Goated

by ItsYaBoiSatan

Bonus: The Funnies/Interlude Approaches

Author's Note:

Bonus is just importance with extra steps.

Also sorry I've been kind've dead, brains been kinda reading for inspiration, been back in school and things couldn't be easier.

Looking forward to our next get together...
-Ya Boi Satan

The Dream Realm:

Luna wasn't in the best of moods, actually scratch that, understatement of the Millennium . She had had all day to think about that Goat Keepers departure, she was positively SEETHING.

Princess Luna walked with a modest haste,
"I still can't believe that human could do such a thing, I can only hope his companions are a more cooperative bunch."

She comes to a halt, stomping her hoof in reposte,
"Absolutely Outrageous!"
It wasn't fair and she knew it, the one thing she held power over was up to the dreamers discrepancy.

She paced in the other direction, again, give her a break, she was at least more than partially justified. Nevermind, getting back on track, it was time to confront the shepherd-N-tow.

She was walking upon nothing for an unknown amount of time,(who was counting,really?) until she stumbled upon quite the peculiar sight. Two dreams stood before her.

"Hmm,~most intriguing~, Tis' a shared dream"

One brighter than the other, yet remaining inconspicuous beside it. She chose the brighter option, the single minded dream.
the dream of the human,

It wasn't nothing this time, that's for sure. Princess Luna was shrouded in darkness instead of ethereal nothingness. She couldn't see her own hoof in front of her face. The only thing other than that, was a light outline of a door in the distance.

It was close enough to walk, but far enough to show there was some room in-between for something more, something missing. So she closed the distance, maybe in hopes of learning more about just who this human thinks he is.

*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*

Awkward shuffling is heard,
"Come in!"
A voice replied from the other side,
So she opened the door, to see a small rustic barn/(room?) hybrid, straight ahead lie the many goats on the hay strewn floor. The goat keeper lays upon a large bed on the right side of the room.

"I see you've figured how to dream"

"Something like that, I've been waiting to speak with you again."
He nonchalantly states.

Holding back a light scowl,
"Good, we shan't have it any other way."
"It's good to see you again, too."

Relaxing her shoulders,
"How goes your first day upon equis, surely you have not had any issues."

Slowly recalling the days events.
"It was fun, we made a new friend, we ate food, we did a little hiding, we took some time to unwind, and I learned a little bit more about myself."

Seemingly surprised from the recap,
"Oh really?, Who's this new friend of yours?"

"Some really cool zebra lady that's really good at rhyming, I think her name was Zecora."

Luna chose to keep her distance from anyone she knew personally,
"She seems like a nice mare, what else have you learned about?"

"I learned I really like the taste of squirrel, and that i had a life before (he gestures to everything in general) all this."
"Oh and my name is Meliek"

Her brow furrowed,
"That's good, that's good, what about that bit about hiding?"

He grimaces,
"About that, a bunch of little horses came into zecora's home like bats outta hell, they said something about us being really bad or dangerous or something."

"Naya and Niko would never hurt a soul, I know that for a fact."
"we all love each other like family, so I would know."
He gets up from the bed, looking over all the little goats.

Seemingly,not actually suprised,
"Oh my, I'll see what can be done about such things, surely things will be easier to manage with less on your plate."

"Thank you for the help, for whenever it might make itself known."

No, thank you
"It is dually appreciated for your cooperation within the dream realm."

Sitting down at the edge of the bed,
"I'll see you later Luna, it's fun talking with you."

"You too."
And she was gone, if not to check other dreams then
to give her new friend some space to recuperate his thoughts.

"Peace out."
Was the only statement that slipped past her cuz she had already left.

Slipping out of the sphere of utter incomprehension,
"A much more pleasant experience than last time, "
She trotted a foot over,
"Now we can only hope, the twin goats are at least half as cooperative"

The orb of their dream was dark and shifting ever so slightly. So she stepped forward in order to enter the shared dream, and Immediately her ears are greeted with uproarious laughter.
The void was still dark, nothing of note to make out. Moving forward, Luna was met with a wall. A wall of nothing, yet she couldn't see beyond it.

Following the laughter she walked along the wall,
And she walked,

And walked...

And walked...

And...
"Wherever might they be..."
Walked.

It didn't sound like they were getting any closer. So she continued her trot forwards, walking and walking until she felt a rush of vertigo almost stepping off the ledge of something.
"Well."
"that's a pit of nothing..."
"Tis a good thing we didn't fall down there."

"Too bad!" is a message heard in unison by her.

Then she turned only to find the source of the laughter coming straight at her.
The two goats just had to be following behind her didn't they, yeah they definitely did.

so they tackled her into the pit...

Only to land in a large pool of water. now that Luna was frustrated at best and thoroughly drenched, the twin goats had decided to make themselves known.

They were still laughing!

"Hahahahaha, you shoulda seen the look on your face, uhhg, I'm sorry, that was just too good."
The first stockier male said,

"Nah, she definitely deserved it, that was fucking hilarious."
The second lankier female stated.
"Anyway, we have the bell, in your face."
The thinner goat conjures a dreamed bell to wave in front of the lunar princess's face.

She pushes the bell away with a wet hoof,
"Enough of your rabble!, what are you two planning?!"

She holds a split-hoof to her chest,
"whaaat!, Nothing, we don't know what your talking about."
Taking a step back now.

"What do you mean!, What are you doing with Grogar's bell?"
She stomps a hoof and the water on her disperses,
"And, who are you?"

The boy replies,
"We mean we're not telling you, we're holding it for safekeeping, and you haven't even told us your name yet?"

Luna regains her composure
"We believe we have a right to know, tis' mine and mine sisters kingdom,
my name is Luna Le Nocte Carnifex."
She stated with unnoticed spite,
"Princess of the moon and overseer of the Dream realm, to whom do I owe the pleasure?"
She offers a hoof,

The buck takes it but the doe continues speaking,
"We are known as Iniko and Naya, descendants of grogar and heir to the bell."

Iniko continues,
"We wish to live a new but nice and quiet life without your incrimination."

Luna's brow is furrowed,
"Then why must you antagonize us!, You seem drawn to creating drama!"

Naya continues,
"Cuz it's funny as fuck?"

Niko follows up,
"Honestly, we're kinda've a bunch of goofballs."

These goats were starting to get her goat,
"Stop fooling around, I need answers?!"

"Like how we pulled that little stunt earlier, bringing you down here?"
Niko asks,

"Dreamworld acoustics make it much easier than lucid dreaming."
Naya finishes after skipping a beat.

Iniko has some last thoughts,
"Anyway, we should probably rap this up, we've been going on and on about all this moving business, and don't forget our new landlord zecora."
He pauses to yawn,
"I'm tired of sleeping, and I think it's about time to crack open the peepers..."

Luna would NOT have this happening again,
"Oh No You Do Not!"
She lunged at him, but he vanished and reapeared half a goat over.
Luna missed and tumbled through the wet gravely soil.

"Oh Yes I Do Too.", he walked over towards her, "Because we are busy and we wish to make ease of our issues for the ones we care for, please don't intervene anymore than you need to,
Progression is Inevitable."
Then he was gone

Luna still layed there, she didn't even try to get up. Her face was one of absolute shock, she didn't have time for this. She was tired, she would have just layed there still.

But...

There was still another goat in the room,
"Ya Know?, I didn't think you'd be much of a fighter, but you're ~Fiesty~, I like that."
Naya was approaching now,
"We're true to being goofballs, but Niko Beeko takes time to warm up to annoying ponies, maybe come again tomorrow night, we could be good friends..."
A lightbulb appears above her head,
"Or maybe visit in the waking world sometime, under more casual circumstances rather than fucking hilarious interragation, it might help a little."
She was definitely holding back some snickers.

Luna just layed there dumbfounded, mouth slightly agape.

"Peace Out,"
She said,
"Oh and P.S. don't tell Niko, but if by chance you find Anyone and I mean Anyone looking for Us, Do Not reveal our location, I repeat Do Not Reveal Our Location."
Luna was listening just a bit more intently,
"It's unlikely, but if it happens, be warned, it will cause problems for all parties involved."
She made a final gesture of pointing her hooves to her eyes and back to Luna,

Luna thought,
'My this Naya seems to be a bit intense...'
Until she was ripped from her thoughts as the dream collapsed around her due to both goats having woken.
"Well, looks like we'll be seeing more of each other than I thought, I have future meetings to attend."

She stood up, looking around, so many ponies were still sound asleep, what could they possible have to do so early into the morning. We can only wonder for now.

---

The Real World:

*Thunk*

*Thunk*

*Stomp*

Stop, what's that sound, that's the sound of the steel toed boots of a 13 year old girl entering the premises of an old farmers unnocupied home.

She cupped her hands and called out,
"Mister Shalkowskiiiiiiiii!"
She switched to a sing-song voice,
"If your REAL-LY not here, THAT means I can DO whatever I WA-ANT!!"

"WELP!, NO STOPPING ME NOW!"
She immediately dashed straight to the kitchen, looking around she spotted a fruit basket on the dining table with only apples in it, a refrigerator with many little drawings and funny pictures of memories. And a gas stove with a metal plate on top, as if it was like a griddle.

Opening the fridge yielded satisfying results, that's where the fresh fruit was, but one thing in particular caught her eye. those Bright Red Big Juicy Strawberries. And off to the side that homemade whipped cream just sitting in the metal bowl it was whipped into, begging to be spread atop some heaven cake. It's called angel food for a reason.

And this little angel was about to go to town, only to look in the pantry and to find "THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO ANGEL FOOD CAKE!", a very dissapointing turn of events. It would have to suffice for now. "FUCKING BULLSHIT!"She turned her saddening experience around by looking for the bedroom of the mildly confusing non present Meliek.

It was right next to the kitchen so it wasn't exactly hard to find, but what caught her eye layed inside. Something she'd never seen before, A large box with a combination lock. 'Mr. Ski wasn't a man of secrets was he?' Anyway, she skipped in and did a combat roll, making no noise at all.

She was faced with around 15- to maybe -21 goats laying on the ground, just sleeping. She loved all of the Little goats, they were her favorite animals, and they all lived just down the road. But despite the fact that all of them we're here, there was still two of them Missing.

She locked noticeably irritated,
"Where Are They?"
It seemed that the two favorites of her favorite species were missing.
'okay, now this is completely uncalled for, this was supposed to be a fun adventure without any bullcrap.'

---

*SNAP*

"Done."

---

*Crackle POP!*
A flash emits from behind her in in the middle of the bed, and what lays there changes everything.

A piece of paper, no bigger than an inch in width.

'A sign from the universe!'
She ran over to the bed as quick as possible making plenty of noise with her heavy boots, So much noise infact that the goats woke up. But that didn't matter right now.

She yanked it off the sheets, looking over it then smiled Very mischievously. a few goats hopped up with her, only to eat the paper. Keeping the number in her head she rushed over to the Ancestral box of secrets.

"Alright, here we go."

"5,"

"6,"

"69, hehe."

*KABOOM*

The box exploded leaving black soot on the dresser it was on top of, revealing a few items where it previously laid. The goats were all sitting now, paying there full attention.

'A small metal skull ring'
"Nice, but I can't take that, that would be stealing."

'A lebron James pez dispenser'
https://photos.app.goo.gl/SxbL7wsvwDMJwVYn6
"Funny, but no."

'oooh, a peep!'
"I'm sure he won't mind, right?"
But as soon as she reached for it,

It stated in a deep and powerful voice,
"I do Mind, please refrain from consuming me."
Then it floated upwards into the air.

"What the fuck?"
Was all she could say, 'what the hell is this, some kinda joke.'

"It is no mere joke, yes I can read your thoughts."
Yep, it could read her thoughts, she was screwed.

'what the hell have I just discovered?',
"Who in the heck are you?"

It laughed, mocking her.
"You did not discover me, I am a being that has existed since the beginning of time, an eldritch entity that feeds on desire, all powerful, all knowing."
The Eldritch Peep floated down to eye level,
"I merely took the form of something you couldn't resist, in order to bring you to me for decisions I am to make."

She had realized something,
"So if your all powe-"
She was cut off,
"Will I be able to grant your wishes?, Yes, but at a cost."

"Cool cuz I need a few things."
She stepped back and put her finger to her chin in thought,
"Okay, first things first, I need angel food cake."
Nothing Happened.

"For me to heed your call, you need to say I WISH, as well as the Magic Words."

'I don't know any magic words?!',
"What are the magic words?"

"Please and Thank You."
It stated as if it was the most obvious thing ever.
"And be specific."

"Alright, I wish for an infinite supply of Angel Food Cake, Please and Thank You. "
She asked,

He received,
"Granted, The price is your Morality, you will not feel bad for your wrong actions and this will be noticed by others, Irony has always been the best punishment."

She immediately started conjuring slices of angel food cake, and throwing them around the room, just to display her new power. Even if she was making a mess, she didn't care anymore.

At Least before she had restraint,
"I've decided upon my second wish, I wish for the slapping power of Vasily Kamatski, my favorite Slapping Champion, Please and Thank You."
She all but demanded,

He Complied,
"Granted, The Cost is your curse, you will lose your temper, you will not hesitate to fight anyone that angers you or gets in your way, even if you lose you will hurt them in a way that makes you unforgettable."

She stood radiating with near unfathomable power,
"I have my final wish, but before we do anything I need to grab something."
She left the peep floating in the air, and left for the living room.

Above the fireplace, on the mantle, something she resisted playing with for a long time. Was hers for the taking, the gilded drum shotgun. his prized possession, his offense and defense. He probably needed it with how much money his farm pulled in.

She pulled it off the mantle and inspected it's weight, 'definitely heavy duty.' she thought, then grabbed the shells right next to the unlit fireplace. Walking back into the kitchen she noticed the back door slightly open.

Walking back into Mr. Shalkowski's room, she noticed an alpaca sitting in front of the Peep, blowing lots of raspberries and spit everywhere in his face.

"Granted, you will be given enhanced phallical structure, in turn your cost, will be the death of those you Care Intimately About, Heed the warning, do not get attached so easily."

She stepped pass the door,
"Taint Muncher, is that you?"
He turned his head so quick he broke the sound barrier, then tackle hugged her onto the ground.
"I missed you too buddy."
Taint Muncher was the breeder alpaca Of the Shalkowski estate, not that anyone knew how important he was for birthing good alpacas, besides really good friends of the Ski's.

She stood up and brushed the dust off her self, then walked back up to the Peep, "I'm ready for my final wish."
Taint Muncher spits in agreement,

"I wish for you to help me get Mr. Shalkowski and the Goats back!"
Nothing happened,

"And,"
He states,

"Please and Thank You."

"Granted, your final wish will come with the greatest cost, from your greed you've sprouted sin, your soul will be mine once you die, free to whatever whim is needed from me, do you accept your final terms?"

"Yes, I'm ready."
And with that, she sold her soul to YaBoi PeepSatan.

"If my aid is ever needed I will be in the box waiting..."
With that the box came back and it was sealed once again. With that also done a portal opened up leading to the front door of a Crystal Tree Castle, she would now begin her adventure of finding him, and bringing him back.

Even if it was so she could torment him, it was all in good fun. A black cat suddenly whipped past her and through the portal.
"Ehh, probably not important."
Beckoning taint muncher to follow her,
She grabbed the skull ring and left.