The Lyra Laws

by Shinigamimirror

Tipsy Translocation Troubles Part 1

“Lyra, are you sure these are the right ingredients?” Asked a doubtful Bon-Bon. The cream-colored mare was watching Lyra list off ingredients from a list she made. She was throwing them in a cauldron placed in the middle of Lyra’s personal research lab at Canterlot castle. It was a typical research lab with typical research equipment. The brick walls were covered in shelves filled with tinctures, beakers, test tubes, alchemy ingredients, and spare parts from past experiments.

“Yes! Of course, Bonnie. I know what I’m doing.” Replied the chipper goggle adorned mint unicorn. “All I needed was the recipe for the invisibility potion. The reason we can never see humans is because they’re invisible!” Lyra stated with confidence.

“Okay, but how does an invisibility potion help you with that?” Bon-Bon asked with a raised eyebrow. “And you haven't put anything in there that you’ve listed off!” Bon-Bon stated with growing concern.

“C’mon Bonnie! It’s simple really. If you want to see invisible things, you have to make a potion that is the opposite of the invisibility potion.” Lyra chirped with enthusiasm while nodding her head.

“I...don’t think it works like that.” Bonnie stated flatly. “Can I see your ingredients list?”

“Sure, why don’t you read me the ingredients and I’ll put them in.” Lyra didn’t wait for Bon-Bon to answer before she hoofed over the ingredients list to the curly maned candy-maker.

“Alright, the next ingredient is a fermented spider eye.” Bon-Bon listed off. She looked up from the list to watch Lyra scratch her head in thought.

“Alright so that means we need...a… frog leg!” Lyra proclaimed, punctuating the ingredient with a flourish as she tossed it in the cauldron. The brew in the cauldron bubbled and changed to a forest green color and gave off a hissing sound as it sunk in.

“Lyra, I’m finding it difficult to see how a frog leg is the opposite of a spider eye. I don’t think this is safe. You could be making a poison!” Bon-Bon’s eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and disbelief. “Just admit it. You don’t know what you're doing.”

“That never stopped me before.” Lyra said nonchalantly while waving a forehoof in dismissal. “Besides, poisons are always purple or lime green. As long as it's the right color It’ll be fine.” Lyra brushed the concern aside as she continued. “What’s the next ingredient?”

Bon-Bon gave Lyra a long stare before sighing and shaking her head. “Mint. The next ingredient is mint.” The curls in Bon-Bon’s mane bounced in defeat as she resigned herself to being the assistant to a mad-mare.

“Mint is green. So, the opposite of mint is poison joke juice because it’s blue.” Lyra nodded at her own conclusion for effect. She grabbed the vial labeled “Poison Joke Juice” and poured the whole vial in without a second thought. After shaking the last drop into the cauldron, she threw the vial behind her. The sound of shattering glass could be heard, followed by a horn honk, a cat shriek, and several pieces of junk hitting the floor. Lyra watched the brew closely as the color changed from a green to a vivid orange. “See Bon-Bon, it’s orange. Orange means good.”

At this point Bon-Bon had given up trying to be the voice of reason and continued without any more protest. “The next ingredient is...mold slime.” Bon-Bon’s face contorted in disgust.

“The opposite of mold is definitely cheese, it's edible and it’s not mold. We have to use swiss because it has holes in it that you can see through.” Lyra trumpeted matter-of-factly.

“Clearly.” Bon-Bon said under her breath with an eye-roll.

Lyra adorned her goggles over her eyes and struck a bipedal pose with her hooves on her hips. A large chunk of swiss cheese with a bite taken out of it was thrown into the brew with much fanfare, as cheese was the pinnacle of deliciousness in Lyra’s opinion. The mint green mare took a moment to swallow the nutty flavored dairy product before grinning at Bon-Bon with a beaming impish grin.

“Swiss cheese is the active ingredient.” Lyra boasted while giving the brew one final stir. A plume of swirling blue mist billowed out of the cauldron and the potion took on a deep azure color. Lyra nodded to herself in success. “Its beautiful Bonnie. It reminds me of that Sapphire Shore’s concert we went to.” Lyra’s cheeks flushed at the memory.

“Blue means it’s a good potion. In most video games blue potions restore magic or have something to do with granting magic abilities.” Lyra said before giving the concoction a good inhale. “Mmm, it smells like blueberries.” The unicorn moaned in bliss. “C’mon Bonnie! Give it a good sniff!” Lyra used her magic to nearly dunk Bon-Bon’s curly maned head into the brew.

Much to the candy maker’s chagrin, Lyra was absolutely correct. The haphazardly thrown together potion did in fact smell wonderful of blueberries and was a beautiful shade of blue. “I have to admit Lyra, if anything, this would make a good fragrance for the candy shop.” Bon-Bon admitted hesitantly. It was dangerous to encourage Lyra, as any amount of validation or praise could snowball out of control into mania for another scatter-brained project.

“Oh Bonnie, it’s going to be so much more than just air-freshener. This is going to be revolutionary!” She cried in joy as she dunked a vial coated in her magic aura in the cauldron and filled it with the deep blue liquid. Before Bon-Bon could protest, the mint unicorn brought the vial to her muzzle and slammed the potion back like she had just taken a shot of tequila.

“Lyra, what are you doing!? Are you crazy? We haven't tested that yet!” Bon-Bon’s eyes widened in horror as she cried in desperation. “We’re going to need to get one of the court mages. This is bad! This is so bad!” Bon-Bon began trembling in anxiety and she was shaking her head, and bouncing on her hooves, her curls bobbing back and forth.

Lyra smacked her lips and smiled with glee at the taste. “It’s delicious…. tastes like blueberries too…and to think…I didn’t put any blueberries in there…” Lyra trailed off seeing Bon-Bon’s impending anxiety attack. She gave her reluctant assistant a shake with her forehooves. “Bon-Bon I’m fine. It’s perfectly safe. It’s delicious! Potions that taste good could never have negative effects!” She reasoned, and then sighed. “But you’re right." She lamented. “We should get a court wizard to document the effects of this potion. So far I don’t feel any different.” Lyra’s eyes darted around her lab one more time before resigning herself. “And I don’t see anything different either.” She didn’t see any humans, but there was no telling where in the castle they could be hiding.

Being shaken back to reality, Bon-Bon collected herself and promptly slapped Lyra. “You idiot!” She scolded. “You can’t just drink untested potions! I’m taking you straight to the princess.” Bon-Bon huffed. If there was one pony that could put Lyra into her place, it was the princess.

Lyra recoiled from the slap and rubbed her sore cheek with a hoof. “Owie Bonnie!” Lyra cried. The mint hue from Lyra’s face drained as she went pale at the mention of being taken to the princess. “You don’t need to do that. I'm fine.” Lyra disagreed with her hooves folded in disobedience.

It was at this point that Lyra’s pupils constricted to pinpricks and she got a marvelous and wonderful idea. “Hey Bonnie, if you want to go to the Princess so bad, I’ll race you.” The unicorn gave a sly smile that slowly evolved into a grotesque visage of a grin with her left eyelid twitching intermittently. A small spark emitted from the tip of Lyra’s horn.

“Lyra?” Bonnie asked with worry. “Are you feeling okay? You’re starting to scare me. You know I hate when you make that face” Bonnie attempted to grab Lyra’s left forehoof but was pushed away as Lyra shakily stood up on her rear hooves in a bipedal stance.

“I’ve been practicing!” Lyra declared. Before Bon-Bon could utter another warning, Lyra took off in a dead sprint, slamming her lab door open preemptively with her magic. Bon-Bon was left gaping at the Lyra shaped cloud of dust for a moment before shaking her head and taking off in pursuit of the crazed unicorn.

It wasn’t hard to find which way Lyra went. Bon-Bon could here Lyra crashing into things as she ran. It only took a moment to notice an upturned flower pot down the hall with dirt spread over the carpet and muddy hoofprints continuing down the corridor. Bon-Bon galloped forward, taking in the destruction. The carpeting was ruined. The poor maids were going to have extra work today.

When she came to an intersection in the hall, she could hear a “Well I never!” uttered by a no doubt startled noble. Bon-Bon took a left to follow the trail. She passed a disheveled Fancy Pants fixing his monocle. There was a splotch of soil resting on his muzzle. When Fancy pants noticed Bon-Bon, he tried to ask, “What on earth is that mare up to now?” but Bon-Bon was too determined to catch up with Lyra to give Fancy Pants more than an apologetic smile and a “Sorry!” as she passed.

It wasn’t long before Bon-Bon heard a cacophonous disturbance up ahead, followed by a loud grunt, a groan of pain, and the sound of metal scraping against metal. Bon-Bon turned the corner to find quite the sight.

Lyra was sitting on her haunches attempting to remove a large metal safe that had been impaled onto her horn. There was a flock of photographs floating down to the ground as well as a discarded tablecloth crumpled in the corner. Lyra’s head was lodged snugly inside the safe and the door of the safe was whacking against lyra’s back every time she attempted to wriggle the safe off. Lyra was no doubt straining to get the safe off with the amount of groaning and grunting echoing from the inside of the container. The horn protruding from the back of the safe gave off a spark every few seconds. As Bon-Bon approached, she noticed that the photographs were of a certain white diarch as a foal. “Lyra Heartstrings!” Bon-Bon chided. “What in the world were you thinking!?”

“Bonnie is that you?” Lyra cried in relief. “You have to help me out of this! I’m stuck!”

“I noticed.” Bon-Bon stated curtly. She sighed and looked around the hall. All the photographs had settled to the floor and muddy hoofprints marred the pristine walls and carpeting in the hallway. Lyra herself was covered in dirt and there were several flowers stuck in her disheveled tail. She shook her head in disappointment before grasping the safe in her forehooves. “All right Lyra. I’m going to pull it off in 3...2...1…”

With a groan and a loud pop, the safe was flung across the hall, crashing into the wall, and then sliding down to the floor in a loud thud. Bon-Bon took a moment to steady herself before looking at the mint mare. She had to suppress a groan. Lyra had a multitude of photographs adhered to her face and horn. The pictures were the least of her concern however, because Lyra’s horn was fizzing and popping recklessly. “Lyra! There is something wrong with your horn!” Bon-Bon shrieked. “It’s sparking. Lyra stop using your magic!”

Lyra’s eyes were still spinning from the safe removal, and there was a dull throb in her head. The two Bon-Bon’s that were addressing her were saying something about her horn sparking. Lyra gave Bon-Bon a goofy grin and began to slur out. “Oh Bon-Bon, you know I love it when you do that.”

Bon-Bon’s cheeks turned a fresh shade of pink. “Lyra…. that’s not...ugh…” Bon-Bon grabbed Lyra’s withers to give her a shake which turned out not to be the best idea. Upon being shaken up, Lyra’s horn fizzled and popped, and a bright white light filled the hall followed by a zap. After the light faded, the hall went quiet and empty.

A few moments later, Fancy Pants was trotting down the hall only to notice the scene of the pilfered safe full of photos. Upon closer inspection, Fancy Pants was momentarily stunned by the adorableness. The noble looked around to make sure there was nopony watching him before taking the photos and depositing them in his pockets. He let out a titter after procuring the photos. With the photos secured, Fancy Pants continued trotting down the halls with his head held high. He had some contacts to get a hold of.

Author's Note:

Hello everyone! I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you get as much fun out of reading it. I was not expecting this to become a series. With all the positive feedback from everyone, I had to make this an ongoing series. Please let me know what you think. Constructive criticism will help me become a better writer.

Comments

[Black--Soul]

Lyra is insane... At least she isnt boring...
Guess that why Bonbon and Celestia like her...
Being a distaction from the normal

[sykko]

So Lyra just invented Equestrian meth?

[NAH223445566]

10888368
¿Y de qué eran las fotos?

[CasualReader]

10960334

As Bon-Bon approached, she noticed that the photographs were of a certain white diarch as a foal.

[Black--Soul]

Damn... Bext Foal fools day there will he Pwweincess Cewwwestia pictures everywhere