Ponies Discover Guns (A Rewrite of "You Ponies Are Lucky Idiots!")

by redandready45

Removing Pests

"Aren't these creatures wonderful," Fluttershy cooed as she watched the vampire fruit bats care for their offspring.

"Wonderful at destroying my crop," Applejack complained as the winged fiends devoured her precious apples. "There's got to be some way to get rid of these monsters."

"I have an idea," Fluttershy said kindly. "If we just ask them nicely, I'm sure they'll fly away." Applejack rolled her eyes as her yellow friend flew up to the family of bats. "Excuse me," Fluttershy said meekly to one of the bats. "Could you pretty please stop eating my friend Applejack's apples?" Fluttershy conversed with the bat briefly and then flew down to meet Applejack.

"Well," Applejack drawled somewhat impatiently.

"They told me that they'll get back to me later," Fluttershy said optimistically, ignoring Applejack's growing anger. "See Applejack? Being nice solves-" The two ponies were startled by the sound of a gunshot going off, as were the fruit bats. They followed the sound to Granny Smith, holding a shotgun in her hooves and looking at the bats with a steely expression.

"If you varmints don't stop eating my apples, y'all will be eatin' lead!" The elderly mare yelled. She pointed her shotgun at one of the trees and fired a bullet. One of the bats was struck, and it fell to the ground dead. The other bats, shocked beyond belief, flew away in panic. "Yeah, you better fly!" Granny bellowed. Fluttershy and Applejack approached the Apple Matriarch, looking scared and happy, respectively.

"Granny," Fluttershy said in tears. "How could you? What about making peace?"

"I made peace, alright!" Granny said remorselessly. "See how quiet it is with those varmints gone."

"Well, Fluttershy," Applejack said with a smug grin. "Let's look at the score. Guns: One. Kindness: Zero"

Fluttershy looked disappointed. "Is this how you're going to solve all your problems? Are you going to use them on those innocent moles who keep eating your orchard and threatening you with bankruptcy, too?"

"That's a great idea," Granny said gleefully, much to Fluttershy's shock.

"That-that's not what I meant-"

"Come on, Applejack, we're going mole hunting." The two earth ponies walked toward their carrot fields, eager to kill the moles and any other pest they encountered.

"But it's wrong to use weapons on innocent animals!" Fluttershy protested fruitlessly to the Apple family members. "Pests are living beings with hearts like you-!"

"Fluttershy." The yellow mare turned around to see Zephyr Breeze approaching her with a sheepish smile. "I accidentally poured all of your bubble bath down the drain. Can you trot to the store for more?" Fluttershy felt her eye twitch as she stared at her mooching brother before a very sweet expression formed on her muzzle.

"Applejack, can I borrow your gun and shed for five minutes," Fluttershy yelled while gazing at her younger brother. "There is one pest I need to deal with."

Comments

[Starlight Fan]

I remember back in the old days where I read this story. It was a good… two years ago I believe.

This was short but funny.