• Published 6th Apr 2022
  • 1,341 Views, 50 Comments

Diaries of a Zephyrwing - NavelColt

My name is Zoom Zephyrwing, and I'm a core member of Her Majesty's guard units. If you think my job sounds boring, you'd be dead wrong.

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Sunday, 4/10: 'What's with the Shield?' (Hammerhead)

All the guards at Zephyr Heights were ordered to attend an important meeting inside the palace, each guard was given a guidebook and took a seat in one of a row of seats in front of a projector. Once everypony was seated, there were light discussions about what boring subject the meeting will be on, what new excuse is given to provide more work. That was until the captain showed up, all ponies stood to attention in front of the Captain.

“At ease, guards,” ordered the captain, as he made his walk to the centre of the room in front of guards returning to their seats. “The reason you’re all here is to inform you of new protocols in the event of foreign infiltration into Zephyr Heights. You should all have new issues of the Guard Guide in front of you, please open them up to page 42.”

As the guards began to open their guidebooks to page 42, the captain went to the desk at the side of the projector screen to set up a Ponypoint Presentation. “Please pay attention, as all this is important to protect the royal family, our city, and our citizens.”

As the Captain began to go through his slides, talking about procedures for dealing with non-pegasus creatures, one young green pegasus guard felt a distracting vibration by his flank. The vibration came from his smartphone, which had a blinking green light at the top. The pegasus looked left and right, only seeing his fellow guards looking ahead, before checking his phone to see what the buzzing was about.

The screen displayed an alert, Pipp Petals, one of the Princesses of Zephyr Heights, was about to start a live stream. Beloved by all for her charm, beauty, and gift of singing, everypony on Zephyr Heights adored her, and eagerly watched her live streams, they were even reported on the news!

The green pegasus sneakily hid his phone inside his guidebook and ensured the volume was low enough to listen without getting the attention of the other guards. He was too eager to pay attention to the captain’s presentation to miss it, guards work was important but to him, missing out on Princess Pipp Petals was even more important.

“Hey! How’s it going, Pipsqueaks?” Pipp Petals opened with her harming smile and upbeat tone, which would send hearts fluttering and foals giddy with glee when they watched it. On the bottom corner of the screen, emojis sprayed upwards with hearts and faces of joy in overwhelming numbers, whilst new comments were popping up on the opposite corner. “Just received a new package and I cannot wait to show you what’s inside!” she followed, holding up a box and shaking it from side to side.

The Princess then carefully placed her phone on a stand, positioning it at the correct angle so the camera pointed downwards towards her bed. She then placed the box in full view of the camera and then began to tear the box open. Curious fans pinged comments asking what was in the box, which wasn’t helped by Pipp obstructing their view with her gorgeous violet mane as she looked inside.

Suddenly, she squeaked with excitement. “They’re finally here!” she exclaimed, before jumping onto the bed and planting all four of her hooves inside of the box, comments started appearing with the simple “LOL” and “WHUT” in response. After kicking the box off the bed to one side, Pipp Petals rolled onto her back to reveal what was in the box.

“My new sneakers are here!” she said with joy, pretending to walk on her back to show off four sneakers, bright pink with violet soles and white feather-like strips along the side. Reactions were explosive, a fountain of hearts and smiley faces, with comments of “OMG!”, “CUTE!” and “WANT” pinging like crazy.

“Designed by yours truly, they look so good to see it up close, comfy too.” As reactions continued to burst out onto the screen, Pipp grabbed her phone to continue the video stream hoof held with her lying on the bed, using her other forehoof to show off the sneaker. “If any of you Pipsqueaks want a pair of your own, I’ve been told they’ll be available to buy at all major retailers this Friday! Looking forward to seeing my fans show off their own set…”

This green pegasus was glad not to have missed the new announcement, he had a passion for collecting sneakers, and after seeing them, needed that new designer set of sneakers for himself. He continued to watch the video from his phone, still hidden behind his Guard Guide, whilst the meeting turned lecture was still proceeding.

“…moving onto unicorns,” said the captain, unaware of the green pegasus occupied with his phone, as he clicked onto the next slide. “We are aware of their predatory and violent tendencies, with their razor teeth, ability to read minds, and plenty of other dangerous abilities that they can do with the pointy horns on their heads. However, our top researchers have uncovered an old weakness.”

He clicked onto the next slide, showing what appeared to be a scan of a very old piece of paper, tattered and torn in various places, faded and discoloured from old age. It depicted a scene of what looked like a large ballroom with a large white unicorn in peril, trapped and covered within a sea of a greenish liquid. That was at least how most of the guards could interpret it, some details of the scene looked strange, like why the liquid appeared to have a pointy mouth, and the white unicorn appeared to have wings judging by the very faded wavy lines.

“As you can see in this old parchment, this large white unicorn was easily subdued by some form of slime monster” the captain explained, before turning to the guards. “Can somepony tell me why this unicorn isn’t fighting back, despite their biological arsenal at their disposal?”

The captain scanned the room but didn’t take long to find one eager hoof raised amongst the group, from a light blue pegasus with a determined stare. “Sir, was it because of magical properties in the slime, sir?” The pegasus asked firmly.

The captain smirked, clearly impressed by the answer. “I like your thinking, Zoom Zephyrwing, but no”. The captain then referred to the Ponypoint slide. “Based on a focused study of this parchment and other documents related to this incident, it’s been concluded that this unicorn was incapacitated because the tip of the unicorn’s horn was covered in slime, obstructing all magical and unknown properties.” The captain clicked on the laptop, and the image suddenly zoomed in to focus on the head of the unicorn, after which a red circle slowly faded focusing on the unicorn’s horn, where there was a small amount of slim covering its tip.

“As such, all guards are now required to carry around with them, shields.” The captain proceeded to take out one such shield from his armour and reveal it to the guards.

The captain could see several raised eyebrows and tilted heads, some guards winced, worried if they should say something about this shield. To the guards, these unicorn restraining shields look to be small, green, round, and fuzzy, nothing in the realm of high tech, nor the realm of the military.

“I know they look simplistic and unconventional” the captain responded empathetically, “but our research department has assured us that these are most effective to attach to the hoof and suppress any magical properties.”

He went onto the next slide, depicting a diagram of a pegasus unicorn with a green shield in its hoof placed onto the hoof of a vicious and razor-sharp teethed unicorn caricature. “Any unicorn that has been sighted, your priority is to get your shield and place it firmly into the tip of the horn. All guards will be trained to do this appropriately by the end of this week.” Finally, the captain went to the corner of the room, where an inconspicuous basket full of shields was waiting for him to pick up and move to the middle of the room, with the intention for guards to collect as they leave. “Any questions?”

The captain scanned the room once more, nopony had their hoof raised, but something else caught the pegasus’ eye. That young green pegasus was still glued to his guidebook, paying no attention to the captain. Perturbed by the lack of attention on display, the captain made the green pegasus his target. “Thunder?”

Upon hearing his name, the previously distracted Thunder panicked and fumbled with the phone and guidebook, before managing to clamp them between his hooves and looking the captain dead in the eye. “Uh… yes, sir!” he answered obliviously.

The captain paused, having caught the green pegasus he waited for a follow-up. “…well, what’s your question?” All the other guards began to turn towards Thunder, waiting to hear what he had to say.

Thunder started to sweat nervously, seeing all eyes on him, he desperately tried to think up a reasonable question to save face. However, as he hadn’t read the guidebook, all he had to go on was what was on the Ponypoint slide, the basket in the middle of the room, and whatever was in the captain’s hoof that didn’t add up.

“What’s with all the tennis balls?”