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Shaslan

I make both fanart and fanfic. I draw all my cover images myself, and I take art and writing commissions!

Shaslan Joined 31st May, 2020 · Offline

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This is a collaboration piece with The Red Parade for the Scifi Contest.

When Strawberry Sunrise was eight years old, she watched as the sun blinked. It vanished for exactly four seconds, and Strawberry knew she had just seen the end of the world. Years pass, and the blinks get longer. Strawberry loses ponies to the blinks – loses ponies she loves. And she knows she cannot let it go on any longer.

Laotyn is tasked with watching the planet down below the great gas-ship Taelo. The primitive lifeforms are unevolved, bestial. But when Laotyn looks closer, when he strains his senses to really listen, he begins to think he can hear something that sounds almost like speech. 
Chapters (21)
Complete Published: Apr 2nd, 2023 Download
21,523 words
Comments ( 38 )
duckmagee
duckmagee #1 · Apr 7th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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What a ride this was, reminds me of old school twlight zone

Streamline
Streamline #2 · Apr 10th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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So, my understanding is that Strawberry sacrificed her life to destroy the alien ship, and this last chapter was her ghost going back in time (or maybe dreaming it up) to see her younger self?

My biggest problem is that the pony chapters were entirely too disjointed for me to really understand what was going on as a whole with them. At least not without going back to reread them.

Shaslan
Shaslan #3 · Apr 10th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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11553418
Yeah, that's right! We decided to tell Laotyn's storyline as going forward in time, and Strawberry's as going backward in time. It's intended to be a little confusing, and to benefit from re-reading if you want to. Thank you for reading it though :raritywink:

Streamline
Streamline #4 · Apr 11th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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11553704
Ah, that makes a lot of sense. I suppose I might try to give it another read at some point when I have more time.

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #5 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Reaching 2 ·
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“I’m 28 today.”

wish i could say same

The sun. That stupid goddamned sun. That sun that had taken so much from her, that had turned the world she loved to ash, to dust. It was all gone now: as empty as the space around her. The console let out a timid beep.

oof, definitely a solid reason to hate the sun

Faster and faster and faster, she throttled towards the sun’s surface. The heat was overwhelming, the light too much for her visor. Strawberry wasn’t bothered. She was who she was, until she wasn’t: and in that moment, she ceased becoming Strawberry Sunrise.

She became nothing.

and oof. of course her life would flash before her eyes right before this moment, and beautifully so

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #6 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Effervescence ·
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The other person extended a tendril across the corridor to him, touching his body and sending a shot of camaraderie and support directly into his system. <<And my last,>> they said. <<You’ll do great.>>

<<Wait–>> called Laotyn, realising that this must be the observer he was replacing, but the current had already carried him past them, and they only waved a regretful tendril back at him.

what a poignantly relatable moment in such an alien context

And it was only as they squeezed through the access portal back into the central chamber that Laotyn caught sight of the telltale growths inside them. The grey-white spheres of new life. No wonder there had been a vacancy. That person was a nascent Parent, nearly ready for merging. This had been their last shift in the pods, and likely their last day altogether.

Merging was a magical process, a beautiful thing – but Laotyn was young, and the loss of individuality still seemed like a frightening prospect. He supposed that when he was older he might feel differently.

and oof, what a different perspective such a life cycle would give this species about death

Laotyn felt himself swell with pride, inflating to fill as much space as he possibly could, throbbing red and amber with excitement. <<I’m Laotyn,>> he said. <<I’m the new observer.>>

wonderfully creative work here! amazing job immersing us in a truly alien species and culture in so few words

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #7 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Elsewhere ·
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There was no turning back, no hesitation as she ascended the ramp. No last minute words or calls from her oldest friend in the world.

There were no regrets, no thoughts left unspoken.

There was nothing left to say.

and oof, beautiful way to sum up such a delicately poignant scene

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #8 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Mousseux ·
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Until finally, the little star named Issia was found. A hydrogen-rich star just small enough to allow for a geocentric solar system, just like the star that had once orbited Home.

a geocentric star system, huh? i’m no astronomer but i’m guessing there aren’t too many of those around…

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #9 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Duvidha ·
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A dilemma.

That was the word that Strawberry decided best fit her current situation. Sitting on her bunk, she stared out the window as the vast planet of Equus sprawled out in front of her. It was grand and beautiful, in its own unique sort of way, but Strawberry had long since given up on appreciating anything that it had to offer.

what a wonderful contrast (or resonance?) with Laotyn’s feelings at the end of the previous chapter

Strawberry frowned. The sun had bore many names over the years. The Great Goddess, The Harvester, The Traveller. But now? Now it was a reaper, a devastator, something that had claimed more pony lives than anything else in the history of Equestria. First it killed their rulers, then it came for everyone else. Safety was a myth, and fear grew to become the norm. 

and oof! whatever it is that is happening to the sun, i have no idea, but this description does a great job at making it feel like a literally cosmic horror. very intriguing!

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #10 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Phosphorescence ·
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It’s going to be one of those memories that my children are going to give to their children, forever and ever, just like ones from Home.

hehe, love the cultural worldbuilding

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #11 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Call Me Back ·
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At least the sun was out for now.

what does this mean???

“Horseton, we are go for launch.”

“Copy that, standby for launch sequence.”

always simultaneously love and hate the horse puns

Pain. Love. Anger. It all flew by in an unrecognizable blur, too fast to catch and not worth the effort. In that second, Strawberry finally felt whole again.

“Are you going to miss home while you’re up there?” asked a nonexistent reporter, seated in a nonexistent press room.

Strawberry chuckled. “Nowhere feels like home.”

and oof, the guilt and grief all tumbling around each other. very dreamlike, i had to reread this chapter a few times

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #12 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Luminescence ·
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Her dark colour gradually gave way to something lighter and more wistful. <<It would have been something, wouldn’t it? To be the ones to find that Issia’s planet has native plant life or something.>> She gave a quiver of laughter and shook two tendrils at him theatrically. <<Imagine, aliens.>>

hehe, of course the ponies (i assume) would be the mysterious aliens to them! very intriguing, with hints at how the two narratives here will intersect, and that it may not be on a level that is literal and material

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #13 · May 29th, 2023 · · · PS1 ·
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When Strawberry Sunrise was 26, she graduated in the dead middle of her class.

mid horse

From behind here there was a smash of glass followed by some surprised gasps and drunken cheers. “Oh, I just don’t know what went wrong!”

this is quite a catchphrase that Strawberry has had her whole life, apparently

Effervescence. Phosphorescence. Luminescence. Scintillation. Effulgence. Radiance. Incandescence.

peeks at chapter titles

She, Strawberry Sunrise, may have done more damage to the ponies around her than the sun sickness could ever do.

and, oof. that is quite the advanced level of self-blame

Strawberry wanted to leave, to head home for a shower and a snack. But she stayed, letting Cheerilee wrap herself around her, clinging to her tightly as if she were afraid to lose her.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong.

“I don’t want to be in love anymore,” Strawberry whispered.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong.

I’m not–

oof! love this 

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #14 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Fluorescence ·
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<<Any luck yet, Laotyn?>>

Rygiae’s tone was joking, almost teasing, but Laotyn kept himself a staid, sober ash-colour.

love this! literally grey-rocking

Only the algae had scraped out a form of life on the surface of the planet’s core, and algae wouldn’t be strong enough to light up Laotyn’s receptors like this.

and love this shift in perspective, where sea level is “surface of the planet’s core”. really makes you think about anthropocentrism

<<Laotyn, I’m getting a bit worried,>> Lyia said, through the closed door of his pod. <<When was the last time you photosynthesised? When did you last visit the algae pools?>>

what a distressingly relatable moment in such an alien context

Strange creatures, utterly foreign — one fixed colour each, their moods a mystery.

wait til this guy hears about Changelings

They moved in set, strange ways, with no give or fluidity. Strange holes and decorations adorned their surfaces, and as Laotyn watched these creatures through the mirror of their own thoughts, he trembled.

so true actually we are fucked up

For that to be proven wrong now, after the extinction event, after Home was gone — for the new species to inhabit the very world that the people hoped to colonise — there was a dreadful sort of irony in it all.

They had come seeking a new world, but it was already occupied.

and, oof. after seven generations of waiting, too!

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #15 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Closer 2 ·
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She knew the name of her superior though, mostly because she swore to never let them forget it. Rolling Thunder, the mare made of bricks. The unstoppable force, she liked to call herself. She just couldn’t figure out why they wouldn’t let her back up in space again. Not like she needed all her limbs in zero gravity!

aww, very Rolling Thunder for her to be rolling around without half her limbs!

Rolling laughed, rough and harsh. “Yeah, you’re almost outta here, and I still don’t know a damn thing about ya! Neither does anyone else, really. You’re just one big red and yellow mystery.”

so true she is just a big red and yellow mystery

“Here we go. This,” she remarked as she drew out a long, wooden object, “is a boomerang. Heard of ‘em?”
“Sure.”
“Neat thing about ‘en is that they always come back to you. Now I dunno about you, but to me, that’s what life really is.”

and of course you had to incorporate her Australianness into the themes somehow, amazing

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #16 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Scintillation ·
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But these creatures — ponies, the image-word recurred again and again in their dreams, and he was beginning to grasp the language, crude as it was — these ponies were fixed in body and fixed in place, no flexibility in either. Perhaps the two aspects were related.

so true

A pony spreading its wings and performing the limited lower-atmosphere movements that this species perceived as flight.

dang, burn on pegasi

She was pink, making her look permanently embarrassed — though her yellow mane gave her a slightly more hopeful air.

aww, really love this species’s lens! of course the bright and varied colors of our beloved ponies would make them seem permanently of one mood to them, while we and the ponies would have to adapt to reading their colors instead of their facial expressions

<<Cherry Berry,>> he greeted her, the image of those two bizarre plants still alien to his mind’s eye. His people named themselves in musical, lyrical patterns of colour and sound — but hers sought comfort in the familiar, and named themselves after objects and plants from the world around them.

so true, love the straightforwardness of pony naming conventions

It’s holes were open wide, just as Cherry Berry’s were, showing the white solids inside, and the memory was tinted with happiness.

ahahaha love this

Though he had no tangible form here in the dream, though they could not hurt him, Laotyn shied away. Fire was something that had never been seen on the Taelo, but the sight of it awoke long-dormant instincts. On Home fire had been the one great natural danger to the people. When a spark ignited in that hydrogen-rich atmosphere, the results were…horrific.

and oof, that Cherry Berry’s balloon is the closest thing on Equestria to something that looks like Laotyn’s species must make its use of a flame even more eerie

The ponies were giving off feelings of contentment, of pleasure, and reflections of the flame danced in the large wet circles through which they perceived the world.

love those dark wet circles

The stuff you come out with is so trippy, Cherry Berry said, waves of umber amusement radiating off her almost as clearly as from a person. How does my subconscious come up with this stuff?

ehehe, really makes you think about the process of writing

They’re real good at interspecies friendships down there, Cherry Berry said at last. I’ve never studied there, but the kids are out and about in town enough that almost everyone’s gotten roped into one of their silly friendship lessons. They’d probably tell you that there’s always a way to balance everycreature’s needs.

and oof. that is how it seems to work out in the land of Harmony and magic…

His understanding of the terraforming modules was rudimentary, but so far as he knew, there was no option to change half of an atmosphere.

and oof, so that is why he felt such dread in discovering the ponies

The scene shifted again — they were back with the balloon, but now the yellow six-limbed pony was present in the balloon beside Cherry Berry. Buddy, I don’t understand what even half of that means, but I think I’m more interested in dreaming about her than about you and your freaky sky-jellyfish friends.

hoowee, there is a sad yet hilarious irony to this, love it

Cherry Berry was his friend, his first new friend in years. In ever, if you took into account the friendships he remembered his parents having with the parents of other people. Cherry Berry was the first truly original person he had ever known.

oh damn, by the reckoning of ponies, this guy’s first friend ever is Cherry Berry…

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #17 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Waiting Room ·
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Strawberry had grieved. She had cried, screamed, punched the wall so hard she broke her hoof. Wondered how the sun could take Cherry but not her. How someone so brilliant and lovely could die, while the useless sack of flesh named Strawberry Sunrise continued to exist.

oof, that guilt and self-hate…

It would have been exciting if Strawberry remembered what that emotion felt like.

oof, horse depression

“All I’m saying is that if the sun has decided that it’s time to dip, then hey, maybe it’s got a good reason!”

Strawberry didn’t know what to make of that statement.

The door opened again, and Cheerilee stepped back into the hall. “Not sun sickness!” she beamed. “Just a little cold. Did they launch? How did it go?”

and oof, so many poignant contrasts to close out the scene. wonderfully crafted

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #18 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Illumine ·
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And then a voice spoke. Truly spoke, the way Laotyn understood ponies did in their waking lives. No soft thoughts and gentle colours here. Just vibrational sound, raw and uncompromising, the waves of it jittering painfully through his body even all the way back on the Taelo.

“Laotyn. Is that thy name, interloper?”

oh hell yeah Luna’s in this!

and uh, i’m guessing this has something to do with what the story had to say about Luna earlier…

She had stopped screaming.

That was a good sign, right?

<<Do you understand, now?>> he said into the darkness, but all was silent once more.

and, oof…

very understandable why Laotyn tried what he did. the story was just the wrong genre. and given its track record for bitter ironies, i’m guessing this is the idea of communication as an attack cutting both ways. loved the idea in Blindsight and i love it here

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #19 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Modern Warfare ·
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A strange side effect of the chaotic developments was a rapid push in technology. Magic continued to deteriorate, to the point where Twilight outright banned the use of any type of magical ability due to the injuries and destructions running rampant through Equestria.

ooh, so that is why this Equestria has so much more advanced technology! and of course it was hinted at in previous chapters with cars being the hot new thing in a world that has rocket ships and space stations. love this idea

“I still don’t think you could know that if you never apply yourself,” Cheerilee muttered.

“I don’t think Strawberry has ever applied herself to anything in her life,” Cherry joked.

oof! and love how just these lines capture the personalities of these characters in Strawberry Sunrise’s life so far

The moment was broken by Cheerilee, as the best ones often seemed to be.

so very Cheerilee

“We’re just good friends,” Strawberry said as they pulled away, leading Cheerilee to roll her eyes.

ahaha

Cherry turned her head, staring straight at Strawberry. She gave a quiet sigh and smiled. “Laotyn,” she whispered.

And then…

…There was nothing.

oof…

and of course the mystery of what this “sun sickness” has been this whole time… possibly the result of Laotyn’s species trying to make contact with individual ponies? just beautiful stuff

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #20 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Effulgence ·
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It wasn’t the first time he had made the request, and the scoff she gave him was also a well-worn one. Yeah, that’d go well, wouldn’t it? A balloon pilot rocking up at the palace in Canterlot and demanding to see Princess Celestia on the grounds that the talking jellyfish in her dreams told her to.

and oof. Laotyn didn’t luck out in having Cherry Berry be the pony he talked to the most. he really needed a pony that was less grounded, if their efforts could have made a difference…

They didn’t even know how to grow algae in shapes, for goodness sake! How could they suddenly have developed the ability to engineer all the varieties necessary for air filtration, vacuum protection, and all the thousand other requirements?

ah what a wonderful commentary on anthropocentrism! those assumptions do seem very silly when done by another species whose technological path was different from ours

Laotyn stopped for a moment to observe her. Of all the ponies he had seen in Cherry Berry’s dreams or in their own, Celestia was the one most beautiful to his own perception. Her limbs and bones were as unpleasant as all the rest of them, but the filaments that grew on the top and rear of her body were not the same flat limp things as Cherry Berry had. Celestia’s mane and tail wavered like his own tendrils, and shone with soft pastel colours just like a person’s body. When seen from the right angle, she looked almost like a person herself.

love that Celestia’s majesty translates to even the most alien of species

The fear in the room was stifling, he could taste it, and it was suddenly warmer than it had ever been before. The walls of the Taelo were blazing with light, and even though it was impossible, though Laotyn knew that no lone creature could move a sun, icy dread took hold of the very deepest parts of his core. No creature ought to be able to fly alone and unaided through the glacial inferno of the void, either, and yet this pony princess had done it.

so true, love Celestia

<<Our voices hurt them, too,>> Laotyn said, so softly that no one but himself could hear. <<We’re hurting her.>>

And I hurt Luna, too.

<<Wait,>> he said, realisation dawning — the loss and the madness in her expression — but it was too late.

and oof, a painful realization too late…

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #21 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Sci-Fi ·
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“This club sucks.”

“What?”

“I said this club sucks!”

“What?!”

“Fucking. Never mind.”

so Strawberry Sunrise

Blossomforth slammed her hooves on the table, drawing everyone’s attention. “Hey, before I forget! I’ve got news!” She puffed her chest up and flared out her wings, almost smacking a drunken couple in the back as they passed by. “I’m signing up for the astronauts program!”

oof, knowing how this ends…

“The… one about the changelings?” Strawberry asked.

“Breach, yeah! Funny enough the script was written before we found out they existed, so it kinda ruined the whole shapeshifter storyline.”

oh yeah i’m sure the discovery of changelings ruined a lot of common story tropes!

“What can I say? I could finally fly if I were one of them.” Cherry sighed wistfully.

oof…

Before she could finish her sentence, the theater lights abruptly came back on. A burst of static came from the projection box before a nasally voice filled the room. “Uh… I’m very sorry to disturb you all, but I’ve just… I’ve just received news that I’ve been asked to share. Um.”

An icy stab of dread embedded itself into Strawberry’s heart.

“...Princess Luna is dead.”

and oof, so the sun blinking and sun sickness both predate Celestia and Luna’s deaths…

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #22 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Radiance ·
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Aw, really? She sounded disappointed. I don’t even get my nocturnal buddy to help me pass the time? Being ill makes you sleep a hell of a lot, you know.

and augh… this really hits home for me. 

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #23 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Balling ·
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“Yeah, you’re just ‘born in the wrong body,’ or something. The tragic tale of Cherry Berry, the pegasus without wings,” Strawberry said, using her wings for air quotes.

dang, using her wings for that is extra rude! which is exactly what one would expect from Strawbs

“Without wings, how could I do things like this,” Strawberry asked, using both appendages to make an obscene gesture in her direction.

extremely Strawbs

“Mm-hm. Good luck.” Strawberry watched as Cherry crossed the room, pulling the bathroom door shut. “Hey, don’t go pulling a Derpy in there!”

“Oh noooooo! I just don’t know what went wrong!” came a muffled reply.

aww, they’re so mean! just straight-up bullies!

Sunset Shimmers: Scientists Baffled as Sun Continues Erratic Behavior, read the headline.

oh hey Sunset’s in this

But lately… Lately things were getting worse. Equestria had just launched some brand new space device to explore the world above them, and the universe didn’t seem to appreciate that.

and, oof… i wonder if this is something like the very magical-thinking way that Equestria’s sun works is tied to the ponies not actually knowing how astrophysics works. so the more they try to find out…

The doors were slightly ajar. Through the cracks she could see a flash of color: a strange orange material. Something thick and black, showing her own reflection. “You again.”

The-figure-who-must-have-been-adult-Strawberry was silent. A familiar sensation took over the room. Faces turned to places, names turned to dust. Too fast to understand.

oh hey, Interstellar! though i like this version better

After three minutes a pegasus fell out of the sky. They began yelling that their wings weren’t working anymore. A unicorn tried to pick up a rock and found themselves unable to control their magic.

oof… this certainly does sound like the secular laws of physics reasserting itself over the ponies…

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #24 · May 29th, 2023 · · · Incandescence ·
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They cut swathes through the pony population. Thrusting memories into the wide-open minds of dreamers, letting whatever aspect of communication radiation that disagreed with pony bodies do its work, and then they sat back to watch the dead count rise.

ah, sun sickness! and wow, that is really fucked up

He saw exactly what would happen, and he pulsed a wistful cornflower blue. He saw the pony Cherry had loved, and he did what he had gotten so good at.

He stayed silent.

and damn…

you have done such an amazing job with writing Laotyn here. what a beautifully tragic moment

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #25 · May 29th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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She nodded, deciding that she was, and her mother set her down on the ground. Strawberry followed her mother back to the kitchen, and they spoke nothing more of the end of the world.

and a beautiful, beautiful echo of the end of the previous chapter. there is a beautiful inscrutability here of what the adult Strawberry Sunrise was intending with these appearances to her younger self. maybe she is travelling backwards in time herself, and the previous chapter was her last, desperate attempt to lay the seeds in her younger self to save the world. but the paradox of changing the past and the Strawberry Sunrise of it all both converge… and this is her final moment in her past, resigned to the futility of it all, sharing one final moment with her younger self before everything goes wrong for her.

and quickly rereading the very first chapter here, oof. it was all there from the beginning. definitely worth a reread with the whole story in mind
 
i can’t even say that this was one of the best stories i have ever read on this site. this is one of the best stories i have ever read, period. and i find it difficult to find the words to express my feelings on it because it feels like nothing i write could really do this work justice. all i can say is that i am beyond honored to have this entry in this contest.

Shaslan
Shaslan #26 · May 29th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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11595606
Wow, thank you, Bike. That's high praise indeed, and I really appreciate it. Thank you for running the contest and inspiring the story!

Now for the ultimate test - between Red and I can you guess who wrote Laotyn and who wrote Strawberry?

Bicyclette
Bicyclette #27 · May 29th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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11596288
you wrote Laotyn and Red, the personification of cdn.discordapp.com/emojis/886641780068585502.webp?size=96&quality=lossless , wrote Strawberry?

Shaslan
Shaslan #28 · Jun 1st, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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11596293
It wasnt that much of a challenge to guess tbh :rainbowlaugh:

Thunder twister
Thunder twister #29 · Jun 26th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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Finally got round to reading this and I really really enjoyed it!

Spoilers btw

The only section I am struggling with is the connection of the sun disappearing - is it due to Laotyn's race's contact or Strawberry's time travel/flashback (or a third thing I haven't thought of). My poor reading comprehension is likely to blame, but I've been thinking about it all day and it's starting to drive me mad

Shaslan
Shaslan #30 · Jun 26th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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11621372
It's to do with Laotyn's ship passing between Equus and the sun once it's in Issia's orbit, but because the stories are in reverse chronological order and the two protagoists perceive time very differently it's not super clear. We were going to make it clearer in editing but the contest was ending so we sorta ran out of time

Lexiebommel10
Lexiebommel10 #32 · Jul 12th, 2023 · · · Mousseux ·
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Uh oh terracorming needed is gonna be a problem ponies might be able to work with it tho

unfortunately yiff
unfortunately yiff #33 · Jul 26th, 2023 · · · A Call ·
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above even everything else, the shape of this story’s narrative is so immensely gorgeous

a few questions sorry:

  • are there potentially ghosts for everypony, or is strawberry the only one experiencing ghosts?
  • i noticed that strawberry only sees herself during the solar blinks, are blinks necessary for astronaut strawberry to manifest?
  • does the sun sickness/communication radiation apply a damage over time effect? did cherry die of that? or from an unrelated communication strike by government contractors?
  • also, is the SS/CR sickness (haha sun sickness sickness) only acquirable during sleep, kinda like being vulnerable to it when dreaming?

sorry that feels like a lot of questions

FanOfMostEverything
FanOfMostEverything #34 · March 5th · · · A Call ·
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Fascinating, haunting work. Outstanding job in using the opposing temporal directions to establish the details, then bring them together once the two stories intersect. Thank you for a disquieting but incredible experience.

Shaslan
Shaslan #35 · March 6th · · · A Call ·
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11842214
Thanks so much for this comment, I really appreciate it.

The Red Parade
The Red Parade #36 · March 6th · · · A Call ·
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11842214
Thanks! Shas and I are very proud of this one ^^

SparklingTwilight
SparklingTwilight #37 · 4 weeks ago · · · A Call ·
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It was an interesting decision to travel backwards in narrative with the ponies to underline how their time on Equestria was ending (a sunset) juxtaposing that against the traditional chronology of the aliens' time which in theory would be just beginning on Equestria (a sunrise)... assuming things work out....

Assorted Thoughts About Some Themes
Maybe someone else can expound more about this but there appeared to be a theme of words hurting but not speaking being a worse decision. (That theme appears to be in the very title of the tale, so I am fairly sure I am on the right path!) Laotyn not trying to communicate with anypony else probably doomed any chance at reconciliation and then by not speaking up at the end may have also doomed the colonist aliens.

There also seemed to be a theme of middling performance being key, although (if I was not reading too much into this point) maybe I missed some of its permutations or what the theme's payoff was supposed to be? In PS1- Strawberry graduated in the middle of her class and in Closer 2 she was mid-way through her schooling. And in the first chapter, she, the one who was least likely to use her talents, was the one who ended up having the star chapter rather than Luna or Celestia.

I am not sure if there is a deeper meaning in that all of the friend pony group has strong associations with red. Cherry, Strawberry, Blossomforth, Redheart, etc. Maybe someone else can sort that out.

Comments on Specific Chapters
- Fluorescence was a chilling chapter, especially realizing what happens in the first chapter!
- Dramatic irony... The Scintillation chapter confirmed the terror that readers know is coming.
- I see some entertaining play on the Pandemic era for inspiration in descriptions in "Waiting Room".

In Closing
This was a neatly wrapped traditional SciFi story that one could probably enjoy in a professional anthology from the 60s-90s. Thank you for sharing! :twilightsmile:

Comments shared because this piece was nominated for review here by a reader.

Shaslan
Shaslan #38 · 4 weeks ago · · · A Call ·
Reply

11860504
Thank you for the review - you definitely picked up on a lot of the themes Red and I were trying to convey.

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