Speak Not Of The End Of The World

by Shaslan

PS1

When Strawberry Sunrise was 26, she graduated in the dead middle of her class.

“Here’s to space! Here’s to us!”

A chorus of cheers filled the room as glasses clinked together. Strawberry watched it all from the corner, nursing her strawberry martini in silence as she watched her classmates celebrate.

“Tie’s a little off, Sunrise.”

Strawberry looked down to adjust it. “Sorry ma’am.”

Rolling Thunder reached out and yanked it straight. “There ya go. You got an image to keep now, hear? Everyone’s lookin’ up to ya.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You might be the most tight-lipped recruit I’ve ever met. All this time and those are still the only two words I can get out of ya.” Rolling sighed, giving her a firm slap on the back. “Make me proud up there.”

With that, Rolling left, and Strawberry felt that she would never see her again. But she was alright with that. She wrinkled her nose and stared into the bottom of her glass as the thick smell of cigarette smoke hung in the air.

“You all done with that? I can recommend you an apple martini,” huffed the bartender.

“Pass,” Strawberry said with an annoyed flick of her ear.

“Suit yourself.”

“I will, thank you.”

From behind here there was a smash of glass followed by some surprised gasps and drunken cheers. “Oh, I just don’t know what went wrong!”

Strawberry downed the last of her drink and made for the exit.

The air outside was cool. It always seemed to be, nowadays. The seasonal cycle had more or less imploded on itself, leaving a fairly consistent schedule of biting winds and hazy days behind. Not that it mattered, since any food nowadays could only be grown in agridomes.

The streets glowed in a strange red and blue tint, from the neon signs decorating each side of the road. Hoverbikes and speeders were parked at irregular intervals along the curb, strange bulky shapes in the night.

“Oh. You.” Strawberry turned to see Cheerilee sitting on the bench beside her. Her old friend refused to meet her eyes. “What do you want?”

Strawberry raised an eyebrow. “With you? Nothing. Just got tired of being in there.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t surprise me anymore.” Cheerilee said it evenly, without any hint of intonation in her voice. Not too differently from how Strawberry spoke, in fact.

Strawberry crossed her forelegs in annoyance. “You going to keep talking in circles?”

“No, because it won’t matter, you don’t know how to change.” With that, Cheerilee shot Strawberry a hateful glare. “You’ve been the same for years. I’ve given up hope of you being different.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t know how to let go!” Cheerilee screamed.

Her thought echoed down the empty barren streets.

“Let go?” Strawberry echoed. “Let go?” She threw her head back and laughed. “What is there left to let go of? What is there I could possibly let go when the universe pries every last thing away from me?”

“No, that’s not what you believe,” Cheerilee spat. “You gave up hope long ago. And I could never figure out why. But you gave up! You gave up long before Redheart and Blossom died. Before Cherry died. Before the sun even blinked. Your entire life, all you’ve ever done is give up.”

In her friend(?)’s eyes, Strawberry could see the fading light of distant stars. The bright burns of crashing ships. The flame that consumed them all in the end. Names ran through her head of failed missions they had learned about at the academy. Each one more desperate than the last.

Effervescence. Phosphorescence. Luminescence. Scintillation. Effulgence. Radiance. Incandescence.

Dozens of lives lost. Nothing gained for them.

Cheerilee turned away, swiping at her eyes with a sniff.

Modern Warfare. Closer. PS. Closer 2. Duvidha. Elsewhere. PS 2. Reaching. Calling. Reaching 2.

As the moonlight gently fell over her body, Strawberry saw something there that reminded her of her mother and that look she would always have. She had always considered it one of disappointment. Anger, maybe. But standing there, watching as Cheerilee cried… She finally realized what it was.

Equestrian Solar Mission 1. Equestrian Solar Mission 2. Equestrian Solar Mission 3. Equestrian Solar Mission 4.

It was hurt.

Because Strawberry had hurt her.

Stepping forwards, she draped a wing of Cheerilee’s shoulder. The motion was met with an accusatory glance, but nothing more. Strawberry pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry,” she whispered quietly, evenly. “You’re right. I gave up before I even began.”

Cheerilee leaned into her and the two let the night swallow them whole.

Strawberry quickly lost herself in her thoughts again, feeling her body move of its own accord. She vaguely remembered rising from the bench, then riding an elevator to a cramped hotel room, moonlight peeking through the curtains.

Hurt.

Such a strange, alien thing. Strawberry had been hurt. She was still hurting. Painful ghosts and reminders made sure of that. Nothing could ever make the gravestone in her hometown cemetery stop hurting.

But she had hurt others.

She, Strawberry Sunrise, may have done more damage to the ponies around her than the sun sickness could ever do.

When her mind returned to her body she was lying in an unfamiliar bed, Cheerilee clinging to her. Her chest rose and fell, but other than that she was still. Voices still rang in her mind, spoken by ponies unrecognizable to her.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong.

Strawberry wanted to leave, to head home for a shower and a snack. But she stayed, letting Cheerilee wrap herself around her, clinging to her tightly as if she were afraid to lose her.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong.

“I don’t want to be in love anymore,” Strawberry whispered.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong.

I’m not–

Comments

[Bicyclette]

When Strawberry Sunrise was 26, she graduated in the dead middle of her class.

mid horse

From behind here there was a smash of glass followed by some surprised gasps and drunken cheers. “Oh, I just don’t know what went wrong!”

this is quite a catchphrase that Strawberry has had her whole life, apparently

Effervescence. Phosphorescence. Luminescence. Scintillation. Effulgence. Radiance. Incandescence.

peeks at chapter titles

She, Strawberry Sunrise, may have done more damage to the ponies around her than the sun sickness could ever do.

and, oof. that is quite the advanced level of self-blame

Strawberry wanted to leave, to head home for a shower and a snack. But she stayed, letting Cheerilee wrap herself around her, clinging to her tightly as if she were afraid to lose her.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong.

“I don’t want to be in love anymore,” Strawberry whispered.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong.

I’m not–

oof! love this