large bot small battles

by Status L

What was that big green thing?

pov sunny cloud

"Ugh. When can we go outside? I want to play while its still daytime." I asked my older brother.

"Not now Sunny our parents asked us to stay here until whatever attacking the settlement is gone." said my brother.

"But Lunar it has been so many hours." I complained. "I want to go outside already."

"I said no Sunny as the older sibling I have to take care of you and the one hour hourglass has only been flipped once." He said.

I retorted with: "But you are ony 2 weeks older than me and my mom told me that mares have to take care of stalions."

"I am still older than you Sunny and gender does not matter." He stated.

"Uuuurggh. Fine I'll wai-" But I was cut of by a sudden loud rumble comming from outside that made my brother ask: "What was that?"

"I dont know." Was my answer to his question. "Maybe we should go check it out."

"Yes I think so too." Agreed my brother finally so we went upstairs to the door of the basement.

---

After we levitatet the door open and left the basement we see that our house is completely colapsed and what looks like ruble from the mountain is everywhere but what we notice first is our father's pink mane and his dark blue coat is as pale making it look like that of my brothers and his left wing seemed to be like that one time he crashed to hard making it seem like that one time he had to go to the hospital with all of that red stuff around it.
My brother and I shout "Dad!" at the same time while we gallop at him.

"Dad what happened?" I asked but he did not answer me.

"Hey dad are you awake?" Was my brother's question but dad did not answer so I desided to shake him awake.

"Dad wake up dad!" But he did not wake up. "Hey wake up already!"

But while I was trying to wake dad up my brother suddenly grabbed my shoulder and pointed at something green in the rubble that started to move and than got on all fours making it look nearly 50 hooves tall but than it stood up and it looked 200 hooves tall instead as it moved its proportionaly small head and looked at us meanwhile a red aura disapated from its silver horns its eyes seemed to be a pure yellowish green it looked angry as it started to come closer to us there suddenly teleported a group of 7 ponies in front of us and 7 glowing objects started to glow making the large green thing (Is gallop the right word?) gallop on its 2 big hooves away faster than I have ever seen a pegasus fly.

"hey are you two foals okay?" Asked a old unicorn wairing a lot of shiny bells and incredible beard levitating a book in his lichtblue aura.

"Y-yes.""Yea thanks." Me and my brother said at the same time.

"Hey what are your names actualy?" Was the question proposed by a nice groundpony mare.

"My name is lunar day and this is my younger sister."said my brother which I followed upon with. "My name is sunny cloud."

"So waht are you gonna do now?" Asked one of the ponies as there was a sudden red beam in the same color as the one from the green thing's horns fly of into the distance.

Author's Note:

Whooo! Done- wait where is the second filly? was there a change of plans during the idea period what happened to the settlement and what happened at the end?

Find out next time on Large Bot Small Battles !

Comments

[Mkchief34]

How did this even get through moderation? The grammar, spelling, everything about it...just feels so completely wrong.

Just one example - "tags come ASS story goes".

It's one of the simplest words to spell, with only two letters, and you misspell it nonetheless.

[Mkchief34]

11504496
How have you read anything worse than this?

Or are you trolling in some way that I don't understand yet?

[Status L]

11507202
Are you new?
11507200
thanks

[Mkchief34]

11507271
1. I have been on this site for 8 years. I am not new.

2. My intention was to highlight that this story needs complete grammatical restructuring, not what needed fixed.

[Status L]

11507298
1.1 you have not seen mutch then

2.1 my country (is that the correct word?) is not english
2.2 do you have any suggestions to improve the structure?

[Adamastos]

Well other than some needed spell corrections, the story is a nice humorous read.
Although, it bounces back and fourth between reasonable & silly which leaves a distasteful feeling. The characters could use a tad more rounding out to match their canon selves while leaving those unique quirks you've given them in a smaller capacity so it doesn't read like an intentionally confusing fortune cookie. For example, you could have it so this Flash Sentry stresses a bit more when facing something confusing by yelling or have the humor Starswirl is shown used sparingly.

If you continue this story as is, you may need to add the comedy tag. It really doesn't fit the adventure tag if you don't make some changes. Such as using "which" instead of "witch" properly for sentence structure.

[Status L]

11508030
Thank you for the tips I shall try to remember them for future chapters and when I modify the current ones.