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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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“cease and desist” orders
“And it seems we have a lot of catching up to do… Humdrum,” a voice Spike knew too well, said.
Now who could that be, any bets my bet is on Radiance any takers and place your guess on who this is.
Okay, not bad, but Spike is a bit overpowered, plus the sence isn't descriptive enough, not only that, the pacing is off, my tips are simple, one, take a little more time to write what the characters are thinking, saying, doing, feeling, etc, two, be a bit more descriptive, something like, "The man sat in his tent zipped open. The fireplace crackled softly giving him light and warming him in the cold night as he stared out into the dark woods that surrounded his campsite, reflecting on his life as he relaxed" That is a good example, the reader can imagine firmly where the man is, and what he's feeling and doing, therefore even if they were to skip a couple of lines it won't affect them much
three, tone down spikes power, make him take more hits, make him lose a few fights and power up the bad guys, make it even so the reader can understand why Spike needs a team and can't just solo the city all by himself, because with how it's going so far it wouldn't be hard to understand why the read would feel that, anyway other then that pretty good.
11582950
Same here, but it may be someone else, I think radiance would tackle hug Spike and then break down crying.
11582950
11582966
Yeah, so... it's not Radiance/Rarity, her reaction will be very different
11582999
care to full me in on discord
11582999
Agreed. I'm pretty sure that if the girl saw Spike still alive, the poor thing would probably try to tackle him to the ground and would hold onto him as she broke down wailing.
11582808
Thanks, I'll fix it soon, I don't know why I type this on my phone most of the time, it has a weird auto correct
Wait, Radiance/Rarity try to kill herself?! when did that happen!? what chapter was that first mention?
11584530
Chapter 5
Great chapter, hope to see more soon brother!
11582808
In this case I honestly think that was an intentional mess up considering they were doing stuff with hundram's name they were probably seizing anything that was being used illegally
11582950
It's Discord flat out it is Discord