Rosa

by awf

Chapter 46: Grief

Sky Light was staying out of Rosa's sight the next day, perceptive little horse that she was. Rosa was kind of glad about that, but she also missed her friend. At least Sky Light was out putting together the supplies and gear they would need for their trip, while Rosa caught up on some wallowing in the van. Strange, she thought idly, how she was not bothered by the filth and the smell in the slightest. Today, she had worse things on her mind. The newspaper had made her sad. Even though she had been dreading it for a while, it still came as a shock. There was an article on Lillian which made Rosa's blood freeze and her belly twist up into a cold, painful ball.

They were giving up the search.

Well, not exactly, but Rosa could read it clearly between the lines. The girl had been missing for over three weeks and the majority of the searchers were being called off. There were simply no clues. No ransom had been put forward, no threats had been issued and no body had been found.

That last bit gave Rosa a glimmer of hope, but it still wasn't really good news. Right now, the best she could wish for was that the girl had either been smuggled out of the country for some very long-term plot against Mr. Boone, or something much, much more sinister had happened. It didn't help that, in the wake of her disappearance, the newspapers and magazines had printed a history of similar cases. Rosa really wished she hadn't read that. She had been unable to sleep for days, imagining the atrocities some people were capable of committing. More than once Sky Light had found her friend crying and begging invisible gods that Lillian was just hiding somewhere.

Worse than that, every time Rosa started thinking about her, she ended up in the exact same mental place: It was all her fault. Lillian had run away from her school because of Rosa. It didn't make a whole lot of sense, but that was what it felt like. Whatever Sky Light had said, however she argued, Rosa wouldn't budge from that. Her little friend was probably dead and it was all her fault. Dead, if she was lucky. More than once Rosa had considered simply climbing up to the old factory roof and jumping off, just to make her imagination stop. It'd be easier than to live with the guilt.

There was one reason she hadn't yet. Maribelle. Giving up on her roommate would somehow mean letting Lillian down. Rosa didn't know how that logic worked, but she was clinging to it like the life line it was. In either case, Sky Light had sensed Rosa's mood and so she had been working extra hard to get them both to White Pigeon. Rosa wished she could tell her how grateful she was, but she got choked up when she tried.

Rosa knew she'd need her wits for the journey and the rescue, but right at that moment all she wanted was a couple of days to process her feelings for Lillian. Sky Light understood that, which was why she had been taking care of all the preparations and supplies by herself. Then, in yet another show of support, she held Rosa in her hooves each night. It was keeping the dreams from becoming too much to bear. Even so Rosa had ended up kicking her friend on more than one occasion when the terrors in the dark became too much.

Contrary to her gruff and easygoing exterior, Sky Light had a heart of gold and she never once blamed Rosa, even that time she'd nearly broken her ribs while thrashing around in the grip of a nightmare. Rosa saw the bruise next morning through her gray coat and caught Sky Light wincing when she thought no one was watching.

Ultimately Rosa just wanted closure. Even if Lillian was dead, she just wanted to know, so she could grieve and - maybe - get over it. That part of it was extremely unlikely, but at least Rosa could try. Not knowing anything was the worst part. She absolutely hated the way her heart kept alternating between irrational, crazy optimism and bleak, crushing despair. The emotional roller coaster was starting to take its toll, too. Rosa looked at her reflection in a puddle one day and the pony staring back at her was a complete mess and a stranger. Maybe that was why Sky Light didn't take her mooching anymore? The humans would probably think Rosa had some horrible disease and put her down.

Not long after that realization Rosa was pushing her muzzle into the dirty mattress and pressing her hooves down over her head, trying to squeeze out the bad thoughts so hard that she didn't even hear the pegasus approach until she laid a hoof on Rosa's back.

"Hey. Feeling any better?"

Rosa just shook her head as much as she was able without lifting it from the mattress.

"Here, take this," Sky Light offered, pushing something at her nose.

Opening her eyes was an effort, but Rosa saw two blurry white circles. "What is it?"

"Ambien. Open."

Rosa blindly obeyed and Sky Light pushed the pills in her mouth. She nearly spat them out, but Sky Light was obviously expecting that because she pressed Rosa's muzzle shut. "Swallow!" she commanded, then repeated in a slower and gentler voice: "Swallow..."

It was hard without any water, but Rosa managed to get them down.

"Good girl." As a small reward, Sky Light picked her up like a foal and held her against her expansive, soft, pegasus chest fluff.

"T-They're giving up the search," Rosa sobbed as the dam burst.

"Not completely," Sky Light replied. "They'll still keep looking, just- not as many people, okay? They might still find her."

Rosa nodded against the soft fur, even if she didn't quite believe the words. Sky Light kept talking in her gentle, soothing voice: "She's probably ran all the way to some backwater farm where they don't have TV and stuff, so some nice, old couple took her in. Sooner or later they'll realize she's being searched for and bring her back, you'll see." It was one of the better fantasies the two had dreamt up during a time when Rosa felt optimistic. She desperately wanted to believe it, so she nodded again. Both her and Sky knew it was probably a lie, but neither was willing to admit it. "Just relax and let the pills work, sweetheart."

That reminded Rosa that she had just swallowed something an ex drug addict had given her. "W-What was it?"

Sky Light could read her like a book, it seemed, because she chuckled and patted her on the back. "Relax, it's just sleep medication. I gave you a bit more, so it'll probably put you under for a long time. You need it, too."

That helped Rosa relax a little. The last thing she needed now was a drug addiction, not if she wanted to be any use to Maribelle when they found her. Being able to sleep through the night also sounded wonderful.

Except...

"Will I d-dream?"

The pegasus shrugged. "Hopefully not. I'll stay with you the whole while, okay?"

Rosa nodded again and clung to the warm pony body with renewed strength. "Thanks."

"Anyway, Pavo should be back any day now. I got everything packed for us and I fly over there to check every morning. When he shows up we'll be on our way, okay?"

All Rosa could do was bob her head up and down listlessly. Her friend carefully lowered her down to the mattress and then reached for the blanket before snuggling down under it.

"I need you to shake this off, Rosa, understand? Yeah, I know how much it sucks, but you have to focus!"

This kind of talk made Rosa want to cry again, but she managed to keep it inside for the moment.

"I mean it, you loony. Let's hope the girl is okay, but she might not be. I need you to get your waterworks on for real and put it behind you before we leave. We won't be getting far with you... like this."

Maybe she was right, Rosa thought. Maybe it was just time to assume the worst. Lillian was probably dead - lost in the forest somewhere - and she would never see her little friend again. Rosa closed her eyes as hot tears seared their lines down her muzzle. She was immensely grateful for the wing and hooves around her body, bringing her warm comfort.

"There's a good girl. Just let it all out, get a good night's sleep and then we'll move on, okay?"

Through sheer effort of will Rosa managed another nod.

Sky Light kept talking softly. "We'll find your other friend Maribelle and we'll get her out of whatever trouble she's in. Two determined mares like us? Pfft, the humans won't stand a chance!" Her hooves stroked Rosa's back and Sky Light settled herself comfortably by her friend's side. For some weird, confusing reason Rosa didn't want to be seen crying this time, so she shuffled until she was facing away. Sky Light's hooves dragged her closer and her wing covered her flank under the blanket.

"Then we'll get some answers about what's happening to you. And then, the three of us will meet up with Terry and we..." Sky Light sighed then. "Well, you've seen what life on the street is like. It's not so bad, right?"

Rosa almost smiled at the sight she was imagining. Sitting in the back of the van and watching the sun set over the abandoned factory. Maribelle leaning against her from one side and Sky Light from the other. Yes, even the human, Terry, taking swigs from his bottle a few steps away. Rosa desperately tried to hold on to that image and not the one with Lillian lying on some soggy forest ground. It was no use and it seemed Sky Light knew it too, because she kept murmuring sweet nothings as sleep dragged Rosa inexorably down. The last thing she remembered was bawling her eyes out and the pegasus licking her cheek.

Comments

[awf]

11615292

Actually, i already have the whole thing written and edited, so I'm just clicking on "Publish chapter" each morning. That probably counts as cheating :]

[NicieLunar]

11616282
It's still a very big dedication.