Honorary Crusader

by Aklinstar

Chapter 4: Chaos and Effect

Scootaloo’s head spun, her insides felt like jelly, and for some reason, she tasted the distinct flavor of… chocolate milk?

“Scootaloo!” cried out two familiar voices in unison.

She raised her head and blinked slowly. She felt hooves wrap around her forelegs and help lift her up. She started violently coughing. She spat out what she thought was chocolate milk, only to discover it was-

“Grass? What the hay?”

“Such language! Oh, the youth these days… how it wounds me so! Celestia must have grown negligent with the education system in my absence. Not that I blame her, mind you; I’d likely do the same, if I were stricken by the grief of losing one such as I.”

They turned to face the voice, only to find there was nobody near where the sound projected from.

“Alright, please give me your—”

They fumbled over each other in shock when they next heard the voice from right behind them.

“—names and how long you plan on staying here.”

They saw a mismatched creature, who was oddly familiar. He wore a navy-blue suit and maroon tie and sported some large red, gem-encrusted eye frames. He sat behind a desk, typing away at a… typewriter? No, it looked too sleek.

He stopped typing on the weird typewriter. He looked in their direction and pushed his glasses down a smidge as if to better see them.

“Well? Name. Stay duration. You’re holding up the line, ladies.” He waved behind them. They turned, only to see a dozen of the same creature sporting different attire, all impatiently glaring at them.

Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle slowly turned to each other.

Scootaloo furrowed her brows and turned back to the strange being sitting behind the desk. He was no longer paying them any mind, as he was currently clipping his lizard foot on the desk.

“Alright, this is officially the weirdest dream I’ve ever had. I really shouldn’t have snuck the oatmeal cookies Auntie Lofty made before bed,” Scootaloo said while scratching her head.

“Huh?” Sweetie Belle asked, confused. “This can’t be your dream; it has to be my dream.”

“Nuh-uh, I’m the one in charge here!” Scootaloo pressed her head against Sweetie Belle’s.

“Are not!”

“Am too!”

Unbeknownst to them, Discord had dissolved his attire and desk entirely and was slowly slithering towards them.

“Are not!”

He laid, sprawled out behind them, resting his head on his paw. He watched the spectacle in amusement and started munching on some popcorn.

Hmm, not enough variety for my liking, he thought as he found the same flavor of snozzberry in only 3 bites! The horror!

“Am– ow!” Both she and Sweetie Belle squeaked in pain as they felt a sharp pain on the back of their heads. Scootaloo rounded on the culprit. “Apple Bloom, that hurt!”

“Are ya really dreamin’ if it hurt?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yea– oh,” Scootaloo stated lamely. “Got a point there I guess… but that means that–”

“That’s right my little ponies!” the voice boomed, startling them once more. “Rest assured that this is very much not a dream. However…”

He swirled his claw around, a rapidly growing bright yellow light formed around it and started to quickly disperse in every direction. The once red skies started to bleed yellows, mixing to a vibrant orange. He snapped his claw, and birds—no, fish—of several varieties of species, size, and color overtook the skies, dancing in circular motions all around them.

He put his claw and paw together and cracked his knuckles. He waved his paw downwards diagonally, pink clouds shot out from newly formed portals that surrounded them. They filled the void as they morphed together, creating a fluffy landscape below. He snapped his claw again. One speck of light ahead of them formed, before exploding and forming a floating island, larger than the one they stood on. Soon several more specks of light filled the atmosphere creating more.

They watched in awe, jaws slacked. A wind brushed against their manes and smelt of… cinnamon?

“Welcome to my humble abode. Dimension—same thing, really. Point is—”

He snapped a claw, a fast-growing object jutted out from the ground below him, taking him along for the ride. They stared as he quickly climbed through the air. The object transformed, becoming a curved purple tree with what appeared to look like shaggy leaves that were almost mane-like when tightly-woven together.

He slid down from the top and into one of the branches. He then folded his arms behind his back and got comfortable.

“—anything you can think of here”—he waved his paw around—“is possible.”

Scootaloo was the first to break from her stupor. She shook her head in a harsh motion. It was a lot to take in for sure, but she had burning questions at the forefront of her mind that couldn’t be shaken.

“Who are you? What are you? Where have you taken us? Why have you taken us...“

Discord rolled his eyes. These ponies were all so predictable. Why did they care so much about needing to know the facts? Why did everything have to make sense? Why couldn’t they just let loose every once and a while?

“...what are you planning on-mmfph. MMFPH!?” She panicked as her voice suddenly failed her. She saw a metallic object dangle from where her mouth once was. Her friends screamed.

“Scoots! What is that thing!?” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. Both she and Apple Bloom rounded on Discord.

“What did you do— Mmfph!” They tried to say, before succumbing to the same fate. Their eyes went wide as they stared at each other. They tried to scream as they jumped back away from one another.

Discord tried his best to hold back a laugh, letting out an undignified snort instead.

“All in good time, Cutie Mark Comrades.” They gave him a funny look, which he ignored. “Now, if I take away the zippers from your yappers, do you solemnly swear not to interrupt me as I explain myself—my way? Say ‘Yes’ if you want them gone; say ‘Mmmmfph’ if you prefer them to stay forever.”

He cupped his ear with his claw. The ear grew in size, facing in their direction.

“MMMMFPH! MMMMFPH!” they tried to confirm.

He fell back into a fit of laughter.

“Ooh, you ponies are too easy!” He wiped a tear away. “Absolutely priceless!”

Once the last literal bubble in his gut popped, he looked back up to them and saw their unamused glares as they sat together on their haunches.

“Poo. How can you bunch be so fun yet so not at the same time? Oh well—all in due time,” He muttered the last part under his breath as he smirked before shrugging and snapping his claw. The zippers disappeared in a flash of light.

Sweetie Belle pressed her hooves against her mouth feeling for any remaining remnants. She looked to her friends, who were breathing sighs of relief. She started prodding their faces as well to ensure they were clear, even though she could clearly see that they were.

“Sweetie,” Scootaloo sputtered, spitting. “Sweetie Belle, I’m good. Knock it off!” She knocked her hooves away. Sweetie Belle gave her a sheepish grin as she rubbed the back of her head.

“Sorry,” she squeaked.

Apple Bloom, ignoring her friends’ antics, was raptly focused on the strange creature.

“So uh, Mister… uhm…” she scratched her chin in puzzlement.

“Hmm? Oh yes, I suppose some introductions are in order, but bleh. Can we just skip that part and get down to the meat of the matter?” he said, producing a large cooked turkey leg from thin air.

They suddenly looked very nauseous as they all turned green.

“No? Fine.” The turkey leg disappeared in a flash. A metallic folding chair protruded from the ground below him. He sat with one leg crossed over the other. The sky suddenly turned dark as a spotlight came to life above him.

“You may have already heard of me, but in case you haven’t or may have forgotten: Hi. Hello, I’m Discord.” He started twiddling his thumbs. “Lord of Chaos, bringer of mayhem, supplier of disorganization, blah blah blah, sis boom bah.” The light faded, the sky became bright and the chair disappeared.

“Wait! We have heard about ya, and Ah knew ya looked familiar…” Apple Bloom started out with. “Ya look an awful lot like the statue we saw at the Canterlot garden, and that’s the name Miss Cheerilee told us about when talking about the statue!”

She glowered at him as she remembered everything her teacher had told them. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were stunned. Their brains worked at a million trots a minute as they started to remember too.

“Yeah! Miss Cheerilee said you represent a lack of harmony amongst ponies!” Scootaloo said.

“Confusion!” Apple Bloom exclaimed.

“Evil!” chimed in Sweetie Belle.

“Chaos! You’re a bad guy. That’d explain why you took us! You’re just trying to cause disharmony in us and our class!” Scootaloo dug her hooves into the ground and snorted out a fiery breath as she scowled at him. Her friends soon followed standing by her side in defiance.

Discord heaved a dramatic sigh.

“Oh, this again.”

He turned his back to them and folded his arms behind his back. He stood at the edge of the island.

“What, pray tell, has your teacher taught you about Chaos beyond some meaningless drivel? Hmm?” He cranked his head back to them, seeing they remained undeterred. “Chaos is not inherently evil, my dear little fillies. It opposes that which is considered ‘Order,’ not that which is considered ‘good.’"

The trio just looked to one another in confusion, their determination faltering ever so slightly. Sweetie Belle was the first to ask the obvious

"Uh, but aren't they the same thing?" She squinted, having a hard time separating the two from her mind. Her friends were having no better luck.

Discord gave a mirthless chuckle, facing away from them once more.

"Simply? No. ‘Order’ relates to society’s laws, to predictability, and to structured relations. None of which are inherently good. Sure, when considered properly, order can be used for good. However, too much order can crumble a society like a stale graham cracker. Tell me, have you ever wondered about something that just was but didn't necessarily care for it, or agree with it?"

He blew on his bubble pipe, tiny shapes of Celestia formed, which he slowly popped one by one with his free claw.

It didn't take long for Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom to come up with several examples respectively.

"School!"

Sweetie Belle jumped in front of Scootaloo and exclaimed, "Early bedtime!"

Apple Bloom quickly followed with, "Feedin' the pigs!"

That got a snort and a giggle from Apple Bloom's friends. She blushed and then pouted at them.

Discord smirked. "Those are all good examples, I must admit. The fact it didn't take you long to come up with them tells me that you truly don't care for those things and wish you could do away with them, hmm?"

He dematerialized, molecule-by-molecule and appeared in a similar manner before them, startlingly most of them.

"That was awesome! And weird... but totally awesome!" Scootaloo exclaimed. Her friends gave slightly nervous laughs. They didn't necessarily disagree with her, it just was unsettling to see.

"But, yeah... I wouldn't mind having to no longer go to school... I mean, Miss Cheerilee is cool and all, but I don't really care for math, science, or any of that junk. I just want to have fun!" She gave her friends a smile.

"I see. Well! If you're already discontented, then it seems to me that order has already failed you." He lazily lounged in the air above them and played with a paddle ball, which was white in color and had an interesting sun symbol on it. "Imagine if Celestia wasn't so kind, how much worse your circumstances would be!" The string broke. He pulled out another, this one navy with a moon symbol.

"What do you mean?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Well, you could have stricter curfews, longer school hours, more homework and banned confectionary treats to name a few. Yes, it could be much worse. However, it's scary to think that you're already unhappy with some of the rules you have to live by, most of which having been passed by a deemed benevolent ruler who's been around for over a millennia." He sighed. The paddle ball he held burst into flames.

"Now, when it comes to it, much like how Order isn't inherently good, Chaos isn't inherently evil. With too much order, your lives would be boring, straightforward. With chaos, they can become a little bit more fun, unpredictable!"

He threw his arms into the air, emphasizing with a display of fireworks exploding in various shapes and sizes.

They oo'd and ah'd. He bowed.

"The truth of the matter is that chaos occurs all the time, and most of the time ponies don’t even realize it or, if they do, don't appreciate it.”

He pulled out a chalkboard from behind his back and got to writing. He wore a buttoned-up plaid shirt, beige jeans, and comically large glasses. The trio tilted their heads in different directions, trying to read what was being written.

Discord put the chalk down and moved away from the board.

“Let’s go over some examples of Chaos, simple examples. Tell me, have you gotten around to learning cause-and-effect yet?”

“Is that the thing where like“—Scootaloo rubbed her temple—“something can’t move unless something makes it move?”

“I think you’re thinkin’ of Hoofton’s Laws of Motion, Scoots,” Apple Bloom assisted.

“Oh, right… heh, my bad.” She rubbed the back of her head and wore a slight grimace. She furrowed her eyebrows and thought back. “How do you remember that anyway? I don’t even really remember learning about it much.”

“Scootaloo, you fell asleep at the start of that class, because you’d stayed up all night making blueprints for a loop-de-loop ramp,” Sweetie Belle said as she rolled her eyes.

“’Sides, my big brother taught it to me. Said it’d be good to know for a lot of stuff, like when our apple cart gets stuck in the middle of the road an’ such,” Apple Bloom shrugged.

An awful screeching noise interrupted them. They covered their ears and grimaced.

Sweetie Belle with one eye open asked, “What in the hay was that!?”

Discord, who was wearing ear-covers, said, “Oh, sorry. It’s just that, Ms. Chalkboard here tends to get a little rowdy if I don’t write on her after some time.”

As he finished, another bellowing screech was made. He drew a smile over her mouth, to which she responded by trying to bite his paw.

“Testy today, aren’t we dear~?” He snapped a claw and made the face disappear.

They breathed a sigh of relief.

“Now, as I was saying. It’s simple really,“ he said as he started writing again. “The cause is the why in why something happens and the effect is the what in what happens as a result.”

He finished and ended up having two columns, one for the cause and the other for the effect.

“Now, I couldn’t care less about the stuff; however, boring as it may be—and it truly is—I do believe it’ll help you understand where I’m coming from, though it pains me to talk about,” he said while in a gurney with a patient outfit and a heart rate monitor attached to him. The objects disappeared.

“Tell me, can you think of anything that’s happened to you, or perhaps a friend“—he had to swallow a little bit of bile back—“that ended with a positive result, hmm?”

He looked back to them and saw them scrunching their faces really hard as they racked their brains.

“Well, uh, I guess there was that one time where we practiced really hard to perform in the Ponyville’s school talent show…” Scootaloo looked at her friends.

Sweetie Belle chimed in next, “Yeah, and we thought we’d end up putting on a good performance after all the hard work we put in…” She looked at Apple Bloom.

“But, we was a laughin’ stock! All our hard work came crashing down on us, literally! We thought it was a disaster…”

“Turns out we had it wrong, they were just laughing because they thought we were putting on a comedy act. I thought for sure we’d get our cutie marks in comedy after that one…” Scootaloo stared back at her flank as if hoping somehow talking about it would spark a change. She sighed. “I mean, I guess everything worked out, even if it wasn’t what we were going for.”

Discord stroked his goatee. He started writing,

“So, because of a little”—he smirked to himself—“chaos, your show ended up being a rousing success? My, my! What a shocker!” He raised his arms to the heavens in a flourish once more. This time however, a lightning bolt struck him down. He coughed out some smoke and shook his burnt scales and fur off.

“Buh, huh?” Sweetie Belle’s eyes crossed for but a moment. “What’s that have to do with Chaos?”

She looked over to her friends, whose expressions sat somewhere between thoughtful and confused.

“Yes, well, lil' Miss Creepy Gel–“

“Sweetie Belle.”

Scootaloo snorted. Sweetie Belle gave her a glare.

“Whatever, the point is”—he licked an ice cream cone—“you set out to do something, which was to perform at some third-rate talent show—”

“Hey!”

“—and it didn’t go to plan, yet everyone ended up enjoying your little performance anyway. One form of Chaos can be as simple as that: you plan for something, something else happens entirely, usually out of your control, but the result can still end up being positive. Now, what else?” He got out a beach chair, a foil reflector and some sunglasses while waiting for a response.

They huddled around each other, latching forelegs around each other’s shoulders. They were whispering.

Discord lifted his sunglasses and glanced in their direction. Curiosity getting the better of him, he peeled from himself, leaving a clone behind in the chair. He materialized a box around him and slowly slid his way over to them.

“—if it weren’t for Fluttershy we’d have been in big trouble. I mean, it did end up working out but it was mostly bad overall when you think about it,” Scootaloo said.

“I guess? But we learned a lesson in the end, and Twilight was saved!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

“Ah got it! Forget the whole cockatrice business, what about the story of how they got their cutie marks!” Apple Bloom said as she threw a hoof into the air. She noticed a conspicuous box near them and raised an eyebrow. A giant “!” appeared above the box. The box vanished from sight. Discord morphed back into his body and acted nonchalant.

“Oh yeah! …Wait, what?” Scootaloo scrunched up her nose.

“Trust me, once Ah get started on it, you’ll understand what Ah mean,” Apple Bloom said triumphantly.

“Mister Discord, we’re ready.” Apple Bloom waved him over.

Discord pretending to be asleep snorted, the giant snot bubble popping above him. “Buh, huh? Oh!” He flashed out of sight for a moment before rematerializing before them. He hovered above them, keeping a paw on his chin while tapping the air with his claw, which seemed to be tapping against something as it made a thump sound with each tap.

He glanced at his wrist watch. Hmm, a quarter ‘til Celestia. Going to have to leave soon. He looked back to them. “Go on…”

“So, um… we were told about how Rainbow Dash and her friends got their cutie marks,” Apple Bloom started.

Discord furrowed his brow, his curiosity meter off the charts.

“If it weren’t for Rainbow Dash, they’da never become such good friends, nor would they’ve gotten their cutie marks. Well, at least Ah don’t think they woulda gotten their cutie marks in the same way…” She tapped her chin looking thoughtful. “Rainbow Dash challenged some bullies to defend her friend, Fluttershy. Well, during the race, the bully tried to cheat and knock her off course–”

“But she totally beat him! She went zoom!” Scootaloo’s swooped a foreleg in a downward motion. “Flashed right past him like a lightning bolt! She went so fast the sky exploded in a flash of all the colors of a rainbow! She performed a sonic rainboom!” She squee’d.

Discord’s ears rang, he pulled out a fire alarm and tossed it away.

“Right, what she said. Anyway, right after she did that little trick–”

Scootaloo hopped in front of her face.

“The most legendary move of all time, ‘little!?’” Scootaloo looked at her completely offended.

Apple Bloom sighed.

“After she performed the most super awesome, amazin’, spectacular move of all time...” she looked over to her friend, who gave her a hesitant nod of approval as she weighed her words. “...the Sonic Rainboom, it not only sparked a change for her and her future friends, givin’ them all their cutie marks at roughly the same time, but the light led to Ponyville, which is where they ultimately all became friends.”

Apple Bloom beamed, followed shortly by Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle remembering the story fondly.

“I see… that certainly is quite the string of events, isn’t it? All it took was one little race to cause such an unpredictable, and ultimately positive”—he formed a face behind his head which rolled its eyes—“outcome as that? My, if I weren’t the Lord of Chaos, I’d have thought you were pulling my leg!” His leg came off, which he immediately reattached.

“Now, that’s the start of how they became such buddy-buddies, but what about the Cutie Mark Conquistadors?” He waved both his arms towards them.

“Crusaders,” they muttered together, to which Discord just shrugged.

Sweetie Belle looked lost in thought for a moment, before realizing something. “Say, Apple Bloom…”

Apple Bloom looked at her with her head tilted.

“If you hadn't showed up to the party that day and hadn’t gotten bullied by Diamond Tiara…”

A light sparked in Apple Bloom's eyes; her jaw went slack.

“Then we may’ve never become such good friends…” She furrowed her brows. “There would be no Cutie Mark Crusaders. Ah’d still be a blank flank and friendless…” She dropped to her haunches.

“Yeah, well, guess what? It happened. And I’m sure glad it did,” Scootaloo said while lightly bumping her shoulder with a hoof. Apple Bloom looked up and saw Scootaloo giving her a big dopey grin. Apple Bloom felt some hooves wrap around her neck from the back, followed by a somewhat reluctant half hug that turned into a back pat from the side. She smiled.

Discord gagged.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders forever,” they said happily in tandem.

Discord, seeing an opportunity, chimed in: “You see? Isn’t Chaos a truly wonderful, wonderful thing? You didn’t expect the outcome for which you’d all become such good compadres, but you did! As did those other ponies you seem so fond of…”

He paused, a thought had occurred earlier and he had meant to ask.

“Say, how do you know Twilight and her–”

The alarm of his wrist watch roused him from his thoughts. The big and little Discord hands were pointing to Celestia. It was showtime.

“Ah, never mind that for now.” A suitcase materialized beside him and he started throwing in some clothes, pickles and an inverted pink umbrella. He struggled to get it closed. “Now, I have to go, but I shan’t be gone long. When I get back, I’ll answer all the other questions I’m sure are just oozing out of you.”

He tried using a giant mallet to get the suitcase closed. It didn’t work.

“Need some help there, Mr. Discord?” Sweetie Belle asked. Discord just blinked at her.

“By all means, my dear,” he said as he continued trying to keep it closed.

Sweetie Belle, hesitantly followed by her friends jumped on top of the suitcase and started stomping as hard as they could.

“Stupid thin— Woah!” Scootaloo exclaimed as she and the others flew off of the suitcase that had come undone. They crashed into the leaves of the purple tree before unceremoniously falling onto a mattress. They made an “oomph” sound as they fell on top of one another.

Discord held his claw to his mouth as he tried to hold back a laugh.

When they got up, they noticed a spring sticking out of the luggage.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Scootaloo started out saying.

Discord fell to the ground unable to contain his laughter.

They tried to stay mad at him. They really, really tried. Sweetie Belle was the first to start erupting into a fit of giggles. Seeing their friend giggling, they couldn’t help themselves. Scootaloo soon joined in, followed by a slightly hesitant Apple Bloom.

Discord got up and wiped a tear from his eyes before calming down.

“It’s been fun, truly!” The suitcase disappeared. “I’ll be back shortly. I’ve given you all full control to do as you please in this dimension while I’m gone. As I said earlier, anything is possible while you’re here. Anything. Let your imaginations run wild, and don't relent!"

“Um, Discord, sir?” Apple Bloom twiddled with her hooves.

“Hmm?” He turned back to face her as he opened a portal.

“Can ya tell our families, as well as our teacher an’ classmates, that we’re alright? An’ we won’t be here that long, right? Ah don’t want ‘em to worry none about us…”

They all looked towards him and awaited a response.

“Oh, don’t worry…” He turned away from them and faced the portal. A wicked grin appeared on his features. “You’ll meet up with them soon enough.”

He let out a quiet chuckle as he stepped through.

Author's Note:

Ehh, I'm not too proud of the whole cause and effect thing and trying to fit chaos in it... But I struggled to think of anything that could easily relate with the CMC. Not my finest work, and it's a little wonky. If anyone has a better suggestion I'd be more than happy to change it out.
Also, not sure if Sweetie Belle would be aware of zippers because of her sister at this point in the show, so bleh. Overall though, I'm mostly happy with how this chapter turned out, at least as a first run in with Discord. Let me know what you think though! Also, first 10k words done, yay!

Another thing... I changed the rating to everyone as I realized I'm not really doing anything outside of what the show would have and I have no plans to.

Edit: Opps, I may have already made some revisions as I wasn't happy with the first submission as it seemed unbelievable that the CMC would warm up to Discord so quickly. I tried to make it a little more believable. My bad! I'll try to contain myself in the future, emphases on try.