Cracking Dawn

by Didily Winkles

Prologue

Prologue

The crisp early morning air grazed along the filly's pink coat as she charged her way to her destination. This was the night. After so much planning, so much guile and deceit; this was going to be her master piece and no pony will see it coming.

The filly quickly jumped behind a bush to avoid the night patrol coming down the street with a lamp lighting their way. It was way past curfew. Her bright orange mane and pink coat were not her friends when she wanted to stay hidden but this would not stop her tonight.

Once the night ponies made their way down the road she broke back into a sprint towards the cherry farm. Hopping over fences and gates, she finally made it to the dew laden grove with trees ready to be bucked free of their fruit.

The pink filly surveyed the land before gauging where she wanted to start. Finding a lonely tree at the end, she started to drag her hoof in the ground circling each and every tree. The mare on the moon was illuminating the teenage filly's devious work as she made it around every tree in the orchard.

After what felt like hours of dragging her hoof in the dirt, she finally could see an end in sight. Her hooves were sore, her light pink coat was dusty and sweaty, and Celestia's sun was just about to peak over the distant mountain. She smiled as her dragging hoof made contact from where she started at the lonely tree.

She backed up and dipped her horn at the continuous groove she had made with her hoof which circled every tree in the orchard. The pink filly started to charge up her master piece, letting her magic build up to a blinding light. This was the first time she has had to call on this much magic for just one spell. Her horn started to quiver under the pressure from the built up magic. She weaved all her magic into a complicated pattern, letting it flow all into her horn. The pink aura around her horn began to flow like liquid, steadily dripping to the ground. It crept unnaturally along the grooves that she had drawn with her hoof. It spilled in and around each tree illuminating the grove with the unicorns pink magic against the approaching dawn. The liquidated magic eventually made it back to the exhausted unicorn. Her horn grew brighter as she finished her spell. A brilliant flash of magic later the pink liquid that oozed off of her horn sunk into the ground to be absorbed by the trees. The fatigued filly collapsed into the fertile dirt, only to drift into a dreamless sleep.

Her body jerked her to consciousness once it heard voices off in the distance. She recognized these voices as the cherry family coming out for the first day of their bucking season. She groaned as her sore body resisted moving but her will was stronger. She pushed against the earth, lifting her body so she could waddle to a safe distance.

The exhausted filly managed to find a hill that overlooked the orchard. It had tall enough grass to hide even her pink flank. Celestia's sun was in full bloom, warming her tired and sore body. She spotted the first of the cherry buckers approach the trees with large buckets to catch their crop. A loud smack later, cherries were raining down quickly filling their buckets they placed at the tree's trunks. The unsuspecting stallion who was the father of some of the filly's classmates and the owner of the Cherry Archers bent over the buckets to taste test his crop. With practiced precision, he spit out a half of a dozen cherry pits before smacking his lips at the likely perfectly ripe fruit. Dawn watched with eager eyes as the large stallion first stumbled around spreading his legs to balance himself only to fall over to his side squirming like a worm. She had enchanted the entire crop of cherries so when ponies ate them they would loss their sense of equilibrioception and kinesthesia. Foal's play. The stallion's legs flared around as he tried to fight against the spinning earth around him. He yelled for help, but the trickster on the hill could see that the rest of his family were occupied. They too were on the ground with their hooves flaring around helplessly.

The adolescent unicorn broke into a suffocating laughter at the sight. Every single muscle she possessed cried out in pain but she simply could not help to laugh at her own perfectly executed prank. The cherries would of course be back to normal by tomorrow and the disorientation the cherries wrought only lasted for about two minutes or so, but they got what they deserved.

Once she recovered from her own laughter she pushed herself up against the unrelenting gravity of the earth and started to make her way back home. She had nearly made it home when she was stopped by two voices laced with authority, her parents.

Her father and mother swooped down from the sky looking very tired and very angry.

"And where have you been?" Her mother asked. "We were looking all over for you."

"You are grounded. You were not supposed to leave your room." Her father said, stomping in irritation.

"I'm always grounded." The pink unicorn taunted as she rolled her eyes at her parents. She turned around to make her way home.

"Dawn! Do not turn your back to us!" Shrilled her mother out of anger.

"What were you up to?" Dawn's father asked in a kinder tone dropping his irritation for the moment.

"I'm sure we will hear about it later." Her mother said before she took flight to quickly catch up to her daughter. She pounced on her daughter's back side, forcing her to stop.

The teenager struggled against her larger mother on the ground. Her mother eventually wrapped her forelegs around her daughter. "Let go!" The filly screamed. She wished she had her magic.

"She's drained of magic..." Her mother revealed as she took flight just high enough to stop her daughter from squirming against her.

"What have you done?" Her father asked in a livid tone, once taking flight to meet his daughter face to face.

"Nothing." She cried out, shivering out of fear from the gaining heights.

"Don't you lie to us." Her mother snapped back.

"Put me down!" The filly pleaded. The beginnings of tears were forming in her eyes. She hated heights and her parents knew it.

"If you stop squirming, I will fly lower. But we are going home." Her mother said calmly as she tightened her grip around her daughter.

"We are going to have a very long talk." Her father said sternly as he led the way home.

Dawn knew she wouldn't be able to break free from her mother without magic. She was as tapped out for the day at the very least. She stayed still as her mother flew her home for whatever punishment they thought would 'fix' her. They landed at their stoop before walking in the front door of their home in silence. She contemplated making a run for it for the day but they would catch her in this state. They were soon greeted by Dawn's younger brother.

"What did Dawn do?" He asked with his wings flared up and tail whipping around purely out of excitement. "Is she going to be in trouble?"

"Shut up you stupid little turkey." Dawn jeered before she began to limping up stairs to her room.

"Mom? Did you just hear what she called me?" Dawn's brother cried out.

"Go up to your room and wait for us to come up and talk." Dawn's father said sternly, ignoring his son.

Dawn snickered at the suggestion.

"You are supposed to be at school." Dawn's mother said very much annoyed at her son.

"But Dawn..." He cried back.

"But nothing. Go!"

Dawn made it to her room. The door was still removed so she kicked the door frame as she passed to make a point to her parents. Her room was lined with hundreds of books that she had read over the years. There were a couple books that she hadn't read on her nightstand but she had every intention of rectifying that in the near future. Dawn flopped onto her bed and curled into a ball, ready to fall asleep right then and there.

"Oh, no you don't. We are going to have a talk before you get your magic back and teleport away from us." Dawn's father said, shaking the ball of pink with his hoof.

"I don't want to talk." Dawn said as she retreated under her covers.

"That is too bad." Her father said plainly as he took a seat on Dawn's bed.

"Did you know we were out most of the night looking for you?" Dawn's mother asked, trying to lay the guilt on thick as she pulled the covers off the bed.

Dawn rolled her eyes at her mother.

"Dawn... We want to make what ever is bothering you right. Talk to us." Dawn's father pleaded.

"I'm tired. Leave me alone." Dawn said before turning over, away from her parents.

"We are your parents. We will never leave you alone so long as you live in this house."

"I can't wait to move out then." Dawn said, hoping to twist an old knife.

Both her parents fell silent as they thought of what they needed to say. "Do you want more magic instruction? More books? We can do that if you want." Dawn's mother asked.

"Dawn, tell us what's wrong." Dawn's father pleaded again.

"Nothing." Dawn said, still not facing them.

"Don't give me that." Dawn's father's hoof pulled Dawn to look at her parents. "Is somepony at school bullying you again?"

"No." Dawn answered, fighting against the hoof that was keeping her faced towards the hurt faces of her parents.

"Are you mad at somepony?" He asked.

"No." Dawn snarled with a jerk to break free from her fathers hoof.

"This all started with those fires those years back. We have really tried everything Honey. We've hired ponies to come talk to you. Celestia knows they didn't stand a chance. We've tried punishing you, rewarding you... We are at our wits end. We have done everything to figure out what is wrong but you won't talk to us or any pony." His voice started to show his agitation. Dawn's father took a deep breath before continuing. "What ever it is we can help." He said quietly and calmly.

"It's nothing you can fix." Dawn mumbled absently minded.

"So it is something." Dawn's father said triumphantly. Dawn could feel a smirk beamed right at the back of her head.

"NO!" Dawn shrieked, the beginnings of tears were forming in her eyes as she retreated into her pillow.

"We just want to help Honey." Her mother said, taking a seat next to her to stroke her mane.

"I just want to sleep and to be left alone." Dawn said into the pillow.

"Not going to happen Honey Buns." Her father said, cooing with his wife while offering a supporting hoof to Dawn's shoulder.

"Is it us?" Dawn's mother asked.

"Do you wanna try some different hobbies?" Dawn's father purposed. "I know you like magic but what about art? Cooking?"

"I don't want to do anything."

"Nothing?" Dawn's father asked surprised.

"Yes leave me alone!"

"Alright... We can cancel your magic lessons. Do you still want us to buy you books?"

Dawn didn't respond. She didn't know what she wanted. Tears were dripping down her face freely as she considered their offer.

"We can let you pick out your own books. And if you ever want magic lessons again you can pick out your instructors too. Does that sound good Honey Buns?"

Dawn didn't respond again. This was not going in the direction she expected. She felt her mother wrap her legs around her for a hug.

"Are you feeling like you have no control Dawn?" Dawn's mother asked, whispering into her ear.

That was it... Dawn nodded from underneath the pillow. The extra warmth of her mother nudged her further into unconsciousness.

"Well then..." Her father started to say as he crawled to Dawn's other side to look her in the eyes and to join his wife in a hug with their daughter. "You are in control from her on out."

"It's your life Dawn." Her mother said, tightening her hug.

Dawn's father met her muzzle to muzzle, locking eyes with her. "How about you make a little deal with us? No more pranks like the one you pulled tonight." He purposed calmly.

"And we know you were pulling one your pranks tonight don't you try to lie to us." Her mother added.

Dawn's father hummed in agreement. "So long as you stop lying to us and stop the pranks, you will never be grounded by us again. Is it a deal Honey Buns?"

Dawn just gave a small nod in compliance. She was tired and barely conscious now. She would have nodded to anything. She succumbed to her magic fatigue and fell into a dense sleep with her parents wrapped around her.

Comments

[Steben]

It was a good effort, but the problem is I don't feel any character-reader connection. If she's been stubborn for years it's hard to believe that she would just "clean up" just like that. I don't think "whiny teenager" is a good type of character to open up with. It's implied she changes after this chapter... but still.

I'd also read up on commas and comma splices. It will help you polish your work a little.

[KingOfTheMuffins]

The prologue/start was interesting, but I agree with what Steben wrote. Refer to his comment for specifics.

1292893

I agree. The story has potential, but, as you stated, there are a few errors. Thankfully, said errors are easily fixed at that.

[Blazing_Mane01]

Great work, sir. Nice prologue.

But I'm not saying anything new when I say; there are quite a few errors. In punctuation, I saw one in spelling in there, and many tense usage errors actually.

Overall, nice story.

To be honest, however, this isn't my kind of story, you know what I mean? I'm well familiar with this kind of stuff already, and I'm kind of an action pony, so yeah...

I'll post my like for this story, though. Keep going with it.