Twilight and her quest to get the most rare item in Equestria (With comedic hurdles of course)

by Mr Mlp

Are we there yet?

And just like that there was a massive explosion of light, Twilight could have sworn she was about to go blind. She did not go blind, but her eyes went blurry and unclear for quite some time. Her ears were perfectly fine though. Twilight wondered if she was dead. It would be pretty easy to know if she wasn't alive. Even though her vision was blurred she could still make out the colors green, white, blue, orange, and yellow. She determined the old stallion was not with her, due to his glaring black mane not being seen. This heavily worried her, had she already died before she even got to Canterlot Mountain? What even killed her? She heard a voice... "Twilight" it sounded majestic, soothing, and all knowing. Based on that voice alone Twilight truly started to believe that she was actually gone from the realm of Equestria. Now there was one question left to ask... was she in the good afterlife or the bad afterlife? I mean she hadn't ever really did anything bad and from the colors she had seen they were more non-evil colors. "Twilight" There was that voice again. Twilight had not tried to speak yet. She was troubled about what would happen if she did try to speak. She gave it a few more seconds, and letting her vision clear up a little more, then decided it was finally time to speak up. "Am I-"

"HEY!"

Twilight jumped from the sudden raise in volume. "Listen if you think your dead you ain't, so stop worrying you dried lego brick!" Twilight instantly snapped her memory back to where she met the old stallion and screamed when she figured out where she had heard that word lego brick before...

"Wait are you the old stallion?!"
"No duh! NOW STOP BEING BLIND! KA CHOOEY!"

Suddenly her eyes had returned back to complete normal. She took in her surroundings and found to still be at the fields, but the old stallion had become a sight to behold. His crusty black mane that had a bald spot in the middle of it was now a yellow free flowing, soft, thick, and luscious mane. The broken down red male was now orange and was practically glimmering to the eye.

"Ah yes, gaze at my beautiful body, wonderful isn't it?"
"Wha- how?"
"I suppose I owe you a pretty fantastical explanation. Well you see I am a sage."
"A sage?"
"Yeah, a sage y know? I stay here doing funny things until somepony comes across my way heading towards Canterlot Mountain."
"But... why? What do you even have to gain? I have been through so much being with you..."
"PFFT HA! NO YOU HAVEN'T! Listen kid, your concrete brain wasn't ready to scale up that beast of a mountain and grab that damn magnificent masterpiece up there. SO I had to prepare ponies for that climb. With whatever task I feel necessary. And for you it was licking dishes! HAHA YOU SUCKED AT LICKING!"
"I've never even heard of somepony who speaks like you!"
"I've been alive for many years y know. I am a plump sage."
"Does Celestia even know about you!?"
"No... heh and let's keep it that way. Oh and by the way I have one more surprise..."
"NO!"
"Relax it's just the shiny brick I promised you if you could get through my plump task."
"Why would you even give me it, when I just have to give it back to you to get my bag back?"
"Simple Twilight Sparkle. I will give you the bag and brick and you shall keep it. Consider it my blessing as you go up the mountain."
"Uh... Thank you?"
"Don't mention it plump Twilight. Now go quick, time is till slowing running out. Be careful on your voyage and remember the licking skills and other things I taught you. And also use the new skills you will learn on the way. NOW GET STROLLED IDIOT! HA HAAAAAAA!"

And just like that the old stallion sage had disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. She didn't even get his name. She sat there for a second, just dumbfounded at how silly the whole interaction had been. She couldn't dwell for to long though, she had to keep moving for who knew how long that juicy item would stay up at the top of the mountain. Twilight boomed into the sky with great speed. There was not much left to go until she would reach Canterlot Mountain, so she decided it was time to go over the plan again. There was only one problem... she discovered faults in her plan. The sheer stupidity from the sage and job she was told to do completely shifted focus from what she had prepared to do. If this sage ha disrupted her path before she even got to the mountain she was going to have to change her plan. She took out a second map out of her bag showing all the different sections of the mountain. "I can use this to scale the ice wall and if i use this I can be propelled pretty far up the mountain while I use that to defend myself against the-"

FWOOSH

All of a sudden there was a giant gust of wind that slapped her hair back into her face. She put her map back into her bag and focused back on flying. Off in the distance she started to notice some sort of grey and black mass forming. It looked like it was getting closer... and closer... wait a second. "It's a tornado!" Twilight picked up the speed and went to go around the tornado's path to avoid it. It was working and Twilight breathed a heavy sigh of relief. The tornado was not having this though, because before twilight knew it the tornado was right in front of her. It grabbed her tail and whipped her back at least the size of a football field. Before Twilight was whipped away from her destination she took a glance at this mighty foe that had caught her off guard. This enemy was no tornado, it was a grey and black ice cream cone swirling at massive speeds. "For celestia's sake is the whole journey going to be like this" stated twilight in annoyance.

She shrugged it off though and began to pick up speed again ready to pass the swirling ice cream cone. So far it was going good, there was no sight of that devilish waffle cone. Then out of nowhere there it was. It scooped her up (ha get it? scoop... heh) and launched her about the same amount of distance.

"Well great how am I supposed to get past this thing? Maybe I can use my intellectual mind skill? Nah. There seems to be nothing but grass, the cone, and the huge mountain staring me right in the face around here. Well what do mountains have at their base? Rocks? Dirt? Maybe a few animals? It is possible that I could use my magic to scoop up (Do i need to say anything here?) a mammoth sized boulder and smack the cone out of existence."

This was a good plan to take action on, there was a nagging thought in the back of her mind saying "Well the sticks didn't work back at the sage's place why would a boulder work?" She put this thought to rest though after heavily considering it. If she could just get close enough to the mountain she could look for a reasonable enough stone to bash this cone to the next dimension. She tried again flying at top speed, but there the cone was glaring at her with its evil glare. Each try she got a bit closer, although eventually progress slowed to just a crawl. Twilight was sweating, then used her hoof to wipe away the sweat causing her to tap her horn. She had a new course of action. She lit up her powered up horn and teleported to the basis of the mountain, but only got a few seconds to glance around before she was hoisted once again away from the mountain. She could keep trying this or look for another option. Then she smacked her head. "Wait if I can teleport why can't I just teleport to the top of the mountain?" She tried it... and failed? "Wait what? Why can I teleport to the base of the mountain but not anywhere far away from where the cone resided." She did find that there was some sort of ancient magic that surrounded the mountain. She had felt it. Maybe she could fly up the mountain? Nope the winds would be to strong. "Whatever, I have to keep trying, eventually this will work."

Twilight kept trying teleporting all around the back base of the mountain. She couldn't keep doing this, she would run out of time if she kept this up. "Y know what I'm going to grab as many heavy rocks as I can and just chuck them at it." And so she did, wielding at least 50 small to medium sized rocks hoping this would at least chip away some of its health. She threw them all at once and it didn't dent the thing. Was this thing a god or something? Why was this all happening? Why was forced to deal with all of these incredibly weird and strange obstacles? Heck she even came across a sage! The sage had popped back into her mind and the time they had first met even though it had not happened to long ago she still found it surprising that it entered her mind. How impossible was it to know that the dishes had been outside the house and in the backyard? The house... "THinK OuTSiDE ThE hoUsE!" She had been thinking by her logic that she never tried the one option she had left. Listening to the sage and thinking outside the box- er house.

"Ok, so I'm being prevented from entering this mountain by a swirling ice cone and some sort of magic field." She analyzed the cone seeing well just cone. No ice cream on top just a giant waffle cone. Then she looked up at the mountain. Trees, rocks, and snow was all she saw. The snow reminded her of ice cream and ice cream reminded her of the cone... "THAT'S IT!" Twilight exclaimed with confidence. This was the answer, the correct answer. She desperately searched around of the evil cone and there it was circling around the base of the mountain. Twilight lit up her horn once again and took a shot. The burst of magic hit! Soon snow was rolling down the mountain and heading towards the cone. The cone was covered and it emerged a new, fresh, happy cone. The snow had perched itself up onto of the waffle cone making it look like the cone was complete. It was practically gleaming was happiness. "Yes! I did it!" And she did. She flew faster then she ever did before glimmering with excitement. The cone was soothed and she could finally enter Canterlot mountain and get this trip over with.

The cone gave her a bow of respect. Maybe the sage's advice wasn't so bad after all... well not completely bad.She was here about to scale the mountain. She put a hoof on the rocky ground feeling satisfaction. Step by step her satisfaction grew until she bonked her head. "Ow... what did I bonk on?" There was a sign that read place magic here with an arrow pointing to a small little box. The sign towered over her. "Ha! Like I'm going to do that!" She smiled and walked past it bonking her head again. "Did I hit the sign again?" She shrugged and made absolute sure this time when she passed the sign she would not run into it. However she bonked for a third time. A bit more gracefully this time though. Using her brain Twilight determined that she could not go further up the mountain unless she deposited her magic in the box. So she did just that and hesitated but continued. She didn't bonk, let's go. Before continuing she thought about how the voyage had gone so far. Nothing Twilight had planned out was working and it was only when she listened to the sage and embraced the sillier side of the solution found herself clearing up the problem. Perhaps her plan wouldn't work after all. She didn't even know about the cone that has guarded the mountain in her months planning up to this quest. Twilight breathed out, calmed herself, and began walking.

"Finally, Canterlot Mountain."