Mercenary Tales

by Slendy

0-6 Snap Crackle Pop

"The scope of my engineering genius, literally, knows no bounds!" W threw her hand down in complete awe, slapping her forehead. She wore only a pair of dirty black tracksuit bottoms and her vest top as it hugged her chest tightly. She was dirty, sweaty, and wore a smile filled with pride.

Tossing the shovel away into a far corner of the entry hall to the Castle of the Two Pony Sister - or The Bombing Queen's 'Scarlet Keep' as she relabeled with a big red sign out the front, thanks to Zecora for letting her borrow the paint.

Dusting off her hands, W picked up her duffle bag, intending to run herself a nice hot bath after a good day's work. Whistling her own theme song, she took for the right-hand stairwell nearby, or until something made the cans she suspended above the door rattle. Either another stray animal tripped her wire trap, or someone actually fell for it. Probably the latter by the yelp that followed.

W sighed loudly into the empty hall, picked up her grenade launcher, and stomped her way up a ladder she used to peek out of an overhead window that scanned the outside grounds of the castle. To her shock, someone had found the plank of wood she used to cross over the missing bridge. Her flat stare smooshed against the cold stone edge of the window as she stared down at the steps leading to the grand entrance. "What do you want now, Sparkle Butt?"

Twilight gasped before glaring up at the window W waved her tail from, bored out of her mind. "You! Do you have any idea what -- no, of course you wouldn't,"

"Gonna stop mumbling or should I go? I have a hot bath to start running y'know?" W yelled down with little to no enthusiasm.

"You blew up a storefront!" Twilight screamed, her horn crackling with lilac magic. "Four ponies were nearly hospitalized because of your chaos!"

"Butt-Stallion-Butt-Stallion, look, I get it, you've had a long day, two people got injured--"

"Four!!" She shrieked.

"--not the point; so why not turn around, leave my humble abode, and I'll think about not breaking your knees the next time we, unfortunately, cross paths, eh? Sound good?" Twilight opened her mouth to speak but W was already gone. "Good! Goodbye forever!"

"Get back here!" Her muffled voice could be heard as she banged on the doors with her magic. "I've had it with you! Every day you terrorize innocent ponies, steal from them, and make them have to live in fear of what you'll do next! And you just don't care, nothing about you is even remotely redeemable!" Every word bounced off W's ears as she pulled up a chair, grabbed an apple she stole from Applejack's farm, and leaned back with her fingers curled around a wooden lever she had set up prior to this moment.

Eventually, the doors were flung back, almost tearing off the hinges as Twilight's furious face burrowed into W's. "That's enough!" She grunted, stomping into place as W's bored smile lit up, biting into an apple.

"Pull the lever, Sparkle Butt!" Cranking the lever back, Twilight's fury was quickly trampled by fear as the floor under her hooves gave way for a wide, vertical drop through the floor, the carpet pulled back entirely by the lever's pully system.

Twilight screamed, plunging deep into an underground portion of the castle that had flooded from a cave entry not far away. She coughed up water, glaring up at the silver-headed woman peeking down, clutching her apple as she cackled like a jackal. "Y-You should have seen the l-look on your fa-a-ace!! Ah, priceless!" She wiped away genuine tears of joy, stomach trembling as she pointed down, snickering. "Oh, I'd suggest you start swimming, my roommates get real cranky when someone disturbs them, toodles!" W disappeared.

"R-Roommates...?" Twilight turned around to the gloomy dungeon submerged slightly by water. But once her eyes adjusted did her purple fur turn a ghostly white. Several pairs of eyes lit up scarlet in the gloom, and a hissing snarl echoed throughout the cavern. Rows of curved, white teeth concealed by the water, say for the long snouts and scaly bodies that floated through the water.

By Twilight's count, five adult crocodiles were now sizing her up as their next meal.

If the unicorn's screams didn't entertain W before, hearing them combine with the desperation to escape would help the Sakaz sleep soundly tonight.

End

Author's Note:

Let it be known, a bored W is an inventive W, oh, extra fact from W herself.

"The five guys living in my basement? From youngest to eldest it's, Vegeta Jr, Jerry, Clem, Sans, and Harry, like 'You're a lizard, Harry', I dunno, he doesn't object to it,"

I hope you enjoyed, I appreciate the support as always; seeya in the next chapter, Renegades!

Comments

[Veo Skride]

Don't go making noise on someone else's property sparkle butt, haha

Missed opportunity to make the pit have snakes, which Twi is canonically scared of

Nice silly fun with some good references placed in. Scarlet Keep from Destiny, and emperors new groove lever huh?

[Slendy]

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I did not know she feared snakes, 'W: Gods dammit!', but hey, now she fears snakes and crocodiles. I am to please with my references and the one at the very beginning.

[EvilTreerat]

Take one pit, fill with gooey ordiferous cheese, several large snakes, and a shredded book (obviously blank). Drop in one teacher's pet, stir liberally, and seal for 12 hours.

Enjoy your new well fed pet boa constrictor.

[Slendy]

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W: Write that down, write that down!