Chapter 1: This will end badly, at least according to Princess Twilight
There were few things Discord enjoyed more than whipping up chaos. He may have ceased picking on poor Equestria with his nigh-omnipotent magic after (sort of) reforming, but he still savored the bit of low-key chaos he occasionally unleashed–more often than not at Princess Twilight Sparkle’s expense. No, scratch that: especially when it was at that alicorn’s expense.
However, two non-chaotic activities he loved were Fluttershy and her tea parties. Mostly the former. Oh, he also loves having a laugh. Which Rainbow Dash, who had stopped by Fluttershy’s cottage during one of her and Discord’s tea parties, unintentionally provided him.
As Fluttershy watched on in her chair confused, the Lord of Chaos rolled about in the air, clutching his stomach, as his eruption of laughter continued.
“Hey! What’s so funny?!” Rainbow asked, scowling.
“You!” Discord halted his rolling and pointed a claw at Rainbow. “You think you could out-prank me?”
“Yeah!”
“Ha!” He slapped his paw over his head in amazement–while feeling a tad of pride in the cyan pegasus. “You got guts, Rainbow, I give you that. But, while you might be able to prank some of Ponyville, I was pranking Equestria before your Great x 30 Grandmother was born! I could mop the floor with you in pranks without even try–”
“Discord? Be nice and don’t brag too much,” Fluttershy said firmly.
“Yes, Fluttershy,” Discord answered meekly.
“No, Fluttershy!” Rainbow flew up to Discord and shoved a hoof in his chest. “Discord, if you think it’d be so easy, let’s have a prank war! Show me what you got!”
Discord snapped his paw. Rainbow was moved back during the “poof” that followed, and a pair of glasses materialized over Discord's eyes. A list, which stretched to the floor, also poofed into existence. He skimmed through his list and said, “I could bump ‘dinner with myself’ ahead a couple of hours to free up some time, but what would I get out of it besides a laugh? I could always tease–uh, ‘visit’ Twilight if I want a good laugh and without needing to change my schedule.”
Rainbow laid a hoof on her cheek and rolled her eyes upward. A smile crept on her lips; a bad sign if you like things uneventful. “You’d get an Equestrian Heavyweight Prankster Championship, which I’m going to ask Twilight to make official. But if I win, I will be the champion!”
Discord thoughtfully tugged on his goatee. The draconequus had done many things, but becoming a champion wasn’t one of them. Granted, he never thought about winning championships, but hey–you can want things that you didn’t know you wanted. Just look at Princess Twilight, who went from friendship skeptic to a literal Princess of Friendship who is passionate about spreading it. “Interesting. A championship belt would look good around the closest thing I have to a waist. Oh, why not? I’ll play. How will I win?”
“We will take turns pulling pranks on some ponies, and the best prank wins.”
“I suppose those terms are fair.”
“Then it’s on–” Rainbow’s eyes widened “–Uh-oh. I forgot.”
“What?” Discord asked.
“I told our friends I wouldn’t prank anypony that didn’t like pranks back when I got…carried away.” Rainbow motioned to Fluttershy. ”Fluttershy would have already been off-limits, but it wouldn’t be fun to just prank Pinkie the whole time.”
The off-limits mare said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad. Well, let’s just continue our tea–”
“Not a problem!” Discord rose higher in the air and gleefully added, “You can just challenge me to the ultimate prank war: a prank-off.”
“Prank-off? What’s that? Do you know, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No. I don’t believe I have ever heard of them.”
“How about you ask little Miss Bookpony? She’d need to set it up anyway.”
In the library of Princess Twilight’s castle…
“A prank-off?” Princess Twilight AKA little Miss Bookpony asked, sitting on her couch. A stack of five books lay beside her, because of course she would be reading during her free time.
“Yeah. Discord said to ask you about how prank-offs work. He thinks my pranks can’t hold a candle to his, so I want to show him how wrong he is!”
“I think I have a book about prank-offs. Let me check.” Twilight flew from one spot of her vast bookshelves to another, mumbling “no” or “that’s not it” or the like under her breath with each failed search for this prank book. She finally flew up to the highest shelf, near the library’s ceiling. It was a special shelf she had made for the sole purpose of keeping books she had little interest in re-reading–all three of them. She peeked at one and smiled. “‘Everything About Pranks’ should be the book! I should have checked up here first.”
“What are the rules?”
“Give me a second.” Twilight floated her book off the shelf with her magic and skimmed through it. An unfortunate rule for prank-offs (for Twilight and Ponyville anyway) triggered the corner of her lips and ears to sink. “Oh no. The rules are way worse than I remember.”
“Why you sound so sad?”
“Because as long as a prank doesn’t physically injure anypony, the pranksters competing in a prank-off will have free rein to do whatever they want.” Twilight flew down to the floor, bearing a dejected frown. “Even worse, if one is declared or agreed to, it MUST be allowed to happen, so even Princess Celestia can’t stop them, let alone me. All princesses can do is judge prank-offs and declare a winner.”
“So as long as they don't hurt anypony, I can pull any prank I want and nopony can hold them against me?" Rainbow’s lips lifted into an ecstatic, mischievous grin. If she could prank without the risk of any consequences during the prank-off, the pegasus was set to enjoy herself. “Awesome!”
“Unfortunately, yes, though I strongly disagree with this being in any way awesome.” Twilight levitated her book up all the way back to its resting place on the highest shelf in the library. “I’m banning prank-offs once this one is over, because I just know this will end badly.”
“Aw, don’t worry, Twi,” Rainbow reassuringly patted Twilight’s back. “I bet this prank-off won’t last long anyway, so don’t be such a sourpony. Ooh, before I forget, can you make an Equestrian Heavyweight Prankster Championship an official title? I told Discord it would be the prize for winning.”
“I don’t know if I can create official championships. I’m just the Princess of Friendship.”
“Then how can you ban prank-offs if you can’t stop me and Discord from having ours? They got nothing to do with friendship.”
“Well I can, but I also can’t, and…” Twilight sighed and timidly scraped the crystal floor with a forehoof. “Let’s just say that it is best for me to not think too deeply about what my authority limits as a princess are. They can be confusing at times, so it’s been better to learn what I can or can’t do as it happens.”
“But if you don’t know for sure if you can ban prank-offs, why did you say you were going to–”
A hard frown and scowl burned onto Twilight’s lips and eyebrows, respectively. She slapped her hoof over Rainbow’s mouth and glared the mare in the eyes. “Rainbow Dash, unless you want to see me overthink, stress out, and, in Spike’s words, lose it over my at times arbitrary princess authority, you will not finish that question. Understand?”
Rainbow nodded.
“Good.” Twilight’s scowl and frown softened as she lifted her hoof from Rainbow’s mouth. “I’ll see what I can do about making the Equestrian Heavyweight Prankster Championship an official title, but I don’t like your chances of winning.”
“Huh? What does that mean? My chances are great!”
“I’m sorry to say, but your chances of beating Discord in a prank-off are, at best, 5%. More realistically, your chances might barely be 1%.”
Rainbow frowned, her ears drooping. “You think I got little chance too?”
“Yes,” Twilight answered, along with a reluctant nod. “Regardless of my feelings about pranks in general, you are great at them. However, Discord is the embodiment of chaos and is literally a natural trickster. He might have even invented pranks for all we know.”
With a poof, Discord popped beside Twilight and wrapped an arm around her; the alicorn groaned as Discord pulled her to him.
“Ha! See? Even one of your best friends admit you’re in over your head!” Discord playfully flicked one of Twilight’s ears with a claw, coaxing a growl from her. “Twilight might need to work on remembering she can teleport when she’s in danger, but at least she remembers me and knows I’m the very heavy favorite.”
“Keep thinking that, buddy. You’ll feel that much more silly when I win.”
“We’ll see, we’ll see.” He let Twilight go and patted her head, then floated to and patted Rainbow’s head. “Well, I’m going home to practice posing with my future championship belt, but you can pick the day of our prank-off, Rainbow. Poodles!”
With one snap of his claw, Discord vanished in a poof–a poof in the shape of a poodle. Afterward, Rainbow growled as she gritted her teeth. No way could she allow herself to lose now! “Ooh, I can’t wait until our prank-off so I can shut him up! When can prank-offs start?”
“They are supposed to start at noon. If you don’t mind, can it be tomorrow?”
“The sooner the better for me. I thought you might want it to be next week or something with how you seem to hate them.”
“I’d rather it be never, but having it over with as soon as possible is the next best thing.”
The next day at noon…
In Ponyville’s town square, the site of probable future mayhem, Princess Twilight held a gathering with Discord and many of its citizens present, though Pinkie Pie was strangely absent. Rainbow and Discord stood tall and confident, itching for combat–of pranks. A podium beside the Princess of Friendship and Spike displayed a glittering gold belt, a “P” marked onto its plate, freshly crafted from magic. Lastly, a bell stood beside the belt.
It turned out that Twilight does have the authority to make championship titles official, under the grounds of just being an alicorn princess. Not that it made her feel much better, given what the title was and how it would be won.
“Okay, everypony. Listen up,” Twilight said in a low, very unenthusiastic voice. Her frown oozed raw exasperation. “I’m going to explain the rules of a prank-off. First off, pranks that physically harm anypony will trigger an automatic disqualification for whom made it, but Rainbow and Discord will otherwise have complete freedom in how and who they can prank. Punishments in any way for their pranks that cause no injuries cannot be made.”
Spike asked, “Uh, Twi? Why do you sound so miserable?”
Twilight leaned down to Spike and whispered, “Because I am miserable! This is going to get out of hoof eventually, but I can’t stop their prank-off thanks to its rules!” Twilight let out a frustrated growl. She composed herself, lifting her head to its usual height. In a not quite an unenthusiastic voice comparable to Maud Pie's, she continued, “The prank-off will continue until a prank is done that is not more impressive than the previous one, fails, or violates the injury clause, and I will act as judge. Finally, as for everypony else, try to go about your business as if this is a normal day.”
“And the winner gets the Equestrian Heavyweight Prankster Championship! Which will be me!”
“You wish, filly! I’ll win the belt in time to have dinner with myself at its original time!”
“With all that said, I announce the prank-off between Rainbow Dash and Discord will–”
“Wait, call me ‘The Stone’. I would go with ‘The Rock’, but that name is already taken.” Discord winked, although it was aimed at those from another world watching.
Twilight rolled her eyes in annoyance, albeit accepted annoyance. “Fine. I announce that–”
“Wait, if he gets a name, I want one too! Uh, call me ‘Rainbow “Odds-beater” Dash’!”
“Anything else either of you want?” Twilight asked with deadpan eyes.
“No,” they both answered.
“Then I can finally announce the prank-off between Rainbow ‘Odds-beater’ Dash and The Stone will begin…now!” She rang her bell on the podium, signaling the battle for the coveted title had begun. Well, coveted to Discord and Rainbow–that is, to The Stone and Rainbow 'Odds-beater' Dash anyway.
The potential victims ponies dispersed and mentally braced themselves.
Lyra Heartstrings whispered to Bon Bon, “Between Pinkie Pie's antics, Princess Twilight’s monthly freak-outs, random monster attacks, and sh*t like this, why I never moved back to Canterlot is beyond me.”
“Maybe it’s because I’m still here?” Bon Bon whispered back.
“You know me better than I do sometimes. Oh, I almost forgot I never moved because I can just sense that a way to meet one of the mythical ‘humans’ is nearby!”
“Keep telling yourself those weird monkey-like ‘hu-mains’ or whatever they’re called really exist somewhere.”
As Lyra learned more about why she never moved out of Ponyville, the first pranks for the Equestrian Heavyweight Prankster Championship were being determined.
And poor Ponyville might not be ready for what was in store for it.
To quote Princess Twilight: this will end badly. The real question is, how badly?
Feel free to point out any errors I missed. I'd rather them be pointed out sooner than me eventually come across them much later on and wonder how did I miss it.
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Ho boy, welp I'm off to my cabin in the woods. See ya when the dust settles, if there is anything left of ponyville that is, there should ba a property damage clause added if twilight can't ban the prank off.
Hey look, multiple chapters! That's cool, I expect this to be a one-shot. Oh well, not that I mind. I like to have a bit on my plate at times.
I have no idea how RD is going to top Discord's pranks, especially without help.
Rainbow is not going to win this. That is obvious.
So we don't have to worry about an unexpected contender popping up, right?
11450960 From the dark and dismal toxic waste fens of central New Jersey, deep within the gnarled and withered Pine Barrens... an entity stirs!
The Dark One RISES from the mire! "FOR 10,000 YEARS I LAY DORMANT! WHO HAS DISTURBED MY SLUMB- oooooooo! A prank championship! I am SOOOOOOO there!" And so, the horrifying LORD ALONDRO, THE DEUS EX SELF-INSERT tore open the barriers between the worlds and EMERGED in this story!
"And now, I shall replace the cherries in these chocolates with 6-month old mayonaise! MUWAH HA HA-"
"SIMPSONS DID IT!!" shouted Twist. "Also South Park."
"No... noooo, that can't be!" cried Alondro in mounting despair. "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!"
"Search your Internet history!" Twist declared in her deep base voice. "You know it to be a meme!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" screamed Alondro, falling to the ground in anguish.
Discord and Dash share popcorn, "This is a good movie!"
And then Rainbow and Discord's prank-off destroyed Equestria. The end.
11451318
Perfect ending
11450591
Heading to the woods until the prank-off is over is probably the smartest thing somepony in Equestria could do, and hopefully Ponyville will still be here to come back to
11450849
It was originally planned to be a one-shot story, but it ended up being long enough and structured in a way that I could just divide it into three chapters. And safe to say this is not going to be an easy battle for ol' Rainbow, help or no help.
11450960
It may or may not be spoiler spoiler spoiler.
11451214
Well, that would be an "interesting" turn of events if it happens.
11451318
11451522
If Equestria gets destroyed during the prank-off, at the very least Twilight wouldn't have to worry about banning future ones
11451613
Oh that's true. Gotta think about the positives
11456124 Alondro grins and steeples his fingers, cackling all Palpatine-ish and stuff.
It seems that in order for this to be a true prank off anyone should be allowed to participate.
Which would include retaliatory pranks.
The rules in this instance seem awfully contrived, not going to lie.