “Honestly you act like the very clouds are waiting to strike.”

Discord couldn’t help it he let out another laugh.

“Did you hear that?” The impeccably dressed, rotund one said, glancing upwards suspiciously.

“What?” The clown said dejectedly.

The stallion gazed around frantically then smiled uneasily. “Nothing, it just sounds like someone’s been laughing at me all day.”

“Welcome to my world.” She answered, sullenly trotting back towards the mansion.

Discord watched them go, then fell backwards into the cloud once more, sighing contently. “Ah, it’s like my birthday and the apocalypse all rolled into one.” What a lovely week it had been.

But even through his giant pink sunglasses he could make out the moon creating the horizon. Signaling the end of a day, but more importantly to Discord, the end of fun.

Damn and he was just getting comfortable too. He had found the right cloud, the right camouflage, got his chips, dips and assortment of fizzy drinks and was settled in to binge through the latest ‘ponies do the stupidest things’ season seven thousand. But now he would have to sit through the twelve hour commercial break called night time.

Now what was he going to do?

“Stop being defeatist Discord,”

Discord blinked, then glanced around.

“Down here boss.” He glanced down at his shoulder as another tiny version of himself materialised. “There has to be something going on right?”

“Oh, hello me, no it’s no use, these ponies and their intolerable sleep.”

The little him nodded sagely, “Well, maybe instead of whining, we should be proactive?”

“I can’t, I made a…” he swallowed a bit of bile, “promise.”

“We did, really!?” Little Discord said, taken aback slightly, “well…let’s have a look around, there’s always chaos out there somewhere, you have to be proactive as well you know.”

“Yeah.” Discord said slowly, flicking off his sunglasses “You’re right!” He sat up straight, brow furrowed in determination, “gosh me, you really know how to cheer me up.”

“It’s what I pay me for.” He said with a hopeful smile.

Discord paused and glanced pointedly downwards. “Pay? Who said anything about pay!”

“Hey we got rights, we have a wife and six kids to feed.”

“Sounds like a you problem.” Discord said, flicking the tiny version off his shoulder, as he grinned manically. Yes, waiting had its purpose it seemed. But there were times when a proactive measure was needed.

Perhaps that was inconsistent from what he was just thinking before, Discord hoped so.

He took off from the cloud, flying across the garden. What had that clown been talking about, ghosts with arrows or something? Well if that was the case he had to find out where they were, he wanted a piece of that action.

It didn’t take him long, only a few minutes into his flight he spotted something moving towards the back of the manor. Two figures dressed in hoods. Each of them skulking through the undergrowth, ducking and just narrowly dodging out of sight of the guards posted around them.

Discord fanged smile gleamed in the moonlit night, bingo. There was only one thing that strange figures at twilight wearing hoods would be up to and if that was the case, he wanted in.

He might have thought it strange that just by chance he had conveniently happened to find them. But Discord was the type of…well he wasn’t quite sure what he was really, but whatever that was, he was the type that always saw the funny side of life.

You had to see the funny side of things, it was either that or go sane. Who would want to be that, he had seen what so called sane creatures did, they were nuts! War, taxes, lawyers…You had to be truly crazy to call yourself sane and still think those were a good idea.

He followed them inside, becoming one with the shadows. The smaller cloaked figure was trying and failing to pick at a lock against the back entrance. Discord rolled his eyes as he glanced at a patrolling guard who was just about to turn the corner and spot them.

“Must I do everything?” He asked, and was about to snap open the door himself, when the larger one shouldered the smaller one aside and bent the large metal handle inwards. Using only his arms.

Discord blinked, “Well, someone’s been drinking their milk.” He mused to himself as the two scurried in.

Sweeping through the halls, he watched as the two covertly stuck to the shadows, ducking behind furniture and into the shadows, away from passing guards and the occasional maid.

Periodically they opened doors, seemingly at random, but despite the huge one having a large sack over its shoulder neither one of them were stealing anything.

Not that there was anything to steal, any price of value in this wretched manor was long past its sell by date. Discord could have bought everything in there with the lint and candy in his pocket, and still had enough lint to eat after.

The answer came rather suddenly when they turned the corner and stopped, Craning their necks around the bend, they glanced furtively towards the room at the far end of the hall.

At the other end two guards stood stoically in front of a door. A door Discord recognised almost instantly.

“Oh this is getting better and better.” He said watching as one of the griffons took something from their robes. A sort of flat bow with a handle on it and slotted an arrow into it.

“Nei” he whispered harshly. “Ikke her.”

Discord frowned, then turned his ear like a dial,

“Bzzz”

“-No.”

“The person you are trying to reach is unable to take your-.”

“-No.”

“Congratulations on being our one thousandth caller, just enter your credit card details to win big-”

“-Not falling for that one again, Aha wait, there it is!”

His ear spun round until it locked into place and finally set itself on the language of those two figures. The harsh sounding syllables of the figures turned from noise into words turning from, griffonian to eques.

“Don’t.” The griffon said, moving the bow away.

“Why?” The large one rumbled.

“Because you miss all the time, you almost got us caught half an hour ago.” The smaller griffon growled.

“What do we do then?” The other one who despite whispering might as well have been attached to a fog horn asked.

Discord watched the figures exchanging words to one another when something in the window caught his gaze.

But before he could even lift his fingers, there was the sound like a bowstring being loosened and something jammed into the backside of one of the guards.

“Ouch!?” The first guard who had been struck in the rump yelped.

“Shh.” The other older pony growled

“Something just bit me?” He said, craning his neck to his backside.

“What part of shh do you not understand?” The other growled again.

“I’m serious, hey is that… oh my god I’ve been poisoned!”

“Listen sonny i’ve been in the game too long to fall for the old. "I've been poisoned by a dart trick,’ you think I was born yesterday, you ain't getting out of night duty again, just shut up and stand still.”

“I don’t feel so…”

“Nice try, I’m still not-” The older one finally turned as his fellow guard clashed to the floor, “-what the heck?!”

Before the guard had time to look around, the large griffon moved, faster than Discord thought something that size could move. It lifted up his massive foreleg and brought it down on the helm of the older guard. He stood there, as the sound of metal rang through the halls like the bell of a boxing match, then slowly the older guard collapsed onto his partner like a plank of wood.

“Idiot l told you to keep it down.” The smaller one whispered harshly, though that was hardly needed now.

“I did, I didn’t yell any battle cries or nothing.”

“That’s not what I, bloody heck, let’s just get going.” He growled, opening the door to the room.

Discord would have chuckled at the sight of that. Slapstick was an underrated part of the chaos family. But at that moment he wasn’t paying attention to them. His gaze was still fixed towards the open window at the far end. He caught a figure in the distance moving away.

He had not even seen the third one, if it hadn’t been the glint of metal reflecting off that dart. He would not have even known he was there.

Something about that made him feel strange, like someone had played a trick on him instead of the other way around. He was not a person who appreciated being the but of the jokes, it was damn unprofessional for one thing and he was still gunning for the employee of the century.

True, he was the only employee and also the C.E.O. But that was no reason to slack off!

He turned, glancing back towards the two ponies on the ground. It didn’t look fatal, but when they woke up they would both probably wish they were.

Discord slipped through the door; the room itself wasn't much better than the others, old decrepit, practically macabre. It looked more like a crypt than a bedroom. But instead of a coffin in the middle of the room, there was a small soft navy blue crib, a tiny crescent moon painted on the front.

“There she is, finally.” The small hooded figure growled.

“What do we do now?” The larger one rumbled.

“Stuff her in the bag and let’s go.”

“Okay…” he said, then hesitated, “wait, what?”

“Put her in the bag.” The smaller said slowly.

“But she’s a cub?”

“It’ll only be for a minute.”

“Shouldn’t I make holes in it first or somin?”

“What?” The smaller griffon scoffed, “She’ll bloody fall out.”

“But… mum always told me, ‘Ulf don’t put others in bags.’” He said slowly.

“That’s oddly specific?” The smaller one said, “And what did she say about hittin’ ponies round the ‘ead so hard they ring like gongs?” The other asked incredulously.

“Oh she was fine with that.” He said puffing up his chest with pride, “she always said ‘Ulf hitting others is all you’ll ever be good for.’”

“…Huh, that would almost be sad, if you didn’t know any better.” The other one said, shaking his head, “Just, give it ‘ere.” He snatched the bag from the meaty claws of the other griffon.

Discord watched them move towards the crib. He glanced at the bag then at the sleeping cub. For a moment he thought about leaving it at that. This all seemed suitably chaotic for his liking.

But as he turned to leave he felt himself grimacing. Something inside his chest gave a sort of twisting feeling, like the time he had eaten a thousand ghost peppers on a dare. But somehow it was worse.

“Oh no,” he said slowly, “not this again.” He’d felt that feeling before, after he had betrayed Fluttershy and he supposed the rest of her annoying companions. That feeling that felt a lot like guil-

No, no wait. He could rationalize this, it wasn’t gui- guil, it definitely wasn’t that. Obviously it was umm… just too easy!

Yes, that was it, this was too easy. If he let those thugs take the cub then the game would be over. Obviously these foolish ponies would never be able to find her again and then the chaos would all be over. He was simply assisting chaos by helping. Of course, that was it, he was an unlawful abiding agent of mischief after all.

Someone had to be.

He watched as the griffon leaned down towards the crib then with a smirk one that Discord mirrored. He snapped his fingers which pushed the chaotic energy through the very molecules in the air. It spun across the room, bouncing off old porcelain china, ancient books and art pieces and finally hit the sleeping cub's pillow. All this did was give the gentlest most inconspicuous nudge and then…

Even Discord had to wince at what came next. The flurrying of feathers and claws was bad enough but-

“-Ahh!” The small griffon screamed, “oh emperor, it’s in my eyes!” He flew backwards, his face replaced with a tiny cub who was latched onto it for dear life. Like a cat that has climbed too high up a tree and was regretting its life choices. “Get it off, get it off!” He ran flailing up and down the floorboards.

“I got it!” The slab of a griffon bellowed, holding out his claw.

Discord snapped his fingers again, and a marbles appeared on the floor, the griffon's paw landed on them and slipped, the momentum sent the little cub flying off of him and right into a convenient fortress of pillows.

The griffon himself was not so lucky. He flew forwards and collided into the bigger griffon, sending them both flying backwards into a grand old bookcase.

Normally that would have been the end of it. Most bookcases that size were rather sturdy. But wouldn’t you know it, it was one of those poorly built bookcases, the type that wobbled Ominously over the heads of dazed griffons who found themselves peered up slack jaws as a book titled Ms Willow Marks ‘How to kill insects’ (all one thousand pages of it) flew downwards onto the huge one's head.

Then, purely by chance, all the rest of the books fell moments later.

Discord grinned, he guessed some folk were just unluckily. He turned back towards the cub who was clawing her way out of the pillow cases and staring indifferently around the room.

She gave a small yawn, arched her back then started right up at Discord and chirped.

Funny, he was pretty sure he was fully cloaked and hidden. He lazily flew to the other side and watched as her eyes followed him.

She chirped again.

“You can see me?” He asked, the cub chirped a third time and flapped her little wings as she walked towards him.

“Well, this is awkward.” He had sworn he had that camouflage down. Even the princess had trouble detecting him. Perhaps that was the problem though, young creatures always seemed to see things older ones overlooked. It was how the Boogeyman under the bed had been getting away with things for far longer than Discord had. Not that he was still bitter about that or anything.

Slowly he picked her up as she latched on to his paw playfully.

“Now what to do with you?” He said, looking around the room. “Any suggestions, I’m looking for something really spicy here.”

The griffon just chirped, smiling up at him.

Discord shook his head. “No, I mean that’s good don’t get me wrong, but it’s a bit of an old gag at this point isn't it?” He tapped his finger to his chin as the cub sat there smiling, her tail flicking side to side. “I mean, I suppose I could do it again, it did work out well the first time.” He grinned slowly.

Minutes later, Discord strolled through the mansion like only a lord of trickery could, which was to say he strolled normally. But with a twist to it, it was all in the hips really.

On his head sat the little griffon, wings flapping as she gazed around at anything and everything.

“Next stop, Chaosville.” He sang upwards as the cub mewed excitedly. He hoped over a pile of battle weary maids. Nearly tripping over a mare who was sleeping side by side with a giant spider, both looking rather worse for wear.

“Now if my chaos radar is anything to go by, it should be right about...” He tapped at the device in his hands and frown “Stupid thing, this is the last time I shop at Wallmar- aha!” He stopped just before turning a corner and peered around it. Two more stallions stood watch outside a door very much like all the rest of them.

Unlike those two idiot griffons. That wasn’t much of a problem for him. He snapped his fingers and the two stood quite still, very still indeed, almost statuesque. Mostly because that’s exactly what they now were, for the twenty minutes anyway.

“That wasn’t cheating right?” He said looking up at the cub. “I mean it’s not breaking any promises, they were just going to stand there anyway, right?”

The cub had very little to say in the matter as she was at that moment two busy chewing on the end of her tail.

“My thoughts exactly,” he said smirking, “you know it’s nice not having someone so judgmental around.” He walked right past them and towards the door.

Slowly, as carefully as he could he slid the door open a crack and peered inside. “Alright, you know the plan?” He whispered up towards the cub. She glanced down at him slowly, blinking.

“Oh come now, I told you six times already.” He said with a sigh. “Well no time for that, guess it’ll have to be improv.” Discord muttered as he snapped his fingers and the cub vanished from his head. “Knock em dead kiddo.” He yelled sotto voce to the room at large, shutting the door behind him.

Now then one more thing to complete the plan, then all he needed to do was find the cloud and sit and laugh.

Hell if he didn’t love his job.

---

Hendric staggered out of the room, clutching the swollen lump on his head with a claw. “Damn it all, where did she go?”

This was what happened when you tried going for a grand plan. Should have just stuck to cutting purses. Living in the gutter weren’t so bad compared to dealing with whatever mess this was turning out to be. Stuck between an idiot with the strength of ten idiots and a chief who he weren’t sure was even griffon. Didn’t see much but blackness in those eyes and was pretty sure he wouldn’t know a soul if he tripled over one.

The stories he had heard about the chief stories made even some like him shudder. Bad stories, black stories. But what was he supposed to do, tell some griffon like that to stick his plan where the talon don’t reach?

Hendric was desperate, but he weren’t suicidal.

Besides Hendric weren’t much good for nothing else than making the wrong choices in life, at that he was an expert. On the bright side, a side the griffon often found himself on the opposite plane from. If he made it out of this he would be stinking rich. Enough that he could buy the gutter and the street it was on when he got back.

That would show the bloody lot of them, payback for throwing him out to the wolves. He just had to find this stupid cub and-

He stopped halfway around the corner of the hallway and stared at an effervescent light. No, not light, lights. A lot of small ones all clumped together. Bright enough that for a second Hendric thought the sun had somehow made its way into the manor as he shield his eyes.

No candle made that kind of light before. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the lighting. “For a good time, and the cub (I guess) go here?” He read aloud slowly.

He moved closer to the flashing lights, a faint annoying buzzing coming from them and touched one with his claw. It made a tapping sound like glass and it was hot to the touch.

“Emperors beak, I hate these damn ponies, they’re all nuts down here.” He muttered to himself.

He glanced around, spotting some statues of guards. Looking far to life sized and far too close to real life for his liking.

Then he glanced at the door the lights were making an arrow towards. An unassuming door, could have been to anything. He knew he should have called it quits then, damn the cub and the money and his chief and this awful place full of stupid rotten ponies.

But damn it all he needed the money. Hendric lifted the empty sack over his shoulder, shook the dizziness from his vision and stepped inside the room.

He had always been his own worst enemy.

Comments

[Scyphi]

Who would want to be that, he had seen what so called sane creatures did, they were nuts! War, taxes, lawyers…You had to be truly crazy to call yourself sane and still think those were a good idea.

Admittedly, he does have something of a point with that.