The universe's strangest individual.
Choccy Strawberry's life is a dull one. Yes working on making chocolate does have its up sides but she is incredibly lonely. But that might not last long, as when she decides to take a stroll through the Everfree and meets a large snake that would change her life.
(Takes place 20 years before the main show)
Warning Contains Lots of cute moments, lots of a pony being coiled by a snake and lots of cuddles.
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Why do we need a warning for that?
11470016
It's a joke warning.
You seem to be about 90% present tense, and 10% past tense. Pick one.
There is a *good reason* that most authors use past tense. Writing in present tense is incredibly difficult and limiting.
I have seen it done well -- the combination of a "first person present tense point of view" for one character (a stranger to the location), combined with third person past tense narration for all the other characters. But that is not the norm.
11470263
Ok thanks for notifying me.
Small tip that really helps with writing: Use commas at the ends of sentences said by the characters so the sentence flows better. Here's an example:
"Oh you are so soft, I don't want to let go." He coos again, moving his tail around her.
Instead, you do:
"Oh you are so soft, I don't want to let go," he coos again, moving his tail around her.
It's such a simple detail but helps so much.
I do like these little stories of creatures taking complete control of, in this case, a comparatively smaller pony. I'm mildly interested in seeing where this will go.
11470826
Thanks for the tip. I do plan for a sequel for this story in the future.