Memories
"I f*** hate this," groan Scootaloo as the shovel dug into the earth.
She had made an effort to explain to the headmistress what had happened the night before with the colts, but as usual, she had refused to listen, and as a result, she had to dig a GIANT hole.
She had been at this for about a hour now and had only made a small dent into the ground.
"Argh!" yelled Scootaloo as she threw the Shovel aside as it slam into a tree, causing it to fall.
"S***," mutter Scootaloo as she climb out of the hole. She'll do this later.
Scootaloo stroll at the Everfree Forest's edge. The most hazardous location in all of Equestria, according to legend. Ponyville begs to differ, though.
The birds chirp as the tree rats ran across the bark of the trees. She turned towards a small opening between the rocks. This was her stash.
Removing the rocks, she pulled out a beaten Hoodie and a small pouch of bits she manage to collect over the years.
She needed to get a new hoodie. It was torn up and getting too small for her.
She thought about her hoodie as she put it on. She always wear the hoodie. She was founded with the hoodie. It also help hid... it.
She put her hoof over the right side of her chest. A scar shaped in the shape of... Something.
Nobody knew where it came from. So she always where the hoodie around everyone, expect back there. She would be punish if she was caught wearing it.
She countied her walk as she put the hoodie up. She didn't want to be seem by anyone today. Besides, one of the other Orphan kids could rattle her out.
Scootaloo walk into the Carousel Boutique. Rarity frequently sold hoodies and was aware of the filly's strong desire to wear them.
"Hi Scoots," said Rarity as she look over the counter to see Scootaloo, wearing the tattered Hoodie, walk inside.
Rarity rushed over to inspect the Ruined Hoodie and exclaimed, "Oh my Celestia!" as she did so. "Honey, you look dreadful in that."
Scootaloo sign: "I know." She handed Rarity the little pouch and explained, "That's why I'm getting a new one."
Well then, honey," Rarity responded. "That back there."
Scootaloo strolled past the countless garments and gowns Rarity had as she made her way to the Boutique's rear. She wasn't searching for those, though.
The Hoodies.
Scootaloo rummaged through the various hoodies and noticed that she had a lot of them this time. She perused a few of them, but none seemed to fit. She didn't suit them psychologically, but they fit her physically.
Until the final one, at least.
There wasn't anything special. A plain black hoodie with a white thunderbolt on the front. But something about it seemed to be in order.
Scootaloo put on the hoodie and remarked, "I taking this one." As it turned out, there were gloves inside. She also put them on.
Meanwhile in the main lobby:
Sweetie Belle and Rarity were having a conversion when two colts with face masks stormed into the Boutique.
"Um, hello there," said Rarity, confused of why the colts were there. At least until one of them pull out a knife.
"I want you to hand over your bits," growled the Taller Colt. "And no one gets hurt."
"Maybe you shouldn't," said Sweetie Belle as she approached the Colt. She originally was going to talk down the colt.
That end up NOT happening.
The Colt grabbed her and wrapped her up on his front right leg. The mask colt shouted, "Give us the money Immediately or she gets it!"
Then Scootaloo walk out of the back, wearing the black hoodie and the gloves and stumbled upon this.
Naturally, nobody realized it was Scootaloo. She effectively concealed her face with the hoodie.
The colt cried, "You!" at his companion. "Grab the second one immediately!"
Scootaloo was stunned to see the Colt having her buddy Sweetie Belle in his hands while brandishing a knife.
No, not once again.
The colt raced up to her and lifted his hoof in an attempt to tackle her. But, Scootaloo then did something that shocked everyone in the store.
The colt gazed in disbelief as she grabbed his hoof. After that, she bent it.
"Ow!!" yelled the Colt as he hold his released hoof in agony as Scootaloo hit him hard in the gut and send him into a clothes rack.
The Taller Colt released Sweetie Belle, who sprinted to Rarity, and exclaimed, "You dumba**!" as he moved towards Scootaloo.
The fight escalated from there, as the Taller Colt tried to stab Scootaloo with the knife, but she kept dodging it.
After all, it wasn't the first time she had to do this.
3 years ago...
Before she lived at the Orphanage in Ponyville, she spent her time living in the woods near ponyville.
Life back then was hard, but simple. She remember it well.
She remembered living in Baltimare for a while, but then leaving it to here.
The everyday routine was simple. Every morning, the birds in the air would wake her up from her nightly rest. After that, she would eat anything she had leftover from the night before.
Even if it wasn't good for you. At one point, she was forced to consume tree bark.
Following that, she would stroll around the forest while taking in the sounds of local waterfall and woodland animals.
She would hunt down lunch, generally picking berries from surrounding bushes. She had to discover the hard way which ones were healthy or unhealthy.
She then would took a nap close to the waterfall, occasionally bathing or swimming in it to clean herself. and her hoodie too.
She treasured the hoodie. It felt... safe to her for a odd reason. But she didn't mind it.
During she stay there, her thoughts strayed. She wondered where her parents were and why no one in Baltimare had made an effort to assist her.
She could only recall one thing her mother had ever said to her: when she was really little:
Always believe in the good of others
She was always confused by this. Why did her mother say that. But it stuck with her after her parents disappeared.
After that, she would look for something bigger for dinner. Often more berries, but once she had to eat a whole lot of bugs. Ek.
Well, that change one day.
She was on one of her usual walks when she heard an a sound moving through the bush. She had been out here long enough to know that was not a good sound.
A huge python emerged from the bushes. The beast was noticeably taller than Scootaloo as it regarded her with the intention of devouring her.
She, however, wasn't plan on dying by some Stupid Python. So when it charged his head down at her, she dodged it, causing it to smash its head on some rocks.
Scootaloo left right away. As she hurried through the bushes, she was aware that leaving this area was a smart idea.
The Python roared in pain and rage as it rushed after her, lifting its aching head back up.
As Scootaloo run, the Python slide right after, flatting a path though the forest.
Eventuality, Scootaloo ran into the middle of a road, sweating pouring down her head and her entire body. The hoodie wasn't helping the problem.
But there was no time to stop running as the Python crashed into the middle of the road and stared at Scootaloo with Murderous intent.
So she countied to run down the road, with the Python. She thought she could outrun it.
Until she trip over a rock.
Scootaloo drop deadface to the ground, scratch as a huge pain erupted from his back left leg. She tried to move it, but it hurt to move.
The Python had finally caught up with her as it raised it's head above her. She closed her eyes at the Python lunge at her.
Present Day:
"Come here!" yelled the taller colt as he countied to slash the knife, but Scootaloo kept dodging.
But this time, the Colt did something unexpected.
He grabbed her by the hoodie, making it hard to breath and threw her out of the window.
Smash!
"Ow," groaned Scootaloo as she struggled to get up. Her back had a few pieces of glass shards coming out of her as more laded around her.
The taller Colt waked out of the front door as Scootaloo got back onto his hooves, with pieces of glass in her right leg.
"You are so getting it!" yelled the colt as he threw the knife towards her.
Scootaloo's face remained emotionless, though; even with the knife going barely inches from her face before getting caught in a nearby tree.
By this point, the colt was getting really p*** off and decided to latch a final attack at Scootaloo.
By this point, Rarity and Sweetie Belle were staring through the window of the shop, watching the two fight.
"Um," said Sweetie Belle. "Do you think we should stop them?"
"I already send Twilight a message," said Rarity as she countied to look out of the window. "I just hope she gets here in time."
Meanwhile, as the colt rushed at her, Scootaloo did the thing that seem most reasonable.
She punched him in the face. Hard.
The colt fell to the ground, blood coming out of his nose. He tried to crawl away, but Scootaloo grab him.
"Not this time," said Scootaloo in a creepy voice as she pin him to the ground.
Then, she threw her hoofs at him. Every swung struck his face, making it bleeded even worse.
And she wasn't plan on stopping. She couldn't.
But someone else could.
Scootaloo was suddenly lifted into the air, surrounded by a purple aura. She turned to look and meet a disapproval Twilight.
"Well s***," muttered Scootaloo as a cop pick up the bleeding colts.
"My place," said Twilight. "Now."
....
The Sun was beginning to set and the ponies houses were beginning to turn their lights out for the night.
The only expectation was at Twilights Castle, were Scoots was also there.
"Take the hood off please," said Twilight. "I need to know who you are."
Though she did not really want to take it off, she listen to avoid Twilight's anger.
"Scootaloo?!" ask Twilight as she stared at Scootaloo. The colts blood was drying on the gloves.
A long silence echo throughout the building.
Finally.
"Why?" ask Twilight. This time, it wasn't in her angry voice like before.
"I... couldn't..." stutter Scootaloo, struggling to get the words out.
"Come on," said Twilight. "Spit it out."
"I CAN'T LOSE ANOTHER!" yelled Scootaloo, which shock Twilight. Scootaloo never yelled like this before.
"I just... I don't know," said Scootaloo, holding back the tears she wanted to cry.
Then, like it was nothing, she got up and left out the front door, leaving a shock and confused Twilight.
....
After Leaving the hoodie and gloves in her serect spot, Scootaloo walked back to the orphanage. But before she step one hoof inside, she was smack and knock down by the headmaster, who wasn't happy.
"Where were you?" said the Mare. "I went for a walk," said Scootaloo as she got back up.
"Well, I guess you wouldn't be sleeping tonight," said the Mare as she slam the door on her face.
"Dig the f*** hole you worthless piece of s***!"
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A few problems with this: 1) Pythons are ambush predators. If they fail to catch you once, they won't waste energy chasing after you, unless you did something stupid like stealing their eggs or something. 2) Pythons don't have fangs. They can't bite you. 3) Pythons can't roar.
On a different note, I like the way you wrote Scootaloo, even if it's a bit fast paced. The stereotypical "evil orphanage headmaster" is a bit overused, but it work well enough. Keep it up!
Finally I suggest that you try to avoid turning your OC into a Gary Sue. It's a common pitfall in fiction and can ruin a story if you handle it incorrectly. Here's some usefull info
11707110
Hello. Nice to see you stick around. I do have a pacing problem. This Python, though nice for the information, This python was just angry at Scootaloo for getting his head smack on some rocks.
As for the Gary Sue part. Thanks for the heads up. She's not perfect. In fact, the fight is one of the flaws. Her fears often get the best of her. Loneliness is another as she doesn't want to be abandoned again.
Nuke has a similar loneliness. Part of it is do to his introvert self, but another is he once a squad of mates, but they were all killed in action(more on that in later chapters)
As for the evil orphanage trope, just wait. It gets worse and ties back into Scootaloo's past. If you hate them now, what until you find out what they do later.
11707792
I might sound like a jerk right now, but you should't explain this to me, but to the readers. Its not an easy feat, but one of the challenges of writing is to give the readers a correct image of your protagonist, both in strenghts & flaws. This should opimally happen as early as possible in the first 2-3 chapters, as people usually leave after that.
First impression matters even in fiction, and even if your story is awesome, as long as the first few chapter are disliked by the readers, most will leave...
I hope this helps in one way or another.
PS: Got your message. Didn't read it fully trough due to the spoiler warning.
11707847
It's ok. I take the cristism. I'm a pretty chill guy. I will take all the tips I can get.
11707852
Alright, I'll continue to keep an eye on this.
Theory: Scootaloo lost a wing, which is why she wears Hoodies.
11707862
😌
A very enthusiastic walk