Prey Or Pet?
Choccy stood at the edge of the Everfree forest, contemplating if she should go in. Her whole life had mostly been dull and boring even though seeing foals be excited to try the new recipes she makes at the candy shop always brought a smile to her face. She was always bored by the standard life, she wanted some excitement in her life and not to be alone.
She was very lonely, she was always sad when she came home to a lonely house and to sleep in a bed by herself with no one else. She always wanted to ask a stallion out but none caught her eye, and the ones that did already had marefriends or were married.
"Ok, here I go." She reassured herself. Stepping in to the forest ready to see what lies in store for her.
Somewhere deep in the forest a very strange creature rests in a cave, longing for someone to be with. It stretches it's long body across the cave, sliding the end of it's tail in to a pool of water.
Choccy wandered through the forest, enjoying the atmosphere of this mysterious place. She watched small animals run by and looking at the flowers when she passed them. It was so nice to see, she smiled as she continued her journey.
She a saw a strike of lightning then she heard the sound of thunder and it began to rain. She had forgotten that the weather controlled itself here. She trotted along a wee bit more, occasionally splashing in a puddle like a filly. It was begging to get dark so she knew she should get home. She turned to follow her hoof prints back but she couldn't find them, the rain had already washed them away.
She began to panic knowing how dangerous it is at night. She looked about for her hoof prints frantically.
"No, no, no where are they?" She said while panicking.
She began to move in the direction she believed she had came. She heard the sound of Timber Wolves howling in the distance, she began to run at the sound. Each stride her hoofs kicked up dirt and mud. She looked behind herself for a moment only to see the forest filled with glowing eyes. While looking looking back she slips and fall straight in to a thick patch of mud, groaning she begins to crawl through it.
Looking back one last time seeing the eyes vanish back in to the forest. She looks back to where she was going and saw a large cave she could stay in for now. She begins to crawl towards it, dragging herself through the mud.
She finally got up once she reached the entrance to the cave. She wanders in looking about but can barely see anything. She spots the glisten of water near the centre of the cave. She quickly trots towards it wanting to wash the mud off. Whe she dipped her hoof in she felt the water was warm and soothing. She quickly got in and began to clean herself off in the water.
Once she is done she doesn't leave the water, deciding to enjoy it's warmth. She swims and splashes about in it, deciding to enjoy herself. Her fun stops when she feels something brush against her in the water, she looks at it just barely able to make out what it is. She sees a long blue scaley tale with a black stripe down it.
She scrambles out of the water, looking back at the long tail leave the water as well.
"Oh a visitor I don't get many of those." A masculine voice coos.
"Who are you?" Choccy asks nervously. "I can find somewhere else to stay if you like."
"Oh no please stay, it's very lonely here." He tells her.
Choccy still couldn't help but back up a little, tripping over another long bit of tail. She sees a large snake head come out from the darkness.
"Please don't go, I want you to stay, I need you to stay." He pleads.
Choccy began to crawl back, watching as the end of the tail came towards her. It grabed on to her hindlegs binding them together.
"Please let go of me!" She said, watching as the tail began to wrap up and around her.
She tried to struggle against the strong coils, she felt them slide around her belly and she continued to struggle.
"Oh you are so soft, I don't want to let go." He cooed again, moving his tail around her.
Choccy felt his tail coil around her neck, completely trapping her in a tight grip.
"N-no I won't be your pre-Mmmmph!" She was cut off by a coil wrapping around over her mouth.
She squirmed in his grasp trying desperately to escape the coils. Muffled sounds and whimpers came from the coil covering her mouth. She is pulled towards him, thinking she will be eaten.
"Prey? Oh no, no little pony. I will make you my pet and I will give you all the affection you need and deserve." He whispered to her. Pulled her close and rested his head on to her mane.
He gave her a gentle squeeze making she was relaxed, Her mind slowly turned to mush as her body was squeezed and caressed. Her whimpers turn in to soft muffled sighs and moans of comfort.
"Thats it, let me hold you little mare and give you a nice cuddle." He said to her in a comforting tone.
Her eyes lids started to feel heavy. The feeling of the coils around her made her feel happy. This is what she needed, comfort and not being alone. She closed her eyes drifting off in to a peaceful sleep, snuggling deeply in to the shifting coils.
She fell asleep to the feeling of coils moving around her, soothing her body. This is what she truly wanted, to sleep snuggled up to someone, for someone to hold her in a cozy embrace.
"Don't worry little pony, I will keep you safe, I will keep you comfortable." He gently cooed to her. " And when you wake I will still have you here in my coils."
He fell asleep with her, holding her close as he nuzzled her mane.
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Why do we need a warning for that?
11470016
It's a joke warning.
You seem to be about 90% present tense, and 10% past tense. Pick one.
There is a *good reason* that most authors use past tense. Writing in present tense is incredibly difficult and limiting.
I have seen it done well -- the combination of a "first person present tense point of view" for one character (a stranger to the location), combined with third person past tense narration for all the other characters. But that is not the norm.
11470263
Ok thanks for notifying me.
Small tip that really helps with writing: Use commas at the ends of sentences said by the characters so the sentence flows better. Here's an example:
"Oh you are so soft, I don't want to let go." He coos again, moving his tail around her.
Instead, you do:
"Oh you are so soft, I don't want to let go," he coos again, moving his tail around her.
It's such a simple detail but helps so much.
I do like these little stories of creatures taking complete control of, in this case, a comparatively smaller pony. I'm mildly interested in seeing where this will go.
11470826
Thanks for the tip. I do plan for a sequel for this story in the future.