Grand Larceny

by Waiting on my 20s

Chapter I - Glorious Purpose

Author's Note:

My whole life I’ve been up and down with this fandom. It always comes around every once in a while to pull me back into the nightmare. Last time, I went crazy and made a bad story with nearly two hundred thousand words.

But now that I've (apparently) returned, I'm going to do better. Try smaller. And hopefully not lose my will to write.

Also, I practically don’t remember anything from the lore or story of this show. In fact, I’ve never watched the show seriously. To me, it always felt weird and boring. It is a children’s show after all. So if I screw up anywhere, feel free to let me know.

Yes, I know it’s technically a tiara. I’ll come back to this.

Please leave a comment. All your thoughts and criticisms are important and valid to me

P A R T - O N E

The tiny bit made the sound of an annoying ping as it hit the wooden floor. An annoying ping that instantly got Century's attention. Frustrating him more than he already was with all these papers on his desk.

"Oh, for the love of... What's happening today?"

Dropping the document from his mouth, Century dropped to the ground and scoured the floor for a bit. He'd need it for Octavia's show tonight and was running a little low after the Mayor's birthday last weekend. He'd gone all out for his boss. Not something many ponies can say they'd ever do.

He cursed as he continued to search under the forest of documents that littered his floor. "How is it gone? T-This is impossible. It didn't just disappear into nothingness! For Celestia's sake, I'm supposed to be signing important crap right now!"

"Important crap?"

"Ah!"

Century slipped and hit the ground with a slight thud. Sending several papers flying not-so across the room and causing him to groan in both pain and irritation shortly after. But this feeling was cut short as he stood up from the slight mess to address the voice at the door. Instantly distressed at the sight of the speaker.

"Ah, Madam Mare, you shouldn't be up right now! You know what the doctor said, so why are you out of bed?"

Mayor Mare replied in a hoarse, strained voice. A tad bit upset at Century's tone. "You sounded stressed, so I came to check on you. I-I didn't anticipate you'd have so many papers to do, nor did I expect you to have such difficulty."

Century sighed, coming around the desk and stepping about the littered papers to speak face to face. "Madam, that's very kind, but it is my job. I've been here for virtually a year. I ought to learn to deal with the full experience of your job already. Besides, you could've just called me instead of getting up."

Mayor Mare frowned, "I know. I just couldn't help it; I-I'm sorry. After my last advisor got all worked up and left, the last thing I want is a repeat."

"Well, I can assure you, I'm more of a stallion than whoever that last advisor of yours was."

"It was a mare."

"Potato, patato. Look, Madam, you shouldn't be up right now. Please, go lay back down while I finish up. I've got this. Would you like something to eat or drink? I can whip something up or head out real quick if you want."

Mayor Mare smiled, "No, that's quite alright Century. I'll just go lay down. You keep up the good work."

"You sure? All you had to eat this morning was that muffin and orange juice. And I'm pretty sure I ordered two. That mare with the weird eyes likely ate it, the glutton."

"Century, I assure you-"

Mayor Mare was cut off by the sound of her stomach rumbling. Century raised a brow, and Mayor Mare blushed out of embarrassment. Century smiled, "What would ya like, Madam?"

Mayor Mare replied, "Apple juice and pancakes, please. Four pancakes. With the-"

"Syrup on the side, I know, I know."

Century ushered Mayor Mare out the office door and to her bed in the room adjacent. She laid down, and Century tucked her in tight. "You took your pills this morning, right?"

Mayor Mare replied, "Of course. I'd always remember something as important as that."

"Good," Century approached the door frame. He sighed, "Okay, I'll be back in hopefully twenty minutes. As I said, don't get up. And if you find yourself in danger... Uh... Pray I hear you."

Mayor Mare waved him goodbye, "I will. Goodbye!"

With that, Century stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. He thought for a moment. A couple of months ago, Mayor Mare would be bringing him breakfast. Or they'd go out together.

He could tell her condition was worsening. When he left the office yesterday, she was having a coughing fit. And this morning, he could've sworn he saw remnants of blood in the bathroom sink. He couldn't stand thinking about her state and felt uncomfortable when he'd see her act so unwell. Made him anxious.

But today was going to be a good day, he remembered. He stepped into the nearby bathroom and gave his face a quick wash. Couldn't have anypony seeing him the way he was now. Sweat and frustration covered his face like a wet towel.

Century wore a dark brown coat with brown eyes and a jet-black mane. Said hair was short, and each strand was tightly coiled. He'd tried since he was younger to push some towards the front to look like the other stallions with their silky hair, thinking it'd make more mares like him. And while it didn't, he'd grown to like the style.

On his flank, his cutie mark. A red and blue ballot box with the words "vote" written on the front in bold. He'd gotten it back in school when he won a school election. Winning every other election after. Since then, he's dedicated his life to politics. Which led him to working side-by-side with the Mayor of Ponyville.

"Alright," Century sighed, drying his face. "Let's go get these pancakes."

---

It was an average day in Ponyville. The sun shone brightly as always. The sky devoid of any clouds. The smell of love, hope, and dreams in the air. Everypony was out doing their thing. Living life to the fullest.

Century hummed a tune as he trotted down Ponyville. He picked it up from a marching band part of a parade that came through Ponyville not long ago. "Bayou Breakdown," it was called. So vibrant and grand. He'd thought he was only into slow classical music for the longest time.

He'd moved to Ponyville a decade ago. His parents dragged him to the village after getting awfully annoyed at living in Manehattan. He couldn't argue. Never liked the place.

But Ponyville? It was quite a change of pace. Less noise and ponies who were far more pleasant and agreeable. The atmosphere was always happy here. Never too much of anything, really.

Though if there was anything he didn't like about the village, it was that massive crystal castle on the outskirts that belonged to the new Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle, and her best friends, the Elements of Harmony.

When the unicorn initially showed up, Century paid her little mind. Another one of Celestia's students? Sure, why not. The last one went real well. And the one before her. And the one before him.

Then she got her little friend group and became the Elements. Then there was stupid fight after stupid fight. Several of which he could've sworn her highness, Princess Celestia, could've handled. But no, Twilight had to learn how to become a great princess and protector. Of course, at the expense of his pet dog, McFly.

He never got over that.

And finally, she got her little castle and also became an alicorn, somehow. Frankly, Century didn't care for the details. It's not that he disliked any of the Elements; Fluttershy's a doll. But he found their constant presence and actions irksome. Even if some things were out of their control. But the castle, he felt, was unnecessary. The other villagers loved it, but him? He, on the other hand, just found it...

Menacing.

He never imagined Princess Twilight could ever be an evil leader like King Sombra. He just didn't like the sight. It just screamed intimidating authority. And he didn't like being told what to do.

Of course, Mayor Mare was an exception.

He lost his train of thought when he saw a certain gray pegasus with a blond mane head into the same store he was heading. Sugarcube Corner. He huffed, unhappy with her actions this morning. However, now he'd get a chance to confront her about it.

Not long after the mare, Century entered the store. He immediately knew something was off when the local clown, Pinkie Pie, didn't jump in his face screaming about toy makers and crystal balls. He shrugged it off for now and approached the pegasus.

"Oi, dipstick," Century spoke commandingly, instantly getting the attention of the one and only Derpy Hooves. She'd grown accustomed to the nickname used by the earth pony. Though she never understood the word. Let alone that it was an insult.

She turned around and smiled, "Oh! Heya Mr. Century! What's-"

He stepped forward, "This morning, I ordered two muffins. When you showed up, there was only one in the box. Care to explain that, Hooves?

Derpy shied away, "Uh... I... Was... Atta-"

"Hungry. You were hungry."

"...Yeah..."

"Don't make excuses. What did you have for breakfast?"

Derpy put a hoof to her chin. "Uh... A muffin, and... Another muffin."

"And lemme guess: You're here to buy more muffins?"

"W-Well, I only had two muffins this morning. I usually have three."

Century rolled his eyes, "I'm assuming the second muffin you ate was mine?"

"...Yeah... But, I-I can pay you back, though! I just got my paycheck!"

Century shook his head, "I don't want your bits, dipstick. Just don't eat my stuff. You wouldn't like it if I ate one of your muffins, right?"

Derpy agreed, drooping her head, "No..."

"Fantastic. Don't eat mine, yeah?"

"Okay... Sorry, Mr. Century."

Century shrugged as he approached the counter. "Apology accepted. You want something on me?"

Derpy perked up, "Really?"

"Yeah, I'm not a jerk... Mostly."

Mr. Cake, the old, lanky Earth pony that co-owned the store, stepped out from the kitchen. "I'm sorry, nothing is going on out here, right?"

Century sighed, "Yes sir, Mr. Cake. I'd like to order the Mayor Mare Special and three muffins."

Mr. Cake grinned, "Well, anything for the Mayor's advisor. Mayor Mare Special and three muffins, coming right up."

Mr. Cake stepped back into the kitchen, and Derpy asked, "Hey, Mr. Century, do you have a ticket for this year's Grand Galloping Gala?"

Century shook his head, "No, Derpy, I don't. I'm not really into that type of thing. Got nothing against the spiffy and rich ponies or whatever. Besides, with Mayor Mare sick, I've got a ton of work to do." He raised a brow, "Why? You wanna go?"

Derpy nodded, "Yeah! I woke up this morning and found three golden tickets in my mailbox!"

Century raised a brow, "Aren't you the mailmare?"

"I am! Which is also why it's so surprising! Somebody must've personally put it in! I've never been to the Gala before. Is it fun?"

Century shrugged, "I don't know. But I think I remember the Mane Six not enjoying it too much. And if they didn't enjoy it, I doubt you will."

Derpy drooped yet again, "Oh... Well, should I sell them? H-How much are they worth?"

"I-I don't know, a hundred bits? Thousand bits? You're asking the wrong stallion, Hooves."

Mr. Cake came back from the kitchen. He extended a metal tray holding the special surrounded by three muffins."Here you are, Century, sir. Three muffins and a Mayor Mare Special."

Century smiled, signaling Derpy to take the muffins, who grinned an adorable grin and graciously accepted the treats. "Thank you kindly, Mr. Cake. Hey, uh, that was a little quick, wasn't it? Definitely quicker than on Wednesday."

Mr. Cake shrugged, "Well, I thought it wouldn't hurt to start preparing one every other morning since, well, you take one every other morning."

"Oh, well, thank you." Century reached into his satchel and placed several bits on the table, paying for the meal. Century put the special box in his satchel, and Derpy took one muffin to eat while putting the other two in her satchel.

The two walked out of the store. Derpy, with a muffin in her mouth, asked, "Mr. Century, earlier, you said Mayor Mare was sick. What type of sickness? What happened?"

Century sighed, "She's just getting old, Hooves. She's not immortal like an alicorn. Honestly, I'm surprised she hasn't retired yet. She's been mayor since I got here."

"Maybe... Maybe s-she-"

"Chew and swallow, dipstick."

Derpy giggled and did as told. She swallowed, cleared her throat, and began again, "Maybe she just hasn't found someone to replace her. She's really good at her job. She could be scared that Ponyville may fall into the wrong hands."

Century scoffed, "Writing's on the wall, man. I could definitely replace her; she knows that. I've been her advisor longer than anyone else. I like the lady, but all she's doing is stalling and making her health worse."

Derpy extended her wings, "Well, whatever it is, I know you'll figure it out, Mr. Century. I have to go now. My break is almost over. Goodbye!"

As Derpy began to fly away, Century called out, "Don't eat anyone else's muffins, Hooves!"

"I won't! Promise!"

And with that, she was gone. Century scoffed, amused. "I give her a week."

---

"Here you are, Madam," Century stated as he placed the tray of pancakes before Mayor Mare. "Syrup on the side. Just the way you like it. For some reason..."

Mayor Mare giggled, "Everyone has preferences, Century. You should know that."

"I know that; it's just weird. I'm judging you."

Mayor Mare rolled her eyes. "So," she began, "What've you done so far?"

Century yawned, "Well, Cheerilee asked for assistance after the playground was destroyed from the Mane Six's last fight with that bugbear. So I arranged an allocation for that. Granny Smith wants an extension for her farm, so I said screw it and gave her that too. Pretty sure I did something else for her, but I'm not great with numbers."

"Seems you've been busy."

Century chuckled, "Yeah, it turns out most of those papers all belong to one problem or another. They're not all individual, so you were going real easy on me, and I'm dumber than I thought, huh?"

"But you got the job done, right? That's all that matters." Mayor Mare sighed, "Such a shame those kids lost their playground. I heard the Cutie Mark Crusaders even lost their treehouse! But, things happen when you're the Elements of Harmony, huh?"

Century looked off in the distance, upset. He replied, "Yeah... things happen..."

For a while now, Century had been contemplating something. He'd noticed the amount of destruction that the Elements would inadvertently cause was becoming a slight problem. Sure, they're heroes. And like Mayor Mare said, things happen. But in his mind, they didn't need to.

He saw it as the Elements being reckless. Undoubtedly not all of them; Fluttershy was too soft, and they definitely weren't doing their job willy-nilly, but these things cost money. And none of it was coming out of their pockets.

Rainbow Dash would put on a show, or Applejack would give out some free cider, and everything was a-okay with the citizens of Ponyville. But to Century, it wasn't even slightly enough.

Especially after McFly.

"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?" Asked Mayor Mare. She could tell just from the look in his eyes.
Century sighed, "...How many bits have we gone through because of them? It must be hundreds of thousands, maybe millions by now. How is that okay? I don't understand-"

"You're dismissed, Century."

Century's eyes widened, "...What?"

"You can go home. I can tell you've been stressed since this morning. The papers, the breakfast, and now."

"But I'm not-"

"Century, we both know I'm not lying, I can tell. I've been doing this longer than you've been alive."

Century stepped back, "But... What about you?"

"I'll just head home if you'd kindly help me. This is a bad day for both of us. Let's not pretend otherwise."

Century sighed. There was no point in arguing. Mayor Mare's word was final, and she knew what she was doing. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps he had been stressed out today. He could've sworn he almost popped a blood vessel in his eye just from getting ready this morning.

"Well," Century began, "Guess we're heading home, huh?"

"I guess so."

---

Century placed the cup of water at Mayor Mare's bedside. They'd come to her cottage after leaving the office, and Century was making sure she had all she needed before he left. He took her glasses off her face and rested them on her desk.

Tucked in tight in yet another bed, Mayor Mare spoke. "Thank you yet again, Century. Sometimes I wonder what I'd do without you. These old bones aren't what they used to be."

"Yeah," Century replied, sitting at her bedside, "I actually wanted to speak about that."

Mayor Mare perked up, "Oh?"

"Madam Mare," Century began," Don't you think... Don't you think it's time to throw in the towel?"

Mayor Mare frowned, "Do you mean to retire?"

"Yes, Madam. I have to be honest and say that... That... Madam Mare, you're running out of time. Things will only get worse from here; we both know that. I really, really don't mean to sound like a jerk, but Ponyville is going to be in trouble if we don't have a leader when you're gone."

Mayor Mare stared for a while. Believing she knew where this was heading. "So," she began, "Would you like to take my spot?"

"I-I don't mean it like I'm greedy and think you should just let go already, but... I-I don't want to see you sick anymore. No more coughing up blood in the sink or forgetting where things are. It would be best if you were somewhere you could be helped twenty-four/seven, like a retirement home."

Mayor Mare looked deeply into Century's eyes. She didn't need to confirm it, but she couldn't help it either. From what she could see, there was no malice in his eyes. No secret agenda, just a stallion determined to do a good job.

She knew Century wasn't a bad guy. Just wanted the power to make a change. But she was still so afraid. Afraid that she'd be wrong like last time. Afraid she'd end up putting Ponyville through the wringer and get setback after setback.

Century could also read her face and tell this was a fear that wouldn't be going away anytime soon. He just hoped it'd go away while she still had time left.

He sighed, "Look, Madam Mare, just think about it. And I mean, really think about it. I don't know what's happened to make you feel so afraid of this change. But I hope you can get over it. And soon."

He stood up and approached the door frame. Mayor Mare spoke, "I'm sure you'd make for a fantastic mayor. There's so much you wanna do. Just... Just give me a little more time. I promise."

Century smiled, "Of course. Good night, Madam Mare. Sweet dreams.

Mayor Mare replied, "And a good night to you too, Century. I'm sure tomorrow will fare better than today."

With that, Century stepped out of the room and closed the door. He walked to the exit of the cottage and decided to head to his own home to prepare for tonight. Octavia would be performing again, and he was in need of some peaceful cello to destress him. Surely things couldn't get any worse.

Even if this was the last time he'd see her.

---

"Well, that didn't help at all."

Princess Luna had lifted the moon, as it was now night in Ponyville. Century was heading home from Octavia's performance. Beautiful and exquisite, just like always, but he was still stressed and upset. Despite what he told himself at the office, today was not his day.

It had to be due to Mayor Mare's current state. It was like a tumor in his head, giving him a constant migraine. Reminding him of a future he couldn't prevent. How unfair, he thought. But it was beyond anypony's power.

There was no point in overthinking it. Letting it ruin his day. The last thing Mayor Mare wanted of Century was to waste his precious time worrying about something he couldn't fix. It would be for the best to maybe prepare for what comes next. A funeral.

Century pushed open the door to his cottage and threw his satchel on the table. Trotting straight to his room. Sleep would help get all the stress out. Temporarily, at least. But that was enough for him.

Century opened the door to his room and headed straight to bed. Getting as comfy as can be underneath his covers and sheets. One of his most remarkable skills was falling to sleep almost instantly. Did that make sense as a skill? No, but who cares.

He yawned, "Tomorrow was another day. Tomorrow Is always another day..."

"For now."

Century jerked up like a light switch and surveyed his room. He'd heard a voice, without a doubt. He was not crazy.

He shouted, "Who's there?! Hello?!"

His room began to shake like an awful earthquake. Items on his desk and bookshelf began falling, littering the ground with all of Century's valuables. The light from the moon shining in through his window faded away. And with that, his floor began to bend like rubber.

Emerging from his floor, phasing through it like a video game, was half of what he assumed to be a massive skeleton of a creature he'd never seen before. It loomed over Century with a gigantic, imposing shadow. And a brilliant purple light shone from what he believed to be its eye sockets.

Century gaped, petrified. His blood ran colder than cold. His heart racing.The being stared back. Peering into Century's soul. With a deep, monstrous voice, the being spoke. Several hundred other voices silently acting as his echo.

"Here he lies. Century. Earth pony. Villager of Ponyville."

Century stuttered, "Y-You know me?! W-What the heck are you?!"

The being chuckled, "My title is beyond your understanding, mortal."

"I... Mortal? You some kinda God? You can't be, Princess Celestia-"

"Is a danger to your world."

Century cleared his throat and tried to calm down. Whatever this thing was, it didn't seem to be in a hurry to kill him. Surprisingly, it seemed that it wanted to talk.

Century gulped, "What do you mean a danger? Slow down, I don't even know what you are."

The being chuckled again, "You may call me one of your simpler words. Warner. I've come from a faraway place. The farthest reaches of the universe seeking... Entertainment."

"...What? Warner? Like, you warn people? And what do you mean entertainment?"

"Your world is in danger. A monster comparable to a force of nature is coming to lay waste in a fortnight. It will leave nothing behind. All will burn. And you can do nothing but sit and watch everything die... Unless..."

Century perked up, "Unless? Unless what? Spit it out, you freak!"

"Princess Celestia has something of great value. Something this being wishes to destroy. It will take the entire world to accomplish its mission. It cares little for the deaths of the innocent. The ornamental headdress worn by your beloved Princess."

"The... Crown? You mean her crown?"

"Yes. The Princess' crown. In order for your planet to avoid annihilation, it must be destroyed. Reduced to ashes."

Century stared, baffled. "...That's... That's stupid; t-that doesn't make any sense. Why does this monster want to destroy her crown so much? Did she do something? Does the crown not belong to her? Does it have some sort of grudge against crowns? A-And what monster? N-Nothing you're saying makes any sense!"

“Silence!”

Warner roared, shaking the room like a rock in a can. Century covered his head with his hooves. Worried the room might collapse from the pressure. What is this thing's problem?

Warner continued, "Why would I go this far for a petty lie? I've given you a fair warning."

"B-But, even if this is true, why are you telling me? Shouldn't you tell somepony like Celestia herself? I-I'm just some Earth pony!"

Warner laughed, "That's the best part. I wish to see if such a weak, fragile creature can go the distance for its species."

Century growled, "You jerk, are you serious?! W-What if I just tell somepony important about the issue?!"

Warner floated close to Century's face, "Then I will reduce you to dust. And your world will be eradicated without a second thought. This is meant to be fun. If Princess Celestia is alerted, it'll be too easy. I don't like easy. Besides, it’s like you said. You're just some random Earth pony. Who'll believe you?"

Century frowned, "So... What do I do?"

"You must steal Princess Celestia's crown and destroy it. It matters not how. Surprise me. I cannot wait to see how you plan to accomplish such a feat."

"Can I... Can I at least get some help? This sounds impossible alone..."

Warner huffed, "You may gather allies. But gather too many, and I will reduce all of you to dust."

Century sighed in whatever relief he could. At least if he had to do this insane mission, he wouldn't have to do it alone. Maybe Spirit Candy would help. She was a pretty capable unicorn. And he always went to her for help concerning magic.

Warner rose back to his original position. Towering over Century, "I have done my part. Your mission has been given. Complete it, and two weeks from now, Equestria may live to see another day."

The ground began to bend once more. "Remember. I wish to be entertained. Give me a spectacle."

And with that, Warner retreated into the ground, phasing through. The shaking stopped, and natural light filled the room once more. Century could feel his racing heart begin to slow down.

What just happened? In a rather quick conversation, some god awful cosmic being had selected him to steal one of the most valuable items in all of Equestria off Princess Celestia's head. And then, somehow, destroy it?! With what? How?! He knew it was tough, seeing as she's worn it for thousands of years, but was it seriously that hard to break? Only one thought was on Century's mind now. He opened his mouth to whisper in horror.

"...We're all gonna die..."